" WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND AGAIN? "

( PART ONE ! )

•
•
•

"Where am I?"

The words left Dean Winchester's mouth and simultaneously he regretted them.

This was a dream. This was a dream because his reality was something completely different.

But how could he dream? Down there privileges like dreams did not exist. Dean didn't have the chance to fall into the void of dreaming. He had missed the feeling of letting go, in his dreams, his responsibilities didn't exist.

How was he dreaming then? Why was he granted with such beauty? A cool breeze was washing over his features, the trees and the sun that was peaking through the leaves kissed his skin and it all felt real. He started walking, the question how was left unanswered. The only thing Dean wished that he could stay here forever.

He continued walking aimlessly, reaching out to touching everything that was on his way. The hard texture of the trees and the softness of the grass, he explored them all with his fingertips. The wind was getting louder yet he didn't stop. That was until he realized that he had reached the end and suddenly he was at the edge of a very high cliff and his stomach did a twist. He would probably puke if it was real. He frowned.

"Holy shit," he muttered as he took a step clumsily back and hit something- no, someone. Large hands held him and slender fingers dug into his arms. Holding him without showing any kind of hostility, just reassuring him with their presence.

The hands belonged to a tall man with a gracefully slender figure. His face was nice, with defined lips and piercing green eyes with a little bit of greyish blue in between, he was beautiful in a scary way that almost took Dean's breath away. In his dreams, Dean was allowed to appreciate beauