JAYSON

        I would say that Blake’s panicked knocking on my door was the reason was I now wide awake but that would be a lie. I haven’t slept properly in weeks because, every single time I closed my eyes, my dreams were plagued with memories of the damage I had done.

        There was the blood of the innocent I had murdered. The faces of the enemies I had tortured before killing them in the most brutal way. There was even the proof that I was the reason for the imminent war which was making its way towards the pack.

        I was lucky if I managed three hours sleep in a night. I could sleep but I would only wake in a pool of my own sweat.

         "We’re going to the hospital,” Blake had said. I knew that I needed to tell him the truth about his parents and that neither of them were really as they seemed. The guilt was eating me alive now and all I wanted was to tell him the truth before it was too late.

        I didn’t argue with him and, when we arrived back downstairs, the front door was hanging off hinges and I made the assumption that Ellie was right royally pissed off. It wasn’t the best idea to get on her bad side so I wasn’t going to plan on doing that any time soon.

        “Do you want me to take one of them?” I had asked Blake when I saw he was struggling with the twins. Maxwell wouldn’t stop crying and Nicole was somewhere between crying and giggling. I could see the lost feeling in his eyes and that he was out of his depth with the both of them.

        Ellie’s temper had shown and they could tell that their mother was hurting while their father didn’t know what he was doing. But I was sure Blake had been close to losing his own temper when Ellie didn’t calm down before she left to do whatever it was she had left to do – the fact he had Alpha blood in his system mixed with the fact was, not only an Alpha in her own right, but she was also the daughter of the dead Alpha King and Queen really did make for some serious trouble when they were both pissed off.

        “Thanks,” Blake had muttered. He handed me Nicole as we both walked out of the house with Elliot walking in the middle of the two of us. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach and she didn’t move her eyes from the ground as we walked.

        “He will come through. Jackson has never been one to give up fighting. Even when he’s on death’s door,” I had told her quietly. Slowing so that I was walking beside her while bouncing Nicole a little in my arms until she was only giggling a little rather than crying while I could hear Blake still having difficulty calming Maxwell down. He was shushing his son but I hadn’t heard Maxwell cry so damn loudly in the short amount of time he had been in this world for.

        “I’m losing him. I can feel it,” Elliot had sobbed onto my shoulder as she wrapped her arms around my bicep.

        “He will wake up the moment we walk into that hospital just so he can all possessive on my ass for touching you,” I had joked with her and she even managed to smile slightly.

        “He’s not that bad. I have seen worse,” she had actually managed to laugh lightly as she pointed her thumb behind the both of us towards Blake. I could only imagine how possessive Blake could be over Ellie, especially now she was the mother of his pups – just another way in which the pair of them being Alphas caused a monumental amount of trouble at times.

        “Jackson will be as bad as Blake. Just you watch,” I had chuckled. I knew this wasn’t the time to be making jokes but Elliot needed to keep her mind off the worst which could happen. I didn’t want her to stress herself out and risk losing their pup, not when there was still a strong chance that Jackson was going to pull through.

        “Those unmated males should have kept their eyes and thoughts to themselves. Then I wouldn’t have to be all possessive,” Blake had muttered from behind the two of us and I had also noticed that Maxwell was only making small noises of complaint every couple of seconds now.

        “He’s got Alpha blood in him too. You want to watch out for that,” I had whispered jokingly.

        “I can just about manage with a Beta so I wonder how Ellie copes at times,” Elliot had laughed once again as Blake appeared the other side of her, pretending that he was offended by the words Elliot had decided she was going to use.

        “If you think I am bad, you should see Ellie when another female so much as speaks my name. Even when she was pregnant with the pups, she still thought every unmated female was trying to steal me from her,” Blake had defended himself. I laughed to myself at the thought of Ellie growling and going all possessive Alpha on every female who stepped foot into her house.

        Technically I was still a rogue and it would be Ellie’s decision whether or not I actually joined the pack at the end of it all. I would like to think that she would accept me into her pack and give me a second chance because I kind of missed being in a pack. I missed the feeling of being part of a huge family and knowing there were people there to protect you should you need it.

