i have a friend
with whom i only converse via texts
each minute
so frequently that
it's like he's my brother by now.
i write him fifteen texts
he doesn't even reply with five.
i give him every single update on my life
he probably smiles
mostly shrugs
but that's a guess
cause there's not a lot he says
clean line
expecting affairs?
no thanks.
when he does text me
i subconsciously drag out the time period
before replying to him
because i crave this wicked power
dynamic of being worthy to his vulnerability
so i pause for a while
before giving in
and replying to him in return.
it's always the same.
fifteen texts to send
less than five to find.
the longer i wait
the longer i relish in this deceptive vulnerability
because as soon as i write
and send it off
it's abrupt
still fifteen to give
and less than five to take
and the last time i kept myself from talking to him
it was a rough two days
i responded when he asked me if something was wrong.
it was like a gunshot.
immediate.
the difference between us is far and wide.
to him
it's two days
to me
it's a split second

you'd say i didn't care

but isn't that just our defense mechanism?

~d.s.
10:00 PM