I sat on my bed, Sonya slowly brushing my wet hair. I had done my regular routine, trying to keep my mind from spirling into anxiety. Nana Ann was understanding, and we talked through why I felt so anxious. I knew why, but it didn't help; I was still worried about him.

So after another run, because Bucky wasn't here to train with, I stood in the shower, only to have a panic attack hit hard. I Sonya and Teresa came busting into the bathroom and held me close while I freaked out. Once I had calmed down, Sonya held me while Teresa helped wash my hair.

Now I sat huddled on Minho and my bed, one of his hoodies on, while Sonya brushed the tangles. I just felt terrible today. I had a pillow pulled tight to my chest. I hadn't said much, but the girls didn't push anything.

There was a knock at the door. Teresa got up and opened it. Winston and Newt stood there holding arm fulls of snacks, pillows and blankets. I picked my head up and looked around.

"Girl!" Winston raised an eyebrow at me, and popped a hip, "turn that frown upside down!"

"What?" I frowned even more.

"It's time for girl talk!" He rolled his eyes and dumped his stuff on the dresser and plopped down on the bed beside me and Sonya. "We haven't had girl talk in sooooo long! And now Mr dreamboat isn't here. It's perfect!"

"Oooo!" Sonya squealed. "Imma go change into my PJs and grab my stuff! Wait until I'm back!"

"Me too!" Teresa giggled and the girls tore out of the room.

Winston smirked. Newt came over and sat down beside me. I looked back and forth between them. And I rolled my eyes.

"Shuck, I thought we'd get over this!"

"Nope!" Winston popped the p, and then smirked. "You promised me, while I was dying."

"But you're not dead." I pointed out.

Winston shrugged and gave me a cheeky smile. "promise is a promise, JayJay."

"I hate you." I sighed.

"You love us!" Newt chuckled.

"Ya, remind me why?" I groaned and flopped backwards, holding the pillow over my face.

"It's a girls night." Winston chirped.

"You're a dude." I said removing the pillow, glaring at him and then pointed to Newt, "him too."

"Jay, were so gay, and I started girl talk. So too shucken bad. It's gonna happen."

The girls came running back in, wearing pjs and holding pillows and blankets. They kept onto the bed with giggles.

"Okay. Sooo...?" Sonya asked, "what's the tea! Spill!" She looked expectantly at Winston.

"First things first!" Winston said holding his hands up, "nothing leaves this room. Girl talk is sacred, and we don't break the trust of anyone here."

Everyone nodded. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Good." He nodded. "Second. Snacks." He pulled bags of chips and cookies off the dresser and plunked them down on the bed. "Newt snitches drinks."

Newt pulled out a few bottles of Gally's moonshine. I leaned against the wall, the tight knot in my chest hurt, all day I felt kind of sick with the anxiety. I didn't want alcohol. And Gally's moonshine was still nasty. I shook my head when it was offered to me. But I did take the bag of chips. Winston gave me a questioning look, but didn't push it.

The rest of the evening was spent talking about the most randomest things. Sonya talked about Jason, my uch to Newt's dismay, Teresa talked about Ryan, they were now an official thing, though still very fresh. Everyone bugged Newt about Tommy and him.

"Oh come on Newt! My idiot is head over heels!" I threw my hands up. "Even back in the Glade I knew you two had a thing!"

"See! If Jay can see it-"

"Excuse me? I'm very capable of seeing things like that!" I gasped.

"Really?" Winston raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Yes!" I huffed.

"Then how long has Jorge and Ann been a thing?"

"Wait... WHAT?!" I cried, knocking over the snacks, the other girls also gasped. "Winnie! This isn't funny!"

"I know! It's actually really shucken cute!"

"How do you know?"

"Please. I know these things!" He waved a hand dismissively, to but looked very smug.

They spent the next half an hour discussing Ann and Jorge.

"Okay. So. Jay." Winston finally said.

"Okay. So. Winnie." I mocked him.

"When is this wedding happening?"

"I dunno." I said quietly, I instantly went to twisting the hoodie sleeve. "Right now I need to get through the next few days without falling apart."

"Yes. But when?"

"I...I don't know!" I cried. I pushed off the bed and got up.

"Jay. What's going on?" He asked, also scootchinh to the end of the bed. He watched me pace my room.

"Out loud Love." Newt encouraged.

"I just...I...I don't know!" I finally whispered. Turning away and hugging myself tight. I took a shuddering inhale, closing my eyes and slowly let it out.

"You love him, ya?" Sonya asked gently.

