Next afternoon, before arriving at the Reagan's, she pulled her car into another driveway, then sat behind the wheel for a few minutes while she worked to get her emotions under control. Once she walked into that house she would need to put on a brave face.

Blowing out a breath, she opened the door and stepped out into the cool, crisp air with a smile plastered on her face. She walked over to the back door, not at all surprised to find it unlocked. No matter how many times she tried to tell her parents to keep the door locked, her father would point out that he's an ex-cop. If someone did try to break in, they were the ones in for a surprise.

"Dad!" Noelle called out as she entered the house.

"Noelle, sweetie, is that you?" she heard her mother, Evie, ask before she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, Mom, it's me." She hugged the older woman, then pulled back to look at her, resting her hands on her arms. "How are you feeling today, Mom?"

"I feel great!" Evie exclaimed. "What about you, dear? How was school?"

Noelle's eyes flickered over to the doorway, seeing her father standing there. Between her mother's comment and the look on his face, she knew her mother was having a bad day and was lost somewhere in the past.

She plastered a smile on her face and looked back at her mother. "School was fine, Mom."

"How did you do on that test?" she questioned.

"I...aced it?" Noelle guessed, unsure which test she meant.

"I knew you would." With a proud smile on her face, she tucked some hair behind her daughter's ear that had fallen from her ponytail. "I told you, you were worried for nothing. I knew you could do it, sweetie."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Where's Jamie?" With a confused look on her face, Evie looked over at the back door, then looked back at her daughter. "Is he still coming over to make cookies? Mary called praising them last time; which reminds me, she wanted the recipe for it."

Noelle swallowed hard, feeling tears fill her eyes as she watched her mother muttering to herself, asking where she put the recipe. She opened a few different drawers and began to search through them, jerking everything out and dropping it on the floor.

"Mom?" Noelle walked over to her mother. "Mom, it's okay, you can give her the recipe next time." She didn't want to tell her mom that Mary has passed away years ago- while she was in a past memory it was best to go along with it.

"No...no! I have to give it to her now!" Evie stated, getting upset and frustrated that she couldn't find it. "Where is it? Where is it?" she cried out, turning away from her daughter and pulled open another drawer.

"Evie, honey, Evie, why don't you go lay down and I'll find the recipe." Her father wrapped his arms around her from behind. She instantly relaxed back against him and nodded her head in response. He glanced over his shoulder to look at his daughter, telling her he would be right back.

"You let me know when little Jamie gets here and we'll get started on those cookies," Evie called out as her husband led her out of the kitchen.

"I will. I'm sure he'll be here in a few minutes," Noelle lied.

"That little Jamie Reagan is such a sweet boy. A sweet, sweet boy," she cooed as she walked through the doorway and out of the room.

Alone in the kitchen, she began to pick up the things her mother had thrown on the floor. She sniffed, then reached up to wipe a few tears from her cheek. It was always hard seeing her mother like this; slipping into the past, forgetting things and having unpredictable mood swings. She didn't have to ask her mom what memory she was in because she remembered it.

When she and Jamie were younger, they came across her mother's cookbook that was filled with family recipes passed down each generation. They were in the middle of trying to make one of the cookie recipes when her mother caught them covered in flour and watery batter spilled all over the counter and floor. The two had added too many liquids to the mix.

Her mother didn't yell at them- she had never yelled at them, she could always find humor in anything and a sliver of light on any dark day.

That day when her mother walked into the kitchen, she shook her head and a chuckle escaping her lips as she saw the mess the two kids were in. She helped them to clean up everything, then grab more ingredients before teaching them the right way to make the recipe.

They made so many cookies that Jamie took a big plateful home. Later, his mother, Mary, called to thank her mother and ask for the recipe. She wanted to make some the following Sunday for dinner. The next day, Jamie came over for them to make more cookies and she taught them a new recipe. He went home with another plateful of sweets, as well as the recipe.

That day started a new tradition, at least once a month, her mother would show them a new recipe and help them bake, then Jamie would take some home along with a recipe. When he would bring the plate back, his mother would send a recipe of her own for them to try.

Hearing her father come back into the room, Noelle was pulled from her thoughts. She turned to face her father and flashed him a sad smile. "I thought she was having good days lately."

