Chapter 41: Guilt
Disclaimer:
I do not own nor claim all the rights to 鬼滅の刃 | Kimetsu no Yaiba | Demon Slayer; all rights are reserved to its respective creator, Koyoharu Gotōge. This is purely a work of fiction; names, characters, businesses, events, localities, and occurrences are all extrapolated from the author's writings and imagination or utilized in a fictitious manner. As such, any direct or indirect references to actual entities, dead or alive, or events do not, in any shape or form, resemble the opinions of the author.
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"..." = Dialogue
'...' = Internal monologues
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*Rattle*
As the shoji screen slid open, a young girl made her presence known and walked into the designated tea ceremony room.
There, an older girl was seated, sipping on a cup of green tea.
"Ah, Shinobu," she called out upon watching her little sister enter.
"Nee-san..." Shinobu huffed in response. "Weren't you in charge of making dinner today..."
"Hm?" Kanae took the opportunity to ponder deeply over this piece of information.
She then came to a striking revelation, "Oh yeah... You're right!"
"Then why isn't anything made yet..." Shinobu answers sardonically.
"Because I forgot!" Kanae gives a thumbs up, as if this was a venerable accomplishment of some sort.
Shinobu facepalms herself, "You know what? I'm not even gonna bother at this point."
"Aww, do you want your Onee-chan to cook something for you? Maybe ginger tsukudani?" Kanae coaxed whilst also teasing as usual.
Shinobu was nearly drawn into the offer but was ultimately unconvinced.
She sighs, "Nee-san... You're going to have to do better than that."
"Oh dear, you don't want ginger tsukudani?"
"Well, it's not that I don't want it..." Shinobu was once again fighting the urge.
"See? You LOVE my cooking!" Kanae teases.
"Well, yeah," Shinobu acknowledges. "But this isn't about that—we're talking about you lacking a sense of responsibility for household chores here!"
"Whaa?? Noo waaay, I always do my share of the chores," Kanae lightly protests.
"Yeah, that's cause I have to remind you every time," Shinobu rebukes.
"And you're such a sweetie for that, Shinobu~"
"Don't even try to change the subject, Nee-san," Shinobu replies sternly, knowing her sister too well to fall for such 'innocent' tricks.
"I can't help it," Kanae whines, "my Hashira duties eat up too much of my time."
"And yet, you have time to laze around drinking tea?" Shinobu retorts.
"... Even Hashiras need a break every now and then, you know?" Kanae concocts an excuse.
"Nee-san, I can't tell if you're hard-working or just lazy," Shinobu remarks dryly.
"I'm not lazy, I'm just resourceful with what little time I have," the elder sister quips.
"... Right..." Shinobu wasn't entirely satisfied with that answer.
Kanae thence finishes drinking whatever was left in her cup, "Anyways, enough about me—"
"Wait, we still haven't decided on what to eat" Shinobu objects, but to no avail.
"—how has your day been, Shinobu?" Kanae continues nonetheless.
"Alright, I guess we're doing this now," the younger sister mutters. "It's been good."
"Ooh," the Flower Hashira lets out.
"... What?"
"You've never described it like that before," Kanae points out.
"What do you mean?"
"Usually, you'd say 'busy' or maybe some specific activity, but you've actually managed to sum it up using a word with a positive connotation!" Kanae clarifies with glee.
"And?" Shinobu couldn't decipher the importance of that.
"What'd you do today?"
Shinobu took a moment before responding: "Well, training, research, tending to patients, paying the bills, filing the property tax... Wait a minute, why am I doing taxes?! That's a task reserved for the eldest member of the household!"
"Because you're good at it~"
"That's not the point!!"
Kanae smiles, "I trust you enough to do most things around here in my absence. You're resourceful and very smart, you know that?"
Slightly taken aback by this sudden compliment, Shinobu replies sheepishly: "Well... you better appreciate it..."
Kanae watched her little sister with warmth.
The Flower Hashira could still remember when she first gazed upon the infant with curiosity, watching the little child giggle innocently and express joy of the most potent kind.
She came to immediately adore the sight and vowed to stay by her side.
Ever since then, she and Shinobu have always been together—through thick and thin, they've endured it all together as sisters.
