How did I become this?
No purpose, no family, no friend, calls of death, no hope, voices, neglect and 'they' are threatening me. How did it start? Probably when I was five. Yes, I remember it like it was just some minutes ago. Mama, my grandmother, initiated me totally.

How it began.......

"Mama, what are you doing?"

"I'm adorning you for your sister's wedding. You must look pretty. It's okay now. Turn around let me see how you look. "

I thought she was admiring my laali. She was initiating me. I thought she was admiring my ankle beads or my painted face.

Though, it was sometimes unusual. My mother is Igbo. My father was Yoruba. He died. Mama is Benin. Aunty Anome, my grandmother's friend, is Urhobo. My sister, Tomisin is getting married to a Benin man. I saw him once. He is really handsome.

"Let me adjust this side. Yes. It's fine."she said straightening my Ankara dress that was folded at one end.

Then, she touched my shoulder. Then, my nose, then, my other shoulder. She continued this for some time. I thought she was playing with me. She did it with such a cool and calming expression that you wouldn't fear.

(takes a break from telling my story and cries)

I should have noticed the evil glitter in her eyes but I was just five.

"Everybody, get ready."my mother said. "Ogonna, your dress is fine o. Ogadinma. (It will fit perfectly or it will be good.), Omalichanwa.(beautiful child)."

I smiled.

How I wish I knew better.

The wedding was wonderful. No rain spoilt the open air wedding. The sun was perfect. I was one of the flower girls. Though, I eyed the position of the little bride. I don't know why Sister Tomisin didn't make me the little bride. I didn't think much about it.

At night, after all the grown ups successfully sent me to bed, I couldn't sleep.
I thought I was tired of hearing the drums from all the dancing.

Dundun dundun. -the drums' rhythm played into my ears. I slept of finally after sometime of singing my mother's favourite song. It's an Igbo song. I never liked it but, it was a solution to sleeplessness.