When she spoke to him the other day on the phone, he told her Evie had been herself lately with no memory losses or flashbacks.

"She was." He frowned and sat down on one of the stools at the counter. "But then the bad days came back. They always come back."

"I'm sorry, Dad, I didn't realize she had gotten so bad during one of her episodes."

"I didn't want you to know," he admitted. "I didn't want you to know she was getting worse."

"I should have moved back sooner. I should have been around more-"

"No, no, it's fine," Byron interrupted. "She would be the same rather you were here or not. There's nothing you or I can do."

"Is she still on her medication?"

"Yes and no."

When she shot him a confused look, he sighed. "I thought she was taking it. I was giving it to her, but I wasn't checking to make sure she was taking it. The other day, while I was cleaning, I was dusting around one of those little decorative boxes she keeps by the couch and accidentally knocked it over and all of her pills spilled out."

"She was hiding it." Noelle blew out a breath and rubbed her hands over her face. "How long had she been hiding it?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. He felt so much guilt knowing she missed one day, he hated to even think how many days she did miss. He should have checked up after her. "I explained to her how important it was that she takes it, but she said it messed with her sleep and makes her feel confused and disoriented."

"Can the doctor give her a different prescription?"

"I hope so," he answered. "She has an appointment next week."

"What day? I can try to get that day off and-"

"No, it's okay," Byron interrupted. "I can take her. This is why I retired, so I can take care of her. I don't want you taking off already from your new job."

"Okay," Noelle mumbled, wishing there was something she could do. She blew out a breath, then spoke her thoughts out loud, "Is there anything I can do?"

"You can join me for a cup." He motioned toward the coffee pot. "And tell me everything that is new with you."

He saw her glance at the watch on her wrist, it was so quick anyone else might have missed it, but his years of being a cop helped him to notice things like that.

"Unless you have other plans?"

"No, it's fine." When he shot her a look, letting her know he knew she was lying to him, she added, "I was supposed to go to the Reagan's for dinner."

"Ah, yes, the famous Reagan Sunday dinners." He smiled.

Back before all the tragedies for both families, there were times the whole Kelley family went and ate with them. Henry or Frank still called at least once a month to invite them, but he was never sure when Evie was having a good day or a bad one, so he always turned down the invitation.

"I don't have to go, I can stay here-"

"No you should go," he cut her off. "I know they will all be happy to see you. I have everything covered here, you shouldn't put your life on hold for us."

"What about your life, Dad?" she quietly asked, reaching out to lay her hand on top of his.

With a smile, he simply said, "She's my sweetheart, she is my life. She's all I need."

Noelle couldn't stop a smile from appearing on her face at his answer. She remembered growing up how she would watch her parents- the way they looked at each other, and wish for the day someone looked at her the way they looked at each other.

After all these years, the look on her father's face had not changed. He was still as deeply in love with her mother as the day he met her. He always said he fell in love with her at first sight.

He laid his other hand on top of hers and gave it a small pat. "When do you have to be at the Reagan's?"

"After I have a coffee with my dad." She smiled.

•••

Noelle sat with her father for close to an hour, then drove a street over to the Reagan house. She didn't mean to stay so late, but she had to admit it was nice catching up with her father, even if it hurt to hear how badly her mother had gotten. She had no doubt the Reagan's would understand why she was running late, she just hoped there was enough food left and that Jamie remembered her cupcakes.

After parking the car, she opened the driver side door and stepped out as the front door opened and she saw Danny walk out looking agitated.

"Hey, did I miss dinner?" Noelle questioned as she went up the walkway toward the porch.

"No, it's still going." Danny paused long enough to give the side of her head a quick peck in greeting. "Careful though, Erin is on her high horse today."

"Ah." She nodded. "That's why you look so pissed. Another famous Reagan smackdown and here I am late with no popcorn."

"Keep talking, Little Bit, you're next," he playfully warned as he pointed a finger at her.

She chuckled at his comment. "So if dinner is still going on, where are you headed?"

"Your buddy came through. I'm headed for the station to go over all the evidence." He gave her a nod. "Thanks for that."

"You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad Spence came through."