I turned around to the four sitting on the bed. I nodded, "yes." I whispered.

"You promised each other to be beside each other for ever, ya?" Teresa asked.

"Yes." I whispered again. I could feel the sting of tears.

"You're both bloody adults." Newt pointed out. "In the maze you were about 19..."

"Ya. Nana said I was born May 10. So I'm actually almost 21 now. She was there when I was born. And Mary has partial files of all of us...Minho is closer to 22."

Everyone nodded, Mary had shared all our personal information with us. So we knew this already. It was still crazy to think we were adults. I guess because we had lived so long as adults, having to make wild desicions, Ive felt like an adult for so long.

"Okay. So...you both love each other," Winston held up a finger, "you've verbally agreed," he held up a second finger, "and your wearing your mother's wedding band." He held up a third finger, "what's stopping you?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times. Blinking quickly I looked away. Winston got up off the bed and came over. He lifted my chin to look at him.

"JayJay." He said firmly. "No one is forcing you. It's between you and him. It's fine. I was just teasing. I'm sorry."

"No..." I whispered, "your right. I'm...I'm just.... Still scared. That this is all fake and none of its real, that I'm going to wake up stuck in a cell with Janson hovering over me. That I'll wake up and it's all a dream."

"No. None of that is real. What's real, is this. Your friends, your family, Minho, and his undying love. What's real is our friendship. What's real is Sammy loves you and Minho. What's real is how far you've come in two short months. What's real is that ring on your finger. That's real."

I stuffed a sob and wrapped my arms around him. "You'll be my Man of Honour, right?" I asked, my voice muffled by his chest. He kissed the top of my head.

"If shucken course. I can't leave my queen hanging!"

"We should...have a wedding here. And soon. And telavise it, just to shove it in RatMans stupid face." Sonya said with a bit of venom behind her words.

"It would be kinda nice to show him he didn't break me. He wanted me to kill Minho and everyone here. But it didn't work..." I agreed. "But I don't like crowds and cameras..."

"I'm sure we could figure something out." Newt said tapping his chin.

"One step at a time guys!" I cried pulling away from Winston. "I need to get through the next few days without completely flying off the rails."

"That we can help buggen' help with!" Newt smiled at me.

"Why do ya think we're here?" Teresa's asked.

"We love you, for some shucked up reason." Winston chuckled.

"Still have no idea why. But you wanted it so bad, and now there is no returns or give backs. Your fucken stuck with me!" I pointed a threatening finger at the four of them.

The tight knot in my chest loosened slightly
I still felt uneasy and queasy, but less so. I couldn't help but bit my lip to keep from crying.

"What the shuck! Why am I so teary lately!" I stomped my foot.

"Uhh, 'cause your fucken trauma?" Winston rolled his eyes. "It's called healing ya twat! Now come here and let me paint those nails! It's been so long they look terrible!"

•×•

I lay curled up beside Winston. Everyone else had fallen asleep, but my mind didn't let me sleep, not yet anyways. Winston wasn't asleep either, he was twirling a strand of my hair.

"So...Jay. how are you really doing?" He asked.

"Up and down." I said honestly. He was quiet, waiting for my to go on. "I have good days and bad days, good moments and not so good. Him leaving...I think it's some kind of test Vince and Jorge and Mary put together. See how far I've actually come. He's done so much in helping me heal, I think....I think they wanted to see if I'm actually healing or using him as a crutch. Ya know?"

He hummed. He twirled the hair for a moment. "But when ya know, Jay, if you do get hurt, sometimes you need a crutch to help you heal, before you can walk on your own."

"True. It's been hard, I've become so dependent on him; helping me through some of the most fucked up parts of my trauma. I still have a hard time showering. Swimming in the ocean is fine, but get into the shower and I'm right back to the cell. With Janson."

"Well that's just PTSD."

"But if he's with me, Winnie, I can handle it."

"Because he's your safe place. It's not bad. I don't understand why you think you need to do it on your own. Screw Mary and her medical research. He helps keep you calm and helps make you feel safe... Then great! Have him shower with you for the rest of your life! That's why you agreed to marry him...or be together for the rest of your lives. Right?"

"Your right. As usual."

"Fucken rights I am!" He shifted his head so he could looked at me, I tilted my head to see him. "I told you a long time ago, to let someone be beside you. I was trying very hard to convince you to be my friend."

"Yeah and look where that got me! Emotionaly damaged by your almost death, a stupid promise to continue girl talk and somehow I promised to name a kid after you!"

