Hello😀

As usual, long chapter ahead ‼️

Vaanga vaanga story kulla polaa 🚴‍♀️💜🦋

Not proof read!

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♡♡

Aayush

Sorry.

That one word will never be enough to make up for what I've done to him... my father.

I hugged her tightly, my hands trembling as she caressed my back, whispering softly,

"Everything will be alright soon, professor"

Alright? But how?

Even my mother, who is now peacefully resting in heaven, will never forgive me for accusing that innocent soul-my father.

I want to scream. I want to cry. I want my mother to hold me, comfort me, and tell me it's going to be okay. But she's gone, and I am left with nothing but this suffocating guilt.

How could you leave me, ma?

And, how could you leave your husband like this?

Why, God?

Why did my mother have to suffer like that, and why did she have to end her life on her own?

Why does my father have to carry this unbearable pain?

Why did I blame my father?

Why am I carrying the weight of guilt, and living in this world feeling like the sinner, while he-someone who's suffered more than anyone I know-continues to endure with all the losses and suffers? He's a man shattered by the loss of his wife, distanced from his own son, bearing accusations from him, and even carrying his blame for my mother's death.

What the hell did I do to my own father?

Even if he, my mother, Elango sir, or Seetha find it in their hearts to forgive me... I will never be able to forgive myself for the things I did to my father.

How can I face him again?

How can I look him in the eyes knowing the pain I've caused him?

The helplessness I saw in his eyes when I lashed out at him is slowly suffocating me now. The regret is tearing me apart. Back then, I hated him so much-more than I could ever hate anyone. And now...

Now, I can't even recognize the person I was.

I am beyond redemption.

I don't deserve forgiveness.

I don't deserve peace.

I did everything-literally every single thing-wrong to my father. I treated him like my enemy, and in doing so, I've hurt him more than any child could ever hurt their parent.

"Macha, doctor.."

The words and a gentle tap on my shoulder jolted me back to reality. I pulled away from Seetha's embrace, but she held onto my wrist as we faced the doctor together.

"Is this his second attack?"

The doctor asked.

"Yes, doctor"

Elango replied, his voice steady. I turned to him, shocked, fighting back the urge to break down. Seetha's hand tightened around mine, grounding me, easing just a bit of the suffocating weight in my chest.

The doctor nodded thoughtfully.

"Alright. He's stable for now, but..."

He paused, looking at each of us,

"You'll need to take very good care of him. The next attack could be much more severe"

My legs gave way, and I slumped into the chair behind me with a heavy thud. Seetha pulled me close, resting my head against her stomach.

"Can we see him now, doctor?"

she asked.

"Yes, but it will be a few hours before he regains consciousness"

He replied.

"Thank you, doctor"

I heard both Elango and Seetha say in unison.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Elango's slippers cladded feet step into view, and he asked,

"Ippo unakku sandhoshamaa, Aayush?"

(Are you happy now, Aayush?)

"Sir..."

I heard Seetha's helpless whisper, her fingers still resting gently on my shoulder as I leaned my face against her stomach, seeking the warmth that might shield the ugliness I felt within me.

I am a mess-a burdened, undeserving self.

"Yethana dhadava.. ithana varshathula nee avara blame pannumbodhu'laa yethana dhadava da naan solleerpen? Kaettiyaa nee edhaadhu? Un ishtathukku dhane ellaame nenachuttu irundha?"

(How many times... over all these years, have I told you when you kept blaming him? Did you listen to anything I said? You only believed what you wanted to, right?)

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my breath, which felt tight and suffocating.

"Sir.. naan unga rendu peru'kulla varnum'nu sollala. But, please.. namma uncle endhiruchadhum idha pathi pesalaame. Please.."

(Sir... I'm not trying to come between you two. But please... can we wait until uncle wakes up to discuss this? Please..)

Seetha pleaded at him. I clenched my fists and shut my eyes tightly.

"Pesalaam ellaa illa. Nee modhala vaa.. naan unna unga veetla vidren. Apro adhu oru pretchanayaa varum.. vaa.."

(There's nothing left to talk about. You come with me now... I'll drop you at your house. Later, this will also turn into another issue... let's go)

As she walked away with Elango, she gave my shoulder a gentle pat, wiping away my tears with a quiet, comforting gesture before leaving.

And, I sat there, unable to say anything more, watching them go. Just as they moved a few steps ahead, I heard her ask him softly,

"Sir, nekku orey oru help pandre'laa?"

(Sir, will you do me a favor?)

And their voices faded away.

I sat alone in the chair outside the hospital ward, my mind empty, consumed only by the words echoing in my head-guilt, regret, blame, forgiveness-for something I knew was unforgivable.

The sterile smell of the hospital, the distant hum of machinery, the muffled voices of doctors and nurses passing by-none of it registered. It all felt distant, like I was no longer a part of the world I once knew. The weight of my own thoughts was unbearable, each one heavier than the last.

I hated him.

I remembered how easily I had accused him, how every word I spat at him felt justified in my mind. How quickly I had pointed the finger, without understanding the full picture. I had been so blinded by my own pain, so lost in my own grief, that I couldn't see the man in front of me who was suffering just as much more than I was.

And then the another thought hit me,

Did I deserve forgiveness?

The simple answer was no. I didn't deserve it. Not from him. Not from anyone.

I had broken him in ways that words couldn't explain. His pain was my doing. And no amount of guilt would undo that.

I'm not sure how long had passed, but I was pulled back to reality when I heard,

"Professor"

I looked up with a start and saw her sitting beside me, now dressed in a freshly changed kurta, her shawl neatly pinned at the shoulders and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She gave me a faint, forced smile.

"Mama, kannu muluchuttaa, namma poi paakalaama?"

(Mama has opened his eyes; shall we go see him?)

She asked me gently, and I swallowed hard, looking at her for a moment before shaking my head.

"Professor, you have to face it anyway. Adhu yen ippovaa irukka koodaadhu? Ungalukku unga appa kooda nannaa pesi, palagi, avaala ini nannaa paathukkanum'nu aasai illayaa?"

(Professor, you have to face it anyway. Why can't it be now? Don't you want to talk well with your father, connect with him, and take good care of him from now on?)

