Epilogue

Iyak nang iyak si mommy sa kanyang kwarto habang nagbabasa ng dyaryo. It's been weeks since my father's departure to heaven, and I haven't seen mom smiled at all. Napapabayaan na niya rin kaming magkapatid dahil madalas siyang magkulong sa kanyang kwarto at tanging si Manang Letisha nalang ang nag-aalaga sa amin.

"Kuya, gutom na ako," reklamo ni Ivy nang pumasok sa kwarto ko.

"Magpaluto ka kay manang. Pagod ako."

Hindi siya nagsalita at lumabas ng kusa. Father died last week. Walang ibang ginawa si mommy kundi magkulong sa kanyang kwarto. She hasn't been eating since that day. Araw-araw ko din siyang binibisita sa kanyang kwarto just to check on her.

Isang araw, she decided to go out. She got thinner and paler. She cooked for us, she became cold to manang and to us. She continued the business that dad left for us before he died. Mayaman ang pamilya namin. Kilala kami sa buong probinsya ng Lavista del Barrio kaya hindi nakapagtataka na madyaryo ang nangyari.

"Ivy, Joseph, maligo kayo at may pupuntahan tayo," matigas niyang sabi nung nasa hapagkainan kami.

Tumango ako. This isn't our mom at all. She had changed a lot since dad's death. Pinagbihis niya kami dahil mag go grocery kami. Nadatnan namin ang isang lalaki na nakatayo sa harap ng kotse kaya inutusan niya kaming pumasok muna sa loob dahil may pag-uusapan muna sila. Later did I realize that the man was a private investigator my mom hired to know who was Rojen Mendoza. Pinasundan ito ni mommy at nalaman niya na nakatira sila sa isang maliit na barong-barong malapit sa isang sakahan. Mom found out that they owned a huge land at Lavista kaya binili niya ito sa murang halaga.

"Good. That's good news. I want them to suffer," rinig ko sa loob ng kanyang kwarto nang dumaan ako.

"Mom."

"Teka lang," bumaling siya sa akin at ngumiti. "Yes, hijo? Do you need something?"

"What did you do this time?"

"I'm in a good mood, Joseph. 'Wag mo sanang sirain," she then put the phone back to her ear.

Ivy and I followed our mom one time. Umangkas kami sa likuran ng kotse. I was twelve years old at that time when I saw Ruby. She was with her mom, and she was carrying a basket full of vegetables.

"May anak siya, kuya," kalabit ni Ivy sa tshirt ko.

"Nakikita ko."

"Umuwi na tayo. Pagagalitan tayo ni mommy."

"Ssh," tinitigan ko lang ang bata.

She was always smiling and I hate it. I hate her for being so happy. Wala siyang alam sa nangyayari kaya wagas siya kung ngumiti. Kinakausap lang sila ni mommy kasama ng family attorney namin. Mukhang bibilhin niya ang lupa. Ang nag-iisang lupa na meron ang pamilya nila.

"Hindi ko marinig," kung bakit ba kasi ang layo-layo ko.

"Think about it, Rojen. Your family needs the money more than you need the dead land," ngumisi si mommy at naglakad pabalik sa kotse.

"Tago, Ivy!"

Nasundan ang pagbisita ni mommy sa kanilang pamilya halos araw-araw at kada linggo. She was so desperate to get the land to the point that she hired a man to kill Rojen. Dahil sa galit ko sa pamilya nila noon, kinonsente ko siya kahit alam ko na mali ang kanyang ginagawa. My hatred had grew into animosity towards the Mendoza family.

The next thing I knew, Rojen died. Mom went to the funeral, but she was kicked out by their relatives as expected. Sumama ako pero nagpaiwan si Ivy dahil natakot siya sa maaaring mangyari. She didn't know anything about what our mom did. She was still a kid and I didn't want her to know.

"Joseph, stay inside the car," utos ni mommy sa akin.

"I don't want to leave you here. Baka kung ano ang gawin nila sayo."

"Don't worry. Our bodyguards are outside. Walang mangyayari sa akin," she smiled.

