Helloooo Everyoneee

How are you all doing? Hope you and your loved ones are doing great!😊😊😊

So Yes - I am Backkkk!! And Here I am with the first update of Invisible Strings today - as promised!!😁😁😁😁

Iv been so excited penning this down it was like the thrill of writing after a good three months had be grinning left, right, center – so yup – I am like absolutely stoked to get back into my writing zones ya!! Feels so so so very good! Actually Awesome would be a better word!🥳🥳💃💃💃

Also in case you all haven't brushed up on the Intro+ Prologues to refresh the plot in the mind - please read those posts before diving into this Update!

I'd also like to take this moment to express my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of you for being with me on my writing journey. For all the love and for all the patience – always! Like I always say – you all are a part of this enriching learning curve of my journey as a writer too. So thank you to one and all – for your time and support – Always!🙏🙏🙏

And okay so now without further delay I shall let you all dive in.

Word Count – 4.2k Words

So excited for you all to read this!

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1. The Waters and Him...

There was a time I believed with great conviction that perhaps we were always meant to be and that – We will Always Be!

And Now I Wonder that...perhaps the above premise was the most exquisite lie – my life had led me to believe.

We were Us – Once. But we aren't US now, so then why does this Vacuum remain? Or wait – perhaps it shouldn't be called a Vacuum in the first place – just an earnest and heartfelt treasure vault of memories and memoirs – with your – Name!

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Bay of Islands, Pahia – New Zealand

Present Day – 24th Feb, 2022

Khushi's POV

They say everything in this existence has a certain frequency. A certain unique frequency that is very specific and exclusive to its context of origin. And that's pretty much a statement I agree with wholeheartedly.

And the only reason why I started with that very statement is because – I want to most surely continue stating - this ONE undisputed fact of my existence – in the very next line.

Which Fact?

The Fact that – there are only Two Other Exquisite Frequencies in the whole wide universe that can make my heart come alive in unexplainable magical ways.Alive in the sense like completely alive+ aware of every bit I am feeling within. One of those exquisite frequencies is that off the natural mystical element of the Water. And that second exquisite frequency – would be off the one stemming from the very being and existence off Him. Arnav.

And oh – I must state another important fact in here though. I mentioned – two other frequencies because - There is another exquisite frequency that I am absolutely stoked about and which one is that? It's the frequency off me – as in the existence off myself – Obviously - for yup – I do love myself immense so how can I not acknowledge that to begin with too? Like it's a known fact isn't it – we all step into the world – with our being/selves as the main core of it all and the relationship we have with our respective selves begin the very second, we are born and well that's pretty much going to stay put until our last day – no matter who comes and goes in our lives.

Won't lie on the bit that being in love with my very own self too was something I came about too eventually in the journey of my life. Being deserted as a five year old child on the doors of an orphanage can wound out+mess up a little mind/heart in quite deep ways actually.But then at the same time – it was once again the magical comfort of the warmth and love that I received within that particular decade of my life at the orphanage from everyone and him plus the unconditional love from my adoptive family after – that had been like a soothing balm/learning on that angle that – all wounds can heal with time. That not only blood ties could define the essence off Family. So could the ties of Love.

And it was eventually Time that taught me in deep ways after that perhaps one of the most important relationships one can nurture is also the one with one's very own self. ( I mean – it was/is a given guarantee that the self was not going to walk out on me – in this Life – for sure right??????? So yeah. Glad – that – that profound life lesson came out of the emotional setbacks in my life)

Oh wait.

Did I forget to begin with the general introductory?

Probably Yes.

Never Mind.

Better Late than Never.

Hello every one, I am Khushi Maan. Used to be Khushi Gupta – until 14 years of age. Nice to meet you all. Welcome to the Story of My Life.