And now, with their parents gone, their bond has never been more important.
Perhaps it was this same memory that induced her overprotective behavior; she cannot bear to watch Shinobu suffer any further than she did on that dreadful day, and she will not let Shinobu cry any more tears than the ones she shed when their parents died.
Kanae always held a very mixed position regarding her sister's induction into the Demon Slayer Corps.
On one hand, she and Shinobu are doing this together—as they do all things together. Yet, Kanae sometimes catches herself relieved upon hearing of Shinobu's lack of progress as a slayer.
She's always viewed her sister's decision to join the Corps as an outgrowth of her own decision to join, as it's obvious that Shinobu would follow her only remaining direct family anywhere.
Thus, there's always been this burden of responsibility and culpability that the elder sister feels: she had previously assumed that her younger sister committed to this dangerous life simply because she did.
However, she cannot simultaneously become a demon slayer and expect her sister to not do the same. That much she knows.
It was then the Flower Hashira was reminded of something conveyed to her not too long ago.
..
"... I wouldn't underestimate her."
..
Or perhaps it wasn't any of that.
Perhaps she had disregarded her sister's sense of agency, and that the notion of joining the Corps was actually beyond her jurisdiction since the beginning.
Kanae didn't know exactly, but his words managed to broaden her perspective.
Maybe she ought to put faith in her sister; Shinobu is no longer the innocent infant that Kanae gazed upon many years ago, so maybe it was actually the elder sister who was blinded by her desire to stay with her sister.
"Maybe he's right after all..." Kanae mumbles, speaking her thoughts.
"Who's right?" Shinobu catches wind of this.
"Oh, something Tomioka-san told me recently," Kanae explains.
"Really..." Shinobu mutters, her disposition suddenly tempering for no apparent reason.
"Mhm! It was a nice conversation!" Kanae exclaimed.
The younger sister's modestly downcast eyes and inconspicuous frown gave subtle hints into her dissatisfied state of mind following Kanae's response.
"How often do you two speak..." Shinobu asks in a monotone voice, as if all the exasperation hitherto present in her cadence suddenly evaporated.
Kanae was a little surprised at the utterance of this particular question, but she retained her jovial bearing upon realizing the exact rationale behind this change in inflection.
"Oh, not too often... In fact, he talks to you the most out of anyone. So don't get jealous, Shinobu!" she beams.
"Wha—!" Shinobu returned to her normal self, "I'm not jealous!"
"Ara-ara, do I see anxiety over a possible love interest being stolen by her beautiful Onee-chan?" Kanae goaded lightly, much to her own amusement.
Shinobu was now beet-red, "I'm not!!!"
"Oh my, did you describe your day as 'good' because you were able to talk with Tomioka-san today for the medical check-up??" said Kanae.
"Noo!!!" Shinobu answered in a manner that had embarrassment written all over her face.
"Hehe!" Kanae laughed. "You're so cute when you're blushing, Shinobu!"
"That's it, you're cooking dinner!" Shinobu says almost childishly.
"Aww, so you DO want ginger tsukudani," Kanae is relentless with her teasing.
"I never said that!"
"You essentially did," Kanae replies.
"Gosh, if you're going to act like this, then I'll make dinner!" Shinobu capitulates.
"Oooh, really?? Thanks a ton, Shinobu!"
"... This was all part of your plan, wasn't it?"
"Maybe~"
Shinobu exhales, "Fine... I'll make something."
The Flower Hashira felt a sense of clarity and reassurance she seldom experiences.
Her sister was all grown up.
She was doing everything from menial chores to the management of the Butterfly Estate, and she is working tirelessly to develop a Breathing Technique that will allow her to fight on the front lines whilst also honing her pharmaceutical knowledge—the latter being the byproduct of their parents' influence as doctors.
She was more than capable of becoming a strong warrior, possibly even a Hashira.
Kanae just didn't realize that.
Her face softened, "You're really amazing, Shinobu."
"Huh?" Shinobu was flabbergasted.
"You've worked harder than me, harder than anyone else," Kanae starts. "And you've made great progress since joining the Corps."
"Yeah... but you're already a Hashira..." Shinobu replies in a self-effacing way.
