"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Bernard M. Baruch

Rayaan's P.O.V

I've been looking at myself in the mirror for quite a while adjusting and readjusting my hijab over and over again. It seemed that it was never going to be on point. Finally I decided to just go whatever with it and wrapped around my head loosely as I usually did whenever I was praying and took several deep breaths as I left my room. Today is going to be the first day since that day I was going to wear a hijab in public. And may Allah protect me. I don't know if I am going to make it to tomorrow but what I know is that I don't want to live life with any regrets. I want to start again, give it a try. All the things keeping me from wearing the hijab in public are just excuses to my own insecurity. All my life I've been caring about what others would think and do to me that I over looked the fact that I am not going to be wearing the hijab for them. As long as Allah is satisfied with me and I am satisfied with myself I don't need other people. It's for me and I'll be do it for no man at all, I'll be wearing it because for Allah alone.
They can mock me all they want. Try and degrade my very existence and deem me a useless human being, but they will never measure up to my value. I am a Muslim and it's time for me to look the part and let everyone know I am.
They can try to put doubt in my dream and shadow my light with negativity but they wouldn't ever measure up to me because I am one of a kind and I will overcome all the negative stereotypes and labels that idiotically ignorant people came up with and come out stronger than ever before. I will not be chip away to a corner anymore and try to make myself invisible just to
Satisfy others by hiding my true identity. I'll come out warrior proud blessed and strong for Allah is by my side and that I know I am beautiful even with my hijab. Even with all the stares that I know I was going to get might make me feel very uncomfortable at first I know deep down I'll never felt more free in my life. I am who I am because it's what Allah had bless me to be, and Alhamdulillah for all he has given me.

I'm sick of saying sorry to people and making excuses when I've never in my whole life caused harmed any innocent person. And I am sick of being given labels that contradict my beliefs, like the killing of one innocent person is like the killing of all humanity. I believe in the unity of the world and love and knowledge conquers all.

Though I might be an average American Muslim teenage girl and I might be at my weak points at times because I am just human which mean I am not a perfect Muslim there is no such thing as a perfect Muslim or a person who isn't a sinner other than Rasullullah Sallahu Alyhi Wasalem. So that doesn't give anyone the right to put judgement on anyone. Though I lost my dream of living independently it was really fun while it lasted and it had taught me a lot of life lessons and I also met really amazing people. People I could connect with and just be me around people I can truly call my friends. That helped me officially decide to wear my hijab. People who I know who I know will accept me and respect my decision of wearing the hijab and will be supportive of me unlike those people in my life who tried to keep me from wearing it by putting me down.

As for Mario we had become the best of friends and my parents seemed to love him A lot and he does as well. Though it took a while to take him home with us because of paper work I visited him in the orphanage every day. I've noticed he is way too mature for his age and sometimes makes me feel like a person who needs to lower down on the amount of sugar I consume. I remembered the first time he found we were Muslim he got super creeped out and asked me if he had to be Muslim I order to join our family. I told him that he could honestly be anything he wanted it's his choice and that in Islam there is no compulsion in religion. You can't force anybody to believe something they don't, that's just not how life works.
Mario seemed to look up to both Michael and Ethan a lot but more Ethan. It's like they share a special bond together that I sometimes envy I mean he is my brother.
Mario is an absolute genius I'm not saying this just because I'm bias of him but he seriously is he got that photographic memory thing going for him. I remember once during exam week I was studying with Sophia and he sat next to me took my notes and briefly slimed through it and told me we'd answered one of the questioned on the study guide wrong. I was amazed to know that he was right after looking through.

Michael has been visiting my home quiet often now at first it was weird because I was worried what my parents would think about their daughter being visited by a guy. My parents might be modern but they still hold conservative beliefs. The first day he didn't come alone he came with his brother and they all had a long talk with Abi in his office and when they came out my father had a neutral expression on his face as well as Michael's brother as for Michael he was smiling like an idiot who just won the lottery. Even since then Michael had been coming to my parent's house frequently and my parents didn't seem to mind much other than my Umi trying smothering him every time he came thing to fatten him up with loads of food. It's sometimes very funny seeing him force himself to eat more though he was full just to not hurt Umi's feelings

Mario was the first to see me with a hijab on as I headed towards the front door and he just looked smiled and told me I looked beautiful with it on. Which brought a smile to my face and made my day seem brighter than before and eased my nerves that were going off rocket I could feel the food I ate the day before threating to come back up. Forget about drinking coffee this morning. The chemical components in my body were already off balance. I don't need caffien to tilt the scale this is a big day for me today I take the step to change. The start to a new beginning and a new me.no more fear because I put my trust in Allah. And to top it off I am presenting in our MSA club today since its earth day everyone had nominated me to come up with an activity and I was planning a little intro on why taking care of the earth is important and taking everyone on a nature walk to clean up the campus.

