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" You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up, mmh"

Matilda - Harry Styles

(This song embodies Everly Calloway in all her essence)

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Chapter Nine:

- Everly -

I was discharged from the hospital in France four days later. From there, James, Lydia, his parents, and I boarded a plane back to England. We arrived at Heathrow just as my nausea from all the antibiotics kicked in. The medication was to prevent an infection in the large gaping wound on my thigh—my lifelong souvenir from our lovely, relaxing vacation in the south of France. "James... could you please escort me to the restroom before we head home?" I asked, drawing attention in front of his parents.

James looked at both of them, then back at me. "Of course," he said, helping me get off the plane first. The stitches down my leg made walking difficult, though not enough to require crutches—just enough to be constantly uncomfortable. I needed a steady hand beside me in case I toppled over, and James would never let that happen. He guided me into the lounge and over to the restroom.

"I don't think I can bend down. Oh god I'm going to be sick." I groaned as I splashed my face with cold water from the fountain. I knew I had to hurry so James' parents didn't break the door down assuming we were having a quick go in the loo.

"Here," James said softly, removing the trash can from its wall holder. "I'll hold your hair." He smiled, pulling my hair back as I threw up the croissant I had for breakfast. "You need more electrolytes," he said, gently rubbing my back and helping me clean up.

"Add it to my list after a lobotomy." I joked with him.

"We better make that two then. I could use one after seeing the state you were in when I got you on the boat." James sighed as he helped me out of the rest room, just as his parents made their way into the lounge.

"Everything okay?" James' mother asked.

"Yes, just an upset stomach. It's from all the antibiotics I'm on. The doctor warned me about this. I wasn't drinking enough water." I blushed turning red with embarrassment.

"Let's get you home." James insisted grabbing my hand as we walked out the door to Percy waiting for us in the car.

"You two, go right home. Lydia's asked to be dropped at Cyril's and we'll home by dinner. Don't even consider going out. I have eyes everywhere James." Mortimer's tone was stern and James was starting to get frustrated by him. He just nodded and helped me into the car. The second they pulled away, I put my legs on top of James in the backseat.

"You two seem to find trouble where ever you go, I hear?"  Percy said as he pulled away from the airport arrivals area.

"Or it finds us..." James grunted, looking at the bandages going up my leg past where my skirt cut off.

"James..." I reached for his hand. "I'm okay...I'll be okay," I assured him. He nodded, but I could see the storm brewing in his eyes. I just hoped he was strong enough to weather it. What James hadn't yet come to terms with was that Mortimer wasn't his toughest critic—he was his own.

"I know I just..." He looked at me and stopped himself from finishing the sentence.

"He just worries.." Percy caught our gaze in the rear view mirror.

"That I know better than anyone." I said placing my hand on James' cheek. "We'll be okay..." I tried to soothe him with a lie. Nothing felt okay right now. The rest of the car ride was spent in comfortable silence as I switched positions from my legs on top of James to my entire body, wrapped in his arms.

"Lovebirds, we're home," Percy announced as we pulled up to James' house. "Mimi sent more clothes for you, Everly." Percy continued as James helped me out of the car. I nodded, thanking Percy as he retrieved my bag from the trunk and handed it to James. We walked up the stairs to the entryway, and I winced as the bandages on my leg pulled tight. Bending my knee even for a second was painful. But I couldn't complain; I was fortunate that all I'd have was a large scar. I felt like James bore a similar scar, invisible but just as permanent. He continued to watch me as he opened the door. I tried not to wince as I shuffled up the front step, but he still heard me somehow. Without a word, James picked me up in his arms.

"James!" I screamed.

"It's easier," He said as he walked past Bernard. "Bernard can you bring the bags to my room. I want to get Everly settled. It was a rocky trip to...say the very least." James huffed.

"Of course Mr. Beaufort, happy to see you both home and safe." Bernard said as he walked out to the car to grab our luggage.

"Just barely..." James sighed as he put me down on his bed.

"Hey, you have to stop blaming yourself. We're home. It's all okay. James...life is a mess. But you and I are stronger than ever. Isn't that what we wanted above everything else?" I asked him, my voice steady and reassuring.

"It is...it's just, something in me is saying that was the calm before the actual storm. And I just can't put my finger on what it is yet," he said, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, trying to offer comfort and reassurance. But I knew I couldn't because for as much as I tried to pushing the feeling away, I felt the same.

