Sex is On Fire // Kings of Leon

Jackson

The now familiar bell jingles as I enter the shop, back from spending the day with Holly. We've been running errands and getting ready for my move into the new apartment tomorrow. I don't have anything of my own with me, other than a bag I threw together before I left my place back home, so I've been stocking up.

Home. Such a fucked-up concept. It's four walls and a bed unless your heart and soul are there. I've got more soul in the dusty storage room couch than I ever had growing up with my mom.

I see my dad heading back to the front desk from somewhere in the back of the shop.

"Hey, Jackson. Did ya get everything together for the big move tomorrow?"

"Most of it. I'm sure once I'm in there I'll realize I forgot about something."

"Nothing a trip to Walmart can't fix."

I nod, chuckling a little. "True." I lean against the counter as my dad takes a seat behind it, debating if I should ask what I've been thinking about for a week. I watch Dad as he putters behind the counter, checking client contact information and appointments for the evening.

I decide to just rip the band aid and ask. I reach into my back pocket but hold it below the countertop and out of sight.

"Do you have a minute? I've been thinking about some stuff and wanted to ask you."

Dad looks up. "Well, sure. I got time. Just waiting on customers at this point. No one scheduled for another twenty minutes."

That could be enough time. Or this could open an entire can of worms that I'll have a hell of a time wrestling with. I guess I'm about to find out.

"Holly found this in that box of photos her mom kept." I pull up the picture of my dad as a young guy. Dad's eyes bug out when he sees it.

"Ho boy, look at that. Seems like another life staring back at me."

"How old were you?"

"Probably no more than eighteen. Younger than you are now. That's for sure. I was your age when you were born."

I nod, letting the wheels turn. "Will you tell me about that? How you and mom got together?" I've wondered what they saw in each other considering how awful things ended between them.

"You're ma and I sort of grew up together. Both our families were part of the Reapers from the beginning, just like you and Holly."

I don't like this story already. Dad and Mom are nothing like me and Holly.

"Were you, like, childhood sweethearts?"

Dad chuckles, but there's no humor in the sound.

"Nah, nothing like that. We hardly knew each other. She's a bit younger than me and spent most of her time with the women. I was raised by a founding Reaper who bled the club through and through. He wanted me alongside him tinkering with his hog and cleaning up his beer cans. My old man wanted me to be just like him."

There's sadness in his tone. "And you weren't?"

"Not nearly the way he wanted." Dad sighs deeply, the motion full of emotional exhaustion. "Anyway, I got to be of age to become a full fledge member and knew it's what was expected."

"Do you regret joining up? Do you wish you'd had a different life?"

Dad doesn't say much for a few minutes. He's holding the photo, staring at it. Like if he could hold a conversation with the guy he'd once been, he'd have a lot to say about where his life has gone. And it wouldn't be good.

"No, I don't regret any of it. It got me to this day where I'm sitting by my son, and I can't ask for more."

"Sure, you could. You could ask for so much more than this. You could have asked for a life with me that you were robbed of. Contact at the very least. Financial freedom and a place you could invite your kid to stay." He winces at that last one and I wish I hadn't said it. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to blame you."

"It's alright. The man in this picture? He would've asked for all those things. But he also had no idea who he was, or what he wanted out of life. This man, a boy really, was lost. Hiding himself behind an image he thought would please his family and friends. Wanting to be accepted. He was lying to himself in every part of life and that's why we didn't have the life together you deserved."

He won't look at me. "Dad."

"I've made my peace with it. None of us are innocent." He finally looks me in the eyes. "Except for you."

I shake my head. "I believed her. All these years, I believed everything she said.

"Well, that's not your fault. You were a little boy. She's your ma. Of course you believed her."

I look down. That's all true, but I saw the red flags. She's not a trustworthy person, something I have known since I was pretty young. After all of that, I never questioned what she'd told me, never looked back to remember. Hardly even remembered my friendship with Holly because she worked to erase all of it from my mind.

"I should have asked. I should have forced her to tell me the truth." I look up at Dad. "Tell me what happened? Did you-" I cut myself off from asking the dark things. It couldn't have been him. "Did she ruin things somehow? Was she hiding it?"

Dad coughs. "You'd have to ask her. I don't know much about her life back then. To be honest we weren't close, even having you didn't really bring us together."

"I don't understand. Why'd you get married?"

Another deep sigh. "It's a long story. Expectations are the best I can tell you. I was expected to have an old lady as part of the club. She wanted an old man with a Reaper's cut. She wanted to ride on the back of a Reapers hog. It worked for both of us. Until it didn't."

"Fine, then split up, share custody, talk shit about each other behind your backs. But don't cut and run with your kid and cut off all contact!" I'm not mad at him, but I hate this. This fucked up my life as much as it did both of theirs.

"You have every right to be angry, pissed as hell. I can't make up for anything I've ever done. But I can be someone in your life now. It's what I always dreamed of."

"Did you do this? Is it because you fucked up?" I hate asking that. In my heart, I don't believe he would have done something so heinous that she'd never want him around. But I'm desperate for answers and so far, he isn't really providing them.

"I can say I made mistakes. I wasn't the man she thought I was. And that's what hurt her so bad she had to leave. I never cheated if that's what you're asking. I had to be a certain kind of guy back then. Still do, to a degree. But since she left, I've made choices I could be proud of."

"Dad, just tell me."

He shakes his head. "I don't want your opinion of me to change."

"Was it illegal? Corrupt? Did you physically hurt her? Or someone else? Even then, I see you now. I know you now. That's what matters."

