The next few days were a roller coaster. I'd wake up feeling like garage, sick to my stomach, with headache from anxiety, from not sleeping. I ended up crawling into Winston's bed each night after waking from nightmares. I would drag myself out of bed and try my best to get through the day. If my mind and body were busy I'd be okay. But the minute I'd stop I could feel the tightness in my chest, and the turning queasy feeling. The moment I would stop I felt the exhaustion from not sleeping. I was short tempered and teary.

It wasn't fare to the others, and I felt guilty for snapping and yelling, but I couldn't get myself under control. The evening before they were supposed to be back I had crawled up onto the top point of the tallest building, I sat perched, with the wind in my hair. I turned my face up towards the moon. I took a slow deep inhale and slowly let it out. The tremor in my hand had started when I woke the first night with a night mare and it hadn't stopped.

Sammy had gave me the teddy bear the next night when he came to say goodnight. He insisted I take it. So, here I sat with my journal and the damn teddy bear on the top point of the building. I had started writing again, I hadn't touched a knife since I got here. I had fiddled with them during training, but I got hot and sweaty and a sharp pain in my chest. I knew I had to get over these fears if I was ever going to be aloud to go missions and take down WICKED. I had flipped out again at supper, I had tried to eat in the mess hall, I wanted to show Minho that I could do it. But some idiot kept staring and I lost it.

I heard light footsteps behind me and I sighed.

"Am I that easy to find?" I asked, not bothering to turn around.

"We knew you needed space, Love."

"I'm trying Sonya...but..I'm...I - I just.." I trailed off and shook my head.

She came over and sat down beside me, dangling her feet over the edge. She scootched closer, hip to hip, and took my hand. She was quiet for a long time, just sitting with me. The wind played with our hair.

"Why did you do it?" She suddenly asked.

"Do what?" I asked, feeling guilty all of a sudden, I felt a spike in my heart rate.

"Take on more pain and torture for us?" She glanced at me before looking back out into the night.

I chewed my lip for a second, sorting my thoughts. "I was the reason you guys were captured. I called them, I gave us up. I felt like...maybe... I dunno, like recompense for what I did to you."

"It wasn't your fault. None of us blame you." She said quietly. "They had a bloody chip in your head and were actually controlling you!"

"Yeah, but-"

"No. Enough Jess. Stop blaming yourself. We all saw how that creepy dude had control over you. We all saw how blank your eyes were, how jerky your movements were. Tess and Aris were the same! So stop putting that blame on yourself."

I just hummed, looking down at the teddy bear in my lap, and then looked back out into the night. We sat in silence for a while.

"I'm going to kill him." I whispered. "Nothing good is safe while he's alive, while WICKED is still functioning. And I can't make another speech about it. No more cameras. No more faking. No more laying low. No more Games. No more sitting here in the safety of the medical room. He needs to see my eyes when I kill him."

"Now were talking." Sonya grinned with malice.

"I'll find a way to the city, if Mary and Vince say otherwise, I'm going, when everybody's looking the other way."

"I heard some of the medics talking this morning. Right Arm is shipping supplies for the front line. They have an outpost just on the outside of the city...I'm not sure when, they were waiting for the recon mission to come back, apparently they were going to stop a few trucks with supplies as well."

"That's interesting news, isn't it." I said slowly, processing the information Sonya just told me. "That's very interesting..."

"Wait until the others get back and see what the deal is, and then I'll help you get there."

I felt my stomach twist and bile rise. The guys should be home tomorrow, Sonya squeezed my hand sensing my sudden unease. She also had been on edge the last few days, not as bad, but she also needed Jason to get through some of her high anxiety moments.

"Man, he really fucked us up." I muttered.

"Yeah. He really did." Sonya agreed sadly.

"How's Jason doing?"

"Good. He said he didn't have it as bad as the rest of us. We all know that Rat Man used Minho and me to try break you. Jason has his moments, but he's probably doing better then all of us."

I hummed. She laid her head on my shoulder. We stayed there for a long time, we eventually left and I crawled into bed with Winston, feeling anxious, sick and miserable. But a small ball of fire, a lust for revenge was forming in my chest. And that vengefulness was going to get me through. Once Janson and Ava were dead, and WICKED was burnt to the ground then I can focus on fully recovering and growing old with Minho.

