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Word Count – 7k Words

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33 – Off Numbness & Tears

Her eyes fluttered open from the exhausting slumber she had dozed off to amidst all the crying, and yet Khushi kept lying down on the floor in the curled up position that she had been in – in the utility room in the garage.

She didn't want to move from her position at all even though – she knew – many minutes had surely gotten converted into hours – since the moment she'd stepped in here. That much she knew. But she didn't know, how many hours per say given that she didn't have her phone on her and wasn't wearing a watch on her wrist to give her a heads up on the passage of time – at the moment.

Did she care?

Not really.

Because, now that the shock from the truth had finally settled in, she felt its natural consequences just consume all of her in deep ways, leaving nothing in its wake but the shattered numbing pieces of her heart.

It was a numbness she couldn't ignore.

Why?

Because, it was the sort of Numbness that just Consumed her all.

Anger had drained out in every way. Only the numbing disappointment and hurt – ruled it all in the moment. Disappointment and hurt in the context of both Rajesh Maan + Arnav. Plus, disappointment with herself for never catching a hiff on this prior + truckloads of guilt within in the context of all that Arnav had gone through on her account back then and today. Disappointment with even Mattthew Dad+ Mini Maa on the matter + Aman and Meera for always siding with Arnav on this and partnering with him to keep curtains on such a monumental truth. Her heads had connected the dots now obviously. It was clear to her mind now that on Arnav's side/their side of the world prior – perhaps everyone already knew?

Everyone at that end had known but her....

Suddenly, Khushi felt so freaking let down in the moment. How to cope? How to wade her way out of this numbness????.A solid portion of her lovers heart was feeling massively let down by Arnav on this accord and the rest of it was drowning in shades of self-critique/guilt too. Perhaps this numbness had a lot to do with the bit that a part of her also felt like she couldn't even look at Arnav straight in the eyes???

And given that she'd been wondering the same to herself before succumbing to an exhausting sleep amidst her tears – she'd ignored the worried voices of everyone on the out in the process. Voices of Arnav, Samarth, Amaar, Manizeh, Her Mum.That had been coming through – in order to coax her to open up – ever since she had locked herself in. She hadn't responded knowing that her eerie silence along with the loud sound off her sobs would be a hint to all - that she just wanted to be left alone..in the moment..

Even in the moment now, she felt like she just needed the space by herself to figure things out ahead on various spectrums. Spectrum one, being that she definitely wanted to leave here - as soon as possible.

But then, where would she go?Only one answer came to her being on that accord.And her second spectrum of thought – was -how to handle the aftermath of this with Arnav?

He was hurting too. Oh yes, she knew he was hurting as much, if not more. Infact, hadn't he suffered so much on her accord, for so long?She knew that ,keeping the truth in must have been suffocating as well for him on a deep accord. Her broken heart that freaking loved him with all she had – with every aching shattered piece of it in the moment too – was still all numb despite knowing that he'd done everything out of his deep love for her. Yes, she didn't doubt that. But at the same time – the fact stood out in her face that undoubtedly his noble intentions and actions – just ended up having hurtful consequences for her heart...for his heart...for them...always..

He had really just given up on her – so easily then? Just like that - just because of a twisted mind-game? The fact remained that he had given her up. Given them up..for so many years..leading her to believe a false pretensive context while suffering and suffocating in the process...himself too...

What good were these noble intentions if they come with brutal aching consequences for both their hearts+ emotional well- being? She wondered...

She was right on that thought – when she hears Arnav's exhausted and emotionally drained voice fall into her ears from behind the locked up door in between of them in a distraught whisper – " Khushi....Khushi....are you still asleep in there...bab...y..? Khushi..wa.ke up..please? let me car..ry you to bed...please don't sleep on the floor in there longe..r......please? its 3am n..ow...still hours to go till the morning...."

What the?????? Khushi thinks. It was 3 am??? And he was still out there – against the door on the out? Waiting for her to come out???

Freak Him. Damm Him.

And as she dammed him, another fact stood out in her face at the moment though. That even though he'd messed up royally then, and now too – she couldn't deny the bit – that she was the center/the core of Arnav's love and his world. He loved her insane. Just like he was for her. Just like she loved him insane...

And as the realisation struck...it ached her more....numbed her more...because she still just couldn't digest this bit that if she had always been his core – how could he just give her up then?? How could he have it in his heart to allow them to get into a situation where they were both suffering for so long at separate ends for a reason that did not even stem from either of them directly??? How could he have allowed someone else to take reins of their relationship?Ever????????Then?????