So just a quick glimpse into the basics - my surname went through a change after 14 - for that was when I was adopted by my ever so loving parents as I settled into life with them in Fiji Islands. And well – not just my surname changed then – quite figuratively just about everything in life – post that – went through a Drastic Change! (And given that I am aware that you all are pretty much upto date with the backstory of my life- there is no point diving back into the past. Might as well stick to the present. To save both your time and mine.)

So yup - as of the present day – I am a little over 25 years of age and I work as a research diver with the National Geographic team – and my job profile mostly includes projects and surveys on underwater archaeology, oceanography + marine biology/biodiversity+ surveys focusing on prime data collection+ underwater photography.

So here at work at NG with the focus on the Waters – we do have several teams with similar work profiles working and travelling in and through various parts of the globes simultaneously with the prime aim to collate as much data/surveys as possible + studying and analysing the current marine life eco state plus systems across the globe and put forth reports on the same. A typical team handed a particular project/zone of study can include about 7- 15 or even more team members depending on the sizeable area of research.

The composition of our project team mostly varies with three-four research divers on boards + a couple of nautical technical engineers with the knowledge of navigation + other tech stuff + another safety+technical engineers + a couple of people for administration support. Like there have been some projects in which I have been a part of a fifteen- twenty-thirty - member team and then some – where in it's just been seven too!

The bottom line is that we work together for a specific time period on a project, study it together as a team – and then present a cohesive report on the same – with highlights on individual contribution with the data as well. In our cohesive reports we also point out scientific+ practical suggestions/steps that can help mitigate any sort of issue/ecological damage to the current marine state we were surveying below in the blues.

Apart from just typical research and underwater data projects - there are also some projects which have a prime focus on just under water photography for the regular publishing/broadcast purposes as well. Its often for these sorts of projects that we have just the bare minimum sizeable team for a shorter duration of time.

In fact - that's the sort of project – we'v just finished accomplishing here as a team at Bay of Islands, Pahia – New Zealand. We'v been here for the last ten days – capturing the beauty of marine biodiversity below! (As this was the zone – we were asked to focus on photographing for the upcoming online issue). And it's just been fabulous to work on the same – I mean there is a reason why experts say that up to 85% of the NZ wildlife+biodiversity could actually be existing in its waters!!!

Anyways so – one thing remains common for most of us all on teams – after every project – be it research/photography oriented – that we often love to go on a recreational diving time out by ourselves the very next day to just enjoy the feel of it all without the work on our minds. For it's obviously a different experience – in the mind – then.

And yes - now that – my Life has succumbed to - being used to the absence off one of the sources off those exquisite frequencies in my life for the last seven years over (as you all already know) - I often find myself seeking solace and comfort – in the natural mystical frequencies of The Waters a lot more frequently – even when I am off my working hours. In fact, for the last couple of years – I'v been legit living under the waters – diving my hours/days around (post working hours) so much so that Mum kind off jokes that she should officially title me off as the Living Mermaid in the Family!

Well do I agree with her on that? I guess I do for what can I say guys – the Water makes me feel like that you know. Like I mentioned prior – all Alive and Aware. Every second I spend under water – diving – I am like in complete consciousness of every breath I take. Off every freaking nanosecond off it and how that makes me feel – for its like I am so tuned in within and its truly that part off the process – that makes me feel so - Alive.

On that note – the reason why I mention him as the source of that other magical frequency is also the same for– it's also the mere thought of him. Memories of Him. Memoirs written by him to me in the past – that hold the power to still make me feel as Alive & Aware of all I'v ever felt/can feel within in my heart. For - One zoned off trip into those cocooned bylanes of memories in my heart – off him/with him - makes my heart tingle with so much emotion as if all of my cardio cells decided to go in for a dramatic audition at Dancing with the Stars( a dance competition) together. And I guess - it's that rush/gush + stir of emotion within that's still got me so hooked to the emotional memories from the past.

Anyways – given that – Time stands in all its glory in the present today saying to me that there is no way that – that source off feeling is coming back to my life in the present – its only fair that I get my mind back to the awareness of the present moment around me – living in the moment and basking in the peace of the only other frequency that can bring me that familar emotion – within.

