And one time he actually was...

(Also, if that picture doesn't make you at least smile, you are a stone faced god)

TW: eating disorders

(1)

Peter has been busy.

Criminals are coming out more, Teachers seem to love giving homework and assignments lately, and May is never home due to working overtime.

So Peter has been keeping the house clean, watching out for the little guy, doing school work, and not eating.

I mean, he just doesn't have time.

Plus he's only gone a week with only one meal.

It was lunch time, Peter was sitting with Ned and MJ.

Peter was working on his Algebra homework, so he would be able to get some extra Spider-Man time.

"Dude, aren't you going to eat?"

Peter looked away from his homework to Ned, "I'll get something to eat when I get home, I need to get this done."

Ned sighed, he knew Peter wasn't eating. Ned has been trying to get him to eat since he found out Peter has been skipping meals.

So, he went to his last resort.

"I'll be back." Ned said, standing up and going to the hall.

Ned pulled pulled out his phone, going to his contacts.

He scrolled until he found the right one.

He was only supposed to call when something really bad has happened and Peter couldn't make the call himself.

So, he tapped the call button for Tony Stark.

"Ted? Why are you calling? Is Peter okay?" Tony answered immediately.

"Um, well, you see, I don't really know." Ned sputtered, suddenly nervous.

"And what does that mean exactly." Tony's tone was not a happy one.

"Well, he hasn't eaten for at least a week. I know he was advanced metabolism, so-"

"I'll handle this Ted."

Ned looked at his screen as Tony hung up.

Now he was worried on how Tony would approach Peter on the matter.

Ned walked back to the Cafeteria and sat next to Peter, Peter was to engulfed in his homework to notice that Ned was back.

Or that he left.

Ned sat for a few minutes, wondering what Tony was going to do.

Then the whispers started.

"OHMYGODITSTONYSTARK!" Flash yelled. (ohmygoditsrobertdowneyjr)

Peter still didn't look up, he had blocked out the world with his earbuds and music blasting in his ears.

Tony fucking Stark was walking towards Peter Parker, with two muffins and a cup of milk in his hands.

He walked behind Peter silently.

Then yanked the earbuds out of his ears.

"What the fuck-" Peter turned around and saw Tony.

"Why-" Peter didn't finish his question as Tony shoved a piece of a muffin in his mouth.

"In Steve's words, 'language'" Tony said, putting the rest of the muffin in Peters hand and putting the other one and the milk down in front of him.

Peter swallowed and looked at Tony. "Why are you here? And why are you shoving food down my throat?"

"I know you haven't been eating kid. You of course weren't going to come to me, so I came to you."

"But-"

"Finish the food before I feed you in front of everyone here."

Peter flipped Tony off, but ate anyways.

"Now, I expect you to eat dinner at the Compound tonight, so I know you ate."

"Mr.Stark, I-"

"If you tell me you have homework, you're grounded."

"You can't-"

"Watch me."

Then Tony walked out of the school, leaving a very embarrassed Peter.

(I honestly don't know what that one was, I have a fever and I'm pretty sure I'm delusional)

(2)

Peter was stabbed twice on his side during patrol last night. Normally it wouldn't be that bad, but on this particular occasion, he was stabbed twice in the same spot. With a very sharp knife, may I add.

So he was sitting in math class when he felt his bandages getting wet.

He was bleeding through the bandages, life is just great.

He raised his hand, wincing in the process.

"So to solve for x you have to- yes Peter." the teacher sighed, not liking the interruption.

"May I go to the bathroom?" he asked.

"After this lesson- so you move 24 over to the left side of the equation...."

She droned on, Peter blocked her out, he was starting to see red forming on his sweater.

"Shit" Peter mumbled, a little to loud.

"Mr. Parker, that language is not acceptable, detention."

Peter sighed, shit the red spot was more noticeable.

Then the door swung open, a not so happy Tony Stark in the frame.

There were gasps as he strode into the room, staring straight at Peter Parker.

Peter put his arm over the red spot, hurting himself in the process.

"Move the arm." Tony demanded as he stopped beside Peter.

People were shocked, they gasped as they heard Peters answer.

"I would rather leave my arm where it is, thank you very much."

"Peter."

"Mr. Stark."

Tony moved his arm forward, taking Peters arm and moving in away.

Tony sighed as he saw a big red spot, growing as he spoke. "What have we talked about, Peter?"

