04 | Johanʼs Point of View

Yet again, I forgot I'm blind.

And I don't think I'll get used to being surprised by darkness everytime I wake up. It's already dark in my dreams yet I still wake up to an endless darkness of reality.

"Jake?" a guy called and unlike Harikiʼs deep voice, his voice is quite distinctive. "Sorry for switching the lights on, I didn't think youʼd be back. We never heard any news about how your recovery is going. . ."

He must be Jakeʼs friend. Plus, he sounds harmless. The only thing is, "why would you enter from the balcony?"

"I apologize. . .I know you told me not to come to your house and enter from the balcony without informing you first but Lucas needs his guitar back, you see? We've decided it's time to bring the band back again."

Band?

Did Jake used to be in a band?

And no, I can't see. I'm blind.

But it seems like it's not the first time Jake's friends used the balcony to enter his room from the second floor. More so, this must be a normal thing for them. Is this what Hariki was referring to when he called me Rapunzel? I'll have to ask him later.

"Get everything you need and leave, you're disrupting my sleep," I commanded, trying to sound as tough as I could. I did not make any effort to sit or lift my body up from laying. What I just need is for him to leave.

"It's been two years yet your grumpiness still hasn't changed," he giggled, still not getting even an ounce of idea that itʼs no longer Jake who he is talking to. "But in all honesty, how have are you now? Everyone missed you."

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know if I should engage in a conversation with him. He might be Jake's friend but I still don't know him. What if he's not someone I can trust enough to tell him right now that I'm blind? No one can ever guess what he might do once he becomes aware of what kind of state I'm currently in.

"Troye. . .heʼs always wanted to pay you a visit at the hospital."

Sighing, I shuffled to the bed. "Tomorrow. Come back tomorrow then let's talk. I just got discharged today, I'm. . .tired."

I'm not really sure if I should be treating Jakeʼs friend this way but I have to. Everyone who's in my shoes know I couldn't just get comfortable that easily. That is if anyone has actually been in the same situation as I am right now.

He didn't said anything back but I heard him rummaging through Jakeʼs stuff, definitely to get the guitar he was actually after in the first place. I kept my eyes closed since they're useless anyway but I still had my guard up, listening attentively to every noise the guy is making.

"I'll turn off the lights, goodnight." He opened the balcony door and accidentally bumped the guitar on the wall, making quite a noise. I heard him curse under his breath and rambled about how the Lucas guy would kill him. "I'll get going, Jake! Let's catch up, alright?"

And finally, he left.

The room fell to a complete silence, too much for my liking. My heaving breaths deepened, making my heart pound even harder than itʼs already doing.

Grunting, I stood from the bed and struggled to find my slippers but I couldn't so I gave up and just started walking, foot naked. Just like earlier, my hands were instinctively up, searching for anything I could reach. Until I successfully found where the wardrobe is, giggling to myself, I started to look for a comfortable change of clothes and trusted my senses to it.

"Where's his underwear?" I talked to myself while opening the cabinet, using my palm to identify what's stored in every drawer. "Even a boxer will do, please––ah! Finally!"

I was about to remove my top when I suddenly remembered about the door and the chances of someone walking in on me while I'm changing. Biting my lower lip, I took little steps, hands up in air again to search for the door until I found the doorknob. But my eyebrows furrowed when I couldn't find the lock so I switched the knob open.

"Hello?" I called innocently and was amazed when I heard my own voice echoed. Turned out it wasn't the way outside my room but another small room inside my bedroom, it was the bathroom. I confirmed it when I did not only hit my back on the sink inside but also knocked my toe on the toilet. "Ouch."

Since I found the bathroom, I also took a shower although the whole time felt like I was playing hide and seek with myself, knocking the shelf down when I was looking for soap and shampoos and dropping the towel on the floor, completely soaking it wet.

"You showered?" Harikiʼs greeting, startling me as I didn't expect him to be waiting for me to step out of the bathroom. "Dang, your hair looks like a birdʼs nest."

"Is it awful?" I combed my hair using my fingers and Hariki wasn't lying about the birdʼs nest at all. My hair has really grown awfully. They told me that the doctor had to shave my head bald in order to perform the operation, resulting in my hair growing two times more lush over the years of falling into comatose.

And as far as I remember, I only asked if my hair looks awful on me so I donʼt really know how I ended up following Harikiʼs gestures of where I should turn and keep my face still, occasionally getting scolded by him.

"Quite moving your head if you don't want me to mess up and give you a poknat, Jake."

"My neck already feels stiff, Ni-ki. Mess my hair up and kakalbuhin kita."

Hariki moved my head in place once more before going back to cutting my hair, spraying water on my hair from time to time like heʼs watering plants. After the banters and bickering, we fell to tranquility, only the swift sounds of what the scissor is making can be heard.

I can feel the ray of sunlight entering from the open balcony touches my skin, making me smile as I take a breath of relief. This morning feels a lot more calming, the air feels hot yet cozy. I closed my eyes lightly as though to focus on Harikiʼs warm and gentle touches. They feel really comforting and caring and I appreciated Hariki for always taking care of me even though I have never told him about it.

