Ch. 23: Sunny's Breakthrough

September 6 | Day

I was determined not to do it. I was trained not to do it. I wouldn't do it.

I fled the room, leaving Mal alone with Jack. Back against the door, I caught my bearings. Yet, the ill-timed hesitation allowed me to eavesdrop. I couldn't move, nor make out the words. My vision faded hazily as I listened to their voices. Dulcet timbres matched their speakers. The djinn's smokey alto seduced in every octave. Jack's gravelly baritone subdued.

Something bumped against the door, and the two came nearer with tantalizing sex sounds. My eyelids fluttered shut as I pressed an ear to the rhythmic thump-thump coming from the other side. With an imagination fueled by embarrassing search histories, I pictured what they were doing.

Mal's womanly grace enveloping Jack's erection. The slippery wet friction of intercourse played phantom in my thoughts. Eager moans wove reality with fantasy. I pressed my front to the wood and felt the thumping vibrations. A hushed hum lodged in my throat. My eyebrows furrowed, eyes clenched. I pictured Jack steering Mal's body by the hips, burying himself in her lake of fire. I pictured his thrusts, the seductive roll of his pelvis as he rocked in and out but never quite escaped.

"Hmph, fuck..." I drew the word out in a whispered hiss.

My face was burning. Nothing shocked me more than what I wanted to do. The obsession haunted my dreams, woke me frightened, anxious, and needy. There were many things about being in a human body that disoriented me.

Sex blew everything else out of the water.

When he kissed me, I felt like I would die. When she touched me, I thought I'd go insane. However, the craving was a study in contradictions. As panic-inducing as it felt to approach release, it felt just as urgent to get to wherever release might take me. Heaven help, I couldn't hold the reins.

What in the world was happening to me? I tasted blood and realized I bit my lip. Through the door, I overheard Jack emit a toe-curling growl of completion. I knew I would do something if I didn't run.

I pushed away from the door. I hurried down the stairs to my bedroom."Put it out of your head," I puffed. Breathing harshly, I paced with my hands laced behind neck. The discomfort in my loins became an exquisite ache, and heaviness weighted my testicles. At last, I stood beneath the cold spray of the shower until a semblance of normalcy returned to me.

Self-righteousness provided feeble protection. I desired them. I liked them. Understanding Mal's dilemma made my heart open wide for the abyss. My compassion for Jack encompassed his worst mistakes. My morals were compromised, and the more time we spent together, the more things got confused.

I dragged the AngelGuard instructional tomes from my luggage and sprawled on the bed to research what was happening to me. With an appointment to see Wallace days away, I had no choice by to figure this out for myself. I ripped through the pages, eyes scanning for anything that could advise.

The words jumbled in repeated themes. I studied the biological, the psychological, the metaphysical. They all said the same. I was in trouble. I was in love.

***

The pace of life was set. That evening I met with Jack in the garden for sparring. Is it showing? I wondered. I scrubbed any hint of affinity from my demeanor. That night I passed Mal in the hallway. I repressed signs of interest and kept my eyes straight ahead.

Sometimes we found ourselves together for a meal, or, having stumbled upon one or the other in solitude, we dawdled. A conversation ignited. We laughed, flirted or tried not to, touched, stared, helpless to it. Hedged. But mostly I managed to evade them, which I kept up over the next few days until the masking came more naturally.

Darcy sometimes sat in on our sparring matches. His approval bled through in the way he commended my expertise. One day he cheered as I toppled the werewolf yet again. "At'ta boy, Sunshine! Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"A lifetime of training," I omitted details. No way I would tell him I had been battle-hardened on the Seven Planes of Existence, educated by the angelic mystics of the universe.

"Wow! I had my doubts about you, but you're proving your mettle. Jack has improved by leaps and bounds since a day ago. Keep up the great work." The vampire raised a glass.

I forced a smile. Is it showing? I wondered. If Darcy suspected the alchemical frission between Jack, Mal, and me, he didn't announce it. I repositioned beneath the whimsical fairy lights overhanging the courtyard and prepared for another round of hand-to-hand combat. Jack said little. I could tell the additional strain of sharing headspace with his familiar, his inner wolf, made him testy.

