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"In your suit and tie, in the nick of time

You lowdown boy, you stand up guy
Holy Ghost, you told me I'm

The love of your life
You said I'm the love of your life

About a million times"

loml - Taylor Swift

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Chapter Ten:

< James >

All my worst fears had become reality overnight, and I could have prevented it from happening. I warned Everly about my bad feeling, and I was right. I never imagined that I would be the reason everything fell apart. I never expected my world to collapse so suddenly.

After winning our final regular season lacrosse game and securing Maxton Hall a championship spot, Alistair suggested a small celebratory party with the team. Against my better judgment, I agreed to attend, trusting it would be a modest gathering. However, when I arrived, the party was anything but small-it was more like a Project X-style blowout worthy of Cyril.

"I think I'm going to head home, this is a little much for me. It feels strange without Eve."  Alistair noticed the sadness evident in my voice, nodding in agreement.

"I get it, without Evie here, you have no one to light up the dance floor," Alistair joked as he began to walk me out. Naturally, Cyril interrupted, pulling Alistair away to be his beer pong partner. I texted Lydia to see if she had arrived yet and started searching the living room for my jacket. That's when I ran into Ellie, more visibly drunk than I'd ever seen her.

"James! So happy you could make it!" Ellie slurred nearly falling into me.

"I was just leaving." I said about to walk away from her. She grabbed me and kissed me. I pulled away as quickly as possible. But it wasn't quick enough.

"Ellie, what the hell are you thinking? I have a girlfriend! Have you completely lost it?" I shouted, drawing the attention of the entire party. She just smiled at me.

"Not for long," she winked as she walked away. I should've known she was up to something when I saw Jasper nearby on his phone. I had a bad feeling, and I should really learn to trust those instincts. A few minutes later, as I was leaving the house, I checked my phone and saw a text from Everly. It was a photo of Ellie kissing me, looking as incriminating as possible without context. I tried to call her, only to find that Everly had already blocked me.

I spent the rest of the night into the next morning with Lydia doing everything I could think of to contact Everly. I even called her hotel in Berlin. But they told me she had checked out early. Alistair came over the next day to apologize for his sister's actions again. He even volunteered to call Everly. That time she did answer. I didn't say a word as Alistair put his phone on speaker.

Just from her shattered and shaky tone, I knew I hadn't just hurt her-I had destroyed her, and she was running away from me. I was the one person in her life who was never supposed to cause her any harm. When she started to cry, all the pain she was trying to suppress came flooding back. It was my fault. I didn't initiate the kiss with Ellie, but I went to that party. I should've known better.

I knew there was no way Everly would believe me unless I spoke to her in person. She had to see my eyes. Since were children she told me she could tell I was lying when she looked into them. I had a tell even I never noticed before. But she did. I was hoping this time it would work in my benefit. If I could find her. Since I was blocked I didn't have her location and from what Lydia could see it looked like she had turned her cellphone off.

I had our entire group over that night to brainstorm where in the world Everly Calloway might be. We had maps strewn across the floor with pins of all different colors for options. The red were places she could be, green are places she'd never gone but might go. And purple were places she might go to throw us off her trail. It was around 3am when Lydia thought of something.

"I know where she is." She said.

"What? How?" I asked.

"She's in California, going to her mother's wedding," Lydia sighed. "I was just thinking about the conversation she and I had in my room the night before she left. She said she didn't deserve to carry guilt and wanted her mother to understand the pain she caused. Everly didn't want her to just get away with it. I just looked up the wedding online-it's tomorrow in Santa Monica. And I'm sure she's not going to show her love and support. She just signed over her mother's shares of Calloway Trust to her father. She wants to hurt her mother, just like her mother hurt her. Everly's hurting now...and that's going to cause a lot of damage if you don't do something, James. We all need to do something. This is all our fault." Lydia paused, then added, "I'll call the pilot now."

"I'll find out what hotel Everly is staying in." Alistair said.

"I'll bring the booze." Cyril volunteered.

"And I guess I'll start practicing getting on my knees," I sighed. "I don't know how I'll ever earn her forgiveness. This is the one thing I swore I would never do to her." I took a deep breath, trying to control my voice, but I couldn't hold back. "And since when has Jasper teamed up with your sister?" I yelled at Alistair.