"To tell you when I got stabbed." Peter said, lowering his head.

"And what did you do?"

"I didn't tell you when I got stabbed."

"You owe me for not telling May about this." Tony said as he took Peter out of the room, much to the teens protest.

The class was shocked, except Ned and MJ.

"Peter Parker actually knows Tony Stark." Flash said.

"Really? Peter just said he got stabbed and you're only concerned in the fact that he knows Tony Stark." MJ said, giving Flash her 'really' stare.

(Like I said, delusional)

(3)

Peter wanted so badly to run and jump out of the room and sleep for the rest of the year.

"Flash Thompson, access level, 1"

Yep, they were on a field trip to the Avengers Compound.

Peter l o v e s life right now.

Peter sighed as he scanned his card, "Spider Baby, access level, 10"

"Welcome back, Spider Baby, Clint wants to know how you like the name. Steve also says that he heard you and Tony in the lab last night, he will give you both a lecture on what language is appropriate for children." Friday announced.

Peter was not looking forward to that, he also has to change Clint's name to 'I'm sorry, let me turn my hearing aids up'.

"What the fuck Penis!" Flash yelled, not wanting to believe Peter wasn't lying.

"I'm sorry, who's that?"

Flash turned around to see none other than Tony Stark.

"Oh, um, Penis is Peters nickname. He says he works here and-"

"His name is Peter, I will teach you how to say it if I must, and of course he works here, he's my personal intern." Tony wanted to say so much more, but he didn't.

The lawsuits could cover that.

"Um why are you down here?" Peter asked.

"To come get you so we could hide from Steve's lecture." Tony shrugged.

"Too late, now lets learn the proper language for you to say around Peter, and then I'll teach Peter what is appropriate for him to say." Steve said, a sly smile on his face.

"Run." Tony said, looking at Peter.

With that Tony and Peter were gone, leaving a confused class watch Captain America run off, calling Tony and Peter's name.

(I think I'm getting more delusional the more I type.)

(4)

"I am literally going to kill him." Tony said, as he finished reading a Spider-Man fanfic, that he totally doesn't read in his free time.

So, he grabbed a cookie and went to Peters school.

When he there, he looked for Peter and saw him in Science class.

He walked in, shoved a cookie in Peters mouth, and gave him a hug.

"Um, Mr. Stark?" Peter asked, taking the cookie out of his mouth. "Are you okay?"

"Get a coma and forget everything one more time and I will make you regret it." Tony said, not letting Peter go.

"Fanfiction?"

Tony nodded and Peter hugged him back, Tony already knew he would blackmailed big time after this.

Then Tony grabbed Peter and carried Peter out of class, you know just to make sure he wouldn't go into a coma.

Just to make sure.

(I have two brain cells of sanity left)

(5)

Peter left his homework in the back of Tony's car.

Lucky him.

The class went to the teachers desk and gave her their homework.

"Peter, do you have your homework?"

"No, I'm-"

"Yes, he does."

Everyone turned to the door and saw Tony Stark walk in the room.

He gave the five sheets of homework to the teacher.

"I suggest less homework." He said and turned to Peter.

"I know if I say anything more, you'll kill me later, so I'll see you after school." Tony said to Peter, who was glaring daggers into his soul.

"What the Fu-"

(Lets make that one brain cell of sanity)

(6)

Peter was in his room at the Compound when he felt a lurching feeling in his stomach.

Shit.

He was about to run to the bathroom, when a stressed Tony Stark ran in and put a trash can under Peters mouth.

As soon as Tony did that Peter threw up.

And threw up.

And threw up.

And threw up.

"BRUCE HE'S DYING GET MED BAY READY!" Tony screamed as he picked Peter up, keeping the trash can under his mouth as Peter threw up again.

And again.

And again.

"HOLY SHIT, BRUCE HURRY UP, HE'S IN CRITICAL CONDITION!"

(Make that no sanity left.)

Hey Cucumbers!

I finally updated when I said I would.

This went from a serious request to me destroying it.

Sorry not sorry.

So I was reading the comments on my last post and I saw that someone made something called P.P.A squad. Apparently it stands for Protect Precious Author Squad 😂😂💓💓💘.

I swear, I love my Cucumbers too much. 💗

Also, while were on the topic of comments, your comments crack me up 😂.

I could never thank you all enough.
❤❤❤

🥒 "oH mEh GoD, iTs A sAlTy CuCuMbEr"