"Spence, huh?" He shot her a look.

"No. No, it's not like that." She shook her head to stop him. She knew what that look meant. He was curious if there was anything between them.

"I didn't say anything." He raised his hands in surrender.

"No, but your face did," she pointed out.

"This face?" He gestured toward his face. "This face says nothing."

"Uh-huh, sure," she said, not believing him for a minute.

He laughed at her comment, then threw his hand up in greeting and told her he would see her later. She wished him luck on his case then continue to walk toward the porch.

Coming to a stop in front of the door, she reached out to grab the handle before quickly pulling her hand back. In the past, she would just enter the house without knocking, but that was years ago; back when the Reagan house was like her second home and she was usually running behind Jamie as he entered the house.

Now that time has passed and she was older, she wasn't sure if she should just enter or if she should knock. She was leaning toward knocking, it was more polite. She raised her fist to knock, then jumped back in surprise when the door opened and she saw Danny's youngest son on the other side.

"Noelle! You came!" Sean threw his arms around her middle to give her a hug.

"Yeah, hey, sorry I'm late." She hugged him back.

"It's okay. We're just glad you're here." Jack never looked away from the television as he began to flip through the channels.

"You wanna watch tv with us?" Sean asked as his older brother came to a stop on a cartoon.

"Maybe later," she said.

"She wants to eat first," Jack told his brother. "Remember what Uncle Jamie says? Never come between her and food."

"He said that, huh?" Noelle folded her arms across her chest. It wasn't a lie, but still, he couldn't get away with saying that. "And where is your Uncle Jamie?"

"Dining room." Sean plopped down beside his brother on the couch.

"Thanks, boys." She ruffled both of their heads as she walked past them to go into the dining room. She smiled at Henry and Frank, giving them a greeting and ignoring Jamie.

With a confused look, he threw up his hands. "Where's my hey?"

Without a word, she walked past him and playfully slapped him in the back of the head, causing his father and grandfather to laugh at their antics.

"Ow!" Jamie rubbed the back of his head. "What did I do?"

"You opened your mouth," she simply stated.

"I got a nice end piece here," Frank spoke up, interrupting the two before they could get started. He knew how their arguments went, even if both were just joking around.

"I'll take it," Noelle stated. "As soon as I find a plate." She scanned around the room, turning from one side to the other. "Plate...plate...where's a plate?"

"Here." Jamie laughed as he held up one. "Erin and Nicky set a place for you earlier."

"Aw, thanks." She took the plate from him. "Where are they, by the way? And Linda?" She glanced around the bare table, only the three Reagan men were seated there.

After getting a piece of meat from Frank, she went to sit down across from Jamie until he shot her a look and patted the chair beside him.

She shook her head, planning to sit as far away from him as possible. The last thing she wanted was his fiancée walking in and bitching about where she was sitting. Her friend let out a sigh at her stubbornness, then reached out to grab the plate from her hand and placed it on the table beside his.

"Where's Sydney going to sit then?" she questioned.

"She's at her folks. She's not coming," he answered.

"Oh," she mouthed as she circled around the table and sat down beside him. She still would have rather sit away from him, but it was hard saying no to him.

As she began to fill her plate with more food, she asked about the other family members again.

"They're talking to Nicky, I guess," Jamie said. "She got a little upset earlier."

"Okay, who upset Nickles?" Noelle playfully glared at each man around the table. "Grandpa?" Her eyes landed on Henry. The older man had always been like a grandfather to her, which was why she called him as such, he had always refused for her to call him anything else.

"It was a joke." Henry threw up a hand. "Nothing different from what I've said about you growing up."

"Well with Nol it probably wasn't really a joke, it was the truth." Jamie shot her a grin to let her know he was kidding.

"Do you wanna get slapped again?" she joked back.

"Go ahead." He shrugged. "Then I'll haul you in for assaulting an officer."

"Hiding behind the badge, I see." She took a bite of the roast, then pointed her fork at him. "You know, I think I liked you better when you were a lawyer."

"What are you talking about?" He laughed. "You hated it when I was a lawyer."

"I never said I hated you as a lawyer. I said you were annoying as a lawyer," she corrected him.