Fresh tears began to ooze out of her eyes as she finally sat up from her curled up position and leaned her back against the closed door but she finally asked out loud to him in a broken whisper unable to also bear the thought of him being completely distraught on the other side of the door– " w..hy?? j...ust...why???? are you still here?Arnav????"

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The hours gone by had been deeply disturbing and emotionally exhausting for Arnav – in dire wait on the outside waiting for Khushi to open up. When his efforts to get her to respond had failed – Samarth, Manizeh, Amaar and Ellie aunt had chipped in on his behalf but when Khushi hadn't responded to them as well – he'd just asked everyone to head back in for the night requesting them to just let him handle the situation by himself.

They'd all understood.

Extending solid support to him in the moment,ensuring him that Khushi would calm down as shock settled in and would be ready to talk - they'd all left reluctantly mentioning they were just a call away.Arnav reckoned that everyone needed the night of sleep to just soak in the shocking truth that now lay in the open for all.

After everyone had left, he'd just sat in his spot in silence, his heart breaking in emotion all over again. He'd let minutes pass on in silence and when he'd tried to talk to Khushi again across, her receding sobs plus heavy steady breathing on the other side of the door - were a sign to him – that she'd probably succumbed to an exhausting sleep? Perhaps it would do her some good? He desperately hoped...

But he couldn't sleep a wink- in dire wait on the out though. He'd spent the many hours out – in restlessness and ache – reliving their happy memories from the time they'd gotten together again. Fear – was ruling his being obviously. This truth wouldn't end up pushing Khushi away from him?Would it? She wouldn't break up with him right? Heavens knew, he didn't have it him to go on without her ever again. Or have this issue become a point of massive indifference in between the two. What was she thinking in there? She would give him a chance to explain – right? She would listen – right?She would have it in her heart to look at his intentions despite the devastating consequences of his choice back then? Or even now – in the intention of keeping it hidden from her?

These were the thoughts of worry consuming his being...amidst the happy flashback of their time – their bond – after they'd gotten together in the present.And just like that..it was 3am already. And so he had finally decided to check in on Khushi again...

And now just as he hears her voice come out to him in an exhausted broken whisper asking him – " why are you still here?? Arnav??," he finally feels like – he could take a deep relieved breath again.

She'd responded.

She'd finally responded...atleast..

He sighs dejected sure the ache was evident in his voice as he leans his head back against the door knowing she was now listening on the other side – " I am here because there's no way...I am going to leave you alone..in here...locked up by yourself ...Khushi....you know that baby....don't you??"

"But... I just want to be alone. Go...just go..dammit...you...Arnav...just go...and just leave me freaking alone...,"comes her reply in an equally dejected and exhausting tone.

He sighs but answers honestly hoping his sincerity would reach her – " But...I don't have it in me to leave you alone...ba..by...don't ask me...off this...please??Khushi...ba..by...open up...please....talk to me...look...let's just tal..k...."

" But what if...I don't want to talk to you? Don't you get it..Arnav??There might be a possibility that I just don't want to talk to you right now...dammit...,"comes her tearful reply.

Arnav sighs his heart taking another blow – " you know..you don't mean that...baby...you know you don't...are you really not going to talk to me??"

" Yes, I won't.I won't talk to you. I don't want to talk to you...,"comes in her adamant reply.

Arnav sighs and knocks on the door again and says – " open up...please?? let me in...please? or you just come out....dammit...please?? Khushi?? don't do this to me..right now...please???

There is a silent pause from her end for about a minute before he hears her voice come out in a broken whisper – " kyun khawbon pe tere saayein hai...dil kyun hai tanha mera...kyun khamoshi hai zuban meri...ashko se keh paayun na?? kyun...dard hai itna? Tere ishq mein??"

That's it.

Fresh tears of ache and vulnerability ooze out of Arnav's eyes now as he closes them shut listening to Khushi whisper out the lyrics of Rabba ve to him in the moment. The very lyrics he had once written for her....consumed in ache and tears...himself.

He whispers broken a minute later as emotions continue to havoc within– " toh mat rakho na ..khamoshi aise...please...just...end this silence dammit...just talk to me...come out..and just talk to me.... you are hurting...I am hurting..dammit...you know...we both are hurting so much right...now...so please just stop shoving this closed door in my face right now..dammit....open up...please...Khushi...baby...I am pleading you...just open up..,"and at that he resumes knocking the door hard again.