"What you boys doing?" a question from a woman who entered my room, breaking the silence as she walked closer to Hariki and I. "Getting a haircut, I see."

"Good morning, kaasan," Hariki greeted, letting go of me and I heard him give the woman a kiss. "Is breakfast ready? Jake and I will be downstairs soon, I'm only trimming his hair so he won't feel stuffy."

The woman made an "aww" expression before I felt her arms wrapped around my shoulders. Soon, I felt her place a light and warm kiss on my forehead. "Hariki is taking good care of you, Jakey. Heʼs the sweetest younger brother ever, right?"

Hariki made a protesting sound while I could only smirk after finally learning the truth, I was right. There was no way that Hariki is older than me by the way he acts around me, he might tease me a lot just like how other siblings do but he is a lot respectful to me and speaks to me more formally.

"Yes, kaasan," I responded, earning a giggle from the woman with how awkward I sounded with the name I addressed her. I wasn't sure what that word meant, I simply copied Hariki and even imitated his tone earlier.

"Itʼs mom for you, Jakey. Youʼre more comfortable with calling me mom––oh! How about me we go out today, Jakey? Letʼs buy you new stuff, your pajamas look uncomfortably short on you."

And that summarize everything that happened to my day, we window shopped. And as Jakeʼs momʼs promise, they bought me a lot of stuff. Shoes, clothes, and even a clutch that I definitely need the most while Iʼm still regaining my sight back.

When we were buying clothes, they had me try on different outfits as they were the ones deciding what looks good on me because Iʼm no help. I donʼt have an eye for fashion even before, I barely made an effort to look good since Jamaica never really commented on how I dress even on our dates.

Hariki was the one who mostly chose the outfits for me, saying that he only based it on how Jake used to style himself. Long-sleeved shirts and flared jeans. They also bought me caps, convincing me that I look good in cap. How I wish I could see for myself.

I enjoyed myself to be really honest.

I just felt a little sad that I canʼt see how crowded the mall is by other shoppers or people who are simply sightseeing or how verdant the plaza with the trees is. None of Hariki and Jakeʼs momʼs comforting words and assurance helped me to not feel pathetic for myself as I always have to hold onto something for support, making it a responsibility for Hariki and Jakeʼs mom to always look after me and take care of me 24/7 literally.

But I am grateful for both of them nonetheless. I'm not sugarcoating it, Jake is really lucky to have people like these two by his side as his family. I suddenly missed my grandparents, Mike, and Jamaica. They were the people who cared a lot for me. And I cared for them too, more than myself.

Haa, I wonder how they are now.

"You boys want to stop by the drive-thru?" Jakeʼs mom from the passenger seat asked in the middle of the silence that devoured the whole ride home. The three of us are all exhausted from emptying our energies out. Thankfully, we had a driver to make sure we get home safely.

"Iʼm afraid I'm gonna explode if I eat any more but Jake must feel hungry by now since he didn't finish his meal earlier. I did for him," Hariki at the backseat beside me answered lazily.

"Thank you po but Iʼm good," I exclaimed, tiredness visible from my voice. "I just couldn't finish the food earlier because I was already full after eating pizza," I elucidate in a respectfully low and gentle tone, afraid that I sound pissed due to the exhaustion.

Jakeʼs mom gave us a gentle "alright" before the silence enveloped us once again, the atmosphere inside the car falling into tranquility. The ride was leisurely due to the rush hour and it's irritating how other vehicles keep on honking their horns.

Since we are pretty stuck in the traffic, I decided to take a rest and sleep. Yawning, I rested my body on the backrest of my seat and closed my heavy eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep. By the time I woke up, we had already arrived home and Hariki was carrying me again on his back.

My cheek was pressed onto the back of Harikiʼs nape but I didn't complain even when his sweat felt sticky, I was too sleepy to even care at all. I still had my eyes closed, trying to go unnoticed that I've woken up. Because even if I open my eyes, I wouldn't even be able to see how dark the sky might already be. I could tell that itʼs already nighttime by how cold the wind blows, freezing my nostrils and making it feel stuffy for me to breathe from my nose.

Finally, we entered the house and climbed up the stairs. The next was Hariki, carefully laying me on the bed, pulling up the blanket until my chest, and brushing my hair back using his fingers still with the same gentleness.

"Goodnight, bro," he whispered, the contentment from his voice didn't go unnoticed. "Sorry for being too happy when I know youʼre suffering, It's just that. . ."

Silence.

Silence and heavy breathing.

"Sleep tight." And that was everything Hariki said before taking his leave, leaving me hanging. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes only to be disappointed as the darkness was endless.

"I hate this. . ." I whispered lazily. "How long do I have to wait?"

Is waiting even worth it?

"What if. . ." I never regain my sight back? "What if. . ." none of these happened in the first place?

If I close my eyes once again and let myself fall asleep right now. . ."will the next day I wake up, I'm back on my own body?"

"Jake?" a voice called, startling me and making me gasp from the suddenness. "What do you mean. . .your own body?"

//

authorʼs note:

saur excited for the next chapter, waaaa!!!