"Everly threatened him for me," Lydia said, tears welling up in her eyes. "She got him to delete a video of me making out with someone I shouldn't have. She promised to delete her video of his confession if he did." Lydia started to cry. "He took that photo to get back at her." She wrapped her arms around me, trying desperately to apologize for what she had started.

"It's okay," I said, trying to reassure Lydia. "Even if she had told me, and I had forbidden it, she would have done it anyway. When Everly loves, she loves hard. And when she hurts... it's catastrophic. It's so fucking difficult for me to be on the other side of it this time. I can't hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be okay when I'm the one who caused it." My anger dissolved into tears.

My friends gathered around me, hugging me tightly. "We're going to get her back, James. I promise," Alistair said. I nodded, hoping he was right, but deep down, I knew Everly better than anyone. I feared this might be her breaking point.

That night, we all boarded the jet to the US, but there was no excitement in the air. The flight, which was usually filled with champagne, wild stories, and card games, was eerily quiet. Everyone understood that if this was truly the breaking point for Everly and me, there would be hell to pay, and neither of us would ever be the same again.

"James... James, wake up. We're here." Lydia shook me gently. I blinked awake, disoriented. I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep; I hadn't truly slept in days. I missed my girlfriend-though, she wasn't even mine anymore. It was like I always told Everly: she was never really mine. She belonged to no one, and that scared me to my core.

I arrived at her hotel an hour later, knowing I'd probably spook her if I brought the entire cavalry with me. I had them wait for my call. Not that Cyril minded; he was too excited to check out the boardwalk and go on rides to care of my romantic endeavors.

I bribed the front desk to tell me what room she was in. Taking a deep breath, I got in the elevator. When it pinged on her floor and the doors opened, I had to force myself to step out. I walked down the hall and up to her door, trying to figure out my approach. Should I knock? Call her name through the door? My thoughts were too slow, and the door opened before I could decide. There she was, staring back at me, dressed to the nines in a gorgeous dress. I had caught her right before she left for her mother's wedding.

"Everly.." the only word that escaped me was her name. She tried not to make direct eye contact with me.

"James..." She swallowed hard, walking past me down the hall. I hurried after her, catching the elevator just before it closed. "Well, you found me. Want a prize Beaufort?" She rolled her eyes, turning her back to me. As the elevator descended, I realized she would be gone soon. Acting impulsively, I hit the emergency stop, bringing the elevator to a halt. "Well, that was idiotic," she sighed. "It appears one kiss with Ellie Ellington will do that to a boy, though."

"I would've searched the entire globe until I found you. Everly, I didn't kiss Ellie. You won't let me explain. She kissed me, and Jasper took the photo to get back at you for helping my sister. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do to get you to listen to me. We're not leaving this elevator until we talk." I blurted out the words, hoping they made sense. She turned to face me, her expression unreadable.

"How did you know about that?" Everly asked with confusion.

"Lydia told me, she blamed herself for this. She knew Jasper would do something to get back at you. But that's beside the point. I shouldn't have gone to the party. I already knew it looked bad being there without you. I was about to leave when I bumped into Ellie. She was visibly gone and I tried to walk away, but she pushed herself onto me. I am so sorry. I don't know what to do to make you believe me." I said as she stared into my eyes. The eyes she had been avoiding since I was standing there at her door. And just like that I could tell she knew I was telling the truth, but would it matter now?

"I believe you, James, but it doesn't change anything," she said, her voice trembling. "My trust issues are still there. It's too late. There's nothing you can do to fix it. We just have to move on, this time separately. And I'm sticking by my decision not to come home. I don't belong there anymore. I don't know where I belong." All I could do was watch, speechless, as she shattered to pieces in front of me. I didn't know what to do...

"Evie, you belong with me," I said softly at first. Then I changed my tone, this time not asking but demanding. "You belong with me," I repeated more firmly.

"I thought I did too. But look at us, James. Look at this mess. Even if you never cheated, I can't trust that you won't now. I can't trust that Ellie won't try again. I can't trust anyone. I love you, and I think...no...I know I always will. But that doesn't mean I can be with you," Everly's voice hardened as she pressed the button to start the elevator. As we descended to the ground floor, I fell to my knees.

"Everly." I was groveling at her feet. "I can't be me without you. I can't go back to our life without...you. You have to come home. Even if you can't take me back, at least come home." I begged her.

