I slowly woke up. My body became aware of what was around me slowly. First thing I became aware of was I was warm and comfortable. I didn't wake up in a full panic like I usually do. It was slow and gradual.

The next thing I was aware of was a steady thump, right under my ear. There was a steady rise and fall. The smell from last night that made my brain pause was even stronger. Like I had nestled down in it and stayed. I took a slow breath in, take a deep breath of the smell, as I nestled my face into the fabric.

It was only then, as my body woke up more, that I became aware of something with weight around my back. I became aware slowly, that something warm and soft yet callased was gently brushing my skin. I felt my hair slowly move away from my face.

The sleepy comfortablness slipped away and I felt everything tense up, my heartrate picked up, and I held my breath.

"Shhh. Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

The voice. My brain was spinning I knew his voice, but it was different. It wasn't...glitchy. His voice was soft and gentle, rough deep and full of sleep. I didn't know what to do. I was scared to move. I didn't know if this was real or a dream or something else. I whimpered.

"Jess, you're safe. You're in your own room with the Right Arm. Bucky and Jorge are outside. Nana Ann will be back shortly. You slept all night. No dreams, no nightmares, you hardly moved."

Even with my eyes still closed, I knew something was different. There was no malicious undertone.

"Is....is this real...?" I whispered. Scared to hear the actual answer.

"Yes. My Dutchess, it's real." Minho whispered. I felt him shift under me. "I've wanted nothing more then to just hold you. It killed me knowing you were alone at the hands of a crazy crank."

I furrowed my eyebrows, despite them being clamped shut. A crank...?

"You...you were a crank. And...you said I need to pay for everything I did. You almost killed me over and over, making me pay for my sins. Real? Or not real?"

"Not real." He said firmly. I flinched. I felt his hand shift and I tensed, waiting for the pain. I felt his hand on my cheek. I flinched again and whimpered. He stopped. His fingers gently caressed my skin.

"Look at me, please."

I was terrified, but I knew if I didn't he would start screaming or stab me with something. So I shifted my head and my eyes finally fluttered open. I came face to face with his dark brown ones. They didn't look like the ones I remembered. These ones were sleepy and soft. To my bewilderment he smiled.

"I missed your blue eyes." He whispered. His breath daned over my face.

"They're grey."  My voice trembled when I spoke.

"No their blue." Minho shook his head, he had a small lopsided smile, "Dark grey with navy blue flecks."

The Minho I had come to know over the months wouldn't have known that..he never looked at me like this Minho. This Minho, in front of me, how did he know such details about what my eyes looked like. Sure he was only a few inches from my face... But the look in his eyes made my heart want to slow down from its wild anxiety but also want to speed up for an entirely different reason. His smile grew bigger.

"Jess...I wasn't wrong, the blood brought out the dark blue."

It was like a dream. I kind of remembered this. My forehead creased, I wasn't sure, but my mouth started talking before I stopped.

"...I'll...I'll be sure...to face paint in it..." I whisper.

He smirked and I watched as his eyes lit up and sparkled. My mouth kept talking. It was like trying to remember a dream, or a deja vu. We had this same conversation so long ago.

I hesitated for a second. "My ... violent and...and vulgar anger doesn't turn you off? I...I just said I'd face paint in blood and you're smirking."

His smirk, if possible went even bigger, his eyes just about disappeared into half moons. His hand cupped my cheek, while his thumb gently ran across my cheek bone.

"Just the opposite actually. You're stronger than most guys here. You're stronger because you don't need anyone. And I know there's more to you than knives, sarcastic comments and a stubbornness that makes me want to put my head through a wall."

"Even my...broken glitching mind?"

"Yes."

"And...and...my confusion?"

"Yes.

"And when I fly off the rails...?"

"It means I get to remind you all over again how much I love you."

"It's not a good idea. It's dangerous. I'm...I'm dangerous."

"I'm brave that way." He smirked, "and I like danger."

"Some call it reckless."

"Someone once, a long time ago, she told me once, that I need to take more risks in life."

I didn't know if I wanted to believe this. What if it was just another truck of the Minho from the woods, the Minho with the knives wanting to inflict pain.

"They...she...sounds like a bad influence." I whispered. My voice wasn't working. I wasn't sure if I was having an anxiety attack or if it was something else making my heart beat faster and made it hard to breathe.

He hummed. He kept looking at me like there was something worth look at. Like I was something special and worth wanting.

"We had this conversation before. Real or not real?"

"Real." He whispered. "I had to wake you up from a nightmare. You woke up and held a knife to my throat. It was one of the first real conversation we had."

"I...I think I remember."

"That's good Baby." He smiled again. "I'm proud of you, asking for clarification."