Once I got on campus I got really weird looks from some of my teachers and classmates. I had a classmate come up to me and ask me if I converted to Islam. I'm like really dude where have you been I've always been a Muslim and InshaAllah I will always be one

Ahmed came up to us as we were sitting together waiting for everyone else to arrive so far it was just me, Sophia, Mahammad, Ethan and the twins  and he salaamed everyone but me.

"Who is this?" he asked Sophia and she told him it was me "Why is she wearing a khimar now? The Rayaan I know doesn't wear anything on her head or is she doing that whole part time hijabi thing?"

"Ahmed just shut up your killing the vibe." Muhammad told him

"Killing the vibe kulaha?"

"Ahmed what your saying is offensive not only to her but mostly everyone around here, so if you have negative things to say keep it to yourself." Ethan said to Ahmed in a warning tone for the first time standing up to me.

"Ahmed I would really like for you to stop picking on Rayaan because what you are doing is bullying her and not to mention haram." Sophia informed him

"Chill guys you don't have to attack me like some warabas. I was just joking and I am sorry if I offended you."

"It's cool no hard feelings and I accept you apology." I told him with a smile as other people started to come in. I went up front to get prepared.

"MashaAllah Rayaan you look beautiful with your hijab on as well." Someone said in a very low voice that I almost missed I looked up to see who it was and it was Michael sitting up front directly in front of me leaning forward the only thing separating us was the table. 

"JazakhaAllah." I said to him as the temperature in the room seemed to turn up a notch. And started to speak to everyone else.

"We are all strong. Each and every individual person has the will power to stand up against any kind of injustice whether it's for your fellow Muslim or non-Muslim it's an obligation upon every individual as the future generation in this world to be leaders and the hope for the coming ones. That yes we can live in a land of peace if we just all let go of the hate. Our heroes stood true to what they believe they knew right from wrong
Shouldn't we stand together as an ummah true to its cause? Shouldn't we be courageous and and take the step towards change by first starting with ourselves? The smallest good deed you do can make the biggest difference. So let's all go people and clean our earth one step at a time. Our prophet Muhammad Peace be upon him advices us to that it was important to take care go the earth and that if you plant one tree it will be charity and that you will get a reward ten times fold. And our religion teaches us that we should pick up trash on your path because even if that deed might be small it makes the greatest different." I split people into five groups and gave tem locations to clean up and told them the group that collects the most trash will get a reward. It was fun even if we were doing work sadly my team didn't win Zunairah's team did and they got a fifty dollar gift card to target.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

By every passing day I became more confident in wearing my hijab out in public more and every day I look in the mirror I smile because I know who I am doing this for and only I know why it seems so beautiful to me. Wearing it I noticed people around me started treating me differently. In some way they seemed like they respected me more and to some non Muslims I didn't have to go and explain to them why I couldn't shake their hand when they met me though there was some that I did have to but not as much. And for those who try to bring me down I remind my self that my beauty isn't for their eyes true beauty exists within the heart and mind. If they can't see it , it's their loss.

There was a day when Michael came up to me after Asr prayer as I was getting out of the prayer room and he said he wanted to talk to me in private because I was around some of my friends I agreed on so we walked to the game room and there wasn't anyone other than Ethan there and he was messing with the Television

"There is something that's been on my mind for quite a while, but coming up with how to say it has been difficult for me so here it goes Rayaan I know deep within my heart you are the woman for me. You are the type that I know will keep me strong when I am weak. I want you in my life. I need you in my life. I want to make you my Muslim Queen. Rayaan will you marry me?" Michael finished off pulling a boutique of flowers from behind him and stretching it out to me I looked all around the room trying to find any hint that this wasn't really and that this was a dream one of those really sweet dreams I don't want to wake up from

"I need to talk to my parents about this..."

"I already asked your parents and they gave me their blessing as long as you said yes. So Rayaan will you make me the luckiest man in the world and marry me?"