The Waters.

The feel of Being Under the Waters!

Soooo yes - that is exactly what I am upto now actually – in the moment!! Like - I am out here – below - in the waters about a small distance away from the Pahia dive center – with my full dive gear on me – just chilling and gazing at the gorgeous marine life within the line of vision -with no work pressure on my mind – at all! For yup we are all done and wrapped up with that – yesterday!

Also - I am not alone here though – I'v got some of my team in and around close. We are all on our own but still in close proximity.

Manizeh +Andy+ Nigel did dive alongside me as well while Jeff, Kelly and Sri(Short for Sriram) remained on the boat. Sri+ Jeff are the nautical engineers + Kelly is the safety+tech support engineer and Andy+Nigel are in the admin support and Manizeh is.....

I pause in my slow swaying in the waters to still myself for the moment.Why? For it is right then I spot a colourful school of fishes swim right in front off me and I almost bite back my smile in my head at the sight of the last two fishes sweeping past speedily. Mum – often says – that Manizeh and Me are like two inseparable fishes in the pond! And well – I cannot contest that at all. Like - Thank God for Manizeh.

Why do I say that??

For Manizeh and me have been so thick and close ever since – I moved to Fiji Islands. And she's been my rock – my confidante ever since – through my every low/high.Especially the lows.

( Pre -Context - She's Daddy's best friends – daughter and the very first day we met after I moved here – I discovered we shared similar interests and dreams and we totally hit it off on another tangent. It was Manizeh who helped me adjust so seamlessly in high school/senior year – here as well. Actually both Manizeh and Amaar.

So - Daddy and Mum have all of there extended family here in the Fiji Islands mostly and all of them have welcomed me in – with warm open arms. Daddy's two of the closest friends – Ajay Uncle+Vikramjeet uncle are also his business partners in some of his real estate projects across the islands back at Fiji. The three of them are like super thick. Manizeh is Vikramjeet uncle+Nina aunty's only daughter and Ajay and Asha aunty have two sons. Amaar and Samarth. Samarth is older to the three of us by two years – and Amaar and him have now stepped into respective business spheres with the Daddys and my dearest Manizeh is a fellow research diver – just like me!!

I mean we were both completely stoked and delighted when we got our job acceptances from NG as research divers and the cherry on the cake is that we are 90 percent of the times teamed up together in work projects as well because of how seamlessly and in sync we work together. At the back of my head – I recall that there's only been three or four times that we'v been stationed at different projects/locations in the last couple of years ever since we got in full time with our jobs at NG.

Also fun fact - Manizeh and Amaar - have always been together – you know like childhood sweethearts etc.Infact they are engaged to be wedded later this year much to the delight of our families.

I bite back my smile in my head again at that for of course I am delighted for the two and because I have my breathing mouth piece on and we are quite deep in – I obviously have to make a do with my imaginary grin in my head and not be grinning like a crazy fish with my lips in full stretch mode.

I am right on that thought when I feel a tap on my shoulder and I swiftly turn around sideways with my fin blades making a swift and smooth fancy twirl in the water – only to come face to face with Manizeh looking at me with her eyes widened through her diving gear glares.

We begin to talk in our sign language – for obvious reasons. I gesture her to ask what's with the worry I spot in her eyes and if all was okay with her diving gear, my hands reaching out on its own accord to tap on her oxygen tank and flow gently - and she gestures okay on that hurriedly before she gestures to ask me if I was Okay.

I nod at her immediately to affirm the same – asking her with the gesture of the eye as to why she wanted to ask me that in the first place for she knows I enjoy the recreational diving after projects to the T – and that was exactly what I was in the middle of doing – and it is only when she gestures to her divers watch on her wrist – I realise that she was pointing to the Date – with the worried look in her eye again – gesturing to me that as she saw me just stilling and swaying around at a super slow motion – she probably thought I am fighting back memories or perhaps tears???????????