Dammit.

Was he going to have to knock on the door till sunrise?

Right then, unexpectedly – suddenly Arnav feels the door behind him begin to open leading him to stand up in his feet instantly as well. Turning around in a jiffy – he comes face to face with a sight of Khushi finally opening the door to him - standing right in front of him. A sight he should have been happy with? Right? But happiness is far on the list of feelings when he takes in the sight of her frame in front of him and the vibe consuming all of her in the moment.

Her face was drained off all colour. It was pale as a white sheet rather. Accompanied with exhausted bloodshot eyes and a numbing disappointing vibe radiating from all of her as she whispered folding her hands across her front looking at him with completely numbing blank eyes – " why don't you just get it? Arnav... I don't want to talk to you right now..."

Well, at least he was seeing her? One positive amidst the numbing fear that now consumed him- even more. He had been ready to spot anger and rage in her eyes. Not this disappointing blankness.He asks sure she could see the vulnerability and the ache in her eyes – "but why? Why won't you talk to me? as if you can get away with that?"

He hears Khushi say instantly again with nothing but the numbing disappointment in her tone as she shrugged - "I won't talk to you....Because...I don't know what to say to you..right now...dammit.So just go from here dammit. Leave me alone. And if you won't leave me alone...then I'll just find elsewhere to be...,"and to his surprise she begins to stomp off and run across the stunned him in the moment – towards the car in the garage with the intention of driving out perhaps?

Was she crazy? As if – he'd let her out to drive at this time?In that disturbed state of mind & Heart?

Luckily, he manages to hold her hand just in time from behind pulling her straight back turned around into his frame so that she was finally up close and he whispers holding onto her arms snug - searching her blank eyes for some flash of anger – desperately – " shout at me...dammit...take out your anger on me...Khushi...I know..you are hurt...angry...furious...I can take that...I can handle that...hell...I was prepped to handle your anger if you ever got to know the truth...but...I can't take this dammit...this blankness...numbing disappointing...I won't just talk to you...vibe+ reaction...from your end...give me anything but this aching numbing silence dammit....please......for its numbing me too..."

..........

He shouldn't have touched her.

Why? Because just his simple touch on her arms right now – seemed like a temptation enough to Khushi + the traitor her body suddenly seemed to become - to succumb into leaping + crying it out in Arnav's arms in the moment.Apparently, a spark of overwhelming emotion within her had just come to life amidst the ruling numbness, at finally seeing him in front of her as broken, disturbed as her in the moment. Now all that spark wanted her to do was - just hold him tight, hug him tight, and just cry. So that they could both cling onto one another and finally mourn over the emotional misery they'd both been subjected to for years on account of her father. That emotional speak also was edging her to apologize to him for all the suffering...he'd been though on her accord emotionally....and this latter bit came with pangs of monumental guilt...which ironically just led that emotional spark straight..to the doors of ruling numbness again...

This is why, Khushi steps backwards and away – immediately - from the circle of his frame instantly – at that holding her hand in between the two as a wedge gesture to him to stay at arm's length from her at that as she whispers flashing her disappointed eyes to him – " don't you freaking touch me right now...dammit...Arnav....just...stay away..just fre...aking stay away...Ar...nav..."

That shocks Arnav momentarily but he backs off raising his hands to his side as he whispers – " alright...fine...I won't touch you....but just talk...please??if you don't want me to come close..alright...I get it...but...then say something....just say anything...please?dammit...just talk....your silence is driving me insane...don't you get it...???????"

Khushi shrugs helplessly.She sighs and answers caught up in between crossroads of vulnerable numbness and tears – " I know that. I know my silence is driving you nuts. Precise reason why I am chosing to shove that in your face right now..rockstar....hell....why? should I talk?? Haan??? why should I give you anything but silence?? I don't think I have anything to say to you in the moment..."

Arnav knew it was a daring choice of words in the moment but he goes with it listening to his gut knowing this was the moment he had to remind her of something vital as he locks his gaze with hers sure she could see the pain in his being in the moment – "well...I think the contrary rather...there is lots you want to say to me...baby...so just say it....and.....begin talking....talk to me...because...I love you...talk to me....because you love me...talk to me...because...we both love each other mad and insane ...in the present today...talk to me...because...we promised one another that we wouldn't let our past/or any of its baggage mess up our present...we have been dealing with it all..right? all this while?? we can deal with this last bit too...as long as we just talk it out baby...you remember that day in Sydney...we promised...if any of us feel like too overwhelmed/angry/disappointed because of past baggage the other...has the power..the veto power...to remind the other of the present.....our present...plus this promise that we will never let our past mess up...the present....our present...ever again???"

