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*

Arsalan

There was not a sound in the room. I sat at my desk chair, staring silently at Mama while she sat at the edge of my bed. I then looked up at Papa who stood leaning against the wall by the window, his arms crossed over his chest. Both me and my father were waiting for Mama to say something, but she had been sitting like this for at least five whole minutes now.

I got up and walked up to her, crouching down on the ground in front of her. I grabbed her hands and frowned when I realised how cold they were. "Mama, I'm so sorry." 

She slowly pulled her hands out of my grip, turning her head away.

I looked helplessly at Papa. He nodded at me, silently telling me to remain patient. I turned back to my mother. "I have made a grave mistake. I have sinned. But I have promised Allah that I will not make such a mistake again. And Allah forgives the repentant, right? I want your forgiveness too, Mama." 

She looked like she was having difficulty composing herself.

A secret part of me, hidden within the darkest crevices of my mind, felt a thrill as I remembered the brief brush of my lips against Tahira's. But this was the side of me that was never to see the light of the day; that was never to be introduced to anyone else. It was a side that I had to bury deep. It was a sinful pleasure that I would never experience again.

"Anya." Papa finally spoke up. "He feels guilty. We can guide him, but if he has apologised to Allah, we can leave the matter of forgiveness and repentance between him and Allah. You know Arsal better than anyone else..."

"That's what hurts the most, Rehan! I thought I knew him, but..."

"Anya, honey, you do know him." He came and sat down beside her. "But Arsal is human too. He made a mistake and..."

"A mistake? Oh, not only did he make a mistake, but his act created such a huge scene on our daughter's wedding!" 

"Are you worried more about what he did, or about what people would think?" My father remained calm as he spoke to her, studying her face intently.

She looked at him, bewildered. "What do you think, Rehan? My child strays off the right path, so of course that's what I care about more! But he selfishly showed no regard for his sister, for us, for anyone! And that's also a fact."

I felt guilt stab at my heart again.

"You are dragging this on too much now, Anya. Enough." He sounded irritated now.

"Would you be this calm if one of our daughters had done this? God forbid." She argued.

"Mama, look you guys don't argue. Please. I'm apologising here, and I will do whatever I can to make it up to you." I whispered.

"Answer me, Rehan." Mama ignored me. "If Hoor or Haya had done this, would you be this calm? Or is this a 'boys will be boys' mentality?" 

"You're just contradicting yourself now, Anabia. Every single moment since we became parents, you have been telling me that I have been too lenient with the girls. And now suddenly, you're accusing me of having that mentality?" He stood up. "Guide the kid. Don't push him away."

"He's not a kid. He's already misguided." Mama also stood up and strode out of the room. 

My father looked like he was seriously struggling to control his temper. And that was saying a lot; that man was the most patient person I knew.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen..." I whimpered.

He patted my shoulder and then followed my mother out of my room.

What have I caused?

*

Haya

I came downstairs in the morning, feeling like I was on cloud nine. The drive last night and my first kiss with Aariz had been beautiful...a fact that I wouldn't admit out loud.

But the moment I got downstairs, I was surprised at how quiet our home was. I would have expected that with Hoor around, and all of us together, it would be chaotic. And as I entered the kitchen, my heart almost sank as I saw Arsalan sitting alone at the kitchen table, staring blankly inside his bowl of cereal. "Arsu? What's going on? Where's everyone?"

He looked up at me, sniffing. "Mama's going to Mamu's house."

"What? Why?" I sank down on the chair opposite him. 

"She thinks Papa is unreasonably defending me." He shook his head. "This is all my fault. I messed up so badly." 

My heart ached for him. "Look, don't overthink. They'll sort things out. They always do."

"She's leaving the house because of me, Appi!"

"Look, Arsu, Allah is All-Forgiving, especially to the repentant. But humans take time to forgive. But it's Mama, for God's sake. She'll come around. Just give her time and space."

"She can have all the time and space in the world, but within this house!" He shouted, standing up. "She shouldn't have to leave because I couldn't control myself."

"Why didn't you?" Rohaan's voice came from the doorway.

"Rohaan, not now..." I thought he was in a teasing mood again, but when I saw the expression on Rohaan's face, I knew that he wasn't in the mood to joke around. 

"You ruined Behaya's Nikah. You hurt our parents. Why? Because you couldn't 'control yourself'?" Rohaan snapped at him. "And now you caused issues between our parents, and Mama is leaving."