I just lay on top of his chest, I slowly picked my head up, so my chin was on his chest. My eyes flicked all over, looking at him. Trying to figure out what was different between this Minho and the other one.

"Minho..." I whispered, it was more like a weak whimper.

I slowly, with the tremor still in my hand, reached out and gently touched his cheek. I was scared, terrified he would react. He didn't. He stayed laying still, propped up by pillows, watching me with his gentle yet intense eyes. I slowly ran my finger tips over his cheek bone, up to his forehead, brushing his hair off his forehead. As I gently ran my fingers down he closed his eyes like he actually enjoyed my touch. My fingers trailed down to his lips.

He finally moved, he cautiously lifted his hand to mine. He gently held my wrist and twisted his head just slightly, just enought to kiss the palm of my hand.

"You love me. Real or not real?" I wispered.

"Real." He whispered against the palm of my hand. His lips tickled when he spoke. I felt something change. The right knot in my chest, the deep ache in my gut, loosened, slightly.

"Would ..would you tell the whole world?" I asked, my forehead wrinkled and my eyebrows pulled together. It was another deja vu moment. Like I had lived this moment before, slightly different, but the same moment. My brain glitched again.

He picked his head up off the pillow, so he was only inches from my face. His warm breath fanned my hair. "I love you so shucken much, Jessie, my beautiful savage Duchess of Darkness."

"You...you just whispered it to me..." I said it more if a question. Like I wasn't sure if this is what happened before.

"Because Jess, you are my whole world."

He closed the distance and brushed his lips against my forehead. I was surprised I didn't freak out.

"Sleep Baby Girl. I'll wake you up when Nana Ann comes with breakfast."

"Aren't.... aren't you uncomfortable?"

"Nope." He smiled and popped the p. He moved his one arm behind his head, making his bicep stand out. "I have you back in my arms, and your light as shuck. Winston and Fry need to put some bacon into you."

"I didn't eat much and when I did I usually ended up throwing it up."

"Dammit, Jess, I'm sorry." He frowned, his other hand tucked some hair behind my ear.
"Well. We'll start small. Baby steps."

I lay my head down back onto his chest. Minho's hand held the back of my head, protectively.

"Step one. Sleep."

It didn't take me long to fall back asleep in Minho's arms. Feeling more secure, not exactly safe, but more relaxed.

"I'll keep you safe." He murmured as I skipped into sleep.

•×•

I stood at the doors, shacking. I insisted they put the cuffs on before I agreed to this. It had been almost two weeks since Minho stormed into my room and made my brain clutch worse then ever. But it had been the start of my major healing. Now today was the next big step. It took me all day work work up to this. I stood staring at the door, trying to swallow my fear and panic.

"I... don't think this is a good idea." I whispered. My voice shook as bad as the tremor in my hand.

"You'll be okay Jelly Bean." Bucky said, he laid a hand on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You need to at some point leave that room Ma Hija."

"We're all right here JayJay."

"Jess. We aren't leaving your side."

There was a tug on my arm and Sammy wrapped his arms around my waist.

Minho leaned in, gently pulled my head and kissed my temple, "we all love you. And want you to heal. When it gets too much we'll leave. Just like we used to."

I took a shaking breath and then let it out. I slowly nodded. "Okay..." I squeaked, and swallowed hard.

Minho pushed the door open and the noise hit me hard, like I had walked into a brick wall. Winston had his hand on my back. Minho turned and put his hand on my back and gently but firmly made me walk forwards and into the mess hall.

My little enterage guided me to the food line and I took a tray my head was down and I didn't care what Minho put on my tray. Holding it tight to myself I turned to follow him but froze. Everyone in the lunch room has stopped eating and the talking had died down to a silence so thick I could have cut it.

I blinked a few times confused. I didn't like the attention. I didn't want the attention. I took a step back, and bumped into Jorge. Thomas stood up and started clapping. Newt, Frypan, Jason, Sonya, Harriet, Gally, Aris, Teresa, Brenda, a kid named Ryan, immediately followed, clapping and cheering. Mary, Nana Ann and a bunch of others followed and slowly the whole room was on their feet.

I backed up some more. My eyes dilated in fear. My heart had started beating faster then it had been a second ago, I felt hot and my mouth was dry. My eyes darted around, trying to find an exit.

Someone stepped forwards. I didn't recognize her. But she smiled.

"Thank you. For staying strong and warning us. You saved many lives."

I just breathed faster and heavier. There were too many people. Too many eyes. More than I didn't know then I recognized. I needed out. I had to get out. My head started to spin, and I could feel the heart beat pounding in my head. My tray clattered to the floor. I spun around and ran for the exit.

I slammed the door open and ran. I ran as fast as I could away from the noise and the people. I ran from the eyes and unasked questions. I ran down the street and out of the town. I ran down the beach through the sand. Towards the setting sun.

