Heaven - Julia Michaels

"You're seriously going to miss the youth service for a movie night? Are you serious Jeongguk?"

The boy is sitting on the couch, staring at the floor intensely while his parents scold him. Today is the movie night and he forgot that today is also the youth service at church.

He usually never misses a service.

And now he's going to miss it for a movie night? Well that's his parents main argument.

"But I already said yes," Jeongguk signs in frustration, "Just missing this once won't hurt-"

His parents gasp, almost startling Jeongguk up by how it caught him off guard. His mother places a hand on her chest, shaking her head in disapproval.

"So you prefer going out with your friends than learning about our Lord?"

"What? No! It's not like that-"

Suddenly Yeosang comes into the room, a clear annoyed look on a face and car keys in hand, "I'll drive him to church, let's go."

Jeongguk couldn't even do anything or their parents because Yeosang didn't waste a second in dragging Jeongguk out of the house and outside.

When they got inside the car, Yeosang in the driver seat, he turns to Jeongguk, "Text me when the movie is done and I'll pick you up. You know until what time I can back you up, okay? And if something happens just let me know."

It felt wrong for Jeongguk to deceive his parents, and even more wrong to skip the youth service in general.

He just hopes God won't be too upset with him as his parents seemed to be, since it just seems like such a big deal.

For once he just wants to do something and have fun, and hopefully this will be something good for him.

He's never done stuff like this before, it's always been studying or bible studying or just nothing like this.

The car ride was silent on the way there, nothing but the sound of the faint music playing in the background.

As how it usually is.

Yeosang would glance at the GPS on his phone as he drives off to the address that Jeongguk showed him with one hand on the wheel. Occasionally his phone would ding, the sound of a text from his boyfriend from time to time.

Jeongguk remembers the day he accidentally caught his brother and his secret boyfriend, that he didn't know about during that time, in the room, having a very deep make out session.

Like Yeosang was literally on top of him on the bed, and Jeongguk can only dread what would've happened if they didn't have clothes on.

During that time Jeongguk wasn't exactly use to these type of things...... Or found it right due to his beliefs, so he was convulsing and freaking out like crazy about the thought that if his parents ever found out about this, they would literally disown Yeosang without thinking about it.

Jeongguk was going on a mass panic attack, scolding his brother with his hand signs while the kid, Hwanwoong, was a trembling and confused mess since he didn't understand what he was saying.

During that time Lisa lived with them so she tried to calm Jeongguk down until eventually he let it go.

For two long weeks Jeongguk wouldn't talk to Yeosang, and he didn't know how badly this was affecting his little brother until Hwanwoong one day came over while Yeosang was busy catching up with work at school, wanting to talk to him alone.

That day changed Jeongguk's mindset and behavior completely about this topic. Hwanwoong straight up called him selfish and ignorant for avoiding Yeosang after he saw them together. He made it very clear that he wasn't going to go anywhere from Yeosang's life and to get use to it. As he goes off into talking about Yeosang, calling him a kind soul and someone who's just very confused but is figuring himself out at the moment, and how he needs all the support that he can get, it just made Jeongguk realize just how good Hwanwoong's intentions are with him.

He's never seen anyone talk that way about anyone in person..... It's funny because they're a year younger than him yet he learned the most from them.

When Hwanwoong left. Jeongguk was left o reflect and decide on the right thing to do.

So that night, Jeongguk apologized and assured Yeosang that he's going to be right be his side no matter what, and keep his secret from their parents.

It's been two years since they've been together and they're still going on strong.

With their parents not knowing about it to this day, but just like Yeosang backs him up, Jeongguk also has his back whenever he wants to see him.

After a few more minutes of driving, they ease into a large house. It's no surprise that the music genius lives in a palace like home like this, but by now Jeongguk is use to not being surprised so easily these days.

Yeosang only gives him a look with a nod, making Jeongguk give him a small smile in return before getting off the car and approaching the large front door.

Yeah this house is too big for no reason.

With just one knock, the door opens to reveal Taehyung, almost as though as if he was expecting him to come at any moment.

And to say that he looked like some type of sculptured angel would be an understatement.

His golden blonde hair is parted down the middle, wearing nothing but white pajama pants and shirt with an excited smile on his face.

He's way too happy about this movie night.

"Bun! Your here!" Taehyung squeal enthusiastically as he yanks him inside, "You're pretty early but that's okay, everyone is bound to come soon. Please make yourself at home! I'm baking cookies with Minho if you want to join?"

If there's anything Jeongguk has learned from Johnny and Yeosang's relationships, it's to never be a thirdwheeler.

No matter how friendly they are about it.

So he only shakes his head, declining kindly with Taehyung only shrugging while guiding him through the large hallway and taking a turn to the large living room, well movie room perhaps.

Everything seems as though it's set up for a movie night, what's left is for everyone else to come in. There's blankets and pillows neatly organized on the coffee table for everyone to pick. The sofa is pretty comfortable and big, mostly likely fitting a few of them while some will have to rest on the floor. The television is fucking huge and it seems like it's perfect for these types of occasions, with fairy lights spread out against the wall.