"Rohaan, stop. Please." I stood up. "Don't worry about my Nikah. Aariz has been very understanding."

"People always thought I'd mess up. He was the golden boy." Rohaan pointed angrily at Arsalan, who bowed his head in shame.

"Rohaan, stop it now!" I told him off.

"He and his Tahira have caused nothing but problems!" Rohaan continued his tirade. "God knows what her intentions are..."

Now Arsal sharply raised his head. "Don't say anything about her!"

I glanced between my brothers in disbelief. Yes, we all have had arguments, but the anger I felt right now was shocking. If I hadn't known any better, I would have confused it for genuine hatred.

"Or what, huh?" Rohaan strode up to him and shoved him backwards.

"Rohaan!" I grabbed his arm, but he brushed me off. "Rohaan, for Allah's sake, stop!"

"What huh?" Rohaan shoved him again. "You've already crossed your limits. Are you gonna beat up your big brother now?" 

"Grow a backbone and deal with me rather than talk about a girl like that!" Arsal seemed to be shaking with rage now.

"Grow a backbone like you and kiss a random girl in public like you did?" Rohaan sneered.

Arsalan lunged at him. "She's not a random girl!" He grabbed Rohaan by the shirt and shoved him so hard that Rohaan fell back against the fridge, hitting his head.

In complete and utter shock, I screamed. I'd never witnessed anything like this between my siblings. 

"What the hell is the meaning of this?" Furious, Papa strode into the kitchen, pulling the two brothers of mine apart and standing between them, glaring at each of them in turn.

Mama and Hoor stood in the doorway, pale with shock.

"This behaviour is unacceptable." Papa spoke after a few moments of started.

"He started it." Arsal pointed towards Rohaan.

"I started it?" Rohaan scoffed. "I didn't kiss a non-mehram girl with no charact..."

"Rohaan!" Papa glared at him. "Mind the way you speak about a girl!" 

Mama sagged against Hoor, looking defeated. I could imagine how she was feeling, seeing her family like that. Hoor and I exchanged a helpless look.

"Rohaan." Papa composed himself. "This matter is not your concern, so stay out of this. Your mother and I will handle it."

"If my mother leaves this house because of him, it is my concern. No offence, Papa."

I walked over to my mother. "Mama, what are you doing? You can't leave. Problems don't mean we abandon ship. Arsal made a mistake, but we'll deal with this together." 

"Haya, honey I'm sorry that it happened at the happiest time of your life, but this is not something that I can just brush aside." Mama placed a hand on my cheek.

"I'll leave." Arsal offered. "I'll go and stay with Dada Jaan and Dado. You can't go, Mama."

"Nobody is going anywhere." Papa glanced at Mama. "Anabia, we're going to deal with this together. This is your home, and you're not leaving." He then turned to Rohaan. "I can understand how you're feeling, but do not speak on this topic, Rohaan. Let me and your mother handle it." He looked at Arsal. "And everyone is shocked by whatever happened, understandably. You need to remember that ultimately you did do something wrong, and you need to control your temper." 

"Please tell him not to speak about Tahira like that." Arsal whispered.

"Are you kidding me?" Mama shook her head, irritated.

I had no idea what was happening here. How had things gotten so bad?

*

Tahira

I really shouldn't have gone there.

I felt guilty. I felt even worse because I had enjoyed the brief moment of affection between me and Aslan. But now I'd probably caused serious problems for him.

"Good morning, Tahira." Rebecca Aunty greeted me with her usual warmth as I walked into the kitchen of the shelter the next morning.

"Good morning." I felt ashamed to look at her. It was her nephew's Nikah function that had been messed up because of me.

How had something that felt so right- but was obviously wrong- could have caused something to go so terribly wrong? When Aslan had kissed me, it had felt so right because I'd finally felt like someone cared for me. But that kiss had caused an inferno, and Aslan was the one who was burning. 

"Are you not mad at me?" I asked Rebecca Aunty.

She sighed. "I don't feel like I have any right to express any sort of anger or disappointment at whatever happened." 

That stung. It reminded me that I didn't really have anyone to remind me of what was right or wrong. Nobody felt disappointed in me. Disappointment or anger meant that at least someone cared, even if just a little bit. To everyone I was just that girl with the unstable background who had acted up because she didn't get a proper upbringing.