Dinala ako ng guard sa labas papasok sa kotse. Hinintay ko siya sa loob nung makita ko ang anak ni Rojen, nakatambay sa labas and she was carving something on the tree.

"What are you doing?" tanong ko nang makalapit sa kanya.

I was shocked when she turn around. Ni walang luha ang lumalabas sa kanyang mga mata noon. She didn't cry at all, which made me hate her even more.

"Nagsusulat."

"And? Diba namatay ang papa mo? Bakit hindi ka umiiyak?"

Why aren't you suffering like my mom?

"At mukha ka pang masaya na wala na siya."

"Hindi ako masaya," she said not even looking at me. "Pero ayoko maging malungkot para kay papa."

"You're not making any sense."

"Sabi nila kapag namatay ang isang tao napupunta sila sa langit kasama ang Diyos kaya masaya ako para kay papa. Walang kalungkutan dun, walang sakit, walang hirap," humakbang siya paatras at tinignan ang kanyang ginawa.

"Sigurado ka ba na sa langit ang bagsak ng tatay mo?" ngumisi ako. "What if he did something terrible while he was still alive? Do you think tatanggapin siya ng Diyos sa langit? I don't think so, lady."

"Mabait ang papa ko. Nagagawa lang naman ng tao ang masasamang bagay kapag may nagtutulak sa kanilang gawin 'yon," she said at inilibing ang isang kwintas. "At mapagpatawad ang Diyos."

Tch. Gusto ko siyang sigawan. I want her to know that her father is a killer, but seeing her like this makes it harder for me to tell the truth. She's too naive and innocent. I hate her!

"Walang kwenta ang tatay mo," lumabas na lang bigla sa bibig ko.

"Alam ko pero mahal niya kami," ngumiti siya at inapakan ang lupa kung saan niya nilibing ang isang kwentas. "Ikaw? Mahal ka ba ng tatay mo?"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. My tongue got tied. Wala akong naisagot. Mas nainis lang ako lalo.

"Why did you bury that thing?"

"Bibilhin na ang lupa namin. Kapag lumaki ako, bibilhin ko ito ulit dahil maraming alaala si papa rito. Dito kami lumaki ng kapatid ko. Babalikan ko ang kwintas kasama ng lupa."

I gritted my teeth. Does this girl even know how to get angry?

"Bakit ba hindi ka umiiyak? Bakit ba ayaw mong maglabas ng galit ha? Tao ka pa ba?! Umiyak ka dahil 'yon ang nararapat," I snapped out like a madman tsaka ko niyugyog ang kanyang balikat.

Alam ko na hindi niya ako naiintindihan pero anong magagawa ko? Galit na galit ako sa kanya. Naupo siya sa lumang kahoy at napatingin sa puno when I realized that she was already shedding tears. Tumulo ang butil ng luha sa lupa tsaka niya tinakpan ang kanyang mukha ng bimpo.

"Shit," napatingin ako sa kanya.

Bakit ako nasasaktan para sa kanya? This is all my fault. I made her cry, but I'm hurting instead of being happy of what I made her feel.

"T-Tama na 'yan. Ang OA mo," humugot ako ng candy sa bulsa. Umeepekto ito kay Ivy, ewan ko lang sa kanya. "Kainin mo."

She shook her head. "Kasalanan mo kung ba't ako umiyak! Gusto kong umiyak kapag wala ng tao pero... pero pinaiyak mo ako!"

"Tumahan ka na kasi. Tch!"

"Umalis ka na! Hindi kita kilala at 'wag ka nang magpapakita sa akin," she removed the face towel and looked at me. "Galit ako sa mga gaya mo. I hate you!"

Her words strike like I got hit by sharp daggers. Naglakad siya palayo sa akin at sa madilim na puno. I made her cry. I want her to cry, but I feel guilty of what I did.

"I guess our feeling is mutual. I hate you too, Ruby Mendoza."