He lowered his head and clapped his fist into his palm as he squared up to me a third time. Past his shoulder, Mal's younger sisters were framed by a trellis of heritage roses. The blowsy white petals perfumed the night. LouLou sat stoically watching Jack and I duke it out. My attention returned to the ring precisely in time for a stinging bruiser to the left cheek. I scrunched my face and shook off the pain, dodging the next flurry of blows.

Due to his werewolf enhancements, Jack and I fought no ordinary match. Moving at startling speeds, he parried me to the opposite side of the courtyard. Punches, kicks, jabs sailed through the air and connected with skin. I rallied. Resounding thwacks underscored sounds of exertion. Body parts made violent contact. Adrenaline tangoed with desire, and the blood pounded below the belt.

Jack pinned me to the cobblestone by the throat. Mild discomfort. With chest heaving and teeth bared, he stared at me. His gaze meandered to my lips, and I felt it coming, rolled to the side to discharge the potent build-up. He pounced for me again. The flat of his hand brushed my inner thigh. I flipped out of reach and came up with fists drawn. Laughing, he bounced on the balls of his feet as he assumed his set.

"How do you feel, Jack? Think you're ready to take on Ravani?" Darcy taunted from the sidelines.

"A little bird told me I'll defeat my enemy." He lunged at me with a grunt.

I quoted Sun Tzu, "'The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.'" Using his momentum, I pushed him behind me and pivoted to chop the side of his neck. My opponent stomached a groan.

Darcy snickered with schaudenfreude as Mal settled on the edge of her chair beside him. "Good to see you on your best behavior, sweets. I was just telling your little Sunshine I think I'll keep him around. Resourceful of you to give the bodyguard a sidehustle as Jack's martial arts instructor. Where'd you find this guy?" He grinned at her.

Her lips twitched but the pleasure never reached her eyes. She didn't answer him.

"And what are we gonna do when we see Zyr Ravani, Jackie-boy?" the vampire prompted.

"Rip his spleen out!" Jack growled.

To that, LouLou uttered a vicious snarl. The pet wolf yanked at her leash, trying to get at Jack, which was uncharacteristic of her. Darcy barked a harsh command, and she quieted with a whine. Cherie coddled her into submission. I wondered what caused her reaction.

I glanced at Jack, praying he heard the thoughts I channeled to him. You're not the feral beast that needs to be chained and yanked around. You're more evolved than that! People love you. People need you. Think of Kato, who you're abandoning right now. Don't do this.

Instead, he narrowed his eyes and came at me harder, viciously knocking me off my feet. I stared up at him in alarm. He caught himself before he struck me again. Even Mal half-rose from her chair. However, Darcy quirked an eyebrow at her and chuckled deeply. She flattened her lips, tucking her hair behind her ear, as she stayed where she was.

Jack dropped beside me. "Fuck! I'm sorry, Sunny." Remorse darkened his irises. His soul screamed loud and clear that he felt like he had to be this monster. He couldn't see he had a choice. "It's my emotions. I can't control them."

I shook from beneath his touch, cognizant of the vampire's ever-menacing presence. "I'm fine, I've got it," I muttered as I hobbled to my feet.

"How about we call it a night?" Darcy had mercy on me. I limped away.

***

My desire no longer showed. Days spent witnessing the unfoldment of my best friend into this ugly flower I didn't recognize had done a brilliant job of halting the chemistry. Jack doubled in muscle mass, exceeded the human limits of strength, speed, and agility. He tamed his out of control shifts, progressing faster than either Mal or Darcy expected.

With my self-destructive tendencies checked by circumstances, I resolved to keep my attraction in its inert state until I was reassigned to another case. I would stick to myself and give Jack and Mal a wide berth unless I was needed. That was the plan.

But the sixth of September revealed the plan's breaking point.

In the night garden for another sparring match, I clocked the werewolf with a double leg takedown as Mal hiked across the courtyard to find us. Darcy was back in New Orleans. We had the Ponchatoula estate to ourselves.

Jack climbed to his feet, rubbing his neck. "How do you always manage to beat me no matter how much I improve?"

"You're not the only one with Supernatural capabilities." I smirked good-naturedly.