I ran and kept running. I hadn't ran in so long, and I knew I couldn't run for long, but I had to go. My legs burnt. My lungs hurt. I was sucking air fast. I was still very unhealthy. I had lost most of my strength and muscle, I had lost a lot of my endurance. But I ran until my pounding head cleared and the tremor in my hand stopped. I ran until I collapsed. I lay on my back breathing hard, gasping wildly for air. A few seconds later I heard someone approaching.

"I can't even run anymore." I spat bitterly.

"Jess. You were a captive for more then ten months. It's going to take a while. I was only there for two and it took me a while to get back to running like I used to."

Minho dropped down beside me.

"Your not even breathing hard!"

"I've been running every day for the last nine and a half months. Be patient with yourself. You got further then I expected you would. Your always proving me wrong." His voice was light, and his eyes sparkled in the setting sun.

"I hate it!" I whispered. My voice shook. "Every single second. I hated my life. I begged for death every day. I wanted out. I didn't even have the strength to cry half the time."

He looked down at me. His eyes looked broken. He reached out and brushed some of my sweaty hair away from my face.

"Me too." He said quietly. "And I did every day I was here and you were there. It wasn't fair. I felt guilty and full of shame." He paused for a second. "I still have nightmares. And I still have panic attacks at random times. I don't know what triggers them, they just happen."

Tears formed in my eyes. I felt them slid down my sweaty face, leaving track marks.
Once they started I knew there was no stopping them. They came hot and heavy. The sob bubbled up from deep inside and sprung forwards.

Minho shifted and gently slid his hands under me and pulled me into his lap. He held me facing him, he held me like a small child and my damn broke. I sobbed loud and long. My body shook and shuddered with each heart breaking sob. I had cried in anger. I had shed a few tears when my brain glitched. But I hadn't let myself cry from fear, I hadn't let myself cry because I scared. I hadn't aloud myself to fully understand what they did to me.

Minho didn't rush me. He didn't shush me or  shame me. He just held me tight in his arms and let me release all the trauma and fear.

I had both arms pulled in right to my body, holding his t shirt tight. His hand gently ran through my hair and his other hand softly ran up and down my back. The wild gut wrenching, heart breaking sobs slowly died and became hiccups and sniffling. I cried all the tears. I turned my head from his shoulder and burried my face into his neck. My eyes closed and I took a shuddering breath.

"I won't give up on you Jess."

"For your eyes only, I show you my heart." I whispered against his neck.

I felt his hand bury a bit more into my hair. His hand ran up my back. Feeling every bone that stuck out. I shivered as his fingers found my bare skin. I ran his fingers gently across my skin and I melted closer into him. Slowly, fighting against the fight or flight, I uncurled my arms and wrapped them around his neck and shoulders.

I could hear the intake of breath from him. Cautiously my fingers found the back of his hair. His hand slowly, flattened against my back. He was slow and gentle letting me get used to physical intimate contact. I had struggled with it, clearly, since WICKED tried to make me kill him. Minho never rushed it. The odd time I thought I saw the hurt in his eyes, but when he blinked it was gone and I swear I made it up.

"...Minho..." I whispered hesitantly. He shivered, when my lips brushed his skin.

Slowly I pulled away and sat up. He looked at me, his eyes were dark, but gentle. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and gently trailed his fingers down and to my jaw. I couldn't move. I felt stuck. There was a lump in my throat, and I tried swallowing but my mouth was dry. His eye flicked down to my lips and back up to my eyes. His fingers caressed my cheek and then gently held the side of my face as he leaned forward. His nose brushed mine. He rubbed his nose up and down my nose.

"You used to do this. Real or not real?" I breathed.

"Real." He whispered back, my body lost some of the tension. His forehead pressed to mine. "Jess..." He trailed off.

"Yes?"

He exhaled slowly. "You want to kiss me just as bad as I want to kiss you, real or not real?" He asked me slowly.

"Real."

He had both hands holding my jaw, his fingers holding the back of my head. His thumbs brushed the skin by my ears. He slowly closed the distance. His lips slowly brushed mine. Minho was slow and cautious, like he didn't want to scare me.

It was like a light switched on inside my head. I parted my lips and sighed. My body exhaled. At the same time we pulled eachother closer and tighter. My hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and I grabbed the back of his t-shirt. As his hand tangled deeper into my hair, his hand slid down to my lower back and pressed me closer. His tongue slowly slid into my mouth.

We sighed simultaneously, trying to pull each other closer for an extra second, any space eliminated for that extra second. Finally having to breath, I pulled away with a smile. He smiled against my lips.

"I'm home." I whispered against his lips.

•×•

× A sweet little fluffy chapter after 9 chapters of being trapped
on the Trauma Train ×