Mom decided to stay at Lavista Del Barrio. She got what she wanted. Nakuha niya ang gusto niyang lupa kaya sobrang saya niya. My mom was so happy when I left home for college. Kasama niya pa rin si Ivy dahil high school palang ang kapatid ko.

"Alagaan mo si mommy," I pat her head. "Alis na po ako, Mom."

"Be careful on your way, Joseph. Always remember that mommy loves you."

Alam ko po iyon, Mom.

"Ang daming magagandang first-years kanina sa welcome ceremony, tol," tapik ni Mark sa balikat ko.

"Tumigil ka nga. I don't have time for that."

I have a girlfriend, her name is Mariel. Siya ang Ms. Engineering last year. As lead vocalist of the band, isa ako sa mga sikat na persona ng Engineering.

"Oo nga pala, loyal kang hayop ka."

"I'm single tho," komento ni Gabriel at ngumisi. "Let's check some freshmen during Intramurals."

"Samahan mo na kami Seph. Tutal naman tutugtog tayo diba? Tsaka hindi naman sasali si Mariel sa pageant. Magpapasa lang siya ng korona."

"Oo na, para manahimik na kayo," untag ko na ikinatuwa nila pareho.

Students in and out the university are welcome to participate and watch our Intramurals. Highlight kada taon ang Mr. and Ms. Intramurals lalo na kung tutugtog ang banda namin sa Battle of the Bands.

"And now, for the performance that you have all been waiting for. Let us welcome the College of Engineering!" hiyaw ng emcee na sinundan ng hiyawan ng madla.

The spotlights were focused on the four of us. Nasasanay na ako sa liwanag dahil taon-taon namin itong ginagawa.

"When you smile, everything's in place
I've waited so long, can make no mistake
All I am reaching out to you
I can't be scared, got to make a move

While we're young, come away with me
Keep me close and don't let go."

Everyone was vibing the song. I wanted to win this competition, but our seniors always bring the bacon.

"Inch by inch, we're moving closer
Feels like a fairytale ending
Take my heart, this is the moment
I'm moving closer to you
I'm moving closer to you

Who'd have thought that I'd breathe the air
Spinning 'round your atmosphere

I'll hold my breath, falling into you
Break my fall and don't let go."

Napatingin ako sa madla. Same faces, same auras. Feeling ko walang freshmen na nag-enroll sa university namin. But there were students from other schools. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita si Ruby sa gitna ng audience. She was not paying attention to our band. She was texting and trying to call someone in the middle of the crowd.

"Inch by inch, we're moving closer
Feels like a fairytale ending
Take my heart, this is the moment
I'm moving closer to you

Inch by inch, we're moving closer
Feels like a fairytale ending
Take my heart, this is the moment
I'm moving closer to you."

Napako ang tingin ko sa kanya. Why is she here? Maybe she's visiting an acquaintance. Saan siya nag-aaral? Why the fuck am I curious? She has nothing to do with me and I have nothing to do with her. But damn! I'm freaking curious about her.

"Moving closer...
Closer to you...
Moving closer...

I'm moving closer to you."

I saw her walking around. Mabuti na lang at natapos kaagad ang performance namin kaya pinahawakan ko muna kay Gabriel ang electric guitar ko.

"Where do you think you're going, Joseph?"

"Mag pupuntahan lang saglit."

I followed her to the CBA lobby and confirmed that she's also a student here. Freshman. Pinagmasdan ko lang siya. She looks confused asking for directions. I wanted to approach her but I didn't have the courage to do so especially when I remembered that she hates me.

Naaalala niya pa kaya ako?

"Kuya? What are you doing here?"

Napalingon ako kay Ivy na may pagkaing hawak. "Nagpapahangin lang. Ikaw?"

"Building namin ito," she gave me a 'duh-obvious-ba-girl' look. "Malapit na awarding. Bumalik ka na dun, baka magalit na naman si Gabriel sayo."

"He's not the boss of me," naglakad ako pabalik sa backstage para maghintay ng awarding.