"Yeah, well, maybe one day you'll tell me what you are." Smiling, he grabbed a towel off the patio table and turned his attention to Mal. As he dried his sweaty hair, he continued speaking to me, watching her. "You never bruise. You heal faster than me. Do you even get injured? You move at the speed of light, and you do that thing... that thing with your hands."

I stared at the back of his head. He had expressed more curiosity about my type recently, which I avoided with half-truths about Supers keeping their types under wraps.

Mal stopped in front of us. "He does do that thing with his hands, doesn't he?" she teased.

I scoffed, but my ledger was full of instances of Divine touch. Luckily, I had wisened up with how I formulated my reports, but I had to account for using my powers. Accountability kept me from breaking the rules.

"What's new on the western front?" I steered to safer conversational waters.

"I talked to Darcy on the phone this morning," she announced, "and he's so inspired by Jack's progress that he's given us permission to ditch this place for a more adventurous learning studio. He's lending us his boat for the weekend!"

"We can leave the house?" Jack exclaimed. It was clear he missed his family and friends, the empty condo waiting to be personalized into a home, the souped up hypercar, the future he believed he was getting back to. But a quick escape to the lake seemed a fair temporary exchange.

A brief flicker of shame dimmed Mal's eyes, and I understood. Jack had no way to know his excitement mirrored hers because he was as trapped as she was. He didn't know she was trapped. The house was the lamp, and the Ashivants were the djinn, but now he was the fly caught in the spider's web.

Darcy's chilling threat to force Mal's sister to bear children in bondage fueled her aparent depravity. Conversely, hidden within her desperation to free them was a heart nearing purification through suffering. She was better than she knew. It made me ache for her more than empathetically. I turned around to obscure the love pouring off of me.

We each had our secrets. Neither of them knew I was leaving–and soon. Mal supposed I was still Jack's Guardian. She thought I had chosen to retain my original probationary case. Jack believed I was hired by Mal to be his bodyguard and to help him train, and if I left at all, it would be to return to home tol be his parents' neighbor, his friend, a tangible presence in his life.

In truth, I was biding my time and maintaining Jack's comfort until a new charge could be assigned. I was doing as I was told.

That evening we packed our bags for a weekend alone together. We said our goodbyes to the twins. I knew I wouldn't return, which lent a somberness to my hugs as I squeezed them in a warm embrace. "I'll miss you guys," I admitted.

Standing outside the entrance to the mansion, Ava and Cherie radiated sadness that they couldn't join our adventure but joy to see us getting the opportunity to have fun. Ava pushed gold spectacles up her nose with a smile.

"I'm well aware the three of you have been hankering for privacy, but you won't be rid of us entirely. We'll call Mal everyday for updates. I'm sure Darcy will want to know how Jack is doing as he finalizes his training for the Battle Royale," she said.

"I know." I glanced at Jack climbing into the backseat with Mal. The driver held the door for me. "I just wanted you two to know that this past week spent adjusting to your idiosyncrasies over tea and emotional ettiquette training with Jack has been a refreshing contrast to what I thought I understood about life."

"It never is what it seems, is it?" Ava bit her lips as if she wanted to add more. Jack and Mal sat chatting quietly in the car, paying us scant attention. The elder twin took that as her cue to deliver a quiet parting message, "It's not easy being loved by a woman like my sister. She'll love the skin off your bones. She'll love your bones to dust and eat the cakes made from the ashes of your bone meal. But if you can withstand the devouring, you'll learn that inside of her is an insatiable hunger for self-discovery. She's trying to find the good in herself."

I nodded as Cherie twined her arms around my neck and whispered playfully, "Mirror, mirror."

Chuckling, I bussed her cheek. "Take care of yourself, you hear me?" I swallowed the burning lump in my throat, painfully aware that their fate was tied up with Jack's, neither of whom I wanted to see fail. It seemed like a zero-sum game. Someone had to lose.

Cherie danced away, twirling up the stairs into the house with the carefree innocence of a being not weighed down by reality. Ava lifted her hand in a wave. As I got in the car and peered out the rear window at the receding estate, I thought of what the old hippie had told me weeks prior: "You can choose another perspective anytime you like."

Mal could choose to see herself differently. Not as a bottomless pit of recrimination, devouring itself, but as an eternal womb of creativity, emanating. Then she would see what I saw. Was that one of the signs from the universe that Wallace was talking about?