I continued to stare at the floor, unable to respond.

"Professor. Naan sonnaa kekka maate'laa?"

(Professor. Won't you listen to me?)

She stood up, grabbing the index finger of my left hand.

But I stayed there silently.

"Please.. enakkaaga, ungalukkaaga kooda venaa.. appa kaaga vara maate'laa?"

(Please... if not for me, or even for yourself... won't you come for your father's sake?)

With trembling legs, I took a deep breath, feeling as if I'd been holding it forever, and followed her, letting her lead me into the room where my father lay in bed, watching us.

I quickly looked away from him, focusing instead on our intertwined fingers. She gave my hand a gentle squeeze, then stopped walking, asking,

"Ippo epdi uncle irukku?"

(Uncle, how are you feeling now?)

"Ippo mattum, naan uncle'ah?"

(Oh, now I'm your 'uncle' huh?)

Hearing his hoarse voice, I instinctively moved behind Seetha, hoping her height might shield me from his gaze.

"Andha pulla naan irukken'nu paakudhu pola, pa"

(Looks like she's feeling shy to call you that with me around, pa)

I heard Elango's voice and, a faint chuckle from my father.

"Adhu seri. Veetla inga vandhirukken'nu solleetiyaa, ma?"

(Alright. Did you tell them at home that you came here, dear?)

"Adhepdi, unc.."

(How will I, unc..)

"Nee mama'nu sollala'naa nee enkitta pesave venaa"

(If you won't call me 'mama' , then you don't want to speak with me)

I sighed behind her, feeling embarrassed for the first time in my life.

Wriggling free from her hold on my finger, I crossed my arms beneath my chest, and she said,

"Unmai ellaam solla mudiyaadhu, mama. Oru plan panni inga ungala paathukka vandhutten"

(I can't tell them the truth, mama. I made a plan and came here to see you)

"Oh, appa.. ungala paaka dha vandhaangalaam unga marumagal"

(Oh, look, appa, it seems your daughter-in-law just came here to see you)

"Summa iru, Elango. Apdi enna ma plan?"

(Just stay quiet, Elango. What plan are you talking about, dear?)

"Adhu secret.."

(That's a secret)

"Ohh.. ap.."

He suddenly coughed. Seetha quickly grabbed the water and handed it to him, while I kept my gaze lowered, fists clenched.

They continued talking about other things, but my thoughts were consumed with the past.

The only question that kept circling in my mind was,

How did my father endure all of this and continue to live through it?

I was certain that no one could handle such pain, not even I. So how did he manage?

But my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and the doctor entered to check on my father. After a quick examination, he reassured us that there was nothing to worry about and that my father was doing fine. With that, he left, and the three of them fell back into their conversation.

Taking a deep breath, I turned around, walked to the door, opened it, and stepped outside, adjusting my sleeves. I then headed toward the doctor's cabin.

After a moment, the doctor allowed me in. He greeted me with a warm smile, welcoming me inside.

"Vaanga"

(Come in)

I sat down in the chair opposite the doctor, giving him a polite nod and greeting him softly.

"Hello, doctor"

"Yes, tell me"

He replied, looking at me.

I hesitated for a moment before asking,

"Adhu(that)... when can we discharge my fa... father?"

The doctor gave me a confused look.

"Sorry, but you?"

I sighed, trying to steady my breath.

"I'm sorry, doctor. I am the son of Mr. Paarthiv Raj. When may we discharge him?"

"Oh, you're his son?"

The doctor said with surprise.

"I thought he was the father of that other man... or maybe that woman"

I gulped, feeling uncomfortable.

"That's okay"

The doctor continued.

"You can discharge him now if you'd like. But, as I mentioned, be sure to take extra care of him and keep him happy and stress-free"

"I... I promise"

I said, nodding firmly.

The doctor smiled warmly at me, and I stood up, thanked him, and turned to leave the room. Just as I stepped out, I was greeted by Elango.

"Nee inga enna da pandra?"

(What are you doing here?)

But, I walked past Elango without a word, gently pushing him aside with a soft touch on his shoulder. My mind was focused on one thing-getting my father discharged. I made my way to the reception, informing them about the discharge, and took care of the payment. Once everything was settled, I returned to the room.

As I entered, I saw my father looking at me. He didn't say anything, but his gaze felt heavy, full of unspoken words. I scratched my brow nervously, trying to avoid his eyes, but my gaze fell on Seetha.

She smiled at me, a quiet reassurance in her expression.

I cleared my throat, trying to sound composed.

"Discharge pannalaam'nu solleetaanga. Shall we leave?"

(They said we can discharge him. Shall we leave?)

"Aiyo, dhayavu senju kooptu ponga, pa. Ennaala inga irukkave mduila"

(Aiyo, please take me away. I can't stay here anymore)

Seetha turned and chuckled at him.

"Polaam, mama. Naanga ready dha, professor"

(Yes, mama. We're ready, professor)

She gave me a smile. I nodded in response, and after taking care of the formalities, I turned to Seetha, who was holding my father's hand to help him walk. But to my relief, he moved easily without any assistance. A small smile of relief crossed my face as I followed them, while Elango moved ahead to start the car.

As I walked around to open the back door for my father and Seetha, he unexpectedly walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. I blinked in surprise and looked at Seetha, who winked at me. I couldn't help but bite my lower lip, smiling at her, but,

"Seekro yerunga, da. Veetla poi kannaalayae pesikonga"

(Get in fast, guys. We can go home and you both speak through your eyes there)

She blushed instantly, opened the door, and sat inside. I followed her, closed the door behind me, and then glanced at Elango, who asked,

"Polaamaa da?"

(Shall we?)

I hummed softly, leaning back against the seat by the window, keeping a comfortable gap between us. Elango started the car and began driving us home.

"Seetha kannu!"

I glanced over and noticed Appa turning slightly, looking back at Seetha over his shoulder.

"Aahn, mama"

She responded to him.

"Nee yeppo veetukku ponum?"

(When do you need to go back to your home?)

"Evening, mama"

"Adhaa yethana manikku, ma?"

(What time is that, dear?)

"Oru five kulla.."

(Around five..)

