Sanskar and Swara were sitting opposite from each other at the dining table, textbooks in front of them. Their finals and graduation were coming.

Swara was majoring in Architecture while Sanskar was majoring in Acting. They were both complaining about having to study so much theory when their future careers were based on talent and practice.

Sanskar gritted his teeth because Swara was constantly clicking the pen, immersed in studying.

He could feel the anger bubbling inside of him and he was trying his best to calm down. Ever since he got the official diagnosis, he had couple of small episodes. Most of them he felt were coming but some came out of nowhere and he was feeling it deep inside him that he was reaching the breaking point again.

"Can you fucking stop?!" Sanskar exclaimed after a while, surprising the other one. Swara looked at him with wide eyes.

"You're clicking with the pen and I can't focus," Sanskar growled.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it," Swara apologized, feeling where this was going.

She needed to brace herself and not take anything that was going to come personally.

"God, I can't be here with you," Sanskar rolled his eyes, getting up abruptly.

"You are useless and annoying, can't even fucking study because of you."

Swara took a deep breath, looking at him calmly: "I know this is not you, Sanku, you don't really mean it."

"Don't fucking tell me what I mean," he glared at her.

"Sanku, just calm down, okay? Take some deep breaths,"

"Don't tell me what to do!" Sanskar yelled, sweeping the textbooks from the table angrily, making the other flinch.

"Fuck, I can't focus with you around, I am going to the gym," Sanskar said after a while, looking at his wife  with annoyed expression and disappearing in the bedroom to get his things.

After a minute, he brushed past Swara and she flinched when the door shut close. She leaned back in the chair, letting out a deep breath.

This wasn't Sanskar , she knew it, but sometimes it was too damn hard.

Swara was anxiously waiting for Sanskar to come home but he was out for hours.

She knew that he was just beating himself up so she let him be and went to the bed. She wanted to wait for him but then sleep took over her.

Sanskar came home, putting the bag with sweaty clothes right to the bathroom. Then he slowly came to the bedroom, opening the door quietly.

Swara was lying there, illuminated by the moonlight, looking so beautiful and vulnerable.

Another wave of remorse started filling him and he just wanted to turn around and run away.

But he did the opposite, he closed the gap between the door and the bed, climbing up and lying next to her.

"I'm so sorry, love," Sanskar mumbled, kissing the her shoulder tenderly.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, just lying there and listening to Swara's steady breaths.

Swara shifted and blinked her eyes opened when she felt the familiar heat pressed against her body.

"Hey," she whispered groggily.

"Hi," Sanskar mumbled, hugging her tighter, not saying anything for a while.

After a minute or two, he broke the silence: "I am so sorry, Swara , so sorry..."

"It's not your fault," Swara shushed him, stroking his hair: "I know you don't mean those things when you get like that, it's not you."

"But it hurts you anyway," Sanskar got out emotionally.

He hated himself for hurting Swara like that, saying fucked up shit and making her sad and worried.

Swara didn't say anything, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.

She didn't want to admit it but Sanskar was right, those things did hurt her and they both knew it.

"Why are you even with me?" Sanskar sighed, pulling back little bit to look at her.

"Because I love you and just because you are sick that doesn't make you a bad person," Swara whispered, caressing his cheek gently.

"I wish I could make you happy all the time, that's what you deserve," Sanskar shook his head.

"You make me happy,"

"But not all the time," he protested sadly.

"No one is happy all the time. I told you that we are gonna deal with it together and that still stands. And if that means that I will be hurting sometimes then so be it because at the end of the day, I know you don't mean those things and that you love me," Swara said with a determination in her voice.

"I love you so much, baby," Sanskar whispered, cupping her cheek.

Then he leaned down and planted a soft kiss to the other's lips.

Swara happily returned the kiss, sighing contently as their lips were moving slowly together. And when the kiss deepened and their tongues met in a slow dance, she knew that she could make it if it meant she can have this because this was the real Sanskar.