"Considering the numerous responsibilities I've deferred to you, like management of the Estate and the medical facilities, along with your individual training and research, I think your feats are more impressive," Kanae inspirits.
"I'm sorry I can't help you much..." Kanae adds solemnly.
"That can't be helped, since you've got your Hashira duties," Shinobu raises.
"Which is why you're doing an amazing job, even in my absence," the Flower Hashira grins.
"Nee-san..." Shinobu couldn't help but feel enlivened by her words.
Kanae then reaches out her smooth, emollient hands and gently pats her little sister's head.
"You've done a very good job, Shinobu!" she beams with radiance. "Otōsan and Okāsan would be very proud..."
By invoking the memory of their parents, Kanae elicited a strong emotional response from Shinobu.
"I'm... glad..." Shinobu could feel the tears welling in the corner of her eyes.
"There, there," Kanae pulls her closer in for a hug.
"I'm really glad... that you're proud of me..." Shinobu's voice cracked.
"I always will be, no matter what," Kanae whispered soothingly as she caressed her little sister.
Yes, this is the same little child she gazed upon.
And yes, this is the same sister she now fully acknowledges.
Shinobu will become a great warrior, and she will probably even become a Hashira. Nothing in the test of time can change this course.
But instead of fretting over her safety and treating her like that baby girl from all those years ago, Kanae felt it was time to come to terms with it all.
To acknowledge Shinobu not just as a sister but also as a fellow demon slayer—and, maybe into the future, a fellow Hashira.
Perhaps this is for the purpose of finding closure.
Closure in the grief and fear born from the ashes of their parents' cremated corpses.
Now, they will look to the future.
And one step, one leap, into the unknown.
But they will do so together, as sisters.
..
..
..
..
..
..
*Thud*
Shinobu's unconscious body collapsed onto the concrete ground, drowning in a pool of her own blood.
The figure, taking the appearance of Kocho Kanae, stared at the scene for a brief moment.
"I apologize, Kocho Shinobu. But this is for the greater good," it finally perorated, the voice still endorsing the phonetic pattern of the former Flower Hashira.
After a few seconds, the figure finally turned around and ambulated toward its intended interlocutor: Haji.
The Demon of Shame, with an incredible amount of injuries incurred and a lethal dosage of poison traveling through her veins, was on the cusp of death.
Lying supinated on a mountain of rubble, she was incapable of moving a muscle.
There was no possible remedy for her current condition; she was going to die.
*Thump* *Thump*
The eerie echoes of the figure's footsteps reverberated throughout this barren chamber, with the physical and emotional weight of each step forward being easily discernible to the ear.
Aside from Haji's heavy panting, this was the only other source of sound in this caliginous environment.
Finally, the figure had reached its destination, standing before Haji's beleaguered body.
"... Haji..." It spoke, stilling donning the appearance of Kanae.
Haji's body was now starting to disintegrate, with parts of her skin peeling off and drifting into the air like leaves on a cold autumn day.
Nevertheless, the Demon of Shame managed to slowly lift her eyelids. She didn't respond at first.
"You are dying," the figure added somberly.
"It's you, isn't it...?" Haji said weakly.
"..." The figure didn't immediately reply.
"Onii-san..." Haji's voice quivered.
"... Yeah," the figure answered softly.
"How long has it been...?" she asks.
"..."
"Since... we were all together...?" she clarifies.
"Over a millennium now," the figure replies.
"Oh..." Haji says in a dejected tone. "That makes me sad..."
"..."
"Do you think Mother would still love us the way we are? Do you think she would still love Father even after everything...?"
The figure's face furrowed, "... I don't know."
"That's too bad... I still remember how she used to smile so brightly when Isamu and Etsuko played around..." Haji remarks melancholically.
"Ah..." she came to a realization. "Kanashimi is Etsuko... and Osore is Isamu... I remember now..."
"That's right."
"And..." she slowly looked up at the figure. "You're Junnosuke... That's your name, isn't it...?"
"... Yeah..." its face darkens.
"That's a good name... You should be proud of it, Onii-san..."
"And your name?" the figure suddenly asks.
"Ah... I don't know... I guess it's too shameful for me to say it..." Tears start to descend from her eye sockets.
"... It's Eiko," the figure corrects.