"Seri.. ungala yaaraadhu invite pannaangalaa?"

He asked her. I frowned and looked at her, noticing the same confusion mirrored in her expression as she responded,

"Purila, mama"

(I didn't get you, mama)

"Illa.. unga appa amma've unga veetukku yaaraadhu vandhu baby shower function, andha maadhiri edhaadhu function'ku invite pannaangalaa?"

(Nothing... did anyone come over to invite you or your parents for a baby shower function or something like that?)

"Therilaye, mama. Yen kekrel?"

(I don't know, mama. Why are you asking?)

"Namma street'le kadaisi veetla irukka Moorthy theriyumaa unakku?"

(You know Moorthy, who lives in the last house on our street?)

"Mmm.. avanga ponnu en junior dha mama. Enga college'le dha padikuraa"

(Hmm... his daughter is my junior, mama. She studies at our college)

"Oh. Andha ponnoda akka'ku dha baby shower pola, da. Enna invite panneerndhaanga nalaiku vara solli. Adhaa unga veetla solleerndhaa namma nalaiku anga paaka mudiyume'nu ketten"

(Oh. It seems it's for that girl's elder sister's baby shower. They invited me. So if they invited your parents too, we can meet there, right? That's why I asked)

I looked at her, smiling at him, and my lips curved into a smile as well.

"Naan appa, amma kitta kaettu paakuren, mama"

(I will ask my parents about this, mama)

"Seri, ma. Illanaalum, nee edhaadhu solleetu anga vaa. Seriyaa?"

(Okay, ma. Even if it's not, you say something to them and come there, okay?)

"Varen, mama"

(I will, mama)

He nodded his head and turned forward, while Seetha leaned back in her seat and smiled at me. I returned the smile, resting my hand on the seat, and she glanced at the other two before placing her palm over mine. She intertwined our fingers, and I gently squeezed her hand.

We exchanged a silent look, and I hesitated for a moment, wondering if she'd understand my unspoken thanks. But, I smiled, amused when she squeezed my hand in return and moved a little closer.

I shook my head softly at her. She sighed with a pout, settling back into her seat with a little space between us. I smiled and turned towards the window.

After a few moments, Elango stopped the car just before our house, and Seetha became invisible.

When I was about to lash out at her for getting invisible again, I pressed my lips together, biting back the frustration. Because, the other two didn't know what she was doing, but,

"Seetha careful, ma"

Appa said, seeing the area where she had sat before, but now she had turned invisible and he left, leaving me gasping.

He knew?

"Hey, kedi. Yeppo appa'te sonna?"

(When did you tell this to appa?)

I twisted her right hand fingers in my grip, pulling it back slightly, but quickly released it as her wincing face and soft voice flashed in my mind.

I then tightened my hold on her hand as we entered the house, and she turned visible again.

She tried to wriggle free from my grasp, but I kept holding her firmly, not letting go.

She turned and looked at me with an amused face.

"Enna pandrel? Vidungo.. aaraadhu paaka po.."

(What are you doing? Leave me.. someone might..)

"Oru hug kudu, di. I'm feeling suffocated"

(Give me a hug, di. I'm feeling suffocated)

She stopped struggling in my hold, smiled at me, and stood on her toes to wrap her left hand around my neck. I reluctantly released her right hand, and we enveloped ourselves in a tight hug.

I inhaled her scent, blinking my eyes and then shutting them tightly as emotions threatened to spill over.

She gently caressed my back and whispered,

"I love you"

I squeezed her tighter, holding onto her presence as if it was the only thing keeping me grounded. But, just as quickly, we jerked apart, and she ran to the kitchen without even turning to face the person who had cleared their throat.

Gulping, I looked at my father before taking a step towards the kitchen. But then, something stopped me, and I turned, heading back to my room instead, closing the door behind me.

And, I remained in my room, staring at a photo of my mother, lost in my thoughts.

Who should I blame now?

Appa?

Amma?

Me?

God?

But no one was at fault.

It was the universe.

The universe loved my mother more than my father ever could, I thought.

At the lunch time,

The three of them sat at the table, laughing and teasing, while I stayed silent. Seetha nudged my arm, but I placed my hand gently on her thigh under the table.

She jerked a little, and I tapped it twice, signaling that I needed some time to myself. She squeezed my hand in response, and I gave her a small smile before finishing my meal.

Just as I was about to finish the rasam-prepared by her, I heard...

"Aayush, Elango neengalum nalaiku baby shower ku varanum'nu naan aasa padren"

(Aayush, Elango, you both must come for the baby shower tomorrow, I'm hoping you will)

Appa said, and I gulped, feeling an ache in my chest hearing my name in his voice.

"Kandippa. Girls varuvaanga'le?"

(Surely. The girls will come, right?)

"Sir.. naan unga student"

(Sir.. I am your student)

"Adhu college'le dhane ma thangachi?"

(That was all in the college campus, sister)

"Appo neenga en annan'ah?"

(Then, you're my brother?)

"Unakku okay'na enakku okay pa"

(If you're okay with it. I am okay as well)

"Nekku double okay"

(Double okay)

"Appo nekkum double okay dha"

(I'm too double okay with it, then)

And they both burst into laughter.

But then, there was a sudden silence for a few seconds. I slowly raised my face, only to find everyone staring at me, waiting for an answer.

I took a deep breath before saying,

"Naanu varen"

(I will come)

As soon as I said, my gaze shifted to Appa, who had called out to Seetha.

"Seetha"

"Mama"

"Avanukku puduchirundhaa mattum vandhaa podhum. Naan sonnen'nu varanum'nu illa, ma"

(If he wants, he can come. I never said he must come, ma)

He spoke softly, and I watched him stand up, leaving the kitchen with one last glance at me. But I quickly grabbed Seetha's hand on the table, tightening my grip, and said aloud,

"Na..naan ungalukkaaga dha varen"

(I.. I am coming for you)

He stopped, but didn't turn to face me.

I swallowed hard, feeling Seetha squeeze my hand, and I glanced at Elango, who offered me a reassuring smile.

Then, I turned back to Appa, who walked into the kitchen without looking back. I sighed, placing my left hand on my forehead.

