NATAPOS nang matiwasay ang group activity namin. Buong oras din akong inasar ni Angela kay Adam. Paano ba naman kasi? Palagi n'yang sinusulyapan ang ganda ko. Hays.

"Kausapin mo na kasi," sundot n'ya sa tagiliran ko.

"Ayoko nga. We have nothing to talk about," sabi ko habang nililigpit isa-isa ang gamit sa loob ng bag. "Mararamdaman ko lang ulit yung sakit."

"Akala ko ba naghilom na?"

"Bumukas ulit 'yung sugat."

"Magmove-on ka na kasi," she sighed.

"Nakamove-on na ako, but he came back in the flesh as nothing happened." Mabilis kong isinuksok sa loob ng bag ang laptop.

"That's not what I mean. Moving on doesn't always mean moving forward without him. It also means acceptance. Acceptance na wala na kayo."

"You don't need to remind me. Tsaka tanggap ko na rin naman na hindi kami meant to be," sabi ko at sinukbit ang strap. "Let's go."

"Magpaalam muna tayo kay Adam."

"Aish. Wag na, wala 'yung pake sa atin."

"May pake s'ya sayo."

Hindi n'ya ako pinakinggan. Kinatok n'ya pa rin ang pinto ng kwarto ni Adam. Kainis ka talaga, Gelai. Binubuhay mo ulit yung pag-asang matagal ng patay. The candle of my small hope. Napatingin sa gawi ko iyong dalawa. I don't know what the two of them are talking about pero biglang pumasok si Adam pabalik sa loob ng kanyang kwarto.

"Ano 'yun?"

I've waited for them to finish talking when Adam emerged from his room wearing a polo shirt and cargo pants.

"Ihahatid n'ya raw tayo pauwi," masayang sabi ni Angela ng makalapit sa akin.

"A-ANO KAMO?!"

Nagtakip s'ya ng tenga gamit ang daliri bago sumagot. "Hatid ka raw n'ya. Bawal ba yun?"

"Bawal!" mabilis akong naglakad palayo.

Ayoko. Ayoko. Gusto ko na magmove on completely. Bakit pinaglalapit kami ng tadhana?

"Angela! Tara na!" paghila ko sa kanyang pulso.

Mabilis pa sa alas kwatro akong nakalakad palayo sa lugar, pero nagawa pa rin kaming sundan ni Adam na may ngiti sa kanyang labi.

"Bwiset."

"Sorry, pinigilan ko sya pero ayaw n'yang magpapigil," dispensa ni Angela.

"Sabi ko naman sayo diba? Huwag na tayong magpaalam sa lokong iyan," inis kong sabi.

Pumara ako ng jeepney. Ang sosyal naman yata kapag taxi ang pinara ko but a taxi stopped in front of us.

"Sakay," anito ng isang boses na nasa likuran ko.

"Wala akong pera. Mahirap akong tao."

"I'll pay. Just hop in," utos niya.

Hindi ko na nagawang magreklamo kasi tinulak ako ni Angela sa loob ng backseat. S'ya naman ang naupo sa front seat kaya magkatabi kami ngayon ni Adam.

Sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Aabot sa puntong papaakyat na siya sa tuyo kong lalamunan. Kainis ka naman, Angela. Kasalanan mo ito kapag nabroken ako sa pangalawang beses sa parehong lalaki.

The whole drive to boarding house was quiet. Hindi rin ako nag-eexpect na kakausapin n'ya ako. Ayaw ko rin s'yang kausap. I just want us both to be civil, friends, acquaintances, ganung status at hindi iyong ganito.

"Dito lang po, Manong," Angela cued.

Nag-abot ng dalawang daan si Adam sa driver.

"Manong, wait for me. I'll pay you thrice."

Ang yaman niya talaga. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi s'ya nagkokotse. Bumaba agad ako upang malaman na sinusundan niya pala ako. Angela and I separated ways, and Adam was walking with me.

"Ano ba ang trip mo?"

He suddenly grabbed my laptop bag. "Ako na."

Hinayaan ko lang siya sa kanyang ginawa. "Suit yourself."

"I badly want to talk to you. Isang linggo rin akong hindi nakatulog ng maayos dahil sayo," aniya.

I pretend not to care, but I was actually listening to every word he says.

"I think this is the perfect time to explain everything to you."

"Adam, I know that you knew what really happened, right?"

