XVIII – A Hit On Pride

After Ruby's and my romp for that night, we parted ways. I didn't come crawling back to the Winchesters right away. I would if they needed me on a case that badly. I heard no prayer from Sam or Dean, so I assumed I was good.

I'm at peace in the clearing at night. It's a nice place to clear my thoughts, tune out the angel radio. So far, I've heard nothing but bad things. More seals have been broken; we're up to thirty-four. Just over halfway until Lucifer rises. More angels have been slaughtered.

I want to help, I do. I don't know what's going on with me. My mind feels muddled. Things don't feel as clear as they once were. I mean, I just had a very intimate night with Ruby, a demon. It still affects me, even now. I remember every last detail, some so vividly that I almost get aroused just thinking about it.

It's torment.

My senses tingle, and before I can reach, two angels nab me, restraining me by my arms while a third checks me for weapons. They take away my blade.

"What's the meaning of this?" I demand, struggling between my two captors.

Uriel stands before me, and my feathers are really ruffled in irritation right now. "You know, Vera. Don't act so stupid."

Castiel is nowhere to be seen. This must be a personal mission of Uriel's. "Just whose side are you on?!" I screech. "I'm on your side."

"Are you? Does our side gallivant with demons?" He raises an interrogative eyebrow.

I stiffen. "It's not what you think it is."

"Then humor us, Vera, and tell us what it is exactly."

"Contrary to what you think, she's in it to stop Lilith too."

The angel scoffs. "Monsters like her don't change. You always liked to stray away from what you were taught." He sniffs the air. "You reek of her odor. Did you sleep with her, too?"

I refuse to answer. But that seems like confirmation to Uriel. He hangs his head.

"I can understand why the Winchester boy did, his mind has been messed with. But you? She's gotten inside your head. That must be it. Or the Winchesters have. Or all three of them."

"You're going to kill me, aren't you?" I whisper. "Is this what this is all about?"

"I thought about it. I thought about calling you back to Heaven to put you through training again. But both options would be too nice of a punishment for you."

"Too nice?"

It feels like Uriel is tearing my soul in half. I want to resist; I want to keep my Grace. But his pull is stronger. I see the light wisps as it flows out of my nose and my mouth, pulling itself out of my pores. How can he do this?

"You're not worthy to have wings," he growls. "It's time you spent the rest of your days as a pathetic human since you want to get so close to them. You're free to do as you please. You're released from heavenly duty, not that you followed it in the first place. If you find yourself in our path, we won't give you any more passes. You will be just as big of a target as the demon you screwed."

I watch as my Grace settles into a small vial. The entity of what I am rests in that tiny thing. And Uriel stole it from me. What I wouldn't give to have my Grace back to show him not to mess with me.

In a flutter of feathers, they disappear, Uriel and his goons. I tear at the hair on my head. How dare they have the audacity to do this to me?! I know emotions aren't my strong suit, but right now, I feel a wild fire of anger blazing in my gut. I want to go after them, I want to get my Grace back. Good luck with that. They'll kill you if you so much as try. You're not immortal, Vera. You're human now. It's such a hard hit on my pride, to have my Grace stripped. It's the essence of who I am and what I am.

Without it, I'm not me.

I scream in outrage, falling to my knees. I'm left weaponless and alone. I have no way to contact the Winchesters to come find me. Or Ruby—but I doubt she'd come to get me if I had a way to contact her. I feel a void in my veins, where my Grace once was.

Alona, I reach out desperately. Alona, please. It's me, it's Vera. I know you said you wouldn't bail me out anymore, but you and I both know that's not true. I'm in a bit of a situation, and I...I lost my Grace. Uriel stripped it of me personally. Don't question why I lost it, I can't tell you. Just, please, I know your true loyalty has always been to me, even before our garrison days.

If you can, please send Sam and Dean Winchester to find me. I have no way to get in touch with them. I'm alone, Alona. Defenseless. Vulnerable. I need help, Alona. Please.

My emotions feel magnified, as though my Grace was the reason they weren't so strong. Like it held me back.

I have to think. I need to find a road, see if a human can get me help. That's a start, right?

I begin my walk towards the nearest road, hoping I get some luck and find someone nice enough willing to help me.

* * *

I walk along the road, arms huddled together for warm. The temperature is bothering me, and I wish for the longer hair to protect the back of my neck. Cars have passed by, but none have stopped to help me. They must assume I'm a dangerous homeless girl. Homeless, yes. Dangerous, no. Not without my Grace and my weapon, both of which were stolen from me.

If Uriel and I ever cross paths, I am going to personally murder him myself.

A car honking makes me go further off the side of the road. It rolls to a stop, and the window is rolled down. An older guy looks at me softly.

"Need a lift?"

I nod, and I get in the car. The window rolls up just as we begin to drive off. "Thank you," I tell him.

"Where's your family?"

"I don't have any."

"Any friends?"

"Yes, but I don't know where they are. I don't have any way to reach them."

"Poor thing, you're shit out of luck, aren't you? I tell you what, I'll help you get back on your feet. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be by yourself. Creeps can get you."

We don't do anymore small talk for the rest of the drive. We stop at a motel, and the driver orders a room for me and pays for me. That's really generous of him. He seems like a kind-hearted soul.

"You didn't have to do that for me," I say.

"You seem like a nice kid, you don't deserve to be out in the cold," he tells me. "I got you a few days. Hopefully that'll be long enough for you to get the help that you need."

"Thank you, really."

"Just make sure you pay it forward for someone else."

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, I do a good deed for you, you do one for someone else. Keep the chain going."

"Oh. Okay. I'll try."

After getting my room key, the man disperses to his own motel room. I access mine, and suddenly I feel lonelier than ever. I don't know where I am still, and I have no way to reach the Winchesters. Alona hasn't answered me, and the Winchesters haven't found me. Alona is probably ignoring me. She must be doing this to prove to me that she won't help me anymore.

She must think I deserve losing my Grace.

I sit on the bed, deflated. Okay, if I never get my Grace back, I have to learn to be human. Those are words I thought I would never think to myself, ever. It should be like learning how to fight, or learning how to use my wings.

My wings...they're gone too. Everything angelic about me has been stolen from me.

I no longer see auras, nor can I detect them. I will never be able to see a demon's true form, or an angel's. So maybe the next time I see Ruby, I'll see her vessel's form without having to see past something grotesque. She'll definitely know something's up when she doesn't see my true form, just my vessel.

I wipe away the dampness on my face. So far, being human is not pleasant. I know I've been for only a few hours...maybe less...but I already miss my Grace, my wings, and my powers. I miss hearing prayers. Does this mean I'm fallen, since Uriel stripped me of my Grace? Did I fall like Anna did?

This strikes fear into my heart. If I've truly fallen, I might not be so lucky to recover like Anna did. She had the help of the Winchesters, myself, and Ruby, and Pamela. Right now, I have no one.

I'm alone.

**Alas, our angel has lost her wings. Poor baby, now she's just as human as we are. She went from flying high to a crash-landing.

What a way to kick off Part 2.**