"I wish I'd been a different man back then, but you should talk to your mother about the rest of it when you can."

I watch him for a minute, recognizing how nervous he looks. As much as I want to know, need the truth, I can see he's scared to tell me whatever it is that drove them apart. He'd rather I ask the woman who's hated him for so long. I don't know how to interpret his fears, but I'm big enough to give him space over it.

Doesn't mean I'll let it go. For now, I'll accept his resistance.

"Okay, Dad." I pull him into a hug which he returns. I feel the tension leave his body as his shoulders drop and he heaves a deep breath. "I'll be up and out kind of early tomorrow, but feel free to come by the new place."

"Will do."

I planned to leave soon and spend the evening with Holly, but maybe on this last night in the shop I should hang with my dad, reassure him I'm not holding any grudges. Maybe eventually he'll feel like he can trust me with whatever he's holding back. I can't imagine he has a lot of trust in people considering what he did tell me. I'm not blind to the hints he dropped.

He had expectations to be a certain way.

He needed to have a club wife.

He hid who he was.

I have my theories. But maybe a conversation with my mom would shed more light. I'm not even close to ready for that one. But it's going to have to happen soon because I'm done with the shit from the past. What's that saying? Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. I don't want any of this repeated with Holly, and too much of his story struck a nerve about her and I. No way it will have the same ending.

I won't let it.

***

"Wow, it's bigger than I thought," Holly says as we enter the apartment.

It's a box. Literally a square with four rooms and a closet. I bought a bed which will be delivered later on, Grinder let me borrow a couch—no, not the storage room couch. That one is a relic that should never be moved—and it came with a counter-top bar and two stools. It's not luxury, but it's a start. The walls have a fresh coat of white paint and the carpet is clean. I can't ask for much more on the shoestring budget I'm working with.

"It'll do for now." I drop the bag of groceries we bought and pull her to me. Taking her in my arms as we stand here, completely alone, gives me thoughts. Lots of them. I nuzzle her neck. She shivers from my light touch. There's so much more I want to do, want to watch her react to.

"When does the bed get here?"

Damn. I lean back to look Holly in the eye. "Not for another five hours, at least, but I like the way you're thinking." I smirk. She blushes. I can't help myself so I kiss her, long and deep. I relish her breathy moan as my lips trail across her cheek and down her neck, the feel of her shoulder under my touch. I reach up a hand to pull the strap of her top out of my way when there's a knock at the door.

"Oh," Holly whispers, pulling her strap back into place.

"Who is it?" It's all I can manage to keep the frustration out of my voice. I figure it's either Brax or Savanna checking up on me. He said one of them would be home when I got here.

"Brax. You okay?"

Holly moves into the kitchen, unpacking the food and finding places for everything, as I step toward the door. I swing it open to see Brax standing on the other side of it holding his son. His little girl is on the other side of him, hiding behind his leg. I smile at her, but that only proves to have her shrink even further back, grabbing Brax's leg in the process just as he was about to take a step forward.

"Whoa! Daisy, let go baby."

I reach out to help steady him and his little boy.

"She's pretty shy," he explains. "So much like her mom."

Holly comes up behind me, kneeling down to Daisy's level.

"Do you want a little orange?" Holly holds the tiny fruit out to the girl. "I can peel it for you."

Daisy nods hesitant when Holly holds out her hand to the girl. I follow them into the kitchen, a whopping whole six steps, with Brax behind me. Holly picks Daisy up and plops her onto one of the barstools then promptly starts peeling the orange as she talks to the little girl about her favorite shows.

"Natural," Brax says next to me. I glance at him and find him smirking at me. "Wanna hold Robby and see if you get dad vibes?"

I hold both hands up, palms out, in the universal sign for 'uh, no thanks.'

"I'm good. Gotta keep putting the food away before it goes bad."

Brax chuckles. "That's what I thought. It'll shock you someday, if you have kids, the way your own doesn't feel as awkward as you expect."

I nod, not wanting to discuss it much longer. I'm still figuring my life out. Not ready to discover the joys of parenting. For a while...

"So, everything okay? I always make sure new tenants are good with the condition on day one."

"Looks great. Nice and clean."

"I see you got Grinder's couch. Julia had him store it in their garage since they got married. You might want to check for...stowaways."

My gaze whips to the couch, wondering if critters came with it. "Uh, thanks for the heads up."

"I'm mostly kidding, Jackson. I'm sure he checked first. Or had it covered up."

That sure puts a damper in my couch make out plans with Holly. Not exactly feeling it with the thought of tiny feet pitter pattering around us.

Holy shit. That double meaning just got to me. I look at little Robby, chewing his fist as Brax bounces him. Then I glance at Holly and Daisy, chatting away as they munch on oranges. I can't take my eyes off her. Someday, yeah. I could see her as a mom. I could see us together, navigating life as a family.

But today? Nah, today's not the day. We have plenty of time to get there. And I know she's the one I want to get there with.

He's all moved in...and ready to make things happen. This scene continues in the next chapter from Holly's point of view. And did you ever think Brax would be a cock-blocker? Lol!!! He's loving fatherhood, though.

That conversation with Butch was only slightly eye opening, but this part really needs to happen gradually for a reason. We'll get there I promise!

More couches, more kissing, more Holly and Jackson coming up next week! I guess you could say this song was what Jackson had in mind...until Brax showed up!

https://youtu.be/RF0HhrwIwp0

I'm so happy we got back to my original covers I can't even tell you 💛💙💚🔥🔥🔥