And guess what? We won. For the epic first time. I was trying to find where Ruby was nung last day ng Intramurals. She was always with a girl at nalaman ko na nasa iisang kurso lang sila ni Ivy. Madalas ko siyang makita sa lobby. At dahil naging busy ako sa paghahanap sa kanya I end up breaking with my girlfriend. Nawawalan na raw ako ng oras sa kanya, but she cheated on me for fuck sake.

"Yung babae sa lobby kanina kilala mo?" tanong ko kay Ivy nung pauwi na kami sa boarding house.

"Hindi but she looks familiar diba? Taga kabilang seksyon kasi 'yon."

"Tanungin mo bukas kung anong pangalan."

"Luh, ako pa ang gagawin mong tulay? Kapal muks."

"Makipagclose ka kasi."

"Ayoko. Taga kabilang seksyon 'yon. Wala akong kilala sa kabila."

"Tatanungin mo o sasabihin ko kay Ryle na may gusto ka sa kanya?"

Kumunot ang noo niya bago tumango. Mabuti naman, ang dali naman palang kausap ng batang ito. Kinabukasan, I already confirmed who she was at hindi ako nagkamali. She was the daughter of my family's enemy. I didn't know that she studies at the same university where I am studying.

Perhaps fate.

"May bagong lipat tayo mamaya," sambit ni Ryle nang makapasok sa kwarto namin. Hinubad niya ang kanyang sapatos tsaka nahiga sa kama. "Sana chicks."

Nakatulog din siya agad dahil sa pagod. If you only knew that my sister likes you dumbass. But I guess he knew, Ivy is simply not his type. Bumangon na ako upang maghanda sa pagpasok nang bigla-bigla na lang nawala ang toothbrush ko.

"Ry, nakita mo toothbrush ko?" pagyugyog ko sa balikat niya.

"H-Ha?"

"Where's my fucking toothbrush? Baka kiniskis mo na naman sa toilet bowl!" inis kong sabi pero 'di siya nagsalita. "Asa'n nga 'yong toothbrush ko, pota mo naman, Ry."

"Hindi ko nga alam. Aanhin ko naman 'yang toothbrush mo?"

"Aba malay ko. Ipakulam mo pa ako, e. Asa'n na nga kasi? Tangina naman. Kung kailan ko kailangan saka mawawala!" singhal ko.

Lumabas ako para bumili ng bago. Malilate na ako e, shit naman. After my 2 PM class, umuwi ako kaagad para magpraktis ng bagong piyesa para sa gaganapin na intrams that year. Tsaka ko nadaanan si Ivy na papunta sa university.

"Kuya, roommate nga pala kami ni Ruby. Kalilipat niya lang kanina. Magpakabait ka, type mo pa naman 'yon," ngisi niya.

"Ang layo niya sa type ko!"

Inis ko siyang hinabol pero 'di ko na naabutan pa. That means, she's the new tenant? Shit! Why am I freaking out like this?

Chill the eff out, Seph. You're too hot to be stressed out over a girl.

Pumasok ako sa gate. Sabi ni Ivy roommate raw sila. Malas naman. Nagbihis ako ng damit at tumambay sa madalas kong tambayan upang makapagpraktis ng piyesa.

"Di man tayo ay magkunwari
Sabihin man nilang pag ibig natin ay mali
Hindi man tayo ay magkunwari
Baka sakali mang sabihin mo
Ako'y mahal mo rin."

Napalingon ako nang marinig ang yabag ng flip flops. Napalunok ako ng ilang beses bago nagsalita. I couldn't say anything, afraid that she remembers me or she doesn't.

"What?"

"Ang ingay mo. Natutulog ako."

What the- did she come here just to say that to me? Wala pang nagsabi sa akin na pangit ang boses ko.

"That's not the expression of a disturbed person."

"What was that?"

"Naingayan o nagustuhan?" I smirked.

I was able to handle a conversation with her without stuttering. Mukhang hindi niya nga ako naaalala. She doesn't have a clue of who I was or that we've met before and I made her cry.

"P-Paano mo nalaman ang pangalan ko?"

Because we've met before and you can't even remember how handsome I am sana ang isasagot ko, but I chose not to say it.