•×•

I stood at the end of the street, waiting. I had woken up early, my stomach twisting more then normal. I had to slip out and book it to the bathroom. I skipped breakfast, and walked down the main road and waited at the end of the street. My stomach twisting again, the pain in my chest made it hard to breath. My hands were clenching into fists so tight I was making marks in my palms. The tremor in my hand was terrible. I wrapped my arms around my self, and stood waiting, the tears barley held back. I waiting silently and alone. The sun rose and it was warm. I eventually heard footsteps behind me.

"Jay." Winston said quietly and stopped beside me. "You gonna wait here all day?"

"Yes." I whispered.

"Okay." He turned to look in the same direction, and shoved his hands into his pockets. We were quiet for a few minutes. I glanced at him out of the corner pf my eye.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting." He said with a shrug.

"Why?"

"Because my best friend needs emotional support and I'll be there for her."

I felt the sharp pain dull slightly. I unclenched a fist and slid my hand into his. It was a long morning. I had started to pace up and down the road, my eyes glued to the horizon. Waiting, praying for any sign of them. Newt showed up with some food.

"Eat, Love." He forced the plate into my hands. "I know you didn't eat breakfast."

"All right Mama Noot." I rolled my eyes, "You and Papa Winnie are so overbearing."

Newt gave me a forced chuckle. I could see the unease in his eyes as well. He kept glancing down the road as well. Sonya and Teresa also showed up eventually. My anxiety was at a high time high. I had to sit down on the curb, my head was starting to spin as well as my stomach.

"Jay?" Winston asked quietly, he crouched down in front of my. "You alright?"

"No." I whispered. I was breathing through my mouth, trying not to throw up. He looked at me with worry and concern. I scrambled to my feet, and over to the back alley, and let out the lunch I just ate.

"Jay. I think you need to lay down, or get out of the sun, or something. Should I go get Ann?"

"No, Winnie." I shook my head, closing my eyes, "I just need him back." I whimpered. I ran my hands though my hair, leaning my head back on the brick wall. After emptying itself, my stomach felt better. Winston handed me a water bottle.

The rest of the afternoon was long. The others tried to get me to go and do things keep my mind busy, but I didn't want to leave. I couldn't leave. There was no set time when they would be home, but they had said three days. Again I skipped supper and Ann brought me food. She took my hand and steered me to the curb and made me sit. She forced the big mug of soup into my hands.

"Nana made soup soup soup. It is good for you. Give you strength."

I sighed, I felt myself deflate. I could feel the tears prickling.

"Nana...I can't keep this up. This feeling, its awful. How do I get rid of it?"

"What feeling my Little Missy?"

I took a few bites, and I could feel my stomach settle a little. Nana Ann had her hand on my back, but she gently moved it and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"Sick all the time. Anxiety is the worst. How do I get rid of it?"

"Can't." She said simple. "But." She continued, she was looking at me intently, "We learn how to cope with it. We learn how to live with it. We learn to control it, and others learn how to help. But..." She trailed off, her eyes narrowed slightly, and they flicked over my face and she cocked her head.

"But? But what Nana?" I asked.

"I think think think... I could be wrong- but probably am not. I know these things."

"Nana, your not making sense. What are you thinking." I said slowly, I could feel the apprehension building, which didn't help the anxiety or the turning in my stomach. She shook her head, and then was quiet for a long time. She kept motioning for me to eat. I slowly eat some more. I furrowed my eyebrows, and tried to figure out what Nana was talking about.

"Have my Young Hunter and his She Wolf talked about their own pack?" She suddenly asked.

"What? Like kids?" I sputtered. I nearly dropped the cup of soup. Nana kept her steady eyes on me. I knew she was waiting for me to go on, I sighed, and fidgeted with the spoon, I looked away, down the street, and sniffed. "Yeah. We've talked about it. I don't think I'd be a good mother, he thinks other wise. Happily ever after he calls it. Once WICKED is done, Janson and Ava are dead, once we feel safe and healthy, then maybe we can revisit it." I looked up to her with glassy eyes. "Why?" I whispered.

