8. Silent Struggle
As soon as Jimin caught sight of Taehyung, he couldn't help but call out, "Taehyung!" in his usual cheerful tone.
Hoseok turned his head towards Taehyung, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "You still work here? I thought you got fired," he commented.
Taehyung reassured, "No, I still work here. I was away for a bit," as he tightened his grip on the tablet, trying to dispel the edgy feeling from his sweaty palms.
Jimin eagerly asked, "Oh, where did you go? Did you go somewhere fun? Who did you go with?" His ears perked up, anticipation evident as he awaited Taehyung's response.
Taehyung nervously cleared his throat and fidgeted, shuffling his feet uneasily. "I just went home for a little while," he explained.
"Well, that's boring," Hoseok chimed in as he rolled his eyes. "Here I thought Seokjin snuck you off to the U.S. with him. I should've known better, though. That's not something he would do."
"Is Seokjin currently in the United States?" Taehyung asked immediately after Hoseok shared the information.
Jimin found himself amused by Taehyung's question and responded, "Why do you want to know?"
"Oh, I just...I haven't seen him around, and it's unusual for the two of you to be here without him, so I was curious," Taehyung said, his voice tinged with worry and longing. He wanted to ask whether the absence was temporary or if it marked a permanent departure. Despite not having the answer, the weight of suspense added to the burden on his already broken heart.
"It feels odd, doesn't it?" Hoseok said with a wistful sigh. "I was just telling Jimin the same thing - it feels strange to go out without Seokjin. He left so suddenly that we didn't even get to see him. But I can understand why he wanted to spend a few months with his parents. They are the best! I would have gone there too, but the darn president of our university refused my request and even threatened to inform my father."
With a chuckle, Jimin teased, "He did approve my request, but I decided not to go because you begged me not to."
"That's because your dad called him. He knew my dad would never approve of that for me. And don't act like you didn't go only because I begged you not to. Seokjin also told you not to come," Hoseok reminded Jimin as he rolled his eyes.
"Whatever! It doesn't matter now that he's on his way back. My life can finally return to normal. It's been so boring and annoying."
"Likewise. I miss the days when he called me early in the morning. These days, all I receive from him are brief emoji responses to my messages," Hoseok's expression soured as he reminisced about his best friend and their shift to communicating primarily through text messages.
"That's because you are always writing things like, 'Are you okay?', 'When are you coming back?', 'My life is not the same without you,' and 'I miss you!' You know Seokjin, he doesn't care about that. He wants the real deal of what's going on. That's why I text him a log of everything I am doing and send him pictures and videos at the end of every day to show him what he is missing by not being here with us. He always responds to those and still gives me advice on my nonexistent relationship with Jungkook."
"You leave him with no choice; you write him an endless book every time. Naturally, he has to respond so you can stop!"
"Exactly! Why do you think I do it? I know how to get a response at all times. Something you don't know how to do!"
Hoseok shook his head in disbelief and said, "No wonder your relationship with Jungkook is how it is."
"That's probably true," Jimin said in agreement. "But at this moment, I couldn't care less about him. With Seokjin returning, I feel like my confidence will be restored, and I can finally move on from Jungkook once again. What do you think about celebrating his return with a party?"
Hoseok firmly expressed his doubts, "No, I don't think that's a good idea. I get the sense a party is far from what he will want upon returning." His intuition told him that something was amiss with his best friend.
Their long-standing friendship had made him finely attuned to his friend's moods and behaviors. Although uncertain about the specifics, Hoseok had consciously decided to respect his best friend's need for privacy, believing that, given time, his friend would share whatever was troubling him.
Taehyung lingered at the edge of their conversation, his heart lifting as he overheard their plans for Jin's return. He couldn't shake off the uncertainty of facing Jin again, but the mere knowledge that Jin would be in the same city was a source of comfort for him.
*****
Taehyung shielded his nose with one hand as he wrestled with the stubborn door of his studio apartment. The pungent smell of smoke lingered in the hallway, a result of his new neighbor's frequent smoking. Taehyung found the odor repulsive and had taken to wearing a mask when traveling through the passageway. Unfortunately, he had left his mask behind in his locker at the restaurant.
