0545 AM Wednesday

It was like being held under water. My lungs burned for oxygen that wasn't there. Every attempt at a breath sent me in a fit of coughs. It lasts for a few minutes, sometimes seconds. Each time a bit more brutal than the last. Terrifying all the same. When the fog left, I was left blind, and the darkness was taking over yet again. It's claws crushing my bones, as it ripped into my chest. This thing was relentless and showed no signs of remorse at what it was doing. I begged it to let go, to leave me be.... But when the night came, and sleep seemed so inviting. It's eyes would glow a sickening yellow from the depths of the shadows.

I awoke drenched in sweat, shivering as if though I had been plummeted into the arctic sea. The shadows were gone, but the eyes of someone scared to death was staring back at me, clawing frantically at my hand and whimpering for me to release her.

Damn....

I let her go, as she fell off the bed scurrying towards a chair pushed far into a corner. My heart hurt so much knowing that I caused her pain. But I couldn't speak. The shadows still had me by the throat, holding tightly trying its hardest to crush my windpipe.

She stared at me worried and frightened, never have I hurt someone in such a way. The deep blues and purples of a nasty bruise forming on her arm.

Oh God... Please...

It would seem that he did not hear me at this time. Ironic, because Hoseok once said something to Hin that is close to what I feel now.

Truly alone in this nightmare... or am I? I shifted my eyes back to Amber. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them.

Baby I'm sorry...

The creature gave a guttural laugh that turned my stomach. It's putrid breath drifting across my face and burning my nostrils. I gagged my body starting to seize up again, the flashes of light taking over shooting pain all over my body.

"NAMJOON!"

I heard her scream my name, but I was lost again. The pain taking over, the creature just sitting on my chest watching as the seizure tore through me.

You know... I'm not sure if he is real, or if I'm even awake half the time.

But he feels real...

I almost want to name him. Does he already have a name?

Shit...

Two of my ribs cracked, my body still shaking and thrashing about. Bile rose in my throat, the sounds of Amber's screams could be heard, however she seemed too far away.

Make it stop...

What felt like hours later my body became warm as the medicine shot through my veins, slowly relaxing my tense muscles and distorted frame. The pain dissipated along with the creature into the shadows. Waiting patiently to take over again once the medicine ran its course.

Is this how addiction starts? Or have I truly gone crazy. I let my head lull to the side, facing a pair of now tear stained, red rimmed eyes.

"A... a... mm... ber." I croaked while a tear fell down my cheek. She grasped my hand as if her life depended on it. Or was it mine that depended on hers? I wasn't sure. Her hands were warm, her hair was messy but cute. That word seemed foreign to me now.

Cute...

I closed my eyes briefly, only to be greeted by the yellow ones. So, I'm awake. My eyes wide open no longer looking over at Amber, but at the fluorescent lights above my hospital bed.

I can't do this... I should have died in the barrel...

It hurts so much to breath, even with the pain medicine or whatever they gave me. It took away the worst of it... but it was still there. Gnawing away at my sanity. Little did I know that pain could make someone crazy...

How crazy?

"Namjoon?" Amber called me, again she sounded so far away. I turned my head, she looked so damn sad. How could I do this to her?

I coughed hard into my shoulder, causing a sharp pain to shoot through my chest.

"Aaammm ...nnn hhh..." I groaned. She rubbed my hand gently, waiting for my fit to stop. She always seemed to be waiting. Maybe I should send her home. Tell her to forget about me...

Yea...

"Joonie?" She asked quietly. I cleared my throat to try and speak.

"Y..ye...ssss" it sounded like a hiss. Almost as if the creature was speaking and not me.

He's not real...

"Are you okay?"

I looked at her, not quite comprehending the question.

Crrrrreeeeeeaaaaaak

The door to the room opened, and in walked a ghost. Well, he looked like a ghost. He was so friggin pale. Oh...

Oh... that's Yoongi. I looked over at the clock ticking on the wall. It was a quarter past four. Which made sense... but why was he here?

"Yoo...nnngiieee..." who the fuck is talking for me? I look around the room. There were no shadows. No signs of yellow eyes. Was that what I sound like.

"Joon? Did you hear me?" Yoongi questioned me. Did he say something?

