welcome to just angst! this will be set when Peter is 15 years old, after spider bite, after Ben died (but Ben died earlier? so like when he was 12/13? he got bitten at 13) and after homecoming but there's a bit of a strain on their relationship so they aren't truly bonded yet. again this is just angst so if you don't want to get hurt ill do a less hurt chapter after this. also this is set in 2020 because corona

TW: Death, a little bit of self harm, Eating Disorder but not graphic, emotional abuse reference maybe, still be careful don't trigger yourself(I'm sorry)

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At fifteen years old, Peter parker received another blow of trauma on top of his already heavy stack. Aunt May died. Aneurysm, they said, it got too big for the wiring that they trapped it in and there was no way to fix it besides an expensive, invasive surgery that would leave May unable to do anything but sleep.

"There's a chance," a doctor-he can't remember names-had told him after giving him the news, "she might be able to talk and walk around again if she undergoes the surgery. but she'll be in pain for the rest of her life."

Peter doesn't think he's a selfless person, but in that moment he would give up anything, Spiderman, his very life even, just to have anything of Mays, even her cooking. Peter doesn't end up making the call.

She dies at 2 am the next day.

She was getting better too. For a month Peter had been living with MJ and her family-Ned couldn't take him in, Peter didn't mind, he understood-and there had been phone calls (visits weren't allowed. he wasn't a blood relative, and he was a minor. it's fine he understood), and he had heard that she was walking around. "a miracle," they had said, "she's going to make it, she's s lucky." Parker Luck he supposes.

Peter walks out of the hospital and cries, he cries for maybe ten minutes when a women-Melissa, he thinks- comes up to him, tells him she's with CPS, and that's that. Tony Stark ends up picking him up from child protective services at four am, with a heavy sigh Peter can only assume is from disappointment and Peter gets into the car with Tony and Happy and stares at the window. silent tears burn down his cheeks the entire thirty minute drive to the tower (because Mr. Stark couldn't have him live up at the compound, he had to stay near Midtown.(secretly Peter wishes he could move far away. disappear. Go somewhere no one has ever head of him and wither away into ash. Peter will never voice this thought aloud)).

the next day is a Tuesday-his usual favorite day, he has dance that day, he made friends or maybe just people who deal with him, either way. he wakes up and goes to school.

The captain of the dance team-Quinn, Peter remembers his name- apologizes for his lost and holds his hand while doing so. Peter throws up in the bathroom and cries.

one week after May-three weeks to the funeral and wake

Peter can't eat. every time he tries his stomach rolls and he has to run for the bathroom. Shame flushed onto his cheeks every time he walks to his room. so he stops.

at first just to make the sick feeling in his stomach go away, he doesn't intend on not eating, he has a performance with the dance team this week and he intends to do them. Every time he looks at food his stomach rolls. He throws his lunch away.

100 hours

Peter doesn't think anyone has noticed yet. the way he doesn't eat breakfast in the mornings with Ned and Mj. the way he refuses a snack. the way his arms wrap around his stomach wishing it would stop. he thinks maybe it's time to stop, he hit a hundred hours after all, Peter thinks of his last texts to May. He can go longer.

It's almost one hundred and fifty hours by the time someone notices. one hundred and 48 by the time Quinn is notified and at Peter's usual empty lunch table with an apple and a cookie.

"eat," It's not a question, Peter nods and Quinn leaves. Peter throws away the apple.

Peter doesn't remember the dance performances that day. Ned talks to Betty, Peter almost throws up again, Quinn asks if he's okay, Tony doesn't come (he hadn't expected him too, but May was so excited. If he was better she could still be here. If you hadn't ask for anything).

After the Funeral

Tony takes him to his favorite Mexican restaurant-Delmar's closed (your fault, your fault, your fault)- and it's the first time Peter has eaten anything. He orders a basic vegetarian option-black bean enchilada with quaso fries and rice- and eats it all slowly, but he eats it all. He gets up after a few moments to go to the bathroom. He doesn't throw up, but he does cry and that's an improvement.

Peter goes home and cuts himself once. twice, three times before he thinks May would be so disappointed. And vows never to do it again. (he breaks it, after six months he cuts himself thrice on different days then vows again, he doesn't know if he can keep it but he's trying).

he remembers when May kicked him out of the house because she was mad and hates himself even more.

a week after the funeral

Peter writes down the foods he eats. he makes lists of the calories and lists what type of food they are. Quinn finds it and frowns-takes it and throws it away Peter feels like a bit of his soul was thrown away as well.

He doesn't know why he does it. It's just better to not eat-to disappear even. he doesn't want to burden anyone. he was burdening May all the time, the least he can do is not eat as much-at all-it makes him feel better when he doesn't.

He makes new lists and Quinn finds them. Quinn gives him food and watches him eat it in the hallway. Peter throws himself into his studies and apologizes to Quinn after two months of Quinn givng Peter food. Quinn doesn't accept it, but doesn't give him food anymore-it should be a good thing. Peter wasn't Quins friend. He trusts Peter now.

Peter doesn't trust himself.

three months after May

Peter eats breakfast at least once a week. Ned reminds him that a quarter of bagel with cream cheese isn't breakfast. Peter finishes the bagel not thinking about the calories (he knows all the counts by now by heart. he averages maybe a quarter of what a toddler eats a day.) Quinn gives him a smile after practice and throws a bag of pretzels and Peter. Peter hates pretzels. he eats them anyway then doesn't eat dinner.

School closes due to a virus. Peter doesn't want to go to the tower but he has no choice. He wishes May were alive.

he doesn't eat for three days straight and finds new music he likes that he can learn dances to. He learns them even when he feels like he might pass out. He tries to learn a new language for his friend from dance. they've gotten closer. Tony moves into the tower permanently and Peter brings in all his clothes from May's old apartment. They have to sell it.

He tells Tony he doesn't mind, the tower is closer to the school anyway (he knows he'll hate whoever moves into the apartment.)

seven months after May

Peter has finished cleaning out May's apartment. Tony makes dinner every night and Peter forces himself to eat at least one meal a day(he normally eats two (he averages at least half of what a toddler needs)), Some days he eats over a thousand and cries and wants to die because "how could you let this happen Peter. you're losing control,"

He despises his body and craves for less but his stomach wants more. he ignores his hunger after a day of eating three meals and ends up with a migraine so bad he almost throws up again. He wishes he weren't so weak.

Tony hugs him later and tells him to make sure his room is neat.

Peter tries. He ends up going to sleep in tears longing for an empty stomach, a perfect body (stomach really, it's his stomach that's the problem), and his aunt.

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haha.....damn that got depressing. don't kill me I will write something happy.

uh here's the part where I tell you to talk to someone if you're feeling depressed or if you have an eating disorder....but you're on wattpad. (that being said if you can afford it or have access to a therapist please get one, talk to someone you're loved and valid and not alone).

the odds of going through what Peter went through in this one shot is slim (i'm not projecting I swear) if you are I'll give you an imaginary bridge....and a suggestion for future one-shots. maybe.....probably

NEway have a wonderful day and drink water and have a snack like fruit or something.