Seetha gently rested her hand on my shoulder, and Elango spoke up,

"Vidu, da. Avarum unakku konjo time kudukalaa'nu dha nenaikiraaru.. konja konjamaa seri aageerum"

(Leave it, dude. He also thinks he's giving you some time... little by little, things will get better)

"Aama, professor. Setha porumaiyaa irungo. Eveything will be alright soon"

(Yes, professor. Just be patient. Everything will be alright soon)

I don't think so.

I thought to myself, standing up and walking into the kitchen. I washed my plate, hands and then went to sit on the couch in the living room.

Elango followed me, sitting down beside me.

"Apro enna thambi?"

(Then, what bro?)

I smiled at him slightly.

"Seri, da. Ippo enna? nadandhadhu nadandhiruchu.. appa dhane pesikalaa"

(Alright, then. What now? What's happened has happened... It's your appa, right? Things will get smoother little by little)

"Avaru'ngradhu naala dha da avlo valikidhu"

(It's painful only because it's him,)

I whispered, lowering my gaze.

"Mmm.. enakkum actual'ah fullaa enna nadandhadhu'nu theriyaadhu. But, amma suicide pannikittaanga'ngradhu mattum theriyum. Amma, appa rendu perume paavam da"

(Mmm... I don't really know what exactly happened. But, I only know that Amma committed suicide. Both Amma and Appa, they're both innocent, dude)

I nodded silently, taking a deep breath to hold back my tears.

"Aana, nee anga dhane irundhirukka apro epdi.."

(But, if you were there, how could you not know..)

"Enakku, kadaisila avarum, amma'uhm enna puduchu iluthadhu mattum dha da nyaabagam irukku. Pesaama amma ennayum saendhu avangakoodaye kooptu poyirundhaa kooda avarukku ivlo vali'eh naan kuduthirukka maaten"

(In the end, all I remember is how both of them pulled me in different directions. If Amma had just taken me with her, I think he could've lived a happy, peaceful life without any blames)

"Loosu maadhiri pesaadha, Aayush. Neenga rendu perume illanaa appa nelamai'eh nenachu paaru da"

(Stop talking like a fool, Aayush. Think about it-if both of you are not there, think about how it will affect Appa's peace)

I buried my face in my palms, but he gently wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. I cried silently, letting the tears flow once more.

"Ellaam seri aageedum, macha. Nee pannadhukku ellaame saethu vachu ellaa sandhoshamum appa'ku kudu ellaam maareedum"

(Everything will be fine, buddy. Just keep doing what you're doing, and all the happiness you give will eventually reach Appa)

"Ennaala avara face panna kooda mudila, da"

(I can't even face him, dude)

My voice came out stammering and harsh.

"Seri seri.. alugaadha, macha"

(Okay, okay.. don't cry, dude)

But I just sat there, crying, reflecting on every harsh action I'd taken against my own father. The way I called him a murderer, a killer-everything felt like a knife cutting my heart in two.

I couldn't accept anyone's apology for the hate I had shown him. I couldn't even forgive myself.

Seetha

Just the thought of him crying that day during the trip makes my knees weak, even now. Imagining his vulnerable side tears me apart.

But now, he's experiencing every kind of vulnerability someone could endure in life.

His trembling hands, unsteady legs, lips quivering, his body covered in sweat, the sadness in his rigid, emotionless face, and the stammering as he speaks about or to his father-it all makes my heart ache.

He sat there in the hospital ward, completely still, unaware that I was right beside him, my cheek resting on his shoulder with my arm around him.

I've never seen him like this before. He'll always share everything with me, but now, he's not opening up. He only seeks comfort and support. I've given him all of that, yet I still need him to open up to me.

I want to give him courage, tell him not to feel guilty, because none of this is his fault. The universe made it all happen.

Maybe the universe enjoys making him suffer, I think.

Wiping away the tears that had fallen down my cheeks as I watched him cry in Elangovan sir's embrace, I left the hall and went into Mama's room.

There, I found him sitting on the bed, holding the letter in his hand. I gulped hard and called out to him.

"Mama"

He lifted his face, looked at me, and smiled softly. Then, he took off his glasses, placed the letter beside him on the bed, and then called me in.

"Vaa, ma"

(Come in, dear)

I gave him a small smile as I entered, standing beside him and fidgeting with my dupatta. I lowered my gaze, wondering how I should open up now.

"Andha chair eduthu utkaaru"

(Sit on that chair)

I looked around, spotted the plastic chair behind me, dragged it over, and sat beside the bed, still lost in thought.

But, sensing my hesitation, he asked,

"Ennaachu, Seetha?"

(What's wrong, Seetha?)

I lifted my face and shook my head at him, saying,

"Onnula, mama. Ungalukku edhaadhu saapda venumaa?"

(Nothing, mama. Do you want something to eat?)

"Venaa, ma"

(No, dear)

He declined, and I simply hummed in response, lowering my gaze again. I couldn't help but wonder if he might think I was getting too involved in their family matters.

But still, I couldn't stand seeing my professor like this. I longed for my old professor-the angry, arrogant, romantic, smirking, and smiling one, who was always so full of life.

I realized I was more obsessed with that version of him than anything else.

"Seetha"

The sudden sound of Mama's voice startled me, and I looked at him with wide eyes.

But, he smiled and asked,

"What do you want to know now?"

I inhaled deeply and said,

"Mama. Naan unga family matters kulla romba interfere aaguren'nu nenaikka maatel'naa, naan ungakitta onnu kekkalaamaa?"

(Mama, if you don't think I'm interfering too much in your family matters, can I ask you something?)

He looked at me with the same warm smile and asked,

"Avana nee love pandriyaa?"

(Do you love him?)

I lowered my gaze, feeling suddenly shy at his question, and simply nodded.

"Avan?"

(He?)

I gulped, wondering what I should say now, and stayed silent.

"Innum sollalayaa?"

(He still hasn't said it?)

I shook my head.

"Appo nee avana unmaiyaave love pandranaa, enna unnoda sondha mama'vaa nenachu, enna venaa kaelu. Soldren"

(So, if you're truly in love with him, treat me like your own mama and ask me anything. I'll tell)

I immediately lifted my face and asked,

"Neenga avaa mela innum kovamaa irukke'laa?"