"Did did did- was there prevention- protection in in inside the Stone prison with the Young Hunter?"

I frowned, and with my face heating up, I slowly nodded. "Nana, what the shuck are you getting at?"

Nana frowned even more. I could feel my palms sweeting and the pain in my chest was getting worse, my throat was tight yet dry, making it hard to swallow, my heart rate spiked at the same time as a wave of heat hit me, making me feel dizzy.

"...nana..." I whispered, suddenly even more terrified, and I could feel the soup starting to turn in my stomach.

She frowned, cocked her head and hummed.

"What about here? Have you been safe safe safe?"

"Yes." I whispered, the words were stuck in my throat, it was hard to talk with such a dry mouth. "You gave me the pills and I've been taking them."

She nodded, but still looked at me like she was trying to read my soul. My breathing was coming in short gasps. She stood up suddenly, she held a hand out for me. My hand shook and I took hers, she pulled me up and turned down the street and pulled me with her.

"Nana! Where are we going? I need to wait."

"This can not." She said sternly.

She had her hand clamped hard around mine, and pulled me back into the main part of the town, and into the medical building. It was evening, so it was quiet. She pulled me into a small room and sat me down. I felt like passing out, the queasy feeling was even worse, my breathing was short shallow and ragged, I kept grabbing at my chest. I had waves of dizziness. I had a feeling, I knew what Nana was thinking and I prayed she was wrong. The tears were hardly being held back. She left the room for a second. She hardly said anything, her face was passive, I couldn't figure out what she was thinking. I started to rock back and forth. My hands wouldn't stop shaking.

"Minho, I need you." I whispered. A tear slid down my face.

Ann came back into the room. I looked up terrified. She paused and her face softened. She came over and lifted my face, holding my face in her hands.

"You you you understand what I am thinking?"

I slowly nodded. "But how?"

She raised her eyebrows, and gave me a small cheeky smile. "When a young hunter loves his She wolf-"

"Nana! Stop!" I yelped and pulled away, "I know HOW." I scoffed. I used the back of my hand to get ride of the tears, "But how could it happen when we've been carful!"

"Things things things, some things happen beyond our control Little Missy."

I shook my head, I couldn't believe I was having this conversation right now. I should have been waiting for Minho, they should be back any time and I was stuck in a medical room talking about something that scared me almost as bad as my night mares.

"We can know for sure." She said with a small nod towards the equipment try she brought in.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. I suddenly couldn't breath. I looked at Nana, I was shaking. She was calm and steady. She didn't push me, she waited for my choice.

"Do you really think so?" I whispered, terrified of her answer.

"Wont know for sure until we check. Protection is never guaranteed. Things happen, my Little Missy. Happy Surprise. You, my little Missy, were a happy surprise."

"Nana, did you just call me an accident?" I chocked on a small laugh.

She gave me a small cheeky grin and then chuckled. "Little Missy's mama and daddy were very happy to find out." She said with a small sparkle in her eye. She cupped my face, and held it for a second. I took a slow steady breath. And I slowly nodded.

"Okay." I breathed.

"Do you want want want- need a friend?"

"No." I whispered.

My heart was slamming into my ribs as Nana took a vile of blood. She explained it was the most accurate way to know. She left the room for a minute. I leaned forwards, my elbows on my knees, my head in my hands. I had to focus on breathing. I was either going to pass out or throw up or run. Maybe all three. My hair was clutched tight in my hands. With my heart slamming into my chest so hard it hurt, and waves of heat and nausea I waited for Nana Ann to run the tests and come back with an answer.

There was a gentle knock on the door and it slowly opened. I picked my head up, Nana had come back. I searched her face, but she gave nothing away. She closed the door and her gentle eyes pierced me like a knife.

"And..?" I whispered.

She gave me a small gentle smile, and nodded. My stomach dropped, my heart stopped and I couldn't breath, I felt my blood pressure drop and I must have gone ghostly white.

I was pregnant.

•×•

× Welp. There ya go. ×