Nobody actually cared enough to ask me how I felt. Nobody cared enough to find out that I genuinely and truly like Aslan. He had shown kindness without selfishness. He had helped me, been with me, even after knowing that I had a troubled family life. Aslan meant so much to me that sometimes I feared the strong and intense feelings I had towards him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure what overcame us." I admitted.

"Breakfast is ready, as well as tea and coffee. Have whatever you want." While Rebecca Aunty still spoke in a kind tone, I sensed that she really didn't want to talk about whatever happened.

After breakfast, I headed up to my room and picked up my phone. When I saw the notification, I was surprised.

<Aslan: I'm sorry.>

A teardrop landed on my phone screen.

<Tahira: Me too.>

<Aslan: It's best if we don't meet up or communicate now. But, I will find a way. I will convince my parents with time. I can promise you that I'm willing to support you for life, just in the right and halal way.>

<Tahira: If it's meant to be, it'll happen. For now, just focus on your family, Aslan.>

<Aslan: Take care of yourself.>

I started quietly sobbing. 

<Tahira: You too, Aslan. 🦁>

*

Hooriya

"Do you think Arsal loves her?" Haya asked me quietly as we sat on her bed in her room.

"I don't know, but it's clear that he feels very strongly about her."

"What has he done, Hoor?" She groaned. "Things seem so bad right now. If Mama goes..."

"Papa will convince her." I said, mostly to comfort myself.

"I hope so." She said, softly. "Oh God, my Nikah will not be remembered in a happy way..." 

"Of course it will. Nikah is a beautiful act. We're all so happy for you, Haya." I placed a hand on her shoulder. 

To my surprise, her eyes filled with tears. "He didn't consider me, Hoor. How many times have I defended him against Rohaan? How many times have I taken care of him? And he didn't even think that it's the most important day of my life?" 

I knew Haya would never admit these things to anyone but me. I'd already felt that she was hurt by Arsal's action, and now she was admitting it to me. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her as she sobbed softly.

"All...A-ll I'll think about now is how much pain he caused Mama and Papa, and how he caused arguments in our family...on my Nikah day."

"Haya, we both know Arsal very well. He made a mistake, but he would never intentionally do anything to hurt any one of us, you know that. What happened was terrible, I know, but please just try to focus on the beauty of yesterday, rather than the drama."

"I can't, Hoor. I tried. I tried to be mature about it, but I can't. All I can think about is how everything went wrong yesterday." She cried in her arms. "Arsal acted selfishly. He didn't think of Mama and Papa, of our family, of me, of anyone but himself."

"I'm sure he feels terrible, Haya."

"I know." She groaned. "And I feel awful for thinking all these things. I can't help it, Hoor!"

"I understand, Haya." Was all I could say. A part of me wanted to defend Arsal endlessly. He was still my sweetheart brother. But then I thought about the tension between my parents, and the argument between my brothers, and I realised that maybe Arsal had to wait a little while for things to cool down and return to normal. Everyone was hurt in one way or another, and everyone had a different way of expressing it.

*

"I have to go home." I told Papa, softly, looking up at him apologetically.

He ran a hand over my head. "It's okay, Hoor. Don't worry about things here, okay? We'll handle it."

"Mama?" I asked, worriedly.

"As I said, don't worry." He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "Is Farhaan coming or shall I drop you off?" 

"Haya will drop me off." I replied.

He nodded. "Okay. Take care, meri jaan." 

"You too, Papa. I hope all the tension goes away very soon. I hate seeing these rifts in our family."

"It's okay. Rifts happen in a family. The important thing is to work to resolve them, rather than inaction."

"You're right." I smiled weakly. "We'll be fine, In Sha Allah. Our family is too strong to be permanently impacted by this, Ma Sha Allah."

*

My mind was still at my parents' house when I arrived home. I walked into the bedroom, where Farhaan was lying on the bed in his work outfit, chatting to someone on his phone using Bluetooth earpiece. He grinned when he saw me come in. "I'll be around the B&B soon, so I'll speak to you there." He lifted up his phone and ended the call. "Welcome, stranger."

"Assalam Alaikum." I placed my overnight bag down by the wardrobe.

"Walaikum Assalam." He got up and walked over to me. "I saw you yesterday, but I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. "It does feel like forever." I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent. I looked up at him, giving him a soft smile.

"How are you? Everything okay at home?" 