"Let's just take it one day at a time. When I was in the water, I never thought I'd get to see your face again. Let alone be able to touch it. " I whispered as I ran my hands through his hair.

"There was a person who could stop me from getting in that water Evie, I was going to find you or die trying. I don't know who was more disappointment in me, my father or myself." James' eyes turned a pale blue with frustration.

"Look at you, you barely escaped with your life. And I'm to blame for that," he whispered, his voice trembling as he struggled to hold back a sob, his eyes fixed on my injured leg.

"Jamesie, if you spend the rest of forever blaming yourself for something you had no control over, you'll miss out on what you can control. Like right now, this moment, with me laying next to you," I said, smirking, I had to do something to break the tension. "You decide what happens next." I teased, looking into his crystal blue eyes. "Like... do I keep my skirt on or not?" I whispered, as James' arm wrapped around my waist. "The choice is yours, love."

I was normally not the type to let James brush his problems under the rug, in fact I usually liked to confront them head on. But this battle he and I were fighting, at the moment we knew neither of us were going to win. And I just want to kiss my boyfriend and forget for just one second that we had never been allowed to just be seventeen.

"This one is easy." He laughed as he kissed me. "It's the one choice I actually know for sure." He continued as I slowly found my way on top of him. I decided to try one final plea to see if it would ease his mind long enough for me to make him forget with my hands.

"James, please stop wrecking your brain over what could've been. I'm here, we made it through. That's all that matters," I said, staring up at him. "We have to move forward. Everyone else has no problem doing that. Why should we be the ones to consistently carry the guilt?" As I spoke, I realized my own words were a message to myself. I was carrying guilt too—guilt that I had destroyed my family, that it was somehow my fault my mother left, my fault she wanted to forget I existed, and my fault I didn't see the signs sooner.

"I haven't even asked you how you found out about your mother's engagement. I am so sorry Everly. You don't deserve that. And you especially don't deserve to find out from anyone but her." He placed his hand on my cheek.

"My father called the room line at the hospital. He only called to tell me they had finalized the divorce and that she was engaged. Following that Gerald told me I was not to reach out to her about it. She wants to be done with us, if the letter she wrote me wasn't enough of an indication of that. I'd say I feel lost...and heart broken...but I am numb." I felt tears start falling from my face.

James sat up and grabbed a tissue from his nightstand. "Evie, Evie girl," he whispered, gently wiping my cheek. "You still have a family. It might be a bit more dysfunctional than you'd like, but my parents adore you, and so does my sister." He smiled softly. "And you know my father hates everyone, including me, but he has a soft spot for you. It's truly shocking." James laughed.

"It's probably because he's sees the way I look at you. And he knows I'd do anything to protect you and your family." I smiled up at him, meeting his gaze.

"Remember when Lydia got herself into trouble with those photos last year." James shook his head.

"Of course, I had the boy expelled and the data wiped from his sim card before he could even send the photos." I laughed as I played with the buttons on James' collared shirt.

That for which her brother is eternally grateful to you for." James said kissing my free hand.

"It's what you do for family. James...I'm anxious to bring his name up but we need to talk about." I said as I sat up on top of him. My legs straddling his torso, knowing it was the only way to get him to sit still long enough to have this conversation.

"Eve...I honestly don't think we should. Because you really don't want to hear what I have to say about Jasper Wellington." James shook his head with disgust.

"James, it's not your fight. Ok? Please understand that. Please don't do anything that I will end up blaming myself for. Please don't hurt me, James. You asked me not to hurt you with my own actions, I deserve the same respect." I said as I attempted to get off of him. He gently reached out his hand to pull me back.

"Eve, I'm sorry...you're right. You do. I swear to you I won't do anything to make it worse. But if he comes near you again...I will not be able to control myself." James' light blue eyes glistened as he spoke.

"Baby, look at me." I said running my hand across his chin.

"I could look at you every minute of forever and never feel a moment of boredom, Everly Calloway," James' voice enveloped me like a warm blanket. Amid all the chaos in my life, I never imagined I could feel so safe.

"James, you know you saved me. Whether you believe it or not," I said, biting my lip, willing more tears not to fall from my eyes. "I know I've cried way too many tears this past week. But you saved me in so many ways. We've known each other our whole lives, and you've always been the one constant I could count on. You always answer when I call, you never doubt me, and you protect me like I'm a national treasure." I kissed him, letting the warmth of our connection melt away my worries.