That from Arnav does seems to hit Khushi a little with familiar realisation and he hears her scoff as if her head just ends up connecting the dots all over again in reference to this context – " dammit...you...godammit you...now...I get it all...this was the main reason..why you were so relived after we made that promise to one another that night?? isn't it? because you knew all along..what you were hiding?????"

Arnav nods and admits knowing that complete honesty with her - here on was the only way forward – " exactly you got it right Khushi..this was the precise reason...why I was so relieved..."

He sees Khushi nod blankly at that – reverting in backward steps to the car door as she whispers broken – her eyes still blank to him – as she looks away from him - her lips quivering in emotion though signalling to him that she was about to cry again - " No...I can't....I cannot...talk to you..right now...not right now....I just can't...I am just not in the headspace..."

Arnav was persistent though as he takes a step closer to her despite her holding her hand out to him – as a distanced wedge – leaning back against the car – "talk to me...please?? baby...please...just...talk to me...because in your heart...you know...my intentions were noble nonetheless...you know why I did what I had to then...to protect you from the devastating truth that would have broken your daughter's heart...anyway....please listen to me...baby...just listen...this..situation...was the one I wanted to avoid on all accords...risking you losing the peace with your family you had begun to love so much....,"he pauses to gesture to her broken frame – " like....this is the exact reason why I was holding onto the truth no matter how suffocating it was...because I knew it would break you...so much....hurt you so much...back then...plus even today"

And Khushi whispers now brokenly fresh tears oozing out her eyes – " and don't you freaking understand...that in that process...you hurt me so much too nonetheless...dammit.... don't you freaking realise what have you done? I lost on the peace of my heart for years...coz of this choice of yours...you lost it too...we both lost the peace of our hearts for years dammit.....and for a reason that wasn't related to our hearts to begin with ever...?? like now I find out?????damm you.... You should have freaking given me...nothing but the truth...long ago...then..and now too...look..."

Arnav sighs and admits – " you think the guilt of the same...hasn't been weighing me down for years...Khushi???? what do you think? I'd been living with in years apart...?in my heart? only love for you...plus crazy guilt on this accord....atleast...tell me...you get that...deep right?????? you get why back then...I felt like...I had to hide this from you???"

Helpless and broken, Khushi nods to that – " dammit you.....a part of my mind....knows.....I know why you...hid this...yes..I know that...I know you did this to protect me from the truth then...I know that...I know...you did it out of love then..out of love today too...I do not doubt your noble intentions there...but that also doesn't change the fact that this shade of your noble intentions..dammit...just kept butchering me for years...butchered me then...butchers me now..too...you asking me to express anger? How to express anger? I am not angry at you dammit...I am just plain broken-hearted and disappointed...dammit....so much so ...that my insides have succumbed to being consumed by an aching numbness so raw...and turns out rockstar...there's nothing you can say right now..that can fix it...plus...given that you are hurting as much...have been hurting as much on my accord for years.....I also do not have it in me to snap at you or say something I'd regret....so...better you just let me be...alone...until I am in the headspace to talk things out calmly....right now...I need to get outta here....and away from you...so just let me go... ,"and at that she finally turns around to get to the driving seat of the car – opening its door- at the speed of light.

To her surprise , instantly, she feels Arnav come in behind her closing the door shut as he kept his hand over hers on the door as he whispered brokenly caging her from behind placing both his hands to her sides – firmly on the car frame – " I am afraid I cannot oblige to any of that Khushi. I will not leave you alone. I will just not leave you alone. I will also not allow you to drive at this time and head on the road risking your life. You are my whole wide world...bab...y...and you know that...you were always my whole wide world...and you always will be...baby...I love you more than anything..in ways....that you might not be able to understand fully...perhaps...but my love for you...has always been the freaking intention behind it all.......dammit..."