His concerned voice broke something inside me, and I held onto him tighter, my shoulders suddenly shaking with sobs. 

"Hoor..." 

My perfect, loving family seemed to be falling apart, and there was nothing that I could do about it. "Why did all this happen? Why didn't Arsal just do things the right way, instead of behaving impatiently? He's not a child. He has no excuse. One mistake from him has caused so much..."

"Hoor, yeah he's not a kid, but he's at a stage where the temptation is so strong, and it's so easy to be led astray." He caressed the back of my head as he spoke. "He made a mistake, but he's only human. As long as he realises what he did..."

"He does! But the impact this had on our family..."

"Look, Hoor, this is almost a natural impact of a shocking incident. But your family is strong, Ma Sha Allah. They'll get through this. Everyone just needs the time to process in their own way." 

And as I leaned against him, I started to feel sleepy. "I'm tired."

"Come on." He gently guided me to bed, and I kicked my shoes off before getting under the duvet. As I rested my head on the pillow, he placed a hand on my forehead, before running it over my head. He did it repeatedly until I sank into the land of unconsciousness.

*

"Hooriya?" 

"Hmm?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Have you been asleep all day?" 

I opened my eyes and saw that the room was only lit up by the bedside lamp. It was night now, definitely after Maghrib. I turned my head and saw Farhaan standing beside the bed, frowning at me in concern. "The Nikah preparations were exhausting. I'm worn out."

"Are you feeling okay overall, though?" He sat down on the bed, facing me.

I sat up. "Did you not go to work?" Drowsiness was still confusing me a little.

"I went to work and just came back." 

I smiled sheepishly at him. "As I said, I was tired." I was starting to really suspect something now. First the craving, now the exhaustion. I really needed to think about getting a test done.

My phone screen lit up and I turned to pick it up. My heart almost stopped when I read the message.

<Haya: Mama's gone to Mamu's house. 😧>

Oh, Allah. No. I had a terrible feeling that things were going to get much, much worse before they were going to get better.

"All okay?" Farhaan noticed my expression.

"Just the after-effects of a shocking incident." I explained vaguely. 

*

Haya

"Are you mad at me too?" 

I had come into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and I jumped when I heard Arsal's voice. He had appeared in the doorway behind me as quietly as a mouse. I sighed and turned to face him. "I'm not mad, Arsal. I can't even describe my exact sentiments right now, actually."

"Mama's gone, and it's all my fault." He mumbled. 

My heart ached for my youngest brother then, and I walked over to hug him. "Hey, look, the important thing is that you realise where you went wrong. As long as you do, and as long as you're genuinely repentant, you have nothing to worry about. All will be sorted, In Sha Allah."

"She left because of me." His voice broke.

"Look, don't think that way. Just think that when things are tense sometimes, people need to take a break away from each other. Rather than being here and screaming angrily at each other, and saying things that we all regret, it's better to take a break and cool down. She'll get the space and time to think things through. But ultimately, she's your mother. You're her baby Arsu. She'll come around."

"Her baby Arsu disappointed her."

"Instead of repeatedly beating yourself up over it, think about how you can make it up to her." 

Ro came into the kitchen then. He tensed when he saw Arsu, but wordlessly headed to the bread bin to grab slices of white bread. As he started preparing a cheese and cucumber sandwich, Arsu looked at me almost nervously. I nodded reassuringly at him.

"Ro..." Arsalan began in an apologetic tone.

"All she's done is Arsu this, Arsu that. And you caused her to leave the house." Ro shook his head before walking out of the kitchen.

I closed my eyes, feeling frustrated. There seemed to be no way out of this tense situation.

*

Rohaan

I was carrying my plate upstairs, as Papa came down the stairs. I stepped back to let him pass me.

"Ro." He stopped me in my tracks.

I turned to look at him. "Yes, Papa?"

"Can you do something for me?" He asked with a grim expression on his face.

"Sure."

"You're his big brother, take care of him. Don't push him away, don't make any sort of accusations." 

"He was wrong..."

"I'm not denying that. He knows it, and he's repenting. And when a person is repenting, he needs his loved ones to support him, not criticise him or taunt him." 

"Mama's not forgiving him. Why am I expected to?"

He exhaled in exasperation. "She's his mother, Ro. I understand her disappointment, her hurt, because it's linked to the parental feeling that we went wrong somewhere. But that matter is between Arsal and his parents. There's no need for you to taunt him or criticise him when he's feeling bad enough. If you can't be supportive, don't make him feel worse at least."