        I even missed my mother. I wanted to speak to her and I wanted to tell her that I was alive. I wanted her to shout at me for the hell I had put both her and my father through with my disappearing act. I wanted her to tell me that she loved me even though I was a complete idiot. I just wanted her to be there for me again.

        “Do you think Jackson is going to be a good father?” Elliot had asked suddenly and I didn’t even have to think before I spoke.

        “Definitely. The kid is more mature than me and Blake combined,” I chuckled.

         "Speak for yourself. Becoming a father changes you and you realise the importance of being mature,” Blake had added. I was going to break our friendship soon enough though and that’s how we ended up in the situation we have now.

        Elliot was with Jackson after the doctor had come to tell us he was going to require surgery to give him the best chance of survival. But even that carried a seventy-nine percent chance of death which wasn’t an awful lot compared to the eighty-seven percent chance of death without the surgery.

        Nicole was sleeping peacefully in my arms while Maxwell was playing with Blake’s fingers and we waited for Elliot to decide that she was ready to go home for the night. Though I had a feeling she was here for the long haul and I was going to have to spend the night outside of Jackson’s bedroom just to make sure nothing happened to either her or the pup – I would risk death from Ellie if anything happened to either of them.

        “Why do I get the feeling you’re hiding something from me?” Blake finally asked. He moved his eyes from Maxwell to where I was sitting opposite him and his smile was now replaced with a cold glare.

        “There’s a lot of things I have never told you Blake. It’s hardly surprising that you have that feeling,” I muttered. I didn’t want to hurt him and neither did I want him to hate me but both were inevitable.

        “I thought I was your best friend?” Blake replied.

        “You are which is why there’s something I need to tell you. But, before I tell you, I just need you to understand that I didn’t have a choice and everything I did was to make sure both you and your sister were safe,” I sighed. I directed my attention from Blake and looked down at the innocent which was Nicole – I was supposed to be her uncle but I was never going to be good enough for the right to be involved with her life.

        “I don’t like where this is going,” Blake sighed.

        “If you don’t like the sound of it now then you need to wait until I tell you,” I muttered.

        “What the hell are you talking about Jayson?” Blake asked in annoyance. I finally moved my eyes so that they were making contact with his own. If I was going to tell him then I was going to tell him to his face.

        “I’m talking about your parents, Blake. I knew the both of them pretty damn well,” I told him.

        “Seriously Jay. I know that you knew my parents. We practically grew up at my house,” Blake chuckled and I was a little annoyed that he didn’t understand what I was talking about. Obviously I knew his parents because we lived at his house until his mother died and then he spent every moment at my house. But I knew more about them than he assumes I ever did.

        “I am talking about your mother’s death. I know the truth behind her death and I am also the reason that she’s dead,” I shouted quietly.

        “You had better be fucking with me Jay because, I swear to god, if you are telling me the truth then your life will depend simply on the fact you’re faster than I am,” Blake growled.

        “I was twelve. Your father had been training me since I was six because he wanted me to be tough. He wanted me to show you what it was to be a terrifying Alpha because he didn’t believe you would ever be capable of doing the job, especially after Lex told your father he wanted no part of his regime in the pack,” I said. He needed to understand why I did what the hell I did. I didn’t do it to make him hate me and neither did I do it to hurt him.

        I did it because I wasn’t given any other choice. I didn’t want to do it but I didn’t want the people I cared about to end up dead. I hated myself and I had been forced to live with the guilt since the day it happened. Now it was all too much and the hate I felt didn’t even cover the pain I felt or the guilt which consumed me every single day for the last fifteen years.

        “This had better be going somewhere and it had better be going there fast,” Blake spoke harshly.

        “Your father told me I was to let in the rogues who killed your mother. I didn’t want to do it and I spent four hours arguing with him that it wasn’t the right thing to do but he wasn’t having it. He told me that, if I didn’t let them into the territory, he would kill my entire family,” I muttered as I placed Nicole into the cot which had been provided by one of the nurses at the request of Blake. The look of terror on the poor girl’s face when Blake told her that, if she didn’t do what he wanted, he would have her job would have been humorous if Blake had been messing around.

        “You had my mother killed simply to save your own ass?” Blake growled. He stood and placed Maxwell into the cot beside his sister before he walked over to me with his fists clenched. I barely had the time to duck when Blake threw a punch in my direction – his fist leaving a hole in the wall where had been standing just seconds before.