It promptly crouches down, close enough for Haji's hands to reach its face.
"Is that so... It's not as good as yours, Onii-san..." Haji says innocuously.
"You have a beautiful name, Eiko," the figure quietly demurs.
"That's good then..." she whispered, the lower half of her body was now completely gone.
"..."
"This isn't the first time, is it, Onii-san? Seeing me die?" she astutely observes.
The figure's eyes widened.
"Onii-san, you're strong and smart... I look up to you... I always have..." she begins.
"Even though..." a heavy weight pulls down on her voice. "... Even though you hate us all... You hate Father from the bottom of your heart..."
"..." the figure remained silent.
"You hate yourself, don't you...?" she notes dolefully. "You've been lonely, haven't you? Seeing us die over and over in your head?
"I never hated you... Eiko..." the figure answered.
"I'm sorry I couldn't ease your suffering, your guilt, Onii-san..." Haji begins weeping as particles of her physical state begin disintegrating at a faster pace.
"I know..." the figure simply replied, its voice solemn and wistful.
"But... don't blame yourself for anything... After all, you're one person against the entire world," she smiled, but it was unlike her other smiles that emitted sadistic tendencies or amusement.
No, this was a genuine smile that evoked love and tenderness—born from the bottom of her hollowed heart.
"...." the figure was inaudible.
"Onii-san," she lifted her calloused hands and touched his right cheek, "I've always thought of you as the best older brother a shy little sister like me could have..."
Her body was nearing its end as the physical decomposition was approaching her head.
She let out her final words: "I always...wanted to be your closest friend..."
It was over.
The last bits of her head had already disappeared right when she had concluded her soliloquy.
The figure, despite its sister's soul no longer existing on this Earth, remained in the same posture as if it were still speaking to her corpse—it remained motionless, refusing to move an inch.
Memories of the days of old came rushing in amid this inopportune moment.
..
"T-Thank you... Onii-san..." Eiko smiled softly.
..
The figure's face darkened and it gave its final words to its now-deceased sister, "Yeah... You were always... my closest friend... Eiko..."
The little sister he held in his arms when she was a baby, the little girl he played with every day during his youth, and the child he constantly doted over despite her shy nature, were now gone.
Images of her innocent, gentle smile flashed through its head.
Sorrow swelled within his soul.
It was all for the greater good. That's what he told himself, but this was always difficult no matter the timeline—watching his family die, whether at the hands of another or his own.
But then... anger.
It looked at Shinobu.
"Insect Hashira, I know you're awake," it stood up.
Indeed, Shinobu had somewhat returned to her senses—although she was barely conscious.
"Nee-san..." Shinobu wheezed in a hushed volume, still plunged in a state of deep shock and depression.
"Look at me, you pathetic creature," the figure angrily growls.
Shinobu didn't dare to, not when the figure in question took the appearance of her late sister.
"Nee-san... why..." she whimpers.
"There seems to be a misunderstanding," the figure begins walking toward where Shinobu was laid down.
"Your sister is no longer here," it expounds placidly, ironically in the same tonal configuration as the very person it asserts to be dead.
This was the definition of mental torture for Shinobu, having Kanae herself declare that she was dead—as if it were a ghost haunting her, telling her the painful truth of the former Flower Hashira's demise.
"I am not the Flower Hashira, Kocho Kanae," it repeats.
Shinobu felt a sharp pang of grief engulfing the inner sanctum of her heart, and she felt further hollowed out from the inside.
"My name is Zaiaku-kan... the Demon of Guilt," it says scathingly.
Zaiaku-kan finally reached Shinobu, looking down upon her lifeless body—lifeless in the sense that she was both physically debilitated and emotionally taxed beyond comprehension.
"And you... disgusting, weak, and indecisive cretin... will listen to what I have to say," Zaiaku-kan snarls.
Everything, from the appearance, the visceral image, and the voice, was Kocho Kanae. But the mannerisms and the conduct were someone else entirely.
To have your beloved sister angrily insult you is by far the worst of what this tribulation has to offer to a despondent Shinobu.
Shinobu didn't want to listen or look.
But Zaiaku-kan could not care less.
"I know you very well by now. I have seen your fears, your grief, and your shame. And now, I will expose your guilt, the most flawed and faulty aspect of your sorry character," Zaiaku-kan declares.
