Peter doesn't feel like he's a person that people need sometimes.

He doesn't understand his desire to be needed- but he feels useless without it. When someone asks for him, he'll comply without hesitation because he wants to help. He needs to have a reason to convince himself that he's not going to be thrown away.

It could definitely be his parental issues he's got going on that's triggering this, but he hasn't unpacked that yet. It used to be bad when he was a kid- he allowed himself to be trampled over by people he thought were his friends, when all they wanted was a smart kid to do their homework for them. Truly, he hadn't had a real friend until Ned.

Which is really sad.

This feeling used to be something he could push to the back of his head, but it got a lot worse after a recent mission. One he hadn't even made it to.

Peter had used every excuse in the book to get out of class during a mission and this time, he hadn't gotten away with it. His teacher told him he wasn't allowed to leave during this class anymore whether it was an emergency or not. It was just an unfortunate coincidence that half the time a villain attacked it just had to be between 1:00 and 2:30. He'd probably left this specific class a handful of times and ended up getting called out by Tony after.

He's surprised May hasn't gotten mad at him for the amount of absences he's had this year.

When Peter asks again and is told no for a second time, he begins to panic. MJ and Ned look terrified, immediately pulling out their phones to text him. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket but doesn't bother looking.

The next thirty minutes of class was torture. Peter tapped his pen on his desk and bounced his leg with anxiety. He glanced the clock every few seconds hoping things were going ok.

Why couldn't villains attack while he was in study hall? Or after school? Or on the damn weekend?

What if things were going badly because he couldn't show?

Flash raises his hand,
"Hey, uh, Miss? Parker looks like he's gonna die. Maybe you should.."

"No," she snaps, "I've had enough of you students I interrupting my lessons for meaningless things."

He stares at Flash in confusion.
He's being nice now?

"The hell are you looking at?"

Well, never mind.

Finally, the bell rings and Peter bolts out of class. He changes in the bathroom, pulls a hoodie over the suit, and makes a break for the entrance.

He pulls the hoodie and jeans off in an alleyway before webbing his backpack to a wall and swings towards his location.

His heart races when he tries to call Tony but doesn't receive an answer.

And then, he got there, heaving and grabbing at his cramping side. Then, he realises they'd managed the entire fight perfectly fine without him.

They didn't need him.

"Pete!"

"Oh, hey," he takes a step back in surprise when Tony lands beside him, grinning at their success. "I... I got out of class. Sorry I'm late."

"Shit, yeah kid, I'm sorry. I should've texted I know it's hard to get out- Everything went well."

He's going to be in so much trouble for no reason.

They didn't need him.

"Do you want me to call you out? You've only got study hall left."

"Um," he hesitates, feeling awkward. "No, I'm- I'm gonna go back. I've got a lot of absences for this class now."

He leaves without another word.

He sits with his head in his hands in study hall. He hadn't even been gone long enough to miss half the class.

Why is he even an avenger?
What does he even help with?
Will they realise how expendable he is and get rid of him?

"Peter."

Oh god, he's meaningless to them.

"Peter."

"Huh?"

He looks over at his friends, sitting behind him with puzzled looks.

"How'd it go? You got back so quick."

"Oh, I... they didn't really... need me. It was handled."

"Oh cool... do you wanna come over after school then? I've got a new Lego."

"Uh, I'm... sorry guys I've got homework. I can't."

He loves his friends but he can't do this today. He thinks he needs to sit in his own self loathing for a little while.

"Bring it," MJ says, "We've both got english. I know you hate it, I'll help."

"I," he hesitates, trying to think of another excuse but he can't. Another thing he can't do. "Yeah. That sounds great."

He's quiet at Ned's.

He's stuck in his brain the entire time.

He tries to indulge in piecing together their new project but can't enjoy it. He tries to do some homework but MJ's voice sounds like it's under water.

He feels like an idiot. How could something as small as a minor mission put him in this self deprecating funk?

His mind races, searching for something he does right.

Though, his mind just goes to other examples of his meaningless qualities that used to make him important.

MJ and Ned don't ask for his notes anymore. People used to like that about him. He could help people.