"James," she said, kneeling down to pull me up. "Groveling is not a good look on you." Everly sighed.

"Can I at least come with you to the wedding? You deserve my support. I can go as your friend, one of your best friends-who I was before and who I will be after. Even if you don't want me there, I can't just walk away, Everly. I'm not built that way," I said with the last ounce of dignity I had left in me.

"You can come, but whatever I choose to do when we get there is my decision. I should warn you, James..." Everly sighed. "I've left Maxton Hall and transferred to a prep school in Germany. My father only agreed because I promised to intern for him at the Calloway Trust there. So, even if we have a wonderful night tonight, we're not getting back together." I followed her out of the elevator, speechless. It was just as I had said before: when Everly loved, she loved hard. And when she hurt, it was catastrophic, damaging everything in its path like a natural disaster. But she was my tornado...and if she wanted to destroy me I would let her happily.

"Evie.." I said as I got in the backseat beside her.

"James, it's done. You can't change my mind. You told me we'd never be our parents and look at us now." Everly sighed as she turned attention to the window as we pulled onto the highway. I decided to text Lydia for advice, she was the only other person who knew Everly like I did. Maybe she could help me make sense of her decision.

FROM: Lydia

Maybe she's bluffing, she wants you to fight for her

I decided I would live in denial, believing that by the end of the night, I could convince Everly I could fix everything, even if I knew that was impossible. We arrived at the venue thirty minutes later. I watched her go through the motions, wondering if she was really going to leave her life in England behind. Had she made a mistake? Did she want to wrap her arms around me and come home? Yes, she did. But the second I saw her hazel eyes turn that cold, dark coffee brown, I knew she had given in to the part of herself that was her father. And even though I was right there beside her, I couldn't have felt farther from her in that moment.

"Wait in the car James. It won't take long." Everly said as she got out of the car, leaving me behind. I watched as she walked into the venue. I hoped she'd turn around once she walked inside but she didn't. I sat there for what seemed like hours, as late afternoon turned into early evening. I was just about to get out of the car and go look for her myself, when she emerged through the same door she walked through hours before. Her head was down as she got into backseat beside me.

"How did it go?" I asked. Everly didn't say a word. She just sat there as I told the driver to head back to the hotel. Finally I could take the deafening silence no longer. "Everly...talk to me please." I begged her. She slowly turned to face me revealing a large red mark on her cheek. "Oh my god what..happened." I asked as my hand grazed the mark on her cheek. She winced a little as she looked down at her hands, I noticed they were trembling.

"When we were children, all we wanted were our mothers to tuck us in at night, hold us when we injured ourselves...tell us we were loved. But those feelings don't change as we age, James. We still want those things...even if we don't openly say them. Even if we fuss that we're too old for that type of treatment. We still want the acknowledgement that we're cared for. I suppose at some point I learned to accept that would never be my upbringing. Still though, I did everything I could to warrant that behavior. I was the perfect daughter, the cheer captain who was also a straight A student and I somehow even found the time to volunteer. I cared for everyone, hoping someone would care enough for me back. I did things to get attention...good, bad, indifferent. I would do anything to receive even a nod of approval from my father or mother. I could sometimes get a "well done" from my father. But nothing was ever good enough for my mum. So I'd push myself to pick up another extra circular, more volunteer work. Whatever would make me perfect...but I wasn't. I could never be." Everly started to cry. I pulled her into my lap as she continued to open up to me like never before. I needed to make sure she knew how safe she was in my arms, how I would do anything I could to take this pain from her.

"I walked into the venue fully ready to torch her for abandoning our family, destroying our reputation and tarnishing the Calloway name. But I couldn't do it. I melted as I walked into the bridal suite and saw her in this beautiful silk gown. She looked like a queen and it crushed me she didn't want me to be apart of her day." I wiped away Everly's tears with the sleeve of my shirt as she spoke.

"Evie," I looked into her hazel eyes.