(Are you still angry with him?)

"Yaaru mela?"

(With whom?)

"Aayush, sir"

"Enakku eppavume avan mela kovam vandhadhu illa, ma"

(I have never been angry at him, dear)

"Yen?"

(Why?)

"Unakku avana oru sila months dhane theriyum? Avan unakku yaaru'nu kaettaa nee enna solluva?"

(You even know him just for a few months, right? If someone asks you who he is to you, what will you say?)

"En professor'nu solluven"

(I would say he's my professor)

I replied with pride.

"Naan avan porandhadhu'le irundhu ippo varaikum paakuren. Aana naan avana enakku yaaru'nu kettaa naan enna solluven theriyumaa?"

(I've been watching him since he was born. But if someone asks me who he is to me, do you know what I'll say?)

"Enna?"

(What?)

"Kutty Aayush'nu unna vida perumaiyaa solluven"

(I'll proudly say he's my little Aayush, more than how you said it)

He lifted his hand towards me, placed it on top of my head, and ruffled my hair with a smile.

"Kutty Aayush?"

"Aama. Avan kutty'ah, en kaikulla irukkumbodhu'le irundhu avan moonu vayasu aagura varaikum naanum, en Jaya'uhm avana apdidha koopduvom. Adhaa.. enakku ippovum avan andha kutty Aayush dha. Enakku avan periyavanaa valandhadhu edhuvume nyaabagam illa, ma. Jaya ponadhukku apro avane ellaame panni, avana avane valathukuttaan. Enna avlo veruthaan"

(Yes. When he was little, from the time he was in my hands until he turned three, both Jaya and I used to call him that. Even now, he's still that little Aayush to me. I don't remember him as the grown-up version of Aayush. After Jaya left us, he used to do everything for himself, and that's how he grew up. That's how he became who he is. He loathed me more)

I gulped, staying silent, and he continued,

"Adhunaala dha.. ippovum enakku avan en moonu vayasu paiyanaa theriyardhu naala dha, avan valandhu ippo enna sonnaalum en manasukku avan en paiyan, en Aayush'nu mattume thonudhu. Kovamum varaadhu"

(That's why... even now, since I never knew him beyond the age of three, no matter what he says now, in my heart, he is still my child, my Aayush. I don't get angry)

I gazed at him, tears welling up, and he shook his head gently, offering a soft smile as he reached out to wipe them from my cheeks. Lowering my gaze, I brushed away the remaining tears myself, then placed my hand on his right knee and softly asked,

"Naan onnu sollalaamaa?"

(Shall I say something?)

"Sollu"

(Yes)

"Oru chinnadhaa... orey oru chinna chance kedachaalum, enkitta neenga soldradha ellaame, avarkitta sollanum"

(If you get even a tiny... just one small chance, you should tell him everything you've told me)

He looked at me simply, his gaze steady. Encouraged, I went on,

"Oru chinna chance kedachaalum ellaame sollanum. Enkita sollaadhadhayum sollanum"

(If you get even a small chance, you should tell him everything. Even the things you didn't tell me)

I repeated, and he smiled softly at me before saying,

"Seri"

(Okay)

Through my tears, I gave him a wide smile.

"Nijamaa?"

(Really?)

"Unakkaaga"

(For you)

He patted my cheek gently. I looked at him with a tearful smile, thanked him, and told him to take some rest. Letting him know I was leaving, I quickly made my way to Aayush sir's room, shutting the door behind me. As I wiped away the last of my tears, I suddenly heard a voice,

"Hey"

I looked up, and my eyes widened as I saw him walking toward me, his shirt unbuttoned, exposing his bare chest.

My breath caught, heart racing as he stopped right in front of me, letting me take in his familiar, natural cologne. But, he leaned in slightly, looking down at me with an intensity that made my pulse quicken, and then he asked,

"What happened?"

"Haan?"

I exhaled slowly, my breath hitching as he lifted his hand and gently brushed his fingers along my cheek. My eyes fluttered shut at his touch, and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. But as his voice broke the silence, I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze as he softly asked,

"Yedhukku ma alugura?"

(Why are you crying, ma?)

I swallowed again, my words catching in my throat under the closeness of the moment. The dim light in his room, with only the night lamp casting a soft glow, made everything feel even more intimate.

His every step, action, and breath gradually erases everything else from my mind.

Unable to tear my gaze away from his deep brown eyes, I watched him as he asked softly once more,

"Seetha, I'm asking you. Why are you crying now?"

My gaze dropped to his dry lips as they moved while speaking to me. Suddenly, I gasped, my back hitting the wall as his hand gripped on my chin, his fingers pressing into my cheeks as he asked,

"Unta dhane di kettutu irukken? Yerkanave odanju poi irukken, innum enna odaikaadha"

(Aren't I asking you? I'm already broken, don't break me again and again)

I gulped, my hands trembling as I looked into his eyes, both of us on the edge of breaking.

But, before he could ask again, I whispered,

"Nekku unga family romba pudichirukku"

(I find your family really special)

He gulped as he looked into my eyes. And I continued,

"Naan mama kooda nerla pesi 24 hours kooda aagala. Aana avaa enna sondha ponnu maadhiri paathukuraa"

(It hasn't even been 24 hours since I spoke to mama directly. But he looks at me as if I am his own daughter)

"Indha kanna paathu sanda pottu, thitti, aludhu, sirichu, vekka pattu.. konja maasam dha aagudhu. Aana idhu enna ippavum adhey aasai oda, adhey yaekkathoda dha innum paathuttu irukku"

(Looking at this eye, fighting, teasing, laughing, getting angry... it's been just a few months. But even now, it's still the same desire, the same yearning, and I'm still watching it all with the same feelings)

I said, looking into his pure eyes, now filled with emotions. As tears streamed down from both of our eyes, I whispered,

"Nekku idhu ennoda entire life'ku venum'nu thonudhu"

(I want to cherish this for my entire life)

His trembling eyelashes closed, letting a tear fall, which I gently held on his cheek, cupping his face in my hands.