It's such aa small detail and it's good his friends don't take advantage of his intelligence, but they never had to begin with.

They just used to share notes but they don't anymore.

They don't need him for anything.

He feels like he could be dropped into the trash like a moldy loaf of bread.

"Hey guys," Peter says suddenly. He's could probably count how many words he's said tonight on one finger but they hadn't mentioned it yet. "I gotta go on patrol."

Yes, this will make him feel better. He's needed there.

He ignores the worried glance his friends share.

He had left thinking this would pull him out of his plagued mind, but tonight was probably the slowest patrol Peter's ever had. There wasn't a single person who needed his help. Not even a lady needing help crossing the street. He'd made an effort to walk a few drunken college students home but they'd just cursed at him.

He stayed out for hours, listening for Karen's word that someone may need something.

After another hour of nothing, Peter taps his foot against the edge of the building he occupies, intwining his fingers as his anxiety flares.

He's going to have no one if he doesn't make himself useful.

"Karen, hack into NYPD phones again."

"Still nothing, Peter."

"Really," he whines, "not even a cat stuck in a tree?"

"Not one that's been reported," she hums. "Maybe this is a good thing, Peter. If you leave now, you can get a full eight hours of sleep."

"Ugh. You sound like Tony."

Ding.

Peter pulls out his phone and raises a brow.

Tony: go home. Getting late.

Welp, it seems he's not needed here either.

He's desperate when he goes home. He realizes May's off her shift and begins to ask if she needs anything.

"C'mon, what about dinner," he begs, "You need help with that?"

She laughs amusedly.
"Pete, what's up with you tonight? Thank you, honey, but I got us takeout."

She holds the bag up for him to see, the swaying of it feeling taunting.

"We've gotten takeout the last few days."

"Uh, yeah, remember Monday? We don't want a repeat. They had to evacuate the entire building because of the amount of smoke. The neighbors hate us- I might never cook again."

"I can cook. I can learn to."

"Ok, fine. We'll learn together I obviously need some help too."

She smiles at Peter, and he can only manage half a grin.

"Ok."

He doesn't sleep much that night. He feels like this thing that's taking over his mind is so minimal, but he can't think of any ways to help anyone.

What is he to the avengers if there wasn't even one person he could help today? After there was nothing to make up for him not being at the mission?

He feels awkward going to the tower the next day. He's exhausted from using his only brain power left for self-depreciation. He feels hopeless and he's convinced himself that today's the day Tony is going to send him home for good.

Still, he tries to make himself useful. He practically follows Tony around, asking if he needs anything. He internally begs that the man will pick up on his desperate pleas and give him something to do out of pitty before he sends him on his way.

He doesn't though. Instead, just looks confused and grins.
"What, do you want a raise?"

Peter's heart races, feeling frustrated.
"No, I just want to help."

"Ok, ok. C'mon, there's always something to do in the lab."

Peter beams.
Finally, he's doing something right.
He won't mess this up.

He's given a computer and told to finish up some coding for the Ironman suit while Tony works on his broken repulser.

He works quickly- not like he usually does. Most of the time when he works fast, it's because he's enjoying it but right now, he's panicked and rushing because he has to prove himself.

It should've helped him but it didn't. Instead, he'd ruined it.

He enters the coding and transfers it to the suit and only moments later FRIDAY announces that there was something wrong with the coding.

He darts his eyes from the ceiling to the suit, mortified. He's never messed up coding like this before. The suit wouldn't even turn on.

He's ruined it.

"Shit shit shit," he sputters. "Shit- Tony I'm so sorry- I-I can fix it, I swear-"

"Hey, hey it's fine," Tony says, tone relaxed. His expression morphs into one of concern. "It's no big deal. We can just fix the coding and send it through again."

"No, no, I ruined it. I wasn't supposed to-"

"Pete, it's fine- it's coding. We're in a lab it's all trial and error. I've made worse mistakes you just need to swap around a few things. It's minor."

"Tony, you don't get it- I need this. I need to-" he finally looks up at his mentor. He swallows, "Please don't fire me."

"What? Fire you?" Tony laughs as if he were joking. "Why would I fire you?"

"Because I'm useless. I don't help you guys- I'm not helping anyone."