"I thought maybe..if I told her how happy I was for her. If I explained that all I'd every wanted was to make her happy. Maybe then she'd say she loved me back, apologize for hurting me and let me be apart of her wedding. But I am as naive as my father says. She was furious to see me, she wouldn't even make eye contact with me, James." Everly took a deep breath. "She had the nerve to say I ruined her life and she couldn't bare to waste another minute in that house with me and my father. She continued on to say my father deserved everything that was coming to him. And if I was smart, I'd disappear and start over too." Everly stopped for a moment, struggling to find her composure. "It truly was waste for me to come, she told me she never intended to introduce me to her husband. And if that didn't rip out my heart," She bit her lip trying to gather the strength to finish her statement. "My mum shared she was expecting with her new husband. And she couldn't wait to finally be a mother." Everly scoffed through her tears, in her own horror at the words that had just come out of her mouth.

"Oh my god...Evie I am so sorry." Were the only words I could muster up that made any sense for for the level of hurt she was expressing to me.

"I nodded, because she was right. She'd never been a mother to me, James. I was just another responsibility she ignored till she couldn't." Everly's realization was even more heartbreaking than the look in he emotionless eyes. "But I got back at her. I told her my wedding gift to her was total and complete freedom from my father and myself. Just like she had always wanted. Which included the severing of her financial ties, of course. I said I had signed over her Calloway Trust shares to my father and all though they had agreed on her keeping her seat on the board in the divorce, it became void when I signed away her guardianship of me. She was walking away with nothing in this divorce, I told her I made sure of that." Everly shook her head and laughed. "That's when she slapped me and said I was just like Gerald..cold, emotionless and destructive. She said I would never be able to find love in this world. Not real love anyway." She said as tears fell down her face. "That was the only part of what she said...I agreed with." My best friend's words broke my heart.

"Everly...you have to know none of what your mum said was true." I said as I held her in my arms.

"But see James, thats where you're wrong...it's all true. I was never good enough for her. Just like I'm not good enough for you. Just like I'm not good enough for any of this. Just the spoiled, obnoxious little girl who my father always loved more than he loved her mother. Well if never spending a minute of time with your daughter is love. I truly am loved by Gerald." Everly sighed as she looked up at me.

"Evie...none of what she said was true. Your mum just angry because she destroyed her life and had to run thousands of miles away...just to barely pick up the pieces. You are nothing like your father, you still believe in love. At least deep down I know you do. And fuck her...let her start over with her new family. She will lose interest and run again. That's just who she is Everly, it was never a reflection of you." I tried to comfort her. But how could I? She was broken...and for some reason I was worried I was making it worse. How could she say she wasn't good enough for me? I just begged on my knees for her back. I don't think I've ever been this low in my life.

"You know all of those words didn't phase me...the slap didn't even hurt. But what left mark on my heart....she felt she had wasted seventeen years trying to figure me out. And it ended up not being worth it. Imagine saying that to your child?" Everly cried as we pulled up to the hotel.

"Eve..." I whispered her name as I stared at her body curled up into mine. Let me at least help you upstairs, I know you want to me alone. But your leg is still a little wobbly. I promise I'll go after, I know you're safe in your room." I said as I took her hand.

"Fine." She agreed too tired and sad to fight with me. We walked into her room and she collapsed onto the bed. I laid there next to her, both of us not saying a word. There was nothing I could say that would fix that hurt in her heart. And there was nothing I could say to wash the words away. So I decided to take a page from Everly's book, using a tactic she often tried with me.

"Evie...do you remember when you told me I shouldn't waste time worrying about things that are out of my control." I asked her. She nodded as she turned her body to face me. I could tell this might my moment to get through to her. To show her how much I loved her, not through my words but my actions."Well you shouldn't worry about what your mother said, her feelings however wrong they are...are out of your control. You can only control what you do and feel." I said, tone softening as I stared into her eyes. "So, how do you feel about this?" I said as I leaned in and kissed her.

"I..." She hesitated...causing me to back up.

"Fuck it," Everly whispered as she pulled me back on top of her. In that moment, I thought I'd done it. I thought I had fixed everything. She looked at me the way she used to, with her hands in my hair and love in her hazel eyes. My girl, my Everly, was back, and I vowed never to lose her again. Or so I thought. After the most incredible makeup sex imaginable, she fell asleep on my chest. I was scared to fall asleep, fearing that when I woke up, this would all have been a dream. But eventually, I couldn't fight it any longer and let my eyes close. When I woke up in the morning, it wasn't a dream, but Everly was gone.