As the two continued to bicker back and forth, Frank watched them with a smile on his face. This was just one of many playful arguments the two had growing up.

The two bickered like siblings; in a way, Noelle had always been like the fifth Reagan and he knew Jamie had always viewed her as such, but the way she had looked at him growing up was never like a sibling. He knew there would come a day when his son would stop seeing her as a sibling and from the looks on his face from time to time since Noelle moved back, he had a feeling that time was going to come sooner rather than later.

•••

After eating dinner, Jamie began to clear the table, then went into the kitchen to wash dishes since it was his turn, while the rest of the family were in another part of the house laughing and joking around.

He silently stood at the sink, washing dish after dish, only pausing when he heard someone enter the room. With a glance over his shoulder, he saw it was Noelle, causing him to smile at her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"You were a little late-"

"Oh, that." She leaned back against the counter across from the sink. "I stopped by to see Mom and Dad. Mom was having a bad day, so I hung out there for a little bit."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. The dishes were forgotten for a moment as he turned to face her. "Did she forget who you were?"

"No, it wasn't that kind of bad day." She folded her arms across her chest. "She remembered me, she was just lost in the past. You remembered when we used to get together and make cookies, then you'll give your mom the leftovers and the recipe?"

"Yeah." A sad smile appeared on his face. It seemed like another lifetime ago when they used to do that. Now his mother was gone, her mother was lost on most days, and they were far from the sweet, naïve kids they used to be.

"That's what she was going on about. She wanted to find a recipe for your mom." She gave him a small smile. "She asked for you though. She was wondering when you were coming to make cookies."

"Maybe I should go over there. We both could, maybe it'll help calm her," he suggested.

"Thank you, but you don't have to," she said. "Dad was able to get her to lay down and rest. She was still resting when I left."

He nodded his head at the comment. "I'll go see her soon, I promise."

"I'm sure she'll love that."

"You can come too and we'll make cookies with her."

"I bet she would really love that." She smiled.

The two were quiet for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts until he turned to begin washing dishes again.

"So, I have a question," she spoke up to change the subject.

"I have one too," he said back. "What was that slap earlier about? Why are you busting my chops?"

"Why did you tell the kids to never come between me and food?" She took a step forward to stand beside him and flash him a look.

"Because it's true." He laughed. "You still jump on my case about the Cracker Jack."

"That's because you stole them," she accused him like she always did.

"Allegedly," he corrected her.

"Don't lawyer me, Jams." She leaned against the counter beside him. "We both know you're guilty. Now, wouldn't you feel so much better if you just admit the truth?"

He chuckled at her comment. "Is that your question?"

"No, what I really wanted to ask is; where are my cupcakes?"

"Oh, man. I forgot them."

"Seriously, Jamie? You have one job!" She held up a finger to get her point across.

Jamie laughed at her antics as he shut the water off and wiped his hands off on a hand towel. After tossing the towel down, he walked over to the refrigerator to open the door. With his back blocking her view, he reached inside to pull out a small box.

Walking back over to her, he held out the box and saw her mouth open in surprise when she recognized the box from the bakery she had sent him to. As much as she hoped he would go- it was her favorite bakery, after all, there was a part of her that thought he wouldn't since it was so far from his apartment.

"You really did get them?"

"Yeah." He chuckled at the look on her face. "I mean, you asked so why not, right? Think of this as my way of saying, 'welcome home, Nol'."

"Thanks, Jams." She flashed him a smile.

"You're welcome, Nol." He returned the smile and held out the box. He waited until she reached for it, then he pulled it back. "But, you know the rules."

When she shot him a look, he reminded her, "No dessert till after the kitchen is clean."

Growing up all the Reagan kids had to take turns cleaning up after Sunday dinners, then the family had dessert together.

"I'm a guest," she pointed out.

"You've never been a guest in this house," he argued. "You're family and you've missed a lot of dishes through the years."

"Fine. I'll wash." She groaned, then pointed a finger at him. "But you're drying."

"Deal." He nodded.

Minutes later, the two stood side by side and worked as a team to wash the big pile of dishes. She was in the middle of washing a big pan when she shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe you're holding my poor cupcakes hostage. You know what those little bites of heaven do to me."