Uh= Oh.

And just like that – as I take in the date on the watch on her hand - I do feel the familiar nostalgic thump develop in the middle of my chest.(Again)

Thumps that were like – Solid Knocks – on the Vault of my Heart.

24th Feb, 2022 – is the Date Today.

24th Feb.

The very date – I first met Arnav all those years ago back in 2001 when I walked into the Angel's Orphanage in Lucknow holding onto Mimi Maa's hand – all tight at the age of 5.

I gulp down the knocks in the middle of my chest for now and reassure her with a sign and nod - that I was okay and that my mind was nowhere near there at all. Thankfully – she buys it – for Now and I gesture her to continue her exploring time gesturing to my diver's watch now for we were anyway scheduled to go up to refill our oxygen tanks in 30 mins!

She nods.

I nod.

And we begin to do what we were doing.

But - Oh Dear.The only difference being that for now – as I sway and paddle gently across the water's spotting an enchanting reef in far vision - my minds already wandering – to where it should not be Going.For Now. Its back to revolving – around – HIM.

And just like those familiar memories begin to flood back in. Flashback off Memories that are so precious. From our childhood together – preteen together – our solid bond thriving on virtual communication ever since I moved here. The way we would make time to just talk for hours. The ways in which he would look at me then(on video calls) as if my sole existence was all that mattered to him. The sound of his heartfelt excited voice – filling me on his days and developments at his end and him listening as earnestly to me – after. Those mails, the handwritten letters......

Oh My – all of these memories are like So So So close within. For atleast for me – whatever we had – everything that was – had been so emotionally intense and deep.And well to be fair enough – I am sure it had been that way for him too – until the realities+ advantages of real time relationship other than a virtual one – stood tall in his Face back then in time.

The last words I heard from him on a text through Mini Maa – make their way back to my head. I'd sent my last text to him – that basically stated – that I understood what he was trying to imply with his silence. And that I wished him well and only happiness now and always and also wishing him all the best for all his dreams up ahead stating that I truly believed that all his dreams would come true – one day – most surely!

And I'd received a reply through Mini Maa that basically said -

- 'Arnav wishes you well too Khushi – now and always. He says – perhaps there could be a time in future where in the two off you could get back in touch with one another as just good old childhood friends – again!But given the moments and turn of events in his life right now – he prefers if you both just took a break from one another!'

And well – there's just been a solid silence in between of us since – Then!( Given that he's never made a single effort to reach out to me ever after, my self – respect obviously didn't let me reach out to him too. Plus given the bond we had – it was only fair that I respectfully accepted the unfortunate turn our relationship had taken no matter how much it ached)

But Crazy no? How even though there's been nothing but a silence in between of us for the last seven years – very often its still the fond memories of the past that often replay in my mind+ heart more. Only fair – perhaps? Given that – we'd been so solid and thick and close for the 13 years of our lives prior? I mean yes as besties first plus childhood sweethearts after in the latter middle - prime of our teenage years....

I often wonder to myself that perhaps – when is it that my heart will be able to beat with emotion for another man – in the way it beat for Arnav – Once. I mean I did try my hands at dating a couple of times on the blind dates Manizeh set me up with in the last couple of years that did convert into re-ucurring dates on my attempts on trying but then eventually my feeble attempts failed miserably – lasting no longer than a duration of a month on both times. ( I didn't feel a thing within at all. Nah. None at all. Not even a single skip of the heartbeat.So nipping it in the bud was only fair to be honest. Not just to the other person but to myself too. I cannot deceive myself in the process too right? Like how will I sleep peacefully at night – if I am at odds/deceiving my very own self over what I am feeling?).

Super Crazy – isn't it? How the heart still choses to press rewind over and over into the memoirs of the past that are so deeply engraved within – rather than bravely letting go – and taking a leap of faith with an open heart again?????

I close my eyes for a couple of seconds to compose myself – as Arnav - the rockstar's face (From the last video of him I saw up online on youtube from one of his stage/concert performances in India last week ) – makes its way back to my head.