James,

If I had stayed until you woke up, I would've changed my mind about leaving altogether. By the time you read this, I'll already be in Berlin. Please know, I'm not doing this because I don't love you. I'm doing this because if I stay, if we stay together, one of us will get hurt. There's a world between us that doesn't want us to be together. Usually, I wouldn't let the opinions of others win, but right now, I'm not strong enough to fight it. Thank you for loving the girl who was deemed unlovable. I guess I'm more like my mum than I thought; I just ran from the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Goodbye, Jamesie. When you fall in love again, I hope she looks nothing like me.

Everly

I looked at the letter and shook my head. I was devastated, I couldn't do anything to make Everly stay. And that's when life as I knew it started to fall apart.

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1 month later

"James...come on you have to get up." Lydia's voice chimed through the door of my bedroom. My pillows and sheets still smelled like her, my room reminded me of her and the sun peaking in through the shades felt like her. But Everly was gone...without a trace like she never existed. And I felt it...every second, every minute of every day. For the first week I didn't leave my room, the second week I finally went back to college. My parents barely noticed the difference because they weren't home. Lydia, Alistair and Cyril got the brunt of my depressive episode.

"I will when I feel like I have the will to live again." I said as I grabbed the bottle of champagne that was beside my bed and took a swig from it. Lydia walked into my room uninvited because had enough of my dramatics.

"James, she's not coming back. And if she saw the way you were now. I don't think I'd blame her. This is sad and depressing and I can't take it anymore. James...this isn't the boy she fell in love with. This isn't my brother at all." She said as she threw me my school uniform.

"Everly would say feeling sorry for myself is unbecoming. She'd probably take a bottle of water and pour it on me." I could help but laugh as I buttoned my shirt. Lydia sat down next to me on my bed.

"And she would roll her eyes at your idea of a nutritious breakfast being...champagne. Especially on the big game day." She smiled at me. "James, I know your hurting but Eve is going through a lot right now and she has to figure out what she wants on her own. It's up to you to be the one she wants to come back to when she finds herself though. And right now...you're not it Beaufort." Lydia teased me as I shook my head. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and grimaced.

"You might be right about that sis." I sighed as I finished getting dressed, grab my gym duffle bag and met her downstairs and outside to the car.

Percy looked shocked to see me. Considering I'd attend a few days of college and then skip another few. I guess I was having a good day, for me that meant I would say more than two words to my friends at school.

"Are you actually going to attend our first round of the championship for lacrosse today, Captain? Or have you decided to let everything go to shite in your life?" Alistair teased as we walked into class together.

"If you're lucky and plan to throw a party with copious amounts of liquor, maybe I'll go. But only if your sister isn't there," I said as I sat down. At lunch, I joined my friends on the steps, turning my attention to Instagram. I missed her so much it hurt to like her photos. Her eyes just didn't look the same in her red and black uniform; I could see the sadness in them. I couldn't help it. I had to break the no-contact rule. I had spent 30 days without her. If I had to go another 30, she had to at least know how I felt.

TO: Evie

I hope you find what you're looking for out there in the world, Eve. Just know that I'll be right here when you come back. Home has never been a place; it's always been you. And it still is. I hate it, but it's true, and it will never change.
Your letter broke my heart, especially the last line where you said you hope the next girl I love doesn't look like you. There is no next girl, Eve...there never was. It is and always will be you. I'd rather be alone than live that lie.

I tried to send it, but the message turned green and went undelivered. She left me blocked. That was it. I lost her, and I needed someone else to hurt the way I was. So, I agreed to play in the lacrosse game that night. I played more aggressively than usual, but we won 10-2. As the team lifted me onto their shoulders to celebrate, I caught Jasper staring and laughing. He was suspended from playing because of his grades. His discomfort was the only thing to enjoy in my life right now.

"James, that was a hell of game mate!" Alistair said. "Party at my house!" He cheered as Cyril started a chant with my name. I nodded and headed to the showers. I was the last one to leave the locker room, heading toward campus I ran into a few guys from the away team. I suppose I could've ignored their taunts but I wasn't in the mood.

"Beaufort, heard your girl left you. Guess Wellington was a better fuck after all." One of them laughed. I should've kept walking, but I couldn't. Any mention of Everly had me seeing red, and the next thing I knew, I was in a five-on-one fight. The odds were definitely not in my favor, but I didn't care. I was numb, and every punch I took felt better than the pain in my chest. Before I went completely unconscious, I swore I heard her voice.