"Hh...ee...y..." I tried again.

Amber looked sad again. "With every seizure he is getting worse. Doctors say there is a shadow on his scans. But, they're not sure what it is exactly."

What? So, they can see him? My eyes widen as dread filled me to my core. My heart raced, and my breathing became rapid. Oh God... please...

"Joon...Joon it's okay... shhh..." Amber attempted to comfort me. Yoongi just stared at me fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"How...how many seizures does he have a day?" Yoongi asked Amber. Oh okay... don't mind me.

"They don't" a dark sadistic voice whispered.

What?...

"He has anywhere from 4 to 5... mainly at night."

My skin itches underneath my cast. Ugh... why can't I take this thing off? About a month ago they broke my femur again. It wasn't healing right. The doctors even talked about putting a titanium rod in its place. It was a thought, but I'm kind of attached to my bones.

"Joonie..." Amber gave me a small smile.

"Mm.."

"Are you hungry? Hoseok brought you a cheeseburger."

My head snapped to the right. Yoongi was no longer here, now Hoseok stood where he was. Wasn't he here just a second ago? I glance at the clock again. It's almost eight-thirty. What the hell?

"Hey man... How ya feelin?" Hoseok asked cheerfully. Attempting to hide his worriedness from me. Good job guy... failed though.

"I... uh...yea..." why are words so hard to form?

"Ah... it's okay buddy." Hoseok patted my shoulder, then pulled the table over top of me with the burger on it.

"It's from Tomo's Grille" Hoseok informed popping open a can of Sprite.

My lips tugged into a smile. "Thhh...aaaannnksss" there goes that hissing again. I looked at the clock. Eight-thirty-six... Oh... okay.

They both watched me as I went to take a bite of the burger. That's when I noticed Amber's arm was wrapped up.

I broke down crying. Her arms instantly wrapped around me, with the smell of fresh gauze wafting over me. How could I do that?

"I'm.... Sssssorr..." I hissed out. Tears staining her light blue shirt.

"No... no... you are okay. You have no reason to be sorry." She told me as she rubbed circles on my back. It felt nice.

"I hhu... hhhurt... you." I cried gripping onto her a little tighter. She continued to rub my back. Hoseok eyed me cautiously.

"You didn't mean to... aw...baby it's okay... "

I just let her ramble. No amount of words could make me feel better or take this guilt I feel away. Her hands caressed my cheeks, and then her soft lips pressed against my dry cracked ones. My eyes closed in happiness. That might though.

Yea...

-------------------------

0545 AM Wednesday

Amber was jerked out of her sleep by pain shooting up her arm. Namjoon had ahold of her, his eyes dark and hollowed. If that were even possible. She clawed at his hand begging him to let go. He wouldn't... his grip tightened, his teeth grinding hard. Then his face went slack after about ten minutes, his hand loosened, and she fell back off the bed and scurried to the chair. He was terrifying, and that worried her. Something was off about him, he wasn't the Namjoon she had fallen in love with.

"NAMJOON!" She screamed. He started seizing again. His eyes going dark as if the lights were turned off, and then his whole body started jerking.

A sickening pop came from Namjoon as his body shook. The nurses were on him in seconds working to get his episode under control. It lasted for a little over a minute, and then his body went limp. One of the nurses looked at Amber sympathetically and something of adoration. Probably because they couldn't sit there day after day and watch someone break down piece by piece.

His head fell to the side, staring into her eyes with eyes that begged for help.

"A... a. mm. ber." Namjoon croaked while a tear fell down his cheek. She grasped his hand tightly. She needed him to understand that she wasn't going anywhere that she would be here no matter what.

Amber watched as his eyes closed then flashed back open and towards the blinding fluorescent lights above him. His face had paled with a look of pure terror. What was he seeing when he closed his beautiful eyes? She wished he would look at her.

"Namjoon?" She called gently, trying not to scare him. He started to go into a fit of coughs before he spoke incoherently, "Aaammm ...nnn hhh..." the coughing continued while Amber rubbed his hand. What else could she do?

"Amber?" A deep voice spoke from the doorway. It was Yoongi, he said he would stop by today to check on Namjoon and see if she needed anything. He really was a sweet man, just looked so grumpy almost always. Except for when Y/N was with him.

