Red Lights // Stray Kidz

Jackson

Stepping into my apartment, the place I've lived for a few years now, is not what I expected. I've been gone for almost two months. I left not knowing what I'd find in Fallbrook Hills but ended up finding everything. I'm coming back to what used to be my sanctuary.

Now that I'm here I realize what an exaggeration that was. This place is a crash pad. Four walls where I could stash my stuff and lay my head. Yeah, my roommates are cool, three guys I get along with well. But nothing compares to the matchbox I call home now. There's no heart in this apartment. My heart didn't really start beating until I left this place and found Holly again.

And I can't wait to get back to her.

"Jackson, thought we'd have to send out a search party for you. What's it been, four, five weeks?" Craig saunters into the living room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He must have just gotten home from the gym. He's a total rat, spending more time working out than pretty much anything else. But he refuses to shower there. Something about jock itch and athletes foot running rampant.

I huff a laugh and drop my bag by the front door. "Something closer to eight, but who's counting. I'm still good for the rent my man."

"Never thought you weren't. Brian moves in next weekend, hope that's okay?" He asks with raised brow. "You plan on staying a while or is this a pit stop?"

"Just grabbing my things so the new guy can make himself at home." I was willing to pay more per month in order to get a single room. It's the smallest one out of the three-bedroom place, but I don't have to bunk with Craig or Tim. They never mentally moved out of their college frat house and I'm not interested in that life.

Craig nods while heading to the kitchen, not bothering to dress anytime soon.

"I'll just be here long enough to clean out my drawers and closet."

"You're staying with your dad, right?"

I swallow hard before responding. "Nah, his place is too small. I found a micro one bedroom over a garage. It works."

I gave the guys bare minimum information about my life before I took off for two reasons. I was still trying to figure out what kind of shit storm I was walking into and I really didn't have the patience for their bro-advice. These guys are great, but they are textbook meatheads. Nothing they said would be much help.

But the bigger issue at the time was my mom. I wasn't saying a damn word to her about my intentions, but I wouldn't put it past her to try interrogating my roommates. She's ruthless when she wants something. These guys don't know how to deal with someone like her. Craig came from money, even though he's practically slumming it in this apartment post college. His parents didn't exactly cut him off, but they aren't paying for him to live the luxurious life anymore. Tim and Dan lived in the suburbs their entire lives. Neither of them know what trailer park living does to a guy. And I'm sure none of them have had interactions with someone as manipulative as my mom. She'd talk a bear out of his coat just for the hell of it.

I never saw my mom as a con artist growing up, but once I hit high school, I started to read between the lines of all her 'advice'. None of which was beneficial to me in the end. She always reaped the rewards of whatever crap she had me pull. Case in point, I lost touch with my dad while her bank account sat nice and fat.

"It's cool you're connecting with him." Craig says after chugging a glass of water. "Although my dad's in my face more than I care to admit, so make sure you establish some boundaries." Craig wags a finger at me. Sage advice.

"Thanks, oh wise one. I didn't know you majored in psych." I laugh but inside I'm realizing that boundaries have never been a fixture in my life.

"Nah, business, remember? I have to say, social media has taught me a thing or two. Right before it rotted my brain clear away. According to my dad, that is." Craig slides his glass into the dishwasher before retreating to his room. "I'll be out of your hair soon. Hot date with 12b tonight."

The guys have been drooling over the girls in 12b for months. I'm shocked Craig finally took his shot.

"Cally or Mira?"

He pauses to scratch his head. "The blonde one."

"Oh my god, you don't know her name?"

He shrugs. "What can I say. I'm not good with names."

"Mira is the blonde. Cally and Laura are brunettes."

Craig points at me. "That's why we kept you around, Jackson. You notice shit."

My turn to shake my head. "Yeah, good luck on your date. Maybe write her name on your hand so you don't forget."

From inside his bedroom, Craig shouts back. "You are a man with ideas!"

Without another comment, because truly the guy is a lost cause, I retreat to what used to be my bedroom. Now that I have an actual bed again, rather than a dusty couch in a dingy storage room, I look around at my former sanctuary and can say with all honesty that this place is no longer my home. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was in this room. I was another guy, just getting through one day at a time and finding ways to distract myself from reality.

Now I'm firmly planted in my everyday life, ready to take new steps forward. Finding my dad is a big part of it but finding Holly again...nothing compares. I can't turn back to the guy I was before. He doesn't exist anymore. Even if he did, I don't want to be him. That guy was an unreliable friend. He bailed on every girl he dated. The only one he was loyal to was his dog. And when she died, he lost much more than a pet. He lost the only living creature he was tied to.

Not anymore. I'm a guy who wants the ties. I'm ready to tangle myself up in Holly's life and have my dad around as well. As I'm tossing more clothes and books into a bag, among other stupid mementos from a life I walked away from, I come to a realization.

I don't fucking care why my mom dragged me out of Fallbrook Hills. And I don't want to talk to her while I'm here. I didn't let her know for a reason. I'm glad I kept my plans to myself because now I'm not obligated to stop by and see her, which would absolutely have been the case if she'd known I was heading here.