Then, standing on my toes, I pulled his face down to touch our foreheads together as I murmured with a hint of fear,

"Nekku idha vera yaarukkum vittu kudukka venaa, professor. Plea.."

(I don't want to give this to anyone else, professor. Plea..)

He suddenly opened his eyes and cupped my face, shushing me gently,

"Shhh. Seetha..."

Our noses brushed against each other as he tilted my face up to meet his height. Then, he brushed his sharp nose under my eye, trailing softly down to my cheek. I closed my eyes, gripping his jaw with my hands as his tears fell onto my cheeks and beside my lips.

Then, brushing his lips softly against my cheek, he whispered,

"Enak... enakkum venu"

(I.. I need it too)

I smiled. Yes, just smiled. Because I knew that would be his answer.

Then, when he kissed the corner of my lips, I whispered,

"Kiss pannunga"

(Kiss me)

But he pulled back, wiping away the tears from my cheeks, and took a few steps back, trying to open the door. There, I stopped him by holding his thumb finger, and he paused, not turning around for a few seconds, almost waiting for me to speak. But when I continued to stay silent, he turned and leaned back against the wall.

I moved closer, releasing his thumb, with my gaze lowered and grasped the sides of his unbuttoned shirt with my fists, leaning my face against his bare chest.

When he stood there, unaffected, I murmured,

"Naan onnu sollanum"

(I want to say something)

He continued to remain silent, but I noticed his hands slide into his pants pockets.

I sighed, thinking to myself,

Naan inga evlo try pandren, adhukkaagavaadhu setha karanjaa'dha ennavaam?

(I'm trying so hard here to lessen his guilt, but he just refuses to budge)

Taking a deep breath of his cologne, I muttered, annoyingly,

"Urru face!"

(Arrogant!)

☃️☃️

However, I gasped as I felt a tightness around my neck and a kiss that was so powerful as it was immediately eating and chewing my lips.

I just stood there frozen in shock as he kissed me, but he choked me and pulled me against his bare chest with his other hand around my waist.

But, I let out a moan of unexpectedness and pleasure as his fingers tickled the bare skin of my waist between the slits of my kurta, then he squeezed it firmly with his palm and thrust his tongue in my mouth, leaving me breathless and lost in a world where it felt like only the two of us existed.

I whimpered softly against him, my fingers grasping his hold on my neck, feeling the heat of his touch pulse through me. So, he released his grip gently, cupping my cheek, forcing my face to tilt left, and my breath caught in my throat as his fingers left the tight grasp on my waist, now soft and seductive against my skin.

His hand moved slowly, brushing over the sensitive area just above my waist, drawing a gasp from me that melted into his mouth but when his thumb pad traced just under my inner, a wave of dizziness surged through me.

☃️☃️

I pushed him away immediately with all the strength I could, feeling my body tremble as I quickly tugged my kurta down, my heart pounding in my chest, my breath coming in sharp, uneven gasps, with my eyes lowered to the floor.

The sudden wave of uncertainty hit me hard-am I fully covered? or am I exposed?

But, I leaned back against the wall, my body still trembling, as his hand slammed gently against the surface beside my face, his face hovered close to mine, his breath warm against my skin, as he whispered in a voice that made my pulse race,

"Nee kaettu, naan kuduthaa ipdidha kuduppen. And you need this for your entire life, right? So, I am not sorry"

(You asked for it, and I gave it to you. And you need this for your entire life, right? So, I am not sorry)

I stared at his darkened eyes, gulping hard. What is he even saying now? I couldn't make sense of it.

Is he implying that our life would be filled with this kind of chaos, just like how my breath was racing? Or is he hinting that he'll torment me, just like how my heart was pounding?

Or...

Is he saying that it would always be this intense, just like the warmth that spread through my body when his thumb traced there?

But my thoughts were interrupted as I quickly placed my hands on his firm chest to stop him from leaning any closer. He was about to whisper something in his low voice, careful not to let our torsos brush against each other. But I parted my lips and hurriedly said,

"Naan ungakitta onnu sollanum, solleetu odane kelambiren. Please.."

(I need to say something to you, and once I do, I'll leave immediately. Please..)

But he nuzzled into my neck, making me squirm, my neck tilting and shoulders raising. And, I was about to push him away, but he wrapped his other arm around my waist, inhaling my fragrance before exhaling his hot breath over my neck, leaving me feeling warm and tingling all over.

"Pr..professor"

"Thanks, Seetha"

He whispered against my skin, and I felt the faint prickle of his mustache, causing me to shake my head and brush it away. I then asked,

"Yedhukku?"

(For what?)

Still, I felt annoyed by the prickle of his mustache and shook my head repeatedly, trying to brush it away from my neck. Finally, it stopped when he placed his chin on my shoulder and said,

"Naan ennoda entire life avara veruthitte iruppen'nu dha nenachen, ma. Aana nee naethu ellaame avarkitta kaettadhu naala evlo periya thappa panneetu irundhen, innum evlo panna irundhen'ngradhu enakku purunjadhu"

(I thought I would loathe him for the rest of my life. But after hearing everything from him when you asked him yesterday, I realized how many mistakes I've made, and how many more I was still about to make)

I smiled softly, closing my eyes as I snuggled into the side of his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Naan ini andha maadhiri onnum panna maaten, ma"

(I won't do anything like that again, ma)

I hummed.

"Ini, appa've nallaa paathukanum"

(From now on, I should take care of appa well)

I hummed again.

"Appa ini happy'ah irukkanum"

(Appa should be happy from now on)

"Aama"

(Yes)

"Avaru ini yendha kashtamum paaka koodaadhu, ma"

(He should not face any trouble from now on, ma)

"Hmm"

"Naan appa've nalla paathukuven"

(I will take good care of appa)

"Aama, paathukuvinga"

(Yes. You will)

"Yesss"

He nuzzled into my neck again with a gentle whine, and I giggled, feeling ticklish from his beard. I pulled my face back slightly, resting my chin in the center of his chest, and looked up at his face.

"Enna?"

(Me?)

He frowned.

"Enna epdi paathupinga?"

(How will you look after me?)