"Have you always been this overdramatic or did you get worse through the years?"

"Have you always been this sneaky or is this what the academy taught you?"

"No. The academy didn't teach me this, I learned the fine art of blackmailing from you."

"You did not!" She turned her head to look at him. "I never blackmailed you."

"No, not me, but you did blackmail your brother." When he saw the look on her face, he laughed as he reminded her, "You don't remember how you used to blackmail Baylor into playing board games with us?"

"Oh, my god, I did do that, didn't I?" She placed her hands over her mouth for a minute, then dropped them as a burst of laughter escaped her lips.

"So, see, I learned all of my bad behavior from you," he joked.

"I wasn't that bad," she argued. "I just..."

"You what?" He turned his head to look at her when she paused.

"I dunno, I guess I just wanted his attention," she quietly admitted. "Growing up, I used to look up to him so much. I just thought he was the coolest big brother ever. I would see you with your siblings...especially Joe, and I wanted that with Baylor."

She turned her head, noticing the way he was watching her and saw the pity in his eyes for her, causing her to let out a chuckle and shake her head as she breathed out an apology for bringing down the mood.

"You don't have to keep apologizing for that," he said to her, remembering recently she did that when he was at her apartment.

"I just hate that look of pity. I hate when people look at me like I'm...like I'm some small doll; like I'm just gonna break down and cry or-or break at the drop of a hat," her tone turning angry the longer she spoke.

Jamie lowered his eyebrows in confusion at seeing how mad she looked as she scrubbed a cooking pot harder than she needed to.

"Nol?" He tried to get through to her, but it was like she didn't hear him.

"But I'm not gonna break. I'm not!"

She thought back to the months after the attack in Florida; the way people looked at her, all the whispers and the apologies. She appreciated it to a point, but it was hard to put it out of her head when she was treated like a fragile doll all the time.

"I'm fine!" She slammed her hands down in the sink, causing water to splash all over the front of their clothes, the counter, and the floor.

Realizing what she did, a gasp slipped past her lips as she jerked her head to the side and saw the concern look on his face. She wanted to kick her own ass for her freak out a moment ago.

"I'm sorry. I'm just-I'm sorry." She grabbed some paper towels and began to mop up the water.

"Nol, it's fine." He didn't care about the mess, he was more worried about what she said and the story behind it.

He reached out to grab her arm to stop her, but she jerked away from him to continue to clean.

"Nol...Noelle, hey, stop!" He reached out for her again, this time succeeding in stopping her.

He opened his mouth to ask her what caused that reaction, but before he could Frank walked into the room and after seeing the mess asked what happened. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, having a hard time finding her voice. She was relieved when Jamie spoke up to cover for her, telling his dad that she accidentally dropped a heavy pot into the water and some splashed out.

"Don't worry, we'll clean it up," he added.

"No, it's okay. I'll get it." She pulled away from him.

Remembering where the cleaning supplies were, she grabbed a mop and began to clean the water up from the floor. She could feel Jamie watching her the whole time, but she ignored his eyes. She was thankful when Frank began to talk to his son, which temporarily distracted him from watching her.

After cleaning the mess, she put everything away then plastered a smile on her face while she made small talk for a few minutes longer, before slipping out of the kitchen. She made her way through the other rooms, telling the other family members bye and promising to talk to them soon before she walked out of the house without another word to Jamie. She hated leaving like that, but after her freak out, she was a little embarrassed to face him.

She knew he was confused and had questions, but she didn't want to give the answers. It's not that she didn't want to tell him- growing up she could always tell him anything, but she didn't know if she could talk about it. Anytime Spencer tried to bring it up, she would shoot him down, she didn't want to think about that night again, she could not go back there yet.

Feeling a tightening in her chest, she pulled the car off the road and parked it beside a playground that she and Jamie used to play at when they were younger. It was an equal distance between their houses and was almost always empty. Thankfully this time it was empty as well.

She laid her arms across the steering wheel as her breath became heavy. She knew what was coming, it was something that has happened several times since the ordeal in Florida started- she was having a panic attack.