"Well, I am also dying to know you."

Well, I was always curious about you ever since. Kinukulit ko siya araw-araw, it was supposed to be part of my plan to know her better, to know her weaknesses better, but I messed up and ended up falling in love with her. She's so independent and optimistic like a radiant of both bright and good vibes.

But sadly, she left me without giving an explanation. Tanging sulat lang ang iniwan niya para sa akin nang makarating ako sa ospital. The room was empty. No trace of her being there at all. I kept asking Angela where she had gone, but she chose to keep her mouth shut about it. I realized that she hated me again because of what my mom did to her.

"I saw tita Janna pushed Ruby, Seph, and she was bleeding! Alam mo ba 'yon ha?" Angela fumed.

Baka nakuhanan siya at kasalanan ko iyon. Kasalanan ko kasi hinayaan ko si mommy na apakan at saktan siya. Imagining her crying in pain makes me want to see her more, but I can't do anything about it. Alam ko na galit na galit na siya sa akin dahil sa nangyari that's why I chose to stay away.

Pero hindi ko kaya.

I contact Adam. I hate him but I have no other choice. He was my last resort, kaso hindi niya rin alam kung nasaan si Ruby. Umuwi ako sa probinsya pagkatapos ng graduation. I didn't have the time to party because something is pushing me to go back home. When we arrived, Mom was with Manang Letisha, and she looks thinner than before.

"Mom," lumapit ako at hinalikan siya sa pisngi. "What are you doing here? I thought nasa hospital ka?"

"I was. I was bedridden for two months kaso naumay ako kaya umuwi muna ako *cough*"

Tumingin ako kay Manang. She didn't say a word at nagpatuloy sa paglilinis. Mom was diagnosed of breast cancer that's why she has been doing chemo pero napakatigas talaga ng kanyang ulo.

"Seph, hijo, nalaman mo na ba kung nasaan si Ruby?"

"Not yet," buntong ko at iniabot sa kanya ang gamot. "I'm trying to contact everyone pero wala silang alam kung nasaan."

"If you will see her, tell her that I am really sorry for what I did. Napagbuntungan ko siya ng personal na galit kaya ko iyon nagawa," naiyak siya sa kanyang sinabi. "I keep repenting everyday for forgiveness. Sana mapatawad niya ako sa ginawa ko sa kanya bago ako mawala."

"Mom, don't say that!" sita ni Ivy sa likuran ko. Lumapit siya at umiyak. "Gagaling ka! Ipagdasal natin na gagaling ka."

Later that night, mom passed away.

Hindi siya nakahingi ng tawad sa mga taong nasaktan niya. Lalo na kay Ruby. That's why I decided to continue searching for her, and when Eric told me that he was inviting our band to play at the Alumni, I immediately agreed.

Nagbabakasakali na sana ay pumunta siya. Na sana ay makita ko siya ulit. Na sana ay makahingi ako ng tawad para sa mommy ko. And that's when Angela called me that Ruby is here at Davao para asikasuhin ang kumpanya ng kanyang stepdad.

I went to the company, but my chances were low kasi hindi siya nakipagkita sa akin. I was devastated thinking that she still hates me. My last resort is the Alumni Homecoming, I just have to make sure na pupunta siya para magkita kami and we did. Gusto ko siyang yakapin ng mahigpit at halikan ng mariin pero hindi ko nagawa dahil naunahan ako ng galit at pagkalito.

"Why did you leave me?"

I messed up because I fell in love with her everyday. I was supposed to hate her, despise her, but the odds are too good to be hated. I choose to love her instead. And now, I am opening a new chapter of my life with her and my daughter.

Bumukas ng dahan-dahan ang pinto ng simbahan. I saw my wife and his dad walking together down the aisle. She was so beautiful. Ang ganda ng asawa ko. No one can beat the beauty she has in my eyes.

"Ingatan mo ang anak ko, hijo. Mahal na mahal ko 'yan," sambit ni sir Hubert bago bitawan ang kamay ni Ruby.

"Makakaasa po kayo, Pa," bumaling ako kay Ruby. "You're so beautiful today, Precious."