Well......

That's His Present Today – I remind Myself. His Present in which there really is no room for Me.And I open my eyes as I continue to sway and paddle further towards that Enchanting Reef in my vision – reminding myself that – This was my Present Today. We'd both come so far and along the distance in each of our lives.

But then – Why?

Why have I not been able to let go – when he most surely has – long time ago?? Why do I feel my heart's intuition guiding me back to the vault of heartfelt memories of what was – Over and Over – Again???????

And just like that I know it again – the answer to this very bit is– actually what I began with. Its probably because - its the frequency of His Being, His smile, His eyes, his voice that can make my heart come alive in exquisite magical ways – making me feel the euphoric existence off my very own cardio cells within!!!!!!!! (Good for me that I can still see it all up online – without him having a clue about it all – on the other side of the world)

My eyes well up a little on their own accord again but hey don't get me wrong guys. These aren't heavy anguished pool of tears – for hey I have no regrets/no complaints.How can I regret the period of my life that made me so happy, the period that also significantly shaped the former part of my Life???

So basically its like - I'd rather deeply cherish – What Was! You know like they say better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all????????????? At least I know – how it feels. Atleast – I'v lived the emotion of how it feels.

Plus - Like I truly am so very happy that he's reached the dreams he'd set out too! Kinda proud off him. So proud off him. He made his way in the city of Dreams...just like he'd wanted too...always being so sincere and rooted and honest about his childhood. ( I mean – ofcourse I'v caught up on all his interviews etc in the media where he so fondly talks about Mini Maa+ Matthew Dad...the orphanage...etc...)

So what are these tears for then?????? I find my heart asking myself within – again? as I continue swimming towards the Reef.

And just like that I know – that these are perhaps just bittersweet tears – missing the rhythm of What Was! With Him Mostly. But not only with him.With all my friends back at the orphanage or even Mini Maa+ Matthew Dad+Sister Grace...for that matter.

I'd been in touch with them on and off in all these years..but...Over the last couple of years especially...the reply to my calls..or texts...kinda stopped coming as frequently..and I just think everyone's began to feel tired/torn in between this awkard silence situation gripping Arnav and me. They probably don't wana pick sides. Its odd enough for them..that both him and me had stuck to this unsaid rule of never asking about the other to any of them – ever since....so yeah..then off late...I stopped contacting anyone too(wanted to save them the trouble off feeling hassled in any way)...except for Mini Maa+Matthew Dad – as in I message them once in a while..in six months or so to check on them..

And I wont lie about this though. I miss that part of my life too. Everyone associated with it too. As much as I am grateful for all the love I receive from Daddy, Mum+ my loved ones in my life here – I obviously feel like I cannot undo the emotion for the family that was – prior to my moving here.

He was like Family too...Then....and well Now...He's just the man I once used to know closely in my life...

That latest image of him intensely tugging at his Guitar strings as he sang – from the last video I saw on youtube – flashes through my head again....and the engraved in my ears...deep sound of his Voice...makes it imaginary way into my ears...for a second...and even through the mystical rhythms of the waters around in my present...I can feel the two frequencies of what I feel within match insanely – even though the two sources off thought are so different in context...

And in my present now as I near the Reef finally and bask in the serenity of the feel around - taking in the mystical sight of the beauty of corals around it – just like that – I wholeheartedly embrace the fact once again that there surely can be no doubt – that -

I'd always love the Waters.And perhaps – deep down – a part of me would also always – Just Love – Him.

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TADAAAAAAAAA!!

How was that guys? For the first bit from Khushi's POV??

Next Update - Coming up next is obviously – the first bit from Arnav's POV! Which I aim to post by Monday-Tuesday! Like I mentioned in my note yesterday – I am targeting two posts a week for now in my writing schedule!

See you soon guys! Take Care!

Much Love* Infinite Gratitude – Now&Always

❤

Prachi