• i just had a layered mental breakdown, •
and it led to some self-reflection.
• I am not searching for compliments •
or reassurance.

i am not okay.
and that's okay.

i know it's okay not to be okay, so that's what i'm telling myself.
even if it's not so easy to acknowledge it.

i'm not okay.

i'm an emotional mess.
at first, i felt empty. that's still there, but
after thinking more about it i've realized that
there's a lot more to it.

i feel alone, lonely.
like i'm just losing friends in all parts of my
life.

i'm angry because i feel like the bad guy, and i know that i shouldn't.
i've done things recently that were good for
  me. quite frankly, i need to think more
about myself, and i'm working on it, so
i'm done apologizing.

i'm angry because i feel like my writing is missing something.
i feel like there's no emotional depth to any
of it recently and it feels like im writing facts
  or trying too hard.

i'm angry because i feel so
empty and unmotivated and i
don't know why or what to do.

i'm eager to do things, get things done
but i'm also scared to mess up.

i'm sad that i care so much or so little about so many different things.

i'm sad and angry because
i don't know what to do.

i'm upset that i feel selfish
with my own self-care.

i'm sad and angry that it took me so long to think about myself and how i've been hurting myself mentally and physically by not thinking of my health.

i'm sad because recently i've been caring about what others think of me and how i look.
that's not who i am.

i'm scared that caring for myself means only caring about myself. i'm scared to lose the people i love.

i'm angry because i keep getting mad at the people around me for no reason.

i'm sad that i care what others think, but when i try not to care it feels more like i'm shutting them out.
    i don't want to shut anyone out. i don't know
    what i would do if i did.

i'm scared that i'm losing myself.
i'm scared because i'm the only one who can
fix this and help and improve myself and i
don't know how.

so, no.
i'm not okay.
but i'm trying to
improve and accept
that.

thank you for reading.
this was more
for me than
anything else.

take some time to love yourselves
today.
tomorrow.
every day.

‧͙⁺˚*･‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙･*˚⁺‧͙