It's happening again.... I just want to take a knife to myself and end it all.... I don't want to be here anymore.... 

I love you all so much but I don't know what to do.... I'm sitting her in my room crying as a write this.... 

I'm sorry to everyone who has to listen to be bitch and moan about being the way I am..... I just can't take it anymore.... 

Even after the years of verbal abuse I've endured I still love my family..... I'm too pathetic to off myself anyways.... 

I put on a fake smile and pretend everything is okay but I'm not.... I'm sorry for lying and I'm sorry for you having to listening to be complain... i appreciate to all for staying with me so long....