He smirked at me. "Ha! I win!"

I rolled my eyes. But snuggled my head closer into him.

"But seriously Jay. Anyone with eyes can see he loves you, like more then anyone I've seen, it's like a shucken fairy tale love. He would seriously go to the ends of the earth for you. And I know you would too. So shuck what everyone else says. He's your person. He makes you happy. He makes you ssfe, he brings you out if fucken mind control and helps bring you back from a years worth of mind hijacking... You need him. He wants to be there. End of discussion. And I'll throw fists at anyone who has an issue with that." 

I smiled. I knew Winston would do whatever he wanted, and have his own opinion, but I felt settled knowing he didn't think I was becoming co dependent on Minho. Nana Ann never brought it up, but I could see Mary purse her lips when he was brought up as a coping strategy or someone who was always there to help.

"Thank you Winnie."

"It's what a bestie is for." He shifted again so he was more comfortable. "Now." He said. I could hear the shift in his voice, and I know we were going in a totally different direction. "Tell me about your love life. Not how he helps you through the trauma....I wanna know in detail about this purposal on the beach and late night moon lit dip in the ocean."

I groaned. And I could feel my face heating up. I was glad it was dark and he was looking at the ceiling.

"Nope. I want the details girl! Leave nothing out!"

He shifted again, rolling onto his side to face me. I burried my face into Minho's hoodie. My stomach flipped a few times when I thought back to that evening.

"Shuck Winnie...." I whispered. I peeked at him over rge top of the hoodie. "That was the best shucken time ever!" I whispered, I felt my face going beat red.

Winston's smirk grew and even in the dark I could see his eyes light up.

"Tell me everything!" He squeaked

"Shhh!" I hissed, throwing a hand over his mouth. He pulled it away and giggled. "I need to know girl! Come on spill! You left in a full on panic! And when we found you...the total opposite."

"Yeah...well." I chewed my bottom lip for a moment thinking. "I finally let myself cry. Not out of anger or when I had a mind glitch. I held me and I sobbed. And then...I dunno he just talked to me...he was himself. And just made me feel seen, and valued, and he didn't look at me like some wounded animal. He looked at me like I had value and life and someone worth treasuring!"

Winston's eyes were big and glassy, he held my hands tight. And I felt the lump in my throat, and the sting of tears.

"It just...happened. him asking. And then...I finally kissed him. And it was like my brain turned back on....and that was it."

"Come on! Juicy details girl! Keep going!"

"I don't think I've ever felt that....alive and yet like I was dreaming."

"Ya? Even your first time?"

"No. There was a lot of built expectations for your first time. But...it's kinda awkward and uncomfortable the first time. Once you get the hang of it it's okay. But...it hurt the first time! I told you that!"

He sighed, "ya I know. It hurt at first, but did it eventually feel good?"

I frowned I couldn't quite remember. It was fuzzy. "I don't remember. But the beach... definitely tops everything."

"Ya? Speaking of tops!" He gave me a sly look, "who was to-"

I smacked him in the chest. "Winston!"

He rolled onto his back laughing, fighting my hand as I tried to smack him again.

"Fine. Fine fine! Next question. Does he still have that knife kink?"

I stopped trying to smack him and stilled.

"Jay?" Winston asked, sensing the mood shift in me. He rolled his head and frowned.

"I...I can't do it anymore. I can't pull a knife on him. I thought about it one time and I ended up having a panic attack. In...in my nightmares, he would come staggering out of the Deadheads and use a knife and cut me, screaming I deserved this and other horrible stuff. So when I think of doing that to him I freak out."

"You've obviously talked to him about it."

I nodded. "He says I don't need to use sharp objects to turn him on."

He snickered. "I'm sure he's turned on when you look in his direction. I told you back in the Glade. You fell for him and he fell harder!"

I hummed. We stayed up late into the night giggling and talking. Winston had most of our wedding planned by then, knew way more about my sex life then what's good for him and made me feel so much better. I finally closed my eyes, knowing if regret staying up this late tomorrow, but I fully appreciateed Winston and what he did for me. Minho was right. I would be okay, I missed him dearly, but I would be okay until he got back. It was only another two days.

•×•

× Another fluffy chapter! We needed some good ol' girls talk! Winnie needed the dirt on her love life! ×

× Does MinMin come back with the recon team or...? ×

× Do we have a Minho & Jessie
wedding, Finnick and Annie style?
Wait until Safe Haven? ×

× TRAUMA TRAIN IS ON ITS WAY... ×