It raises an eyebrow, "You still don't understand, do you?"
Shinobu didn't have the physical or mental strength to respond.
"Your parents died because they wanted to protect you. Your sister joined the Corps because she wanted to protect you. The Water Hashira is willing to sacrifice his life to protect you, which he eventually will do twenty years from now," it begins.
Its eyes sharpen, "Are you starting to see a pattern here?
"..." the Insect Hashira was quiet.
"You feel guilty for your sister's death, which you hoped to resolve by defeating Douma even if it costs your very life," said Zaiaku-kan.
"And yet," Zaiaku-kan raises his voice, "you also feel guilty for the death of Tomioka Giyuu, which was, ironically enough, caused by YOUR death. The very same demise that you intend to risk within the parameters of your preceding guilt. So, you decide to immediately abandon your original plan, but you still carry the guilt for your sister's death..."
As Zaiaku-kan's voice rang in this empty chasm, the infinite void of the darkness sucked more and more life out of Shinobu—whose health in all sense was taking a toll.
As deep into the darkness, there lied nothing but fear, grief, shame, and, now, guilt; there was only pain, sorrow, and regret fulminating through the minds of every weak-minded individual—like lightning striking through a house, the resulting conflagration served to destroy the very foundations of one's being.
Zaiaku-kan was adding fuel to that fire: "As far as I can tell, you are not decisive enough. You haven't made up your mind on what you value more: the past or the future."
But Zaiaku-kan didn't stop there, "You fight for your own selfish desires. And once you satisfy that self-serving desire, you have the audacity to throw everything away right then and there."
"..."
"You are no savior, nor are you a slayer; you're just an emotional little brat who can't accept the fact that mommy and daddy died and that you were powerless when big sister sacrificed herself protecting you," Zaiaku-kan elucidated coldly.
Zaiaku-kan continues, "You're just someone who's trying to justify her own weakness; you just want to prove to the world that you're not so helpless after all. But, in the end, you're just as weak as you ever were."
The Demon of Guilt then kneels down and whispers, "You don't deserve anyone's sympathy. You're just exploiting the kindness of others for your own sake."
Silence.
Utter, unrelenting, unmitigated silence. No response could be contrived or conjured up in light of this cross-examination.
He had thoroughly deconstructed the entire essence and existence of Shinobu's character—from her motivations to her aspirations, he has shown the folly of it all.
How all of it is born from a place of weakness, and how it is all bound to fail anyway.
Zaiaku-kan started again, "Tell me, when you were reading Tomioka Giyuu's diary from the future, did you even feel an ounce of guilt for what he became? A cranky, morphine-addicted, and chain-smoking middle-aged man who had practically lost the will to live."
The Insect Hashira's chest hurt upon being reminded of that tragic diary; it pained her to slowly watch the transformation and degradation of Giyuu's spirit and body in the lost years of his life.
"All because he loved you so much. Loved you enough to want to give up on life once you died," Zaiaku-kan mocked. "He, too, is quite pathetic."
"Don't... you dare... insult... him..." Shinobu condemned weakly.
"Why not? Because you're in love with him? Do you honestly think the future you intend to avert will ultimately be avoided? Or is everything inevitable, like him dying in your arms on that snowy mountain?"
"No..."
"Oh, but it is. If he won't die from heartbreak, then I will kill him myself," Zaiaku-kan growls. "And you will see the fruits of your stupidity once you meet him in the afterlife."
"No...! Don't... hurt him...!" Shinobu cried out.
"Both of you are tremendously pitiful beings: your deaths will not come by the blade or the illness but from each other. You've intertwined your fates and feelings so closely that the absence of one will automatically mean the death of the other," Zaiaku-kan scornfully replies.
"As for killing him, I suppose I'll taunt him while doing so... Remind him of his sister's death, his two closest friends' demise, and your sorry end. That way, he'll be so mired in guilt that he could not possibly accept to live another day under such conditions... He'll take his own life, I reckon."
"Please... Leave him alone..." Shinobu sobbed—the thought of Giyuu killing himself is already an imprinted memory she doesn't want to recall again.