And the second – Khushi hears that from him – all the numbness inside of her just freaking snaps out of coldness to a shade off hot flux of emotion+anger and tears as she finally turns around and snaps at him hard holding onto the collar of his tee – "damm..you?? what did you say??? Dammit???your whole wide world? You say I am your whole wide world...always was..always will be?and yet?you freaking gave me up???gave us up?? Then?Without my knowledge on the truth? How could you dammit? how could you?? you just simply decided by yourself that I'd be better off without you...with my life here?? guess what rockstar?Wasn't your decision to take alone...ever....how could you just give me up..give us up...like that...dammit??how?????????whyyyy?did you have to allow daddy to win with his mindgame...why????????just why???,"and at that she just fists her hands and thumps them over his arms – as she goes on in distress and frustration and fury channeling it out a little – " how??? how???how????? how could you give me up? Give us up? How could you just chose to suffer alone all those years? How could you do this to me? to us? How could you let someone else take over the reins off our relationship?how could you just give me up..so easily? You gave me up.....dammit...you gave me up...and you'v freaking injured my lovers heart brutally by blindsiding me on this...all this while....how do you think...this is making me feel haan?dammit? apart from disappointment and hurt...all I freaking feel is guilt...damm you...knowing all that you went through on my accord then and today too.....another reason why I mentioned I am not in the headspace to talk to you dammit right now...for I also feel like...I cannot even look at you in the eye right now...so just let me go...just let me be....you'v wronged me....i'v wronged you too...on this accord by never catching a hiff on it...perhaps...I am wronging you too in the moment...amidst my numbing confusion within...so just let me go...dammit.....,"and she turns around at that beginning to open the door again – without looking Arnav straight in the eye – trying to calm the havoc within her.

And as the latter part of those words dawn on Arnav – he simultaneously keeps the door she was trying to open all closed upfront still with his hand as he whispers firmly – " well, one things clear.I am not letting you outta here...or outta the circle of my arms...at the moment....Khushi....and damm you...are you crazy? There is no need for you to feel like...guilt...or be like you cannot look at me in the eye or something....just turn around...look at me...."

Khushi sighs knowing there was no way he'd let her out on drive now. Perhaps she should have just stayed locked in the utility room - till morning? She whispers shaking her head in a No – for him to observe from behind – " no...I will not turn around to look at you...dammit......"

Arnav knew he had no other option but to make her look at him himself then? He turned her around by keeping a hold on her arm – and as he spotted fury plus frustration with guilt in her eyes this time around, it led to him feeling a little relieved - for he felt like he could handleher fury + frustration+ guilt better than blankness and numbing disappointment and so he admits now – just desperately cupping her face making her look deep into his aching eyes, his right hand going to lace her open hair into a possessive fist – " dammit...you...now that you know the truth...perhaps...I can say this out loud..finally that giving you up then because of your daddy...killed me then...Khushi...it killed all of me within dammit...it wasn't easy dammit...you have no idea....what it took of me...."

Khushi clutches on his tee's collar again at that as she whispered broken – " why?? Dammit why?? Just why did it have to be this way??then? why?? It killed you....killed me then too...then why did you make this choice???? Nothing else ever mattered to me more than you dammit....do you realise what knowing this has done to me today?? shattered me...within..completely....dammit..also from your angle...so much....more so today because...you didn't tell me yourself....about this..when I told you I love you...you didn't damm tell me..when we made love...or when...I gave you my all...heart...body...soul....just when I thought we were the closest...I freaking find that you'v been hiding this from me all along..when you know...I hate being the blindsided one in any relationship of mine...because I have never done that to anyone myself....and yet...you not only blindsided me for years...you kept me blind sided today too....I ask you this now...and you better be honest...in case I wouldn't have found out the way I had...were you ever planning to tell me the truth....were you ever going to give me the truth????or were you going to choose to suffocate with it forever...on my accord...Arnav???????????????"

Arnav just stares at her at that with the obvious knowing look in his eye – in sheer silence knowing he didn't have to word it out.She'd understand. And did she understand? Oh yes – she did. Khushi knew what that exact look of his eye meant. She gapes at him distraught - " I don't believe this..I don't freaking believe you...I know what this look means...you literally never planned to come out clean to me with this...ever...right?? you never would have...if I hadn't found out....,"and as she pauses on that – the numbness returns to take over – as it dawns on her yet again – that he really was ready to blindside her on this – for forever perhaps?

Arnav sighs at that dejected but makes an effort to explain – " I could have diverted this...but I will not...I promise that it will only be complete honesty with you...here on..Khushi..which is why...I will not lie to cover it up...perhaps...yes...if you hadn't found out...I wouldn't ever have...brought it up myself...not just because I knew it would break your daughters heart...but also because...as time passed in between of us in the present...in our bond...in our moments...a part of me also began fearing...what if...I'd lose you because of this truth seeing the light finally? That you'd be so angry that what if you'd turn away from me in the present???,"and at that he pauses choking in his words.