        “I was saving you and Jamie too. He was going to slit your throat as you slept and he was going to have the rogues do as they pleased to your sister. I couldn’t let that happen,” I tried to make him see reason but that wasn’t going to happen. I could see how pissed off he was and I was sure my head was at risk if I said one more thing he didn’t like the sound of.

        I narrowly ducked once again as Blake threw another punch towards my face and I moved so that I was standing on the opposite side of the cot to Blake. I needed to get the hell out of here but I wasn’t going to leave the twins with him when he was this angry.

        “I would rather be dead than have my mother dead. You were only thinking of yourself,” Blake shouted. The door slammed open and Luca suddenly walked into the room with worry over his face as he looked between both Blake and myself.

        “I was thinking of my best friend and his life. I didn’t want him to end up dead because his father was a heartless bastard who cheated on his mother in the first place which is the only reason Lex refused the position of Alpha,” I shouted angrily. I didn’t want to get angry because I was the one in the wrong and I was the one who had allowed his mother to be murdered and then actually murdered his father. I was the monster here and Blake knew that.

        “What the fuck are you talking about?” Blake replied emotionlessly. His look could kill me right now and I was glad when I stopped looking at him.

        I slid my hands through my hair in frustration and turned my back on him as I walked over to the other side of the room. I hoped Blake would calm himself down and that he would remember his kids were sleeping right in front of him – but he had Alpha blood and that meant his temper was a thousand times worse than if he were a normal wolf.

        “Lex and Jamie’s mother wasn’t the same as your mother. Your mother was your father’s mate and the only reason he marked her and mated with her was to produce a legitimate Alpha. Once he had you, he didn’t need your mother anymore so he had her killed. He had her killed and he used me to make it happen because I knew I’d never let anything happen to you,” I said in defeat.

        “Does Jamie know this?” Blake asked quietly.

        “No. She was always told that her mother was dead because your father never told anyone who her real mother was,” I sighed.

        “I need you to leave Jayson and I need you to stay the hell away from me,” Blake told me firmly. I knew I was lucky to have escaped without injury but I wasn’t going to push my luck. I was just going to give him the space he needed and hope he would find it within him to forgive me at some point.

        “I am sorry Blake. I never wanted to do it but I couldn’t let you die,” I muttered and then walked out of the room. I headed in the direction of Elliot and Jackson’s room because that was probably the only place around here where I was welcome – until Jackson woke up and he found out what I had done to Blake and then he would hate me too.

        I didn’t even knock when I reached the room, I simply walked in and looked at Elliot. She was sleeping with her head on the side of the bed with her hand around Jackson’s hand while the sound of his monitors filled the room alongside Elliot’s soft snoring.

        I took the empty seat in the corner of the room and looked at the both of them. It reminded me of what I had lost when I left Mollie behind and allowed her to kill herself. I could have saved her and she could still be by my side but I was too stubborn to return. Even when I felt her slipping away from me and the bond growing weaker, I remained hidden and I am now the reason she is dead.

        I am the reason I am alone and I have no one while both my friends are finally happy with their life. Blake has Ellie and they are perfectly imperfect together. They complement each other wonderfully in every way possible and, now they have the twins, their relationship is one which I envy. I could have had everything they have but I lost all of that and I have no one to blame other than myself.

        Even Jackson has his mate now. Elliot is amazing and is one of the strongest people I have ever had the fortune of knowing. She is going to be the reason Jackson recovers and she is going to be the reason he continues to fight for his life on a daily basis. Their pup is going to be just as strong as its parents and they are going to make wonderful parents when the time comes.

        I can never have any of that. I can never have a family or a life which I am happy with. I can never love another in the way I loved Mollie and I can never care for another in the same way I cared for her. I am nothing more than a coward and I deserve everything I get.

        I deserve the hate Blake holds for me right now. I deserve the nightmares and the loneliness which consume me at night. I deserve the lack of trust which everyone seems to have in me. Hell I deserve to be dead given all the things I have done and the pain which I had caused – I would happily take death right now over everything which has happened because of my own naïve foolishness.

- So? Does this change the way in which you see Jayson or are still not a fan of his?