We caught each other's eyes. His freaking hazelnut eyes swallows you the more you stare at it.

"Your family doesn't want me for you at naiintindihan ko iyon. You came from a wealthy family and I did not."

"I don't care. Nag-aral ako sa states for you para hindi na ako sumbatan ng parents ko sa bawat desisyon na gagawin ko. We can be together again-"

I silenced him with my sharp looks. "Please. Stop. I don't love you anymore, Adam. Maglet go ka rin minsan."

I bit my lower lip to prevent the tears. Konting tiis na lang Ruby, makakauwi ka rin sa inyo at dun mo na lang ibuhos ang lahat ng sakit.

"Hindi ako naniniwalang nakamove-on ka na sa akin. The way you look at me, the way your eyes stare at me. It's saying something, there's still hope for us, Ruby. Just give me another chance to prove myself to you again," he begged. He pleads pero tama na.

Adam Cordova came from a very wealthy family. A family of doctors, they owned many private hospitals in the city. Kung ikukumpara mo ako sa kanila, isa lang akong hamak na commoner na inaakala ng iba ay isang gold digger. Because Adam and I were in a relationship at that time, they thought that I was digging gold while loving him. Alam kong mali sila, alam din iyon ni Adam.

But society have ways to break us apart.
Nalaman ng kanyang parents, especially his abuelito, that his grandson was dating an underprivileged girl. Maraming nirereto ang family n'ya sa kanya, despite all of that he still choose me over his family. That made his family despise me even more. I can't afford to be hurt again. Mas masakit ang sugat na dulot ng salita kumpara sa pamimisikal ng isang tao.

"You have nothing to prove to me, Adam. Prove yourself to your family."

He shook his head. "No. I'll prove to you that we could at least give it a try. Love is sweeter the second time around, so why not?"

Marahas akong napabuntong habang nag-iisip ng maaaring ipalusot sa kanya para tigilan na niya ang pangungulit sa akin.

"Give me reasons why I should stop trying," he said na para bang gusto n'yang makarinig ng kundisyon.

If he wants condition, I'll give it to him. But what kind?

And I just thought of an insane idea.

"I-I'm in love with someone else. Kaya pwede mo na akong tigilan sa pangungulit mo," I said, crossing my fingers at the back of my spine.

Though I know that he could see through my lies. I just have to give it a shot, hoping that he'll take the bait.

"Liar," he simply said. He didn't seem disturbed about it. "You're lying, aren't you?"

Mabilis akong umiling. Parang matatanggal na yung ulo ko sa kakailing.

"Why would I lie to you? It's the truth naman kasi."

"Who?"

"Huh?"

"Who are you in love with?"

Napalunok ako. "K-Kailangan ba talaga specific?"

"Of course, dun ko malalaman kung nagsisinungaling ka ba sa akin o hindi," seryoso n'yang sagot.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. I have no names to drop, I can't think of some guys na maaari kong imention. Baka isipin n'ya na gawa-gawa ko lang ang pangalan ng lalaki kasi hindi n'ya iyon kilala.

"Ruby?" he said, cutting my train of thoughts.

"S-Si... baka hindi ka maniwala kapag sinabi ko sayo."

"It depends who the guy is," nagkibit-balikat sya.

"So, sino nga?"

"Ang kulit," napakamot ako ng ulo.

Sino ba ang pwede kong sabihin?

Natigilan kaming dalawa nang may tumawag sa maganda kong pangalan. The guy was waving at us from the other side of the road, nakangiti ng malawak sa akin.

"Precious!"

And there goes my craziness, strikes like a baseball game. Makakahome run ako nito. Nakangiti kong binalingan si Adam, his forehead creased looking at the guy and then to me.

"I'm in love with, Joseph. Sorry Adam," I acted sincerely.

His lips parted after that. Pwede ng pasukan ng langaw ang kanyang bibig dahil sa laki ng awang nito.

"Are you serious, Ruby? Him?!" inis n'yang tinuro ang daan kung nasaan si Joseph. "You've gotta be kidding me."

I smiled sweetly, shaking my head to chide. "No, I'm not. Matagal ko na s'yang crush, he's kind and thoughtful. Pinagluto n'ya pa nga ako noon, e."

KADIRI!