Khushi gapes at him helpless herself as she asks – "and is the fear of losing the other,a justification enough, to blatantly hide things from your partner?????Arnav????"

Arnav sighs but asks concerned – " isn't it a justification valid enough in your eyes...Khushi??"

Khushi answers honestly – "well.... in my eyes...no...dammit...its not a justification..that is valid enough....infact it just hurts more...why? Because rather than having the guts to deal with the truth with me together...then or even today...you freaking chose to hide it from me in the closet??????????? This plus surely your lack of faith in me for having it in me to face this context... just breaks my heart dammit.....so bad...."

Arnav states his eyes widening to her in concern – " but please get me...on this...dammit...its not that I didn't have faith in you...that you could face this...I knew you could face this then ..and now...I just wanted to protect you from the hurt of it...dammit..."

And Khushi states her eyes widening to him more angrily – " and don't you freaking get the collateral damage for my heart that came along...anyway?? the collateral damage for both our hearts???then? or now too????? look...this is why I am saying...we should talk later...when we are both in the mindspace for it...dammit... ...."

Arnav sighs desperate to know just her verdict on this one bit first – "fine...dammit.....but...just tell me this....you aren't going to do show us the door right?? Khushi? you won't turn away from me..right?,"suddenly feeling vulnerable and scared.

Khushi shakes her head in a – No – at that as she admits honestly sure he had begun to sense her numbing vibe – " I am not turning away from you....Arnav....I am not a freaking stupid moron...but that doesn't change the bit...that you jus need to give me time to digest all of this dammit...that you were simply ready to blindside me on this forever for real...for that just makes me feel sick...dammit....I need to come around in my head to even think of how to cope of getting past this in between of us...dammit...at the moment...I am just caught up in massive crossroads...within....the crossroads I need to figure a way out through...as much my heart goes out to you...to us...I cannot ignore the other bit...of my intense feelings...overshadowing all of that....so please..can you not push me into addressing it all in my headspace right now..when I am not ready to wade through it...please...understand...this is just a lot to take in and process..dammit...can't do this right now...not right now....."

Arnav nods at that in understanding even though it ached him immense to see her weave some kinda invisible wall in between the two again as the numbing vibe was back along with subtle blankness in her eyes – " fair enough...I get it...perhaps you are right...I must give you time...to like...digest things...perhaps..I shouldn't push you in your headspace...but just confirm this to me again ...whilst you are digesting this all...we are still going to be together...right?? look...just don't ask me to leave your side...dammit...I won't be able to take that...nor will you be able too...just say that....you aren't planning to break us up...????please????"

Khushi admits honestly at that shaking her head helplessly desperate for him to understand – " I am not breaking us up...Arnav...I am not going to be an immature idiot/moron about this as I hinted prior.....but I need time...before I can feel normal about this...if you ask me that we going to be together as normally as we were hours before...this came to light...isn't something I can promise right now...Arnav..for I just cannot undo what I am feeling...otherwise..too....surely this is a massive speedbreaker...in between of us that we have to wade our way around...will we be able to get past this...in between of us? To return to normalcy...is a perspective only time can give me....time...look ...I know...in some ways...even though you were a partner to it all...it wasn't your fault..per say...and whatever your intentions were despite the hurtful consequences...were always with me in focus..even though I still don't necessarily agree with the context of it all...perhaps...I will be able to see things from a calmer perspective once this ache within settles....which Is why I said...I just need time...give me time....I want to handle this maturely...Arnav...but give me a while to get there...please?? I need time.."

And now as those words hit is ears...Arnav can only nod in an emotional overwhelming silence..

" time and also change of surroundings...perhaps is exactly what I need ?,"says Khushi with a dejected exhausted sigh.

The latter puzzles Arnav as he asks instantly – "what do you mean?change of surroundings??"

Khushi looks at him straight dejected – " did you really think?I was going to stay here a day longer after finding out the truth? I am leaving here...Arnav.....I can't even think about being around him...for now...nor do I have it in me...to expect you to be around him a second...longer....Mum will understand...so will Samarth, Amaar and Manizeh...."

Damm. This was exactly what he feared. Arnav sighs at that for now knowing there was no point in discussing further on this aspect with Khushi and he nods – " well, I get that, I'll get us both on the first flight out to Mumbai tomorrow...Khushi..."