I listened silently, with no further arguments.

"Can you do that for me, Rohaan?" He asked.

I sighed. "Sure, Papa."

"Good. Take care of him, okay?" 

"Are you going somewhere?" I noticed that he was holding his car keys and phone.

"I'm going to speak to your mother." 

"Do you want back-up?" I smiled weakly.

He chuckled, patting the back of my head. "It's okay, kid. Anabia and I can deal with this like mature adults. We know each other well enough, and we'll sort it out, In Sha Allah."

I nodded. "Bring her home." 

"Of course. This is her home, she has to come back." He grinned, before heading downstairs. But even as he tried to look nonchalant, I could sense the stress and worry that he was internally dealing with. 

Arsu, you doofus. 

But then I thought of the kid brother of mine; the one who I'd fought numerous bullies for. Arsalan was a good kid. And every human goes astray, so why should the most innocent one in our family be so severely punished for something he was already repenting for?

*

Anabia

I hated leaving my home.

I hate leaving my family.

I hate fighting with Rehan.

I hated being angry at any of my kids, especially Arsalan.

And yet here I was, in the spare bedroom at my brother's house, my knees tucked up against my chest. I was blessed to have in-laws, to have family, that didn't question or criticise me and my parenting skills. But I was questioning myself. I kept thinking where I went wrong.

Even though Mama and Kamran Uncle had been staying at the hotel, they stopped by for meals- as per Saim and Laila's insistence. Mama had come up earlier to talk to me, to request that I didn't make the same mistakes as her, and to not be so harsh with Arsal. 

"He's a good boy, who stumbled a little. But he's still your little Arsu. By being here, you cannot even imagine how much you are punishing him." She had said, gently.

I reached into my purse and grabbed the box of paracetamol. I swallowed two, one at a time, along with water from the bottle at the bedside table. My head was pounding hard.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." I said, weakly.

The door opened and Rehan walked in, to my surprise.

"Assalam Alaikum." I muttered.

"Walaikum Assalam." He sat down beside me, immediately noticing the box of paracetamol still in my hands. "You okay?" 

"Just a headache." I placed a hand over my forehead. 

"Why are you angry?" 

I looked at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding? Shouldn't I be angry? "

"I mean, are you angry with me because I wasn't tough enough with Arsalan?" 

I sighed. "I'm angry because you made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. And now he's going to think that it really wasn't a big deal, and that I was overreacting."

"I never told him that it wasn't a big deal, and he doesn't think that either, Anya. He knows he is wrong, he feels terrible about it, and that's why I'm not being harsh with him. I would have been harsh if he had not realised what he had done wrong, and had challenged us." 

"How could he do that?" I didn't know whether I was asking him, or whatever I was asking myself that question for the millionth time.

"Because he is a human. He made a mistake. And we need to guide him and be supportive of him as he learns from the mistake. Don't punish him, Anya. He's suffering enough."

I leaned my head against his upper arm, feeling myself weakening. "What are we going to do?" I slid my hand through his. "What are we going to do about him and Tahira?"

"I don't even know."

"Now if they stumble, it would be on our heads, because we failed to take a reasonable step to prevent a repeat of this." 

"Anya, they won't repeat this. I don't know the girl, but I know Arsal. He's learnt from his mistakes."

We sat in silence for a while, both wondering how to handle this delicate sitauation.

"Come home, Anya." Rehan spoke after a few minutes.

*

Hooriya

I didn't need confirmation now. I just knew it. 

As I threw up the entire contents of my stomach, there was no room left for doubt.

"Oh, Hoor. Honey." Anaya Aunty rubbed my back, gently.

Yes, we were at my in-laws' house when it happened. I had been in the kitchen with my mother-in-law, making last minute preparations for dinner, when I had felt uneasy. I had immediately dashed out of the kitchen.

I looked up at my mother-in-law, and she had a knowing look in her eyes, but she didn't say anything.

I groaned as another bout of nausea overwhelmed me.

I think it's about time I took a test.

Oh my God, what if I'm actually having quadruplets?! 

*

A mistake of Arsalan's has impacted the whole family, it seems.

But do you think they should be harsher to Arsal, or is Rehan right?

Thoughts and comments?

Thank you for reading and don't forget to vote!