I already cleared out my office at work, gave my notice and wished them all well. My boss is an outstanding guy to give me the chance to keep my position. But I'm not coming back here. I knew it the minute I drove away from Holly that I didn't want to be gone any longer than I needed to be. In fact, I'm crashing here for a few hours and then hauling ass back to my girl. She's my world. I don't want to be away from her anymore. I could probably pull off driving back now but I was up at the butt crack of dawn to get here this morning so spending another four hours on the road without sleep is asking for tragedy. The last thing I want is a stupid, highly preventable accident to keep me from getting back to my girl. Nah. A solid five or six hours of sleep and I'll be good to go.

I spend the rest of the evening packing up, texting with Holly and grabbing fast food. The guys filter in and out. I talk with each of them a bit, telling them about my dad and Grinder and the shop. I tell them about Holly but as soon as Dan starts in telling me I'm whipped I drop the details. Not that I care, but its none of his business.

There's a part of me that doesn't want them to know anything about her. Knowing my mom, I wouldn't put it past her to hunt down any of these guys and try interrogating them about my new life. She doesn't deserve to know.

Wish I'd thought about that before I came back here. Because as I'm tossing and turning trying to chase sleep for the night, guess who comes banging on the door.

"Dude. You have a visitor." Dan stands at my open bedroom door with a look on his face that can only mean one thing.

My mom.

"What the fuck?" The words slip out of my mouth when I emerge from my bedroom at Dan's urging to find my mom standing in the doorway. Dan stands behind me while Tim sits at the table with a late-night snack. The tension in the air is tangible.

"Is that any way to greet your mother?" Her arms are crossed. She looks so much fucking older than I remember. The hard lines around her mouth give her face a sour expression. Or is that just her constant mood? Probably a little of both.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I have my ways." Her arms uncross before she reaches into her purse. Out comes her vape. She takes a long pull before turning her head out the open door and blowing the smoke into the night sky.

"That shit will kill you."

"Oh, now he cares if I live or die."

"I've always cared. I've said this for years but you won't listen."

She shoves the vape back in her purse, takes two steps into the apartment and leans against the couch.

"Need something, Ma?" I'm immediately exhausted. I was too wired to sleep not five minutes ago and now I have nothing to give.

"Information. You haven't told me a damn thing about your whereabouts or your intention. I deserve to have a heads up that you're coming back to home."

"You're standing here, aren't you? Looks like you got the heads up you wanted. Now, I'm going to bed. Got a long drive in the morning." Fuck. I shouldn't have said that.

"What long drive?" Mom stands straight up, no longer looking like a woman in control.

"Never mind. Time for you to leave."

"Now wait a minute! I kicked Jay out of the place thinking my kid was back in town and would need my attention. Now you tell me you ain't staying?"

"I never told you I was coming home in the first place. Your mistake is not my problem."

"Watch your mouth around me, boy."

It doesn't escape my attention that Dan and Tim slid away as soon as mom took out the vape. I wish to God someone was in here with me just to keep me in check. I never wanted to deck her before, but I find myself actively flexing my fingers to keep from forming a fist.

"Goodnight, Ma." I silently beg and plead with a higher power to somehow get her to leave. I know this woman. She's digging in as I stand here. Only a miracle will end this before it destroys whatever we had left. I'm too close to confronting her, but I don't want to do it half out of my mind, standing in my boxers and taken by surprise. I need calm, clarity in order to do this the right way.

"You are not leaving this town without so much as a goodbye to your mother."

"Goodbye mother."

The scowl on her face deepens. "Not good enough. You weren't even going to tell me you were in town. You don't get to walk away so fast."

I drop my head and take a defeated breath. Maybe this is the sign that I need to finally ask the deep questions.

"Okay. I'll be at your place tomorrow morning. I'll leave from there."

Mom straightens up, probably surprised I gave in so easily.

"Not too early. I'd like to sleep in." She brushes the hair away from her face, straightening her spine before turning to walk out the door. "And none of that dropping in and running bullshit. You come by and plan to stay awhile with your mother."

I cringe as she slams the door behind her. I'm sick to my stomach about the conversation we'll have. It's the last thing I came here to do, but probably the most important. I need to man the fuck up and find out what the hell happened to my life. I'd text Holly but I know she's already asleep and has to get up early for work tomorrow. I'll let her know in the morning that I'm delayed. She'll support me even though I'm completely blindsided.

But one thing's for damn sure. I'm not allowing her to have anymore say it what happens moving forward. She can bitch and moan. She can call me any name she wants. I'm out of this town and on the road as soon as fucking possible.

Nothing she can say will change my mind.

Famous last words?? I know you were thinking it so I figured I'd put it out there. Time will tell (literally because this part of the plot is still fuzzy for me). Anyway, I FINALLY got this out for Friday Feels!! I'm hopeful that means I can spend the weekend on the next chapter instead of playing catch up. AND maybe I can actually reply to comments. WOOO BOY this back to school month and a half has been a doozy. Good stuff, just super busy.

This song deviates from most of my playlist aesthetics being a KPop song, but the first time I heard it, I knew it went with this story. It's sort of from Jackson and his mom's POV, kind of a blend of the two, because it sounds super toxic and stalkerish. His mom is not in a healthy mental place so her actions toward Jackson reflect that. And the chains in the video ??? So appropriate for this chapter.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

ONCE AGAIN, thank you for reading and supporting me. 💕💕💕