Khushi looks at him straight at that as she asks folding her arms across – " who said...I am coming to Mumbai with you? Arnav??"

Now that whips Arnav in the moment as he asks paling in his face – " you won't come home with me...to Mumbai??then where do you plan to go??,"and at that he hears Khushi sigh as she admits teras pooling up her eyes – " I will go to the only place that used to be home...before...I came here....Arnav...even though...I now know that everyone there always just sided with you in covering up the truth...but that's the only place I want to go to for now..."

Realisation dawns on Arnav instantly.

She planned to go to Lucknow, surely.She wanted to go back to the orphanage. Freak. She was in no mood to come live with him in Mumbai...like planned prior...she really preferred going back to the orphanage...instead????!!!

Perhaps, this could be a blessing in disguise for him though? Talking it out with Mini maa and Matthew Dad – would help them both through this speedbreaker?????

Arnav nods and says now taking a deep breathe – "well, if Lucknow is where you wana go right now...then Lucknow is where we will both go...Khushi.."

He understood. Well, she knew, he'd understand in an instant where she wanted to head to – at the moment...

Khushi eyes him at that – " I am not asking you to come...with me...Arnav...you....just go back to Mumbai...you have your recordings..."

Arnav sighs – " Well, there's still days to that given that we were still scheduled to be here..for a couple more days before our flight back...so yeah....you make your decision...Khushi...I will make mine...no one can stop me...from heading back to the orphanage ever..not even you...it has always been my home...,"and he hears Khushi whisper at that looking away from his eyes and down on her feet as a line of tears leaves her eyes – " perhaps that was/is the only place...that is really my home...too....Arn...av..."

He wanted to refute that to her immediately and say that – His home in Mumbai was her's too but they are both stunned in the moment as they hear the broken voice of Rajesh Maan fall in their ears at that as he walks into the garage with his bloodshot eyes and tear stricken face and whispers looking at Khushi – " that's not true...Khushi...you know that's not true...this is your home...Khushi...this is your home...too...always has been...I know...I erred...I made a terrible mistake....a terrible one...but will you really leave here? will you really not even come inside?????"

What?????? The????????

From where did he walk in to the moment? Neither Arnav or Khushi were expecting him to come on in. As much Arnav knew from Ellie aunt was that he'd been locked in – in his study for hours drowning in guilt too...ever since unable to face anyone..let alone...Khushi...

The very sight of Rajesh Maan in front – shakes Khushi way too emotionally as the anger returns in massive volumes along with butchering ache as well. Dammit. As angry as she was + even though she was still so disappointed with Arnav – she felt like it was on her now to protect Arnav from ever seeing the man who had insulted him so much at one point in time or ever get into a one on one with him coz of her ever again – and so – she instantly just turns around from facing Rajesh Maan and holds Arnav by the arm to make him turn around swiftly too – saving him from facing Rajesh Maan too in the moment as she whispers with her back to the man angrily – " leave....just leave from here.....right now...right now....I do not want to talk to you right now...or ever again....and don't you dare even try talking to Arnav ever again...after all that you'd put him through for years......it kills me with guilt...so much that he'd had to stand your presence for all these days all because of me..if I had ever known prior...I'd have never subjected him to being around you for a second ever....but guess what....better late than never....I will not allow you to be seen around Arnav ever again...you try talking to him ever again...say a word to him ever again...just you see....you will see the worse of me....,"and at that she just on reflex clutches on Arnav's hand protectively as she roars out loud angrily to Rajesh Maan with her back to him still – " leave....dammit....leave now....don't you try to talk to either of us ever again....how dare you?? freaking insult my Arnav like that ever?????????????? and have the audacity to even face him today???????????"

Dammit. Arnav's eyes well up in intense emotion in the moment. He knew that Khushi was hurting deeply on account of her daddy too within but to hear her defend his situation first – just reflected to him – that even though she was disappointed with him royally – the spark of their love was still flickering bright deep down within her – surely. He clutches on her hand at that and they both hear Rajesh Maan's voice come in a broken whisper from behind them both – " Ellie....will be heartbroken if you leave...Khus..hi...y..ou...r...M..um...d..oesn...t...des..er..ve...this...I do..she had no ...fa..ul..t..in..any...of...this....don't do this..to her...p..lea...se..."

