I'm aware I am taking a risk posting this here, but this needs to be said. And honestly, a lot of people need to hear it. So wipe your eyes, open your mind, and stop being easily offended for once in your life. Here we go.

Over the years, I've realized that people are mean. They are cold and selfish, and only do what they can to further themselves in life- even if that means knocking someone else down a peg. I've been a victim of manipulation, bullying, mind games, and I've been blamed for numerous things that are not my fault. All of these things brought the person pleasure and entertainment. Of course, it also gained them attention from their other friends, because they have people loyal to them until the end. They are biased and I understand that. Who wouldn't want to believe their close friend, after all?

When I was around 12, I entered a toxic friendship. The friend made me hate myself and question everything I did. She manipulated me and twisted my mind into only thinking about what was good for her, not me. She ended up breaking off the friendship bc I stood up for myself, and then I was left alone wondering once again what I could have done wrong. Why would someone rather leave you than stick around and work out the problem?

Fast forward a few years, and I'm still struggling to gain my self-confidence back. She ruined me and made me afraid to become close with anyone else. By this time, I watched my sister become friends with a pair of girls. They were sweet at first, but they slowly started to mess with my sister and break her down. It was like a team effort- even if one of the girls knew that the other had done something wrong, they didn't care. Their loyalty to each other meant more than treating a newcomer with respect. They would have died for each other in an instant, even if the other one deserved to be locked up for their crimes. Sound relevant to something in your life?

I began to enter friendships less frequently, but just as passionately at before. That's the thing- no matter how much you tear me apart, I will never lose my passion for making people happy. Pause: that's an important message for everyone. No matter who hurts you, breaks your heart, defies you, or stabs you in the back, do not let them get what they want. They want to watch you struggle and trip. They want to witness you break into a hundred pieces. Don't do it. Get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. You are a good person; do not let someone else's actions stop you from continuing to be a good person.

Furthermore, the heartbreak has not stopped. I've had friendship after friendship fall apart because I realized that it was no longer healthy for me. The hard truth is that even if it started out great, people WILL take you for granted. They will expect you to handle anything they do and always be there for just them. They will load you up with all their problems and expect you to carry it all, while they ignore the issues and complain about their life. Constantly. I've been through this over and over again. I think that I've found someone that won't take me for granted, and then they do. But they're human and it's to be expected. We do not know what we had until it is gone.

But I've never had anyone come running back for me.

Why? Because I was right to stand up for myself. As I've grown up, I've learned lesson after lesson that I deserve to be treated better. God did not put me here to suffer in unhealthy relationships. He wants me to flourish, and in order to do that I must put myself in situations that will teach me new things and help me grow.

People get afraid of you when you realize your worth. When they've trained you to be their dog, and you finally realize that you don't deserve that treatment, they run away. They panic. They can't handle the idea of your independence. They want you to be theirs and only theirs. No other friends, no one else getting your attention. Just them, 24/7. So when you discover that there is more to life than just being around one person, they are gone faster than you can blink an eye.

But you know the funny part? They blame you. They tell everyone from then on that you were the reason they couldn't maintain the friendship. It was because you "changed." That's crap, and I'm calling it out. That person changed too. We are ALL changing every single day. We learn and we put those lessons into practice. That is what we were made to do! God did not put us here to stay the same. He put us here that we might be molded into stronger and smarter images of Him. So if someone ever tells your better self that you've "changed", and they want to leave, LET THEM. They have served their purpose in your life and it is time to let them go.

If you have ever made a decision to end a toxic friendship or relationship of any kind, you are taking care of yourself. Being close with someone does not mean taking the blame for every fight. It does not mean only doing what the other person wants to do. It does not mean forgetting your morals to have fun with them. It does not mean being acknowledged one day and then ignored the next. If you are being treated like this, get out. Now. I am telling you right now that you deserve BETTER. And you will find better, but only if you allow yourself to let go of the people holding you back. This is your life, I cannot stress that enough. No one else is going to hold your hand and guide you to what will make you happy. You had to let go of their hand and walk to where you need to be by yourself. Be strong, brave, and persistent. Only YOU can make yourself truly happy.

Now, I'm not saying if you have one fight then drop the person. We are human and we will have our arguments. It is in our nature. But if you have gotten to the point where it takes a toll on your mental and physical levels to be close with that person, it's time to re-evaluate the situation. Maybe you don't need to leave them forever. Maybe you just need a break for a while, and that does just as much good and leaving. Maybe you need to talk it out with them. That right there is a VERY important thing to remember. Do not walk away from someone unless you have tried to discuss it with them and come to a compromise. Not their way or your way, but meeting in the middle. In this life, we must fight for what we believe in. That includes fighting for people we believe in keeping around. Once you've done that and the problem continues to arise, you must move on. Pack your things and go through the next door, because something better awaits you.

What brought this on? For the passed four years, on this site and in real life, I've stumbled through friends and relationships. I struggled to find someone I could trust forever, and I have yet to discover that. As many of you know, I went through a bad break up in January. I was torn apart for weeks. I was told that it was my fault; and he was right, some of it was my fault. But I offered to fix the situation and find a compromise. My offer was rejected and that was the end of it. He never once apologized for what he had done wrong and he did not even try to talk it out. Instead, he just left. Cowardly and irrational, right?

More recently, I've lost my best friend of five years. She has been depressed. I told her she needs to take her medicine again, and she refused to listen to me. Instead, she is complaining about her life and saying it's the worst it's ever been. And maybe she's right, I'm not here to judge that. But we all know how depression makes everything seem worse than it actually is, and so I told her to take her medicine and get better because I care. I was very specific about that. I told her to do that because I didn't want to watch her destroy herself. She reacted by refusing to speak to me anymore. She is waiting for me to apologize, but I will not. I have done nothing except be there for her and care about her more than my own health. In fact, my anxieties were worse than usual while I was worried about her. She caused me to fall back into my anxious mental state, which of course she has no idea about. She did not ask. She told me that my problems are nothing compared to hers. That was crossing the line, and it made me realize that she no longer cares for me like I care for her. It was time to get away.

I wrote this because I know many of you are struggling with issues like this. You don't know if you should let go or when. You don't know when enough if enough. Well, I'm here to tell you from experience the correct way to act.

If your personal health, mental or physical, is suffering from the relationship, it is time to remove yourself from their contact.

Its as simple as that. You can't change what has already been done, but you can change how you react from this moment forward.

Now, if you know that you've hurt someone, apologize! I don't care if it was years ago. If it is still on your conscience that you need to open your heart to them, do it. You're thinking about it for a reason. It is not an accident that you keep getting reminded of it. I have apologized for everything I've ever done wrong, if possible, and I'm still waiting on ALL of those people to send apologies back. If you leave someone waiting like that, it's on your soul. You'll pay for it whether you believe it or not. So please clean your slate now, swallow your pride, and be the bigger person. Not because you want to, but because it's the right thing to do.

I tell you these things because I feel like I need to. I have no desire to start drama or cause problems; I simply want to show specific example of behavior that is not appropriate and how you should respond to them.

I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. We are not perfect; we've all made mistakes. My goal is that you will acknowledge this and apologize to that person you upset if you realize you've been hurtful to them, or that you will stand up and move on for your sake. You are important. You've got to do what's right for you.

It has taken a long time for me to realize that self care is important. Just remember that there is a fine line between self care and selfishness. Always be kind to others in everything you do, but do not sacrifice your health to feed their ego.

Thank you for your attention. I wish you all the best.

Maybe this place is the same... and we're just changing.