He smiled and leaned in, and I closed my eyes with a smile, but when I didn't feel anything, I heard him say,

"Poi padikira velaya paaru po"

(Go and focus on your studies. Go)

He slowly released his hold around me, and I stood there, frozen, staring at him, my eyes fixed as I tried to process his words. But he turned and walked toward his bed, leaving me standing there, speechless.

After a moment, as the realization of his words and actions sank in, I couldn't help but exclaim,

"Naan'laa padichu muduchutten"

(I've finished studying)

Ivaa enna ghajiji suriya'va?

(Is he Ghajini Suriya?)

I thought, looking at him in disbelief. But he was busy arranging his bed neatly and said,

"PG pannu namma college'le"

(Do your PG here in our college)

"Hein?"

Why is he talking about this now?

"Illa.. nee pesaama PhD pannu"

(No... just do your PhD)

"What?"

"Serious'ah dha soldren. PhD pannu"

(I am talking seriously. Do your PhD)

I walked up to him, stood before him, and asked,

"Naan yedhukku pannanu?"

(Why should I do it?)

He softly tapped his bed twice, brushing it gently, and then turned towards me, questioning,

"Yen? naan sonnaa panna maatiyaa?"

(Why? If I tell you, will you not do it?)

He then removed his shirt, and I instinctively took a few steps backward, my throat going dry.

"Naan.. "

(I...)

"Nee?"

(You?)

He smirked.

"Naan yosichu soldren"

(I'll think about it, and then I'll say it)

Saying that, I quickly turned around and rushed out of his room with a grin, but then, as I remembered the reason I had entered his room straight from his father's room, I stopped dead in my tracks and slapped my forehead.

"Solla vandha vishyatha marandhuttu mathadhu ellaame panneetu irukken naanu.. perumaaleyy"

(I've forgotten the thing I went to tell, and ended up doing everything else.. god!)

I turned around and walked back toward his room. I gently opened the door, peeking my head inside. He was lying on the bed, covered by a white duvet up to his neck. One of his arms was tucked under his head, causing his well-defined bicep and armpit to be visible.

"Seetha.."

I jerked, shook my head, and blinked at him, trying to shake off the visuals racing through my mind.

"Enna?"

(What?)

I asked him.

"Adha naan kekanu"

(I think I want to ask you that question)

He said, and my gaze unconsciously shifted to his other hand resting on his stomach, casually placed over the duvet. I wetted my lips as my eyes lingered on his veined back palm and strong, masculine fingers, and I said,

"Ohh"

But I snapped back to reality again upon hearing his harsh tone, saying,

"Oi, veetukku podi"

(Oi, go to your house!)

I narrowed my eyes at him and replied,

"Naan poga dha poren. Adhukku munnaadi onnu sollanu"

(I'm going to leave. But before that, I need to say something)

I placed my right hand on my waist, but lowered it immediately when his gaze followed it. I glared at him and said,

"Serious'ah onnu sollanum. Kanna paarunga"

(I need to tell you something seriously. Look into my eyes)

He exhaled slowly and turned to face me, resting his head on his palm, his elbow propped up on the pillow, clearly preparing himself to listen.

But, I lowered my gaze, letting out a defeated sigh in the wake of his undeniable, charming, and manly seductions, and said,

"Mama kooda pesuradhukku ungalukku oru chance kedachaalum adha vitraama, enkitta sonna ellaame avarkitta neenga sollanum. Yen.. enkitta sollaadhadhayum neenga sollanum. Don't miss any chance. Mmm... Avlodha. Naan kelamburen"

(If you ever get the chance to talk to mama, don't hesitate. Whatever you tell me, make sure you tell him as well. Also, you should share everything with him, even the things you didn't tell me. Don't miss any chance. Mmm... that's all. I'm leaving now)

I gave him one last glance for the day, holding eye contact for a moment before closing the door. I placed my bag on my shoulder and shut the main door, leaving both of them to rest as Elango sir had left an hour ago.

Turning invisible, I made my way back to my house, then became visible again just before entering. Inside, I found Amma and Appa engaged in a conversation, but they paused when they saw me. I gave them a warm smile.

"Vaa, Seetha. Hackathon epdi pochu?"

(Come, Seetha. How was the hackathon?)

Yes, I lied to them, saying that I have some coordination and supervising work for the hackathon at our college. It's an event where teams of students collaborate to create innovative tech solutions, like apps or websites, to address a specific problem.

I cleared my throat and said,

"Nalla pochu, ma. Naan poi refresh aageetu varen"

(It went well, ma. I'll go freshen up and be back)

"Cheri, poitu vaa"

And I nodded, giving them a smile before heading into my room. As soon as I closed the door, I let out a sigh and removed the bag from my shoulder.

I then headed to the bathroom for a hot bath, my thoughts wandering to how long I could keep lying to my parents without them suspecting anything.

But with a renewed determination, I told myself that I'd make everything work, especially with my professor once he confessed his feelings to me.

After freshening up, I joined them for evening snacks with tea. Then, casually, I asked about a function, and when they confirmed, I controlled my grin and just nodded my head.

Super'uh !

Amma then asked me to choose a saree, and I agreed. We selected a beautiful red-and-white saree, and I went to try on the blouse, which turned out to be a bit tight. Amma decided to get it altered while I stayed in the living room with my father.

As I sat there, I sent a message to Mama and my professor's number.

"Naan nalaiku baby shower'ku varen, mama"

(I'll be coming to the baby shower tomorrow, mama)

"Naan nalaiku baby shower'ku varen, sir"

(I'll be coming to the baby shower tomorrow, sir)

I chatted with Kamali for a while, playing some games and occasionally glancing at the TV. As the evening turned into night, we had dinner and then retired for bed. I messaged him, but when he didn't reply, I sighed and quickly fell asleep, exhaustion taking over.

The next day, as I walked into our neighbor's house for the baby shower, holding my pleats in my hand and brushing a stray hair from my face, I smiled at the girl who greeted me.

She was a junior to me in college and the younger sister of the going-to-be mother. She welcomed me with a side hug as I entered the house with my parents.

After blessing the mother-to-be, my parents settled into the chairs next to the woman, while I stood beside them, putting on a smiling face.