"What's that? Begging for mercy? For his life to be spared? Be sure to notice how YOU will be responsible for his demise, and this is the case in all the other timelines. No matter which Kocho Shinobu or Tomioka Giyuu you end up with, you both are destined to come to a terrible end. I have seen it, and I know it."
"Giyuu..." she whispered, now about to relapse into another bout of coma as a result of the blood loss.
"In any case, I will ease your suffering now," Zaiaku-kan raises his blade.
"Always remember that your guilt will be the source of his grief," the Demon of Guilt remarks before he readies the blade.
However, before proceeding any further, Zaiaku-kan hears something from above.
The Demon of Guilt witnesses a long Nichirin Blade swung intensely at him.
SWOOSH
In response, Zaiaku-kan raises his blade.
CLANG
Giyuu had arrived from overhead, 'Eighth Form: Waterfall Basin!'
As the katanas clashed, Zaiaku-kan was forcefully pushed away from Shinobu—as the sheer force exerted by Giyuu's downward momentum and swing was enough to effectuate this imbalance of power.
THUD
Giyuu alights in front of an ailing Shinobu, who was just about to pass out again.
"Giyuu..." she whispers softly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't arrive earlier," the Water Hashira replied gently, blood still soaking his uniform and head—since he was punched in the face by Haji.
"I'm... sorry..." Shinobu was out cold.
"Shinobu!" The Water Hashira quickly looked behind whilst still maintaining a battle stance against Zaiaku-kan.
"Oh my, is that you Tomioka-san?" the lighthearted, cheerful voice beckoned.
Giyuu has heard that voice before. It sounds frighteningly similar to a certain someone he knew...
No, that cannot be possible. There's no way she's here, much less hurting Shinobu in the same vein.
Giyuu angrily turns his head back to the enemy.
It was only then did he meticulously scrutinize the figure, coming to the striking conclusion that he was staring directly at the former Flower Hashira.
Although initially perturbed, Giyuu composed himself and attempted to logically deduce the nature of what he can only assume to be a demonic power.
The Water Hashira takes a moment to observe this strange oddity facing him, "You look like the former Flower Hashira, sound like her, and even act like her... But you're not her; she's supposed to be dead..."
"Who are you," Giyuu raised his blade.
The enemy—still retaining the appearance of Kanae—smirks, "Zaiaku-kan, the Demon of Guilt."
"I'm going to kill you now, Zaiaku-kan," Giyuu's countenance evinced rage and a lust for retribution for whatever may have happened to his beloved Shinobu.
Zaiaku-kan, however, looked disinterested, "If you leave your friend there, she's going to bleed to death."
Giyuu clenched his teeth, 'Shit... it's right... I need to tend to Shinobu's wounds as quickly as possible...'
"And I don't want to fight you yet," Zaiaku-kan adds. "After all, don't you want answers?"
"Answers?"
"Everything about this mission has been strange from the start, hasn't it? Strange premonitions of the future, visions of the past, and even a host of demons not directly connected to Kibutsuji Muzan—your organization's greatest enemy," Zaiaku-kan explains.
"And what of it..." Giyuu says hesitantly.
"You are dealing with forces that no man has ever encountered before. Wouldn't it be best if you understood what exactly they are? Besides, I think I owe you people an explanation anyway," said Zaiaku-kan.
"You owe us...?" Giyuu was confused.
"Water Hashira, if you dare to face me in a match to the death, then I shall praise your bravery by divulging everything there is to know about the sinister and warped reality that exists within this sewage system," Zaiaku-kan pronounces ominously.
"..." Giyuu felt a cold sweat down his backbone.
"Until then, patch your friend up. Make sure she doesn't die," Zaiaku-kan sheathes his blade.
He promptly turns around and begins walking away into a dark tunnel, "And don't forget, this is only between you and me. Although, I reckon your friend there will be too seriously wounded to contribute anyway."
And with that, Zaiaku-kan voluntarily withdrew from the field of battle, leaving Giyuu and Shinobu on their own.
As for Giyuu, he knew he was at a crossroads.
After all, this upcoming battle could determine not only the success of the mission but also the fate of the two Hashiras, the fate of untold others, and even the fate of the unborn—of posterity themselves.
A crossroads between the past and the future.
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