"Yoo...nnngiieee..." Namjoon whined his eyes darting from one side of the room to the other. Yoongi stepped closer to the bed hesitantly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Hey man... how are you feeling?" He asked Namjoon. But his eyes had glazed over as if completely checked out. Yoongi tapped his shoulder.

"Joon? Did you hear me?" Yoongi questioned the far away Namjoon.

"Hh...ee...y..." Namjoon wheezed blinking a bit. Yoongi gave him a small smile. This was all so fucked up. The glaze came back over the man's face before Yoongi could ask his question again. Looking over at Amber who appeared struck with an overwhelming amount of sadness.

She sighed. "With every seizure he is getting worse. Doctors say there is a shadow on his scans. But, they're not sure what it is exactly."

Yoongi looked pissed his fists were clenched, "He's been here for over two fucking years!! They break his bones and put him through so much pain. They could at least figure out what is going on in his head!!"

Namjoon's body started trembling which put Amber on alert, as she whispered softly in his ear. "Joon...Joon it's okay... shhh..." Yoongi stared at his friend, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach.

"I feel so fucking helpless!" He yelled as he punched the cabinet door behind him breaking it. Amber flinched, she understood his frustrations more than anyone. But it was helpless... all they could really do is hope and pray. Yoongi sucked in air, cursing under his breath. He must of broke his hand again.

"Y/N is going to kill me..." he laughed nervously.

Amber gave him a tight smile still holding onto Namjoon's hand.

"We're going to figure this out... he's going to be okay." Although she wasn't so sure herself. Yoongi nodded walking around to where she sat, to give her a side hug and then leave.

"I'll check in later."

Then he left, leaving Amber to her thoughts and an aching forearm. Nurses stepped in periodically to check Namjoon's vitals, at one point a nurse noticed her arm, and offered to look at it. They did an x-ray to check for any breaks.

It was fractured... Amber's heart plummeted to the floor. What was going on inside that handsome head of his? What could she do to help him?

The nurse wrapped her arm and gave her some medicine for pain with a list of instructions. She said they would put a cast on her tomorrow after some of the swelling went down. Smiling softly the nurse left.

Once she sat back down, Amber looked over at Namjoon. He had a blank stare and was shaking slightly. Which was normal at this point. Doctors say the seizures take a little more each time they come. Bits of memories, some motor skills, even his speech. Which they noticed after his 17th episode.

She started crying again, staying in that state until a bubbly voice brought her out of her woes.

"Hey Cutie!" Hoseok smiled brightly walking right up to her, and hugging her tight, careful not to hurt her arm.

"How's our boy?"

"He's gotten worse..."

"Ah...I brought him some good stuff from Tomo's. The manager misses seeing him there."

Amber nodded moving away from Hoseok to Namjoon's side.

"Joonie..." Amber murmured softly. Namjoon made a "mm" sound.

"Are you hungry? Hoseok brought you a cheeseburger."

Namjoons head snapped to where Hoseok stood. He had a shocked expression.

"Hey man... How ya feelin?" Hoseok asked cheerfully.

"I... uh...yea..." was all Namjoon said his face still showed shock, and then a bit of sadness.

"Ah... it's okay buddy..." Hoseok patted his shoulder, then pulled the table over with the burger on it.

"It's from Tomo's Grille" Hoseok informed popping open a can of Sprite.

Namjoon gave a knowing smile.

"Thhh...aaaannnksss" his voice sounding much like the snake from the jungle book. Amber and Hoseok watched him as he went to eat, but instead the poor man's eyes grew wide as he broke down sobbing. Amber jumped up, wrapping her arms around him firmly.

"I'm.... Sssssorr..." he cried much like a hiss. His hot tears soaking her light blue shirt.

"No... no... you are okay. You have no reason to be sorry." She assured Namjoon as she rubbed his back.

"I hhu... hhhurt... you..." He stammered gripping onto her a little tighter. She continued to rub his back. Hoseok watched them not really sure what to do. He wanted to hug Namjoon too, but he didn't want to crowd him. So, he just stood their hands at his side.

"You didn't mean to... aw...baby it's okay... "

She put her hands on his cheek then placed a chaste kiss on his dry cracked lips.