It feels so homey like, especially with the smell of cookies being the scent to the environment.

But of course, something always has to make things awkward.

And that's Woosung entering the room from the other entrance, a cookie in hand.

Oh course he would be here.

He stops midway from eating, glancing between Taehyung and Jeongguk before waving a hand and sitting down on the couch, taking out his phone wordlessly while eating the entire cookie.

Last time Jeongguk checked, he's the mute one here.

"Well, I'll be back soon, please have a seat," Taehyung says to Jeongguk with a giggle before walking through the opening where Woosung came in through, assuming it's the kitchen. It's a small entrance really, doesn't have a big access or sight to this room so it felt pretty private.

Awkwardly Jeongguk sits down at the far end of the couch, looking around with his wide eyes to just adjust to his surroundings and not think about how his parents might find out about this. His hands move anxiously together on his lap, maybe his leg jumps a little, but other than that he does feel comfortable.

If it wasn't for the fact that Woosung was right there..... Next to him..... Just breathing.

Fuck this is so awkward.

"Hey Bambi," For some reason Jeongguk looks up the second he heard his voice because of the familiar name, meeting Woosung's gaze like a mile away rom him, "Come, let me show you a video."

Like hell did Jeongguk want to get near him.

He instantly felt paralyzed, almost like a paused button to a controller.

Yet he felt movement from the corner of his eye and before he knew it Woosung is sitting beside him comfortably, phone out to a paused video before he presses play without another word.

Oh a cartoon.

It's of a deer, maybe a baby deer, who's name is later on revealed to be Bambi. The deer is with his mom and other bunnies, trying to get him to walk and jump around. The main bunny, Thumper, has been more like the motivator for the young Bambi, teaching him how to do these things.

A few giggles bubbles out of Jeongguk's lips as he sees the way the deer got stuck to the log when he tried to jump, but then Thumper motivates him to just cross it with one leg over until he got off but trips again with tangled feet.

Woosung is giggle too by now and he points to the deer, "That's you. You're Bambi."

Jeongguk tilts his head to the side, a small confused smile on his lips but as he sees more of the video, the more he can see as to why.

Bambi is learning how to do things that he wasn't use to doing before, but with a little help from his bunny friends he's moving on his feet alone with a little more motivation.

His friends.

Well his initial friends, he doesn't know if he can call everyone else that yet, but the ones he's close to definitely.

In a way he can relate to this scene, as childish as it is.

So with a grin he points to the bunny, Thumper, and then points to Woosung.

This made a wide smile twitch Woosung's lips, shaking his head, "I can sense your sarcasm from here even if you haven't said anything."

And the two chuckled a little more to this, watching the video all the way to the end.

It was silent now besides the banging of pots from the kitchen in a distance, but it's still very quiet.

It began to slowly grow awkward again, especially when Jeongguk began to remember that night of the closet and he finds himself slowly scooting away from Woosung, but a hand on his wrist stops him.

He trails the hand on him, meeting Woosung's stare, who retreats his hand back immediately and officially turns his body to look at him.

"I'm sorry," He suddenly says quietly, the hesitation clear in his eyes, "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I knew you have your own beliefs and I shouldn't have taken advantage of the situation when it happened. Seems like we're going to be around each other quite a lot now and it would be nice to not feel like there's an elephant in the room whenever we're together. I hope you can forgive me."

Jeongguk hears the sincerity in his voice, he really did, and he finds himself relaxing down to this. Maybe an apology is what he needed in order to forget about what happened.

They really did just left things like that without talking it over, so it felt like a weight lifted from the air between them.

So Jeongguk raises his hands and signs, "I know you know sign language, that's how you spoke to me that night," He says, seeing the clear blushing ob Woosung's cheeks, "What you did is not okay, but I'm glad you apologized. I'm sorry if I keep making things awkward."

"No no you have every right to feel uncomfortable," Woosung suddenly signs back, not caring at this point, "I just felt like it was the right time to apologize since you never let me be near you."

"It's because I felt nervous and kept thinking about that moment-"

Jeongguk is such an idiot.

He really just exposed himself like that didn't he?

His insides felt betrayed, screaming at him that it's not right and for his religion it's not right to think these things or maybe to even think that it's okay.

But is he really just going to avoid the damn truth all the time?

Yes, he thinks about the kiss all the time.

He thinks to himself what would have happened if he didn't realize it was a guy he was kissing.

He closes his eyes and thinks about his lips whenever he falls asleep, and yes a guy's lips.

And Jeongguk feels so guilty.

He feels guilty all the time and every time he thinks that way because he doesn't want to be like this!

It shouldn't be happening.

For fuck sakes Ten has a crush on this guy since the second he laid eyes on him, literally!

Screw that damn closet because now Jeongguk can't stop doubting and thinking and being confused.

And it's driving him insane.

Woosung hesitantly scoots closer to him, his lips twitching to a deeper frown, "I think about it too...... That's why I'm apologizing because I feel so guilty for putting you in that position."

At least he's not alone in this.

Glad they are in the terms that this shouldn't have happened at all.