However, my eyes kept darting around the semi-crowded hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of any familiar faces or, more urgently, my phone for any messages or calls from them. But there was nothing. As my anxiety grew, it must have been visible on my face.

Yedhaadhu pretchanaiyaa irukkumaa?

(Is there any problem?)

Just as I was about to slip out of the hall to make a call for him, a sudden voice jolted me, saying,

"Seetha akka, nallaa paaduvaanga"

(Seetha akka will sing really well)

What?

I turned to that junior girl, stunned by what she said.

"Kayal, enn..."

(Kayal, you..)

I began, but I stopped when I heard an old woman ask,

"Yaaru ponnu pa idhu?"

(Who's daughter is this?)

I quickly turned my gaze toward her, offering an awkward smile as I noticed she was looking at me kindly. My eyes then shifted to my mother, who proudly said,

"Enga ponnu dha, ma"

(Our daughter)

The woman's expression softened,

"Oh, paaka latchanama irukkaa. Paaduviyaa kannu nee?"

(Oh, you look so graceful. Do you sing, dear?)

She asked, her voice warm but probing. I gulped, forcing a smile, but before I could answer, the junior girl beside me spoke up.

"Aama paati. Enga college function'le laa kooda paadeerkaanga"

(Yes, Grandma. She has even sung at our college functions)

The old woman nodded.

"Appo vandhu paadu kannu. Kozhandhaiyum nalla sandhosham padum, illa.."

(Then come and sing, dear. The child will be very happy too, right?)

She remarked with a smile. I sighed and glanced at Amma, who grabbed my hand firmly and said,

"Po"

(Go)

I looked at her in disbelief, but,

"Po, Seetha. Adhaa koopudraanga'le? Poi paaadu"

(Go, Seetha. Aren't they calling you? Go and sing)

Appa, with a gentle smile, added. I smiled faintly at him, then walked ahead through the small gap between the women in the room. I sat down on the floor beside the mother-to-be, giving her a warm smile.

Folding my legs, I rested my hands gently on my thighs, closed my eyes, and began humming softly. starting to sing the melody of "Azhaipaayudhey kanna"

Alaipaayudhey kanna
En manam alaipaayudhey
Aanandha mogana venu gaanamadhil

Alaipaayudhey kanna
En manam alaipaayudhey
Un aanandha mogana venu gaanamadhil
Alaipaayudhey kanna aaa...

[It's wandering, Dear Krishna! My Mind is wandering.
In your Joyous, blissful and divine musical rendition]

But as I sang, I noticed the soft murmur of the crowd around me. I opened my eyes and heard an old woman beside me ask the other woman,

"Azhaga paadudhu'le?"

(Doesn't that girl sing beautifully?)

I continued, my voice steady but with a hint of nervousness.

Nilaipeyaraadhu
Silaipolavae nindru

[Without realising how time goes by, You are standing like a statue
without moving..]

I casually scanned the hall, everyone's eyes on me, their gazes fixed, some sitting, some standing, some walking-until I froze, caught by his eyes.

His handsome face, that smile of admiration, and the way his brows were raised in wonder made my heart race. I quickly closed my eyes, gathering my courage, and continued singing,

Nilaipeyaraadhu
Silaipolavae nindru

[Without realising how time goes by, You are standing like a statue
without moving..]

Neramaavadhariyaamalae
Miga Vinodhamaana
Muraleedharaa en manam
Alaipaayudhey kanna aaaa...

[It's strange..Dear Krishna!
It's wandering, Dear Krishna! My Mind is wandering..]

I opened my eyes again and locked onto his gaze. The blush was creeping in, but I ignored it, focusing only on him, gathering all my courage as I sang on.

Thelindha nilavu
Pattappagal pol eriyudhae

[The very well formed Moon is shining like it's a day..]

Dhikkai nokkien puruvam neriyudhae

[And both my eyebrows frown towards your direction]

I saw him tied his arms beneath his chest, turning to speak to someone else, before looking back at me with that same warm smile. I quickly turned to face some women seated nearby, offering them a smile, before looking back at him as I continued,

Kanindha un venugaanam
Kaatril varugudhae

[The soulful & mellifluous song of yours is reaching me in the Air..]

But then, I caught a wink from him, and my throat went dry. The same old woman now asked someone to offer me water. I shook my head in refusal and carried on, my voice smooth but a little shaky inside.

Kangal sorugi oru vidhamaai
Varugudhae

[Feel quivery & odd as my Eyes get drowsy & hazy..]

I glanced at him again, smiling at his dimpled grin. I smiled back and finished the next few lines with a little more confidence,

Kadhiththa manaththil
Oruththi padhaththai
Enakku aliththu magizhththavaa

[You made me happy by giving me your lovable heart on me]

I closed my eyes as I reached the final verse, my heart fluttering with the smile he had given me.

Oru thaniththa manaththil
Anaiththu enakku
Unarchchi koduththu mugizhththavaa

[You elevated my emotions by embracing me in a lonely garden]

Alaipaayudhey kanna
En manam alaipaayudhey
Un aanandha mogana venu gaanamadhil
Alaipaayudhey kanna aaa...aaa...

[It's wandering, Dear Krishna! My Mind is wandering.
In your Joyous, blissful and divine musical rendition]

As I finished, the room erupted in applause and praise. I opened my eyes to find my parents beaming at me, their pride evident.

They had never witnessed the moments between us-because they were carnatic musicians too. So, whenever I sing in front of them, they will close their eyes and immerse themselves in the music, appreciating my voice. It had always been like that since my childhood.

I gave them a warm smile before my gaze drifted back to my real Kannaa. But the sight before me made my heart skip a beat.

He was standing there, his arm resting casually around his shoulder, both of them watching me with warm smiles and raised eyebrows.

In that moment, I sat frozen, my heart full of emotion, wishing I could embrace them tightly right there.

But as I sat back down, surrounded by praises, I couldn't take my eyes off them, my heart filled with gratitude.

Thank you, Perumaal, for blessing me with this precious gift.

And thank you, Jaya ma, I hope you've found your peace and happiness now!

**********

TBC..

Epdi irundhuchu?

Please, vote and comment 🙏🏻❤️

See you all in the next update, bubyee 🚴‍♀️💜🦋