As he stepped into his apartment and eased the door shut behind him, he released a long, satisfying breath.
"Can't believe you're still living in this crappy place."
As Seokjin's melodic voice filled the room, Taehyung felt his heart race in his chest at the unexpected sound. Looking ahead, he saw Jin seated on the sofa, his gaze fixed intently upon him.
"Seokjin! What are you doing here? I thought-"
"I'm hungry," Jin said as he stood up. His eyes wandered over Taehyung as he added, "Your fridge is empty. You've lost weight. I guess you've been hungry, too."
Taehyung stood with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, his posture revealing his self-consciousness. Ever since his mother's passing, his appetite had all but disappeared.
"I can head out to buy some food. Is there anything specific you'd like to eat? Sorry, but my kitchen is pretty empty right now. I've been swamped with work and school and haven't had the chance to go grocery shopping. How have you been? Are you doing okay? I've m..."
"Can't you order something? If you have to go outside to buy it, I don't want it."
"I can order it if that's what you want. What do you want to eat?"
Jin nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and plopped back onto the sofa. "Anything. You can choose," he said. As he glanced around the room, his eyes settled on the disarray. "Your place is a mess. Did you stop cleaning?"
"No, I've just been really tied up with things. I was actually planning on tidying up this evening. Are you planning on staying the night?" Taehyung inquired as he began to stroll around the room, carefully gathering the scattered clothes strewn across the floor.
"What if I am?"
Taehyung glanced at Jin with a hint of curiosity in his eyes before reassuringly saying, "It's no big deal. I was just wondering. I'll take care of changing the sheets."
"Why do you need to change them? Has someone else been sleeping here?"
"Someone like who? I have been the only one sleeping here, but I haven't changed or washed them in a while, and I don't think it would be right to have you sleeping on dirty sheets."
Engrossed in his phone, Jin responded, "Oh, okay. You're smart, I guess." Then, with a sigh, he asked, "Any idea how much longer until the food's here?"
"Oh, sorry, I didn't order it. I will do that now."
*****
As Taehyung observed Jin eating, he was taken aback by the speed at which Jin devoured his food. It seemed as though Jin hadn't eaten in a long time. This led Taehyung to contemplate how recently Jin had returned, although he suspected it hadn't been too long based on the information he had gathered from Jin's friends.
"Why aren't you eating?"
Jin's question brought Taehyung's attention to the food in front of him. Despite his initial craving, his appetite seemed to have vanished. "I already ate at work, so I'm not very hungry," he explained.
"Well, you look like you are, but whatever works for you, I guess," Jin leaned over, using his spoon to take a spoonful of Taehyung's food.
"Would you like it?" Taehyung asked.
Jin glared at him and said, "Do I look like someone who eats so much food?"
"Sorry, I didn't-"
Jin abruptly interrupted, reaching for Taehyung's food and helping himself to a portion. He shared some news between bites: "My parents just bought me an apartment. I'm thinking of renting out a room to you. It's conveniently located near the school and all the many places you work."
Taehyung was taken aback by the offer but declined, saying, "Thank you, but I prefer to stay here. I've grown accustomed to it."
"Well, I have not and find driving all the way here inconvenient. Even with a driver now, it is still a hassle. I also don't understand why you wouldn't want to move. This side of town is just so uninteresting."
"Seokjin, I don't understand why you're asking me to move in with you. This place has been my home since I arrived. I am also confused because, half the time, it feels like you're indifferent towards me. It's hard to shake the feeling that you don't even like me," Taehyung expressed honestly, his confusion evident in his tone as he questioned Jin's request.
Jin gazed steadily at Taehyung as he replied, "You're right. I don't have feelings for you, but my request for you to move in has nothing to do with that. I am not asking you to move in because I am interested in you. You are not my type at all."
"Understood, I've acknowledged and come to terms with that. Given that you don't have positive feelings towards me, why are you suggesting that we live in the same apartment? Since that part is making no sense."
While averting his gaze, Jin whispered, "I feel safe and secure when I'm around you. I don't experience that with anyone else. Right now, all I yearn for is to feel this sense of safety. So, I guess I sort of need you, but definitely not in the way you are probably hoping for me to. I trust this clarifies things for you and makes sense where you need it."
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