There's nothing more to worry about.

Yet Jeongguk's heart spiked up its rate when Woosung suddenly touched his own lips, looking directly at Jeongguk's parted ones.

"I know we shouldn't and I said I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable," Woosung mumbles against his fingertips, "But I want to do it again, for one last time at least. However I won't ever force you to do it so just.... Nevermind I said that."

Jeongguk has officially stopped functioning. His brain cells glitched and his throat tights with eyes growing increasingly wider than how they usually are.

No, he doesn't want to do it again.

This is not okay.

He's a guy.

An atheist.

Just someone not good for him!

So abruptly he stands up, shaking his head with his hands moving his over words so quickly that was hard to even understand for just anyone who isn't fluent.

But Woosung understood it perfectly.

"No! This is not good for my religion and it's not good for me. I'm attracted to females and that's what's right and this will not happen again-"

Woosung is on his feet now, trying to calm down Jeongguk but the other in his stuttering mess crashes back to the wall with his anxious heart beating so fast.

He knows he's so damn close to a panic attack, just so close.

"We can't, no. I don't want you to. This is going to mess with my head and then God won't forgive me for being a sinner. I can't, no I have to do what is right-"

"Shh Bambi calm down," Woosung says calmly, placing his hand on his shoulders, frowning hard to the whimpers coming out of Jeongguk's lips, "I'm sorry I said anything. I really shouldn't have, please just stop panicking okay?"

Jeongguk's heart is still running a mile now but he feels himself calm down by the way Woosung is rubbing his shoulders, his voice easing him from his panicked state.

It's a calm voice, would make anyone be easily manipulated to do anything really by how calm it is.

But Woosung is not like that.

"That's it, just relax," Woosung whispers quietly, hesitating for a moment but then caresses the side of Jeongguk's face with his hand, making a heavy breath pass his lips, "Yeah, just like that, relax."

And Jeongguk instantly calmed down completely, his heart returning back to a much more normal beat.

Woosung noticed the way Jeongguk face falls from how tense it was and he smiles, stepping back and was about to turn away to sit down.

But Jeongguk grabs his wrist.

He doesn't know why he did that but at the same time he knew why.

Maybe it was impulse, or the thought of the thrill is something new and what he's not suppose to do.

What is he doing?

He doesn't even know anymore.

Woosung looks down at his hand, trailing it to Jeongguk before stepping closer to him with eyes looking over at his.

They didn't have to speak to know what was running through their heads, and Woosung slowly raised his hand and cups it over Jeongguk's eyes.

Blinding his vision completely to darkness.

A blindfold.

"It's not your fault," Woosung suddenly whispers against his ear, shivering to the voice, "Blame it on me, I came onto you okay."

And just like that Woosung places his lips on Jeongguk's parted ones, igniting that fire in Jeongguk's body like the same one he felt that night of the party.

If anything it's worse.

More intense and uncontrollable.

Almost as if gasoline was poured over it.

And Jeongguk was having a hard time fighting against it, letting it take complete control of his innocent mind.

His hands trails to Woosung's waist, gripping his hips tightly while Woosung removes his hand from his eyes to let it thread through his hair.

Jeongguk kept his eyes closed as his blindfold.

He prefers fooling himself over a while longer before facing the reality that he's kissing a man, again.

But damn didn't it feel so ducking right.

Suddenly Jeongguk turns them around, pinning Woosung against them wall and growls under his breath to how hard Woosung is tugging his hair in desperation.

His lips are still soft.

Still so addicting, like a drug running down Jeongguk's body.

Like a dream, filled with red and just red.

It grew more fuzzier the more Jeongguk moved his lips against his, pressing himself against his body that even made Woosung whine to the pressure. Jeongguk was too fueled, too blinded to think properly.

He just wanted to continue feeling his lips, over and over again.

It's true what they say, it's better when it feels wrong.

"Bambi," Woosung grunts and trails his hand to his shoulders, gripping tightly and pulls away, "I will get carried away. I don't want you to regret this anymore than you will when it processes what happened, okay? Let's stop."

Jeongguk pants heavily, feeling as though he's in a daze that he can't snap from but he manages to step back, clearly in a state of shock or somewhere just not close to reality.

His lips still feel numb.

And that's when the door bell rang. Even that sound was not loud enough to snap Jeongguk from this trance. So quickly Woosung guides Jeongguk to the couch, right when Taehyung skips happily past them and to the front door, the sound of his laughter and squeals echoing the house.

Meanwhile Jeongguk buries his face on his hands, fighting the burn of his eyes as it slowly settles in. Woosung's hand is on his back, rubbing it gently while Jeongguk tried to get his composure together for whoever arrived.

Not knowing what is right or wrong anymore.

But what he's more afraid of is that he's never going to feel that same way again with anyone else.

He was already growing intoxicated to it, and he doesn't know how to make this stop.

________________
A/N:
Aw poor Jeongguk is going through a crisis :( ughhh hopefully he can figure it out soon!

Alrighttttt let Vminkook blossom!

Let's go!!

I PURPLE YOU! <33