Gusto kong masuka sa mga pinagsasasabi ko. Kalahati dun ay totoo at kasinungalingan. Pinagluto n'ya naman talaga ako, pero hindi ko sya gusto at hindi ko s'ya crush, hindi rin s'ya mabait sa akin at hindi rin thoughtful. Come to think of it, isang katotohanan lang pala ang andun sa sinabi ko, the rest were lies. Gusto kong maduwal sa magagandang papuri na sinabi ko tungkol sa kanya.

"I see," he sighed. "But I still don't believe you. Aalamin ko kung totoong in love ka sa kanya o hindi."

Naramdaman kong may nakatayo na sa aking likuran. Hindi ko na s'ya kailangang lingunin because I know how good he smells.

"What's going on?" kunot-noong tanong ni Joseph sa kanya.

"Nothing," nakatitig lang si Adam sa akin. I was caught off guard when he kissed me on my cheeks. "I'll see you soon."

Binigay n'ya sa akin ang laptop habang nanatili akong bato sa kinatatayuan ko.

Did he just kiss me?

Malamang sa malamang, hindi naman siguro ako nananaginip no? Gising na gising ang kaluluwa ko ngayon kahit antok na antok ako sa research kanina. My whole system is in haywire, shit shit. Hindi ako marupok, pero pagdating kay Adam nawawasak talaga ako agad.

"The fuck was that kiss for?" galit n'yang kinuha ang laptop bag mula sa akin tsaka niya ako hinila. "Ang rupok mo!"

I still can't believe that he kissed me. Para saan yun? Ano yun? Bakit ko ba nararamdaman ang ganito katinding pagmamahal sa isang tao na dahilan ng pagkawasak ng puso ko?

"H-He kissed me," wala sa sarili kong sabi habang napapahawak sa aking pisngi. "Adam kissed me."

"He did because he's an asshole," his jaw clenched.

Dun ko lang narealized na hawak-hawak n'ya pala ako. My heart was insanely palpitating like I drank too much coffee in one shot. Agad kong binawi ang aking kamay na nakahawak sa kanya. Galit na galit n'ya akong tinignan sa mata matapos kong gawin iyon.

Bakit ba ang gwapo nitong magalit? Tsk.

"Why the fuck did he kiss you? Alam n'ya bang nasa harapan nyo ako kanina?" he fumed with a gritted teeth.

Nakakatakot.

First time ko s'yang makita na ganito kagalit. Nasanay kasi ako na suplado s'ya or nakakairita.

"B-Bakit ka sa akin galit? Kiss lang naman yun."

"Anong lang? Big deal yun. Mag-ex kayo tapos naghahalikan kayo sa harapan ko," singhal n'ya.

"Ano bang problema mo? Bakit? Hindi mo ba hinahalikan ang ex mo?"

"Not after breakup of course!"

"Oh, bakit mo ako sinisigawan? Selos ka?!"

Natigilan s'ya. I really thought he's going to shout back at me again but I was wrong. Nilapitan n'ya ako ng dahan-dahan, his broad chest was so firm that I could see how visible it is through his tight shirt.

"Kapag sinabi ko bang nagseselos ako anong gagawin mo?"

"W-Wala!"

Why would he be jealous?! Walang kami!

"Then, I'm not jealous," he tsked.

"M-Mabuti naman."

I feel... disappointed?

Naglakad ulit kami pero nilingon n'ya ako pagkatapos. "Would you do something if I'm not jealous?"

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"Sabi mo wala kang gagawin kapag nagseselos ako. So may gagawin ka ba kapag sinabi kong hindi ako nagseselos?"

"Don't be stupid."

"It's because you're making me stupid," hinilamos n'ya ang kanyang kamay sa mukha niya. He sighed in frustration, messing his hair. "You have to do something about this, Ruby."

Napairap ako sa kawalan at pinagkrus ang kamay sa dibdiban.

"It's your fault kung bakit ka nagkakaganyan," duro ko sa kanyang dibdib.

He caught my arms, making me stare at his jet-black eyes. Nagulat ako sa ginawa n'ya, but the more I stare at his eyes, the more puzzled I become.

"Hindi ako ganito noong hindi ka dumating. I am like this because of you. You have to do something. Malaking problema ang pinasok mo."

"A-Ano bang sinasabi mo riyan?"

"Your name keeps repeating in my head na parang sirang plaka. I keep cutting the strings between us, pero sa tuwing puputulin ko na iyon bumabalik pa rin sa dati. You have to do something about my feelings for you. This is dangerous."

——