And at that Arnav hears Khushi roar angrily clutching on his arm for support – " don't you think...I am going to hurt Mum over your actions...ok? she knows I need to be away from you...from here...not from her...she knows..and she will surely understand...no way is anything happening to my bond with her or anyone else here...but you....the only bond that stands broken here for good...is yours and mine...what you did was sinful...unforgivable....now...please....just leave....leave...now...damm...freaking now....just leave us alone...and if you won't...we...will...go out..now itself...we can head to Manizeh's until its time for us to leave to India..."

At that they both hear Rajesh's broken voice come through – "no ..no...don't go to Manizeh's at this time to the night..Khushi...fin..e...i...will leave you two..alone......,"before they hear the voice of his receeding steps out and away from the garage.

Khushi asks broken to Arnav now as deep shades of numbness and tears return to consume her on account of the man she'd always fondly looked up to as her father – as the backstabbing truth pricks her eyes hard all over again – " is he gone??is he gone??"

Arnav nods taking a peekaboo backwards and affirms seeing the empty space behind them clutching on her arm – " he's gone...yes...he left Khushi..,"and it is only when he whispers that – he sees Khushi finally breakdown into a fountain of tears as she slips down to her knees howling.

What does he do then? He obviously just slips down on his knees as well and just coocons her in his arms in support as she cries knowing this time around her tears had a lot more to do with her daddy....

Thankfully, she doesn't pull away from him at the moment instead just buries herself in the crook of his arms – knowing he understood where she was coming from in the moment – amidst the overwhelming silence amongst the two.So he just holds her tight and hard as he witnesses her sway in between the see-saw of numbing pain + overwhelmed tears for the next many minutes.After every bout of crying..she'd just succumb to a numbing hurt vibe..and once that vibe got too heavy...she'd burst into tears herself....

Dammit....

It killed him to see her like this.So much.Vulnerable tears had been leaving his eyes too all the while. About fifteen minutes later of him holding her amidst this – see saw of numbness and tears – Arnav finally hears her whisper to him brokenly in a haunting broken tone with a request that says – " take me away..from here??? will you please???? just take me away from here.....back home...back to Mini Maa...and Matthew Dad...arnav...just take me back to the orphanage..to my home...please?? just take me home????????????"

And in the moment – as he affirms the same to her just hugging her tight that he would take her away to Lucknow as soon as possible – Arnav desperately finds himself hoping that perhaps with time – as this wound heals and they were both past this low in between of them – Khushi would be able to look at his home in Mumbai as her home too...eventually...

Was he also swaying in between Numbness and Tears as he continued to hold onto a weeping Khushi – in the moment?

Yes....ofcourse....

Why?

Tears because...he couldn't stop crying at seeing her cry this way obviously...and numbness because...something in his gut told him by the sense off pain + familiar seesaw of numbness and tears....return to consume Khushi...that it would surely be a while...until things got back to being the same in between the two(like it had been) before the truth came to light...

Perhaps, no matter what the intentions, sometimes the consequences that followed post a situation just happened to take a flow of their own accord?? And one could only hope...that the accord in context...would eventually turn out to be in ones favour...

Was Arnav hoping the latter as well – quite desperately in the moment?

Oh yes, he indeed was...

.........................

Tadaaaaaa!!!

How was that guys?????????? It's a crossroads of emotions for Khushi within obviously...at one end she knows why Arnav did what he did...but despite that...she has to figure out her way outta the heartbreak/ache she is feeling in the moment....nonetheless.Heading back to the orphanage..is what she feels she needs the most in the moment...

Next Update – so happy to write this that the next update will be up on Tuesday evening! I am now officialy back to my writing schedule...

P.S – I am still thinking whether I should also resume HW4.0 simultaneously again...I am leaning more towards wanting to finish writing this for now...in the coming two-three weeks straight up and then resume HW4.0. Hmm...still procrastinating on this bit...

Also starting through time and beyond is also at the back of my mind....oh my...so much I wana write...sometimes I wish I could just cocoon myself for hours into writing, writing , writing each day...however...alas...comes in the real life – with its responsibilities as well...and gotta go with the Balance...

So anyways, I will keep you all updated on this bit by Tuesday ie – writing plans – that will I also be resuming HW4.0 right now or after finishing this...in the coming weeks...

Will anyway See you next week – on Tuesday with an update on this one guys! Take Care!

Thank you, tons*tons*tons,

Much Love* Infinite Gratitude – Now&Always

❤️🙏❤️🙏

Prachi