"Alam ko," ngumiti siya as her eyes shed tears. "I can't believe I'm actually marrying the man of my dreams."

"This is not a dream anymore," I wiped her tears dry using my fingertips.

I inserted the one and only ring that perfectly fits her finger. I bought this from Laurence Graff mayself. It reminds me of Ruby.

The Graff Ruby.

After the wedding, we immediately head back to the hotel for the reception. Topaz was playing with her grandpa ang other kids. Nakita ko si Gibson na wagas kung makatitig sa anak ko. Lagot talaga sa akin ang batang ito pag nagkataon.

"Shall we go upstairs? Let's make another Topaz," bulong ko sa kanyang tenga.

Namumula niya akong minatahan. "Mamaya na. Pagod ako."

"Bigla akong nagsisi na kinasal tayo ngayon," I pout. Tinampal niya ako sa balikat.

"Mamaya na sabi. Suntukin kita riyan, e."

"Tara na," hinila ko siya paalis sa reception.

Everyone was busy doing whatever they're doing. Nakangisi ko siyang hiniga sa kama at hinalikan sa labi.

"I love you," I grinned.

"I told you mamaya na. Kainis naman, Seph."

"Ang cute mo Precious kapag kinikilig ka," pisil ko sa kanyang ilong.

Mabilis kong sinakop ang kanyang bibig at mariin siyang hinalikan na parang isang gutom na leon. I can't help it. I'm too thirsty and dry after years of not having sex. I only want her. My body only wants her. My kisses are meant for her. For my precious Ruby.

"Did you lock the door? Everytime we do this someone always interrupts," hingal niya.

Napatingin ako sa pinto at natawa. I remember how those sibling gets in our way everytime kaya siniguro kong nakalock ang pintuan ngayon.

"Is that better?" I grinned.

She shyly nods, pulling me to the bed on top of her. Mabilis kong hinubad ang damit ko before I took off her clothes. My kisses became deeper and deeper as I my hands were doing its job to take off my wife's undergarments. Tinapon ko sa gilid ang kanyang bra at mabilis na dinilaan ang kanyang leeg. I licked her earlobes which made her flinched.

I cupped her breasts, licking it, sucking it. Her moans were all over the place.

"Aaahh... ooohh... so good..."

"I'm not finished," I breathe. "I've missed you so much, Precious."

I licked my two fingers and made sure that it's wet before inserting it inside her, thrusting and pulling it consecutively.

"Aaahhh... aaahhh... ahhhh..."

Her body was flinching to the sensation of my actions were giving her. My kisses went down and down to her private part. Hinubad ko ang kanyang underwear before licking her insides. She was moaning as her nails dug deeper on my back.

"Aaahhh... don't stop... aaahh..."

"I won't..."

I hurriedly took off my boxers before thrusting and pulling my pet inside her.

"Faster, Seph. Aaahhh... faster..."

"I'm fucking... cumming..."

"Oohh... ooohh... yes..."

I was fucking her harder than before. The bed was moving because of my strength. The more I fuck, the more her moans get loud and nails dug deeper.

"Yeah, you like that, Precious?"

"Yes... aaahh..."

Shit! I'm almost cumming.

"Don't pull back!" she begged dahilan para sumabog ako sa loob niya.

I fell on the bed. I'm tired. I can't move. Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit as she level her head on my chest. Kinumutan ko siya at hinalikan sa kanyang buhok.

"I hate you," ngiti niya. "I hate you because it was the first feeling I felt for you."

"What do you mean?" tinitigan ko siya ng mabuti.

"Because you made me hate you back then. Back when we were kids," she said. "And you made me realize that it's okay not to be okay... that it's okay to cry."

So she did remember me!

"Hate or love, I don't care. Both are still valid feelings that you felt for me," I hugged her tight, compressing her body heat with mine. "Sometimes, hatred brings people closer together."

Perhaps fate, perhaps not. It was love at first hate, but whatever the reason is, no one can cut our invisible string of hate.

●●●

FIN~