Collapsing against the steering wheel, she cried out in frustration which only made it harder to breathe. She hated when this happened, she hated that somehow he was still in control. It didn't matter that he was locked away and it's been months since she survived what he did to her, she still didn't have her life back. He was right that night when he told her she would never escape him- he would always be in her head.

Trying to push him out of her mind, she thought back to one of the first times she had an attack. She had been talking to Spencer as he tried to get her to talk about what happened in the house, but she had gotten so upset and begged him to stop asking, then she felt like she couldn't breathe.

She remembered he had leaned forward in his chair and took her hands in his as he told her to relax. He explained that the more she tried to fight it, the worst it would be. Instead, he told her to take slow, deep breaths, then he reminded her that her attacker didn't call the shots anymore and she made it out of that house- she was a survivor.

She wanted to believe his words, but she couldn't because all she could see was him in her mind. When Spencer told her to think of a happy place, Jamie instantly crossed her mind and holding on to his imagine helped to calm her that day.

Laying her head back against the headrest, she closed her eyes and thought of Jamie again as she took a few deep breaths. She slowly inhaled through her nose, then blew it out just as slowly from her mouth until the tightness in her chest began to fade away.

After her breathing returned to normal, she pushed the car door open and stepped out. She glanced around the small play area. There wasn't much to it; just a couple of swings, a slide, and an old wooden merry-go-round.

She walked over to the merry-go-round and sat on the edge of it, then slowly began to move her feet to spin it around in a slow circle. A small smile appeared on her face as she remembered how she and Jamie used to take turns running around to make it spin as fast as their little feet could run before jumping on to it.

She also remembered the time she slipped when trying to jump and fell off of it, causing her to break her arm. She remembered how calm Jamie was during the whole ordeal as she screamed and cried. Looking back on it now, that was one of the first times she could honestly see him being a cop because of how he handled the situation.

As more park memories hit her, she laid back against the wooden platform to look up at the sky, watching the color darken as the sun began to set. She was about to get up to leave when she heard the sound of footsteps on gravel, followed by a familiar voice.

"I thought you were banned from the merry-go-round."

She let out a soft chuckle as she sat up and saw Jamie coming to a stop in front of her with his hands behind his back.

"How did you know I was here?" she questioned.

"I'm a cop now, remember? I used some of those detective skills I learned and..." His voice trailed off when she shot him a look.

He blew out a breath. "Okay, fine, I saw your car from the back porch."

"Oh." She breathed out a chuckle, then grew serious. "Look, Jamie, I-"

"You forgot this." He removed his hands from behind his back and held out the box of cupcakes.

"Thanks." She stood up and took the box from his hand. She avoided looking at him for a moment, worried about what kind of look he was giving her.

Would it be pity again? Would he think she was crazy?

She didn't think she could handle either one.

"Nol-"

"Don't," she whispered, then finally raised her head to look at him. "Please just...don't ask."

"Okay." He nodded his head.

"I need to get home," her tone soft as she motioned toward her car and explained that she wanted to get enough rest before her first day at work.

He gave her a nod, but when she went to walk past him he grabbed her arm and brought her to a stop. Taking a step closer to her, he rested his forehead against the side of her head. He didn't know what was going on, but he felt the need to comfort her- like he had done so many times in their past.

The two stood still for a moment- no words needed to be said, then he slipped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He noticed she hesitated for a minute before an arm went around his neck and she rested her head against his chest, drawing strength from him.

"I don't know what happened-"

"Jamie, I don't-"

"Shh." He ran a hand up her back and rested it on the back of her head. "I know. I know whatever it is, you won't tell me or maybe you just can't. At least not yet."

Kissing the side of her head, he whispered in her ear, "But whatever it is...you're safe, Nol."

When he repeated the phrase, she blew out a breath- feeling the words and collapsing against him. She didn't even react when the bakery box slipping from her hand and crashed to the ground, all she felt was his strong arms holding her tightly against him.

While in his arms, the stress and fear began to leave her body. This moment was one of the first times she actually felt safe- she didn't feel like she needed to look over her shoulders or jump at any little noise. In this moment she truly felt like she was home.

•••

A/N; Hello all! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. I ship Nol and Jamie so much already. I'm in too deep, lol.

Thank you to everyone reading!

Happy reading!
xx