"Where's this coming from, kid? Is it the coding? We've made thousands of mistakes in coding I know how easily you can fix that."

"It's not about the coding," he snaps. "That's not the point. What if- what if people realise they don't need Spider-Man anymore? What if my friends realise they don't need me anymore- do you even need me to work here when I don't do anything?"

"Of course I do- you do everything!"

"I don't."

"You do- look- you helped me get that car running, and you've made half of the teams equipment, you've caught me before making a stupid, fatal mistake holding a damn chainsaw when I was breaking stuff apart for us to use after I hadn't slept in a week," he rolls his chair closer to Peter's, leaning his elbows against his knees so their eyes meet, "DUM-E is finally mopping the right way- you fixed that. My floors aren't getting scratched by the stick anymore. Probably the most helpful thing anyone could've done for me because I couldn't get through to the damn thing. I couldn't get that part of the coding right for years."

DUM-E beeps from the corner of the room and Peter's silent.

"You're here most days of the week after taking all college classes in your sophomore year of high school, doing clubs, homework, studying and going on patrol. You do all that because you want to and I think that's insane. You're the most essential asset I've ever had on my team."

Peter hesitates,
"You still want me to work here?"

Tony grabs his shoulders and shakes him slightly.
"Oh my god- Yes. I do. I really do. You're my favorite intern."

"I'm your only intern."

He grins,
"That makes it more meaningful."

Peter laughs lightly, pressing the heel of his palm into his eyes. They ache with exhaustion. A part of him says he's just saying this stuff out of pity but he really has no choice but to believe Tony.

"Can I ask what started this?"

"Dunno," he mumbles, averting his eyes away.

"Fun fact: you're a horrible liar," he quips dryly. "Yeah you do. You don't have to talk about it but I think... I think you want to. I could be wrong you can tell me to fuck off."

He laughs again, tipping his head back against his chair.

"It's- I dunno... it's stupid."

"I've never once heard something stupid come out of your mouth."

"What about when I told you I could probably drink insect killer."

Tony rolls his eyes.
"God- Ok, whatever, I've heard one stupid thing- you're stalling."

"I don't think you guys need me."
He says it rushed, grimacing as if it were hard to say.

Tony looks confused.

"I, uh- I don't think I do enough.  I don't even get why you guys need my help- you did fine the other day."

"The other- kid, that was a wrong call by Fury. That guy was not a threat to the city. You could've handled him alone yourself, honestly. Apparently anyone can put on a half-assed suit that doesn't do anything but look intimidating and call themselves a supervillain and the avengers will be called. Every other mission though, you've helped so much."

He pauses, staring at Peter sadly.
He hates when he looks at him like that. He feels guilty.

"Do you know how much fatality dropped since you started working with us on missions?"

"No."

"A lot," he says. "It dropped a lot, Pete. You effectively get people out of the danger zone- you focus on them first before beating the baddie."

"You guys do that too."

"Not like you do. You're a lot faster than us and you're a quick thinker. We were a mess when we first became a team. We didn't know how to work together- we would mainly focus on stopping the threat and hope the authorities would get them out in time but it was never enough. People still died."

"People still die," he whispers.

"Not like they did before. You've saved a lot of lives. You patrol every night and save probably a hundred lives in a week."

Peter rolls his eyes, "I don't save a hundred lives in a week. Just last night I didn't save a single person to help- it was the slowest night I've ever had."

"I'll start keeping count. And it might be boring for you but it's a good thing. It's nice to have a slow, safe night every once in a while."

"It is- I don't want people to be in danger but last night I just kind of needed a win. That sounds so bad-"

"I get it, Pete. Saving people is a good feeling."

"It is..."

"And you do it all the time. Right?"

"Yeah, ok whatever."
Peter looks up at Tony,
"Thanks."

"Anytime. Everyday- whenever you need me. Seriously, people need you," he smiles. "Now- do you want some help fixing up that coding?"

He looks down at the computer, feeling like it'd nice to be helped too.

"Yeah."

He might always have that little self-deprecating voice in the back of his head, but at least Tony understands what it's like and can talk him down. He needs some help sometimes.