"Evie, it's been an honor to love you..from a far it was painful but now...it's everything I knew I wanted. You're my wish that actually came true as cringey as that might sound." James laughed into my lips as I started to unbutton his shirt.

"It's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Jamesie let's promise that we never let any of this shit get between us. Like you said to me in France, we are not our parents mistakes. We deserve to make our own. And so we will, but we'll make up ten times over." I smirked at him.

"And I look forward to that. And putting another ring on that finger." James smiled as he intertwined his hands with mine. Our romantic moment was interrupted with the sound of the front door slamming and Lydia screaming at Mortimer.

"Oh what could it be now..." James sighed as he reached for his shirt I had just pulled off him, rushing to button it before she barged in on us. But she didn't, she walked across the wall to her room and slammed the door hard. James sat at the edge of his bed with his head in hands. "I know I'll have to clean that up." He shook his head with worry.

"Let me, that's my sister after all." I said as he helped me up off the bed.

"Are you sure? With your leg? You think you can walk?" He asked. I nodded as I kissed him, thanking him for his concern.

"Yes love, I'm fine. It's just across the hall. I'll yell if I need you to carry me back." I said making him laugh.

"Alright, just be easy with yourself please. For my sake." He begged me. I nodded and slowly made my way out of his room and across the hall to Lydia's.

"Alright pretty girl, what's happened? Whose arse do I have to kick?" I teased as I walked in to find her balling her eyes out in bed. I sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"Everly, I've done something incredibly stupid." Lydia sobbed into my arms.

"Love, it's nothing I can't clean up. Just tell me and we'll make it disappear." I assured her. Lydia was my platonic soulmate and she had a beautiful heart, if you were able to melt down her cold exterior. If you were lucky enough to get that close to her, she had a tendency to be way too trusting.

"It's just not that simple. I've made a mistake with..." She stopped. It was as if she couldn't get herself to say the words out loud.

"I'm sure it's something I can take care of without your brother getting involved." I said winking at her.

"I was hooking up with our professor, and Jasper walked in." Lydia sobbed. "I can't have you involved. James will never forgive me." Lydia continued.

"Well he doesn't have to know, I'll handle it. Just don't make a habit of kissing our teachers please." I assured her as my phone started to ring. "It's my father." I sighed, interrupting our conversation to answer it.

"Everly Belle Calloway, you've had quite the hard time keeping a low profile haven't you. I don't want to hear your excuses Everly. You know better, especially with the media circus surrounding your mother and your new step-father to be." Gerald's tone was colder than normal.

"Dad, he's not my step father...he destroyed our family." I argued.

"I'm well aware, but you bring up a valid point, with that letter from your mother claiming you're not her daughter anymore. You owe her nothing, but I'd like it in writing that you will allow me to have full guardianship over you." He said back to me. Of course he called for this reason. I should've known he wasn't checking in on me.

"Whatever you want I'll do. I just want to go back to my life with my boyfriend and friends." I said back to him.

"Fine, if that is what you want Everly Belle, I'll send a car for you. You'll attend a meeting with me and the lawyers in Berlin where I am right now. Once you sign on the dotted line, I ask you attend our shareholders meeting at the Calloway Trust. Do those things for me and I'll make sure you and James aren't bothered. James seems to keep you line, someone has to or you'll end up just like your mother." He huffed. "The car will be there to pick you up at the Beaufort's tomorrow morning. Don't miss your flight." Gerald hung up on me before I could respond. I didn't have a choice...I was going to bury it and be a good little girl. Sign my mothers shares over to my father. And agree to give up my dreams to take her place in our family business.

"You're leaving?" Lydia asked.

"Just for a few days, I have to go to Germany to see my father. I'm going to sign over my mother's shares of Calloway Trust to him and file papers for him to have full guardianship of me." I sighed.

"Is that what you want?" Lydia asked.

"No, but no one really gives a fuck what I want." I said as James walked in.

"I do..." He gave me a half smile. One look at that beautiful boy and I shattered into one million pieces on the floor.

"I have to go see my father tomorrow for a few days." I said as James sat down next to me on Lydia's bed.

"Okay, I'll accompany you." He wrapped his arm around me.

"You can't for this, I wish you could. It will only be a few days. I'll be back Friday. Try not to miss me too much." I said as I started to cry.

"What is he making you do Everly." James looked at me with concern.

"He's making me concede, James. I'm just giving him the last piece of me that still believed dreams came true. This is my mum's fault just as much as his. She gets her new engagement and a second chance at happy without me..." As I spoke, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest was on fire, and before I knew it, I was sobbing. James wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap.

"She's having a panic attack." Lydia said. "Oh this is my fault." She shook her head confusing her brother as he looked at both of us.

"It's okay...it's okay..look at me. Just breathe...in through your nose our through your mouth. Just breath baby." James' voice made me cry harder.

"I don't want to end up like them." I cried harder into James chest.

"You're nothing like your father, or your mother Eve. We are not our parents. We're supposed to be better." James tried to calm me down.

"But what if I can't be...theres a side of me James. That is just like my father." I said as I stared into his blue eyes.

"I know, I have that side too. I've been fighting against it my entire life. I've learned to bury that part of me until I can use it for something constructive and not destructive." James pushed a piece of hair out of my face.

"You are too good for this world James Beaufort, if anyone ever knew this side of you. I'd have even more competition than I already do with Ellie." I joked.

"Evie...no there's no one but you. I wish I could come with you but I'll be right here when you get back." James assured me.

"Thank you James." I said as he kissed my forehead. Lydia looked at me with concern and I gave her a reassuring nod that my minor mental breakdown did not have to do with the favor I was going to do for her.

That night, I lay on James' chest, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat—a sound I could listen to forever. I was in love, so deeply that I didn't know which way was up. James made me weak, a word never used to describe me. I was disciplined, well-respected, and organized. I was the heir to a legacy I had no choice but to embrace. While James slept, I just stared at him and worried. Tomorrow, I'd be in Germany, and he'd be here. I trusted James, but I didn't trust the situations he might find himself in without me there to stop it.

I eventually fell asleep realizing I couldn't control everything, even if I wanted to. The next morning James kissed me goodbye, I told Lydia I would text her when I handled her problem. And that I would be back on Friday, not a day later. James held onto me a little tighter as George opened the car door for me.

"Please don't go." He whispered. It scared me in that second, I could feel more behind those words than what he actually meant.

"Just four days. I promise I'll call you as soon as I land and be back in your bed Friday morning before you wake up." I said to him. He nodded as I got in the car. A few minutes later I had George make a pit stop.  "I know I'll regret this. But George keep your mouth shut." I said as Jasper got in the back seat next to me.

"Look who wanted a quicky before she flees the country and runs to Daddy to fix all her problems." Jasper said.

"Look, this will be short. I have a recording of our conversation. Proof you tried to burn my house down with me in it, proof you tried to assault me and of course your attempt to throw me into shark infested water. I will agree to destroy it, if you delete the video of Lydia with one of our professors." I said back to him.

"You're bluffing, you didn't have your phone in your hand when I came into your room." Jasper laughed.

"I was filming a video for Lydia and didn't have time to stop recording when you barged in. I caught it all and Lydia has a copy too. So do me a favor make this easy. I have a flight to catch. Delete the video or the police will be at your door before I even land in Berlin." I smiled at him.

"You're a real bitch Calloway. Fine you win this one. But this isn't over." Jasper said as I watched him delete the video.

"Oh I know, I look forward to being the reason your behind bars very soon Wellington. Chao." I said as George opened the door for him to get out. Jasper rolled his eyes and walked back into his house. George didn't make a comment to me about what I thought I was doing. He dropped me off at the plane and gave me a sympathetic nod. The second I was in the air staring at London and my James I was leaving behind, I realized I ached for it already. When I landed in Berlin, I took a deep breath and grew the fuck up. After all I was still my father's daughter.

I spent the next two days in lawyers meetings, introducing myself to shareholders and signing my name and my life away to my father. I had just finished with my last meeting, my father had to leave Berlin early and head to France to go before the board with his changes. I needed to so something to make me feel better, so I thought a Facetime with James, surprising him in my lingerie would do the trick. I texted him giving him a heads up but he didn't answer.

I called Lydia to find out where James was, and she told me Alistair was throwing a party because the lacrosse team had just made it to the championship. I was so proud of James and devastated that I wasn't there to cheer him on with my pom-poms. Lydia was on her way to meet them there, but she was running late from a tutoring session. I was praying that was all it was.

"Oh and I took care of it, Jasper deleted the video." I said back to her as I got packed my suitcase. I was so eager to get home I thought about trying to call my father's pilot for an earlier flight.

"How?" she asked.

"I had to give up turning him in with the video I filmed on the boat. But I don't care. I would prefer if life could return to normal. Well whatever that is for us. Did you see me in the news?" I laughed.

"Of course, the Chanel two piece was iconic for the shareholders meeting. James made that photo of you walking out of the the courthouse his wallpaper. I heard the guardianship finalized. You poor thing." Lydia sighed.

"It's done and I'll be back with you and Jamesie tomorrow morning. My wallpaper is currently James and I tanning on top of each other on the beach in France." I blushed.

"You two are so cute, I could not be more thrilled." Lydia cheered as my phone buzzed.

"Wait...I just got a text from Jasper." I said looking at the contact name confused. "Why is Jasper texting me? I watched him delete the video. I don't need anything else from him." I said as I clicked the message open on my phone. I was speechless as I stared down at the image in front of me. "Oh my god I think I'm going to be sick." I could barely form a sentence. My eyes were glued to the image of James and Ellie kissing at Alistair's party.

The text from Jasper read:

From: Jasper Wellington

Evie, did you really think Beaufort would stay loyal to you, dumber bitch than I thought?

"What is it Eve? You okay? Eve?" Lydia began to question me frantically.

"Lydia...your brother...I...I have to go." I said as I hung up on her. She tried to call me back multiple times as I sat on the floor of my hotel room in hysterics.

How could James do this to me?

How
could
he
fucking
do this to me?

I love him, at least I did. How could he take my biggest insecurity and amplify it by proving me right. None of it made sense, but that didn't make my heart shatter any less. I...I now knew how my dad felt. This was what heartbreak felt like.

I sent James the photo and blocked his number before he could respond. I didn't want an explanation, I wanted to disappear. I ripped the diamond initial J necklace off my neck breaking the clasp in the process. Following that I took the promise off my finger and launched it across the room. But something in me forced myself up off the floor to pick the jewelry up. I stashed it away in the pocket of my suitcase, thinking I should give it back to James in person. If I ever felt I was capable of looking him in the eyes again.

The next morning I decided I wasn't going back to London. I was on a path of destruction with nothing to live for right? I mean what did it matter where I went next? My father got what he wanted, but my dear mum...maybe she needed a reality check. The last letter came from a California address. I think she was owed a visit by her lovely daughter...the one who just signed away all her shares and financial stability. She deserved to hurt the way I was, she didn't get to escape the pain...she needed to feel it like I had to every day.

So left for the airport that morning and booked a flight to Los Angeles, California. It was the first time I'd ever gone to the US. Doing it solo, I thought I'd be more scared. But I was numb. I was broken, I was stupid....and most of all I was lost. As movies and televisions will tell you, the best place to go when you feel lost is California.

I boarded the plane and stared out the window, James Beaufort had taken the last piece of me that believed there was any good in the world...and destroyed it. And now I had to pick up the fragments of what was left and keep going. As I walked through LAX, my phone started ringing. It was Alistair. Now this...I needed to hear. So I answered.

"Wow, this is an interesting development. What could you possibly have to say." I said back to him.

"Everly, I am so sorry. You don't understand it's not at all what it looks like." He begged me to listen to him.

"Alistair, I saw James kissing your sister. What else could it have been. I'm ashamed of both of you. And I'm not coming home. Ever again. So tell James he won this round. He can keep England. I don't want it. I thought I wanted him and I don't anymore...I don't want him ever again." I said starting to cry. "I've never felt so betrayed. I've never felt this level of hurt before. Ellie won, fuck all of you honestly." I said about to hang up.

"Everly where are you?" I heard Lydia grab the phone from him.

"Lydia it doesn't matter. I'm not coming home. It's not going to ever be like it was before again. Okay...don't call me again." I said as I hung up. Lydia didn't deserve my coldness but how could I still be her best friend. How could I still be me? I'm not me without him.

I took a taxi to my hotel and then researched where my mum's new home was. I found out I had arrived just in time to be the surprise guest at her wedding. So I turned off my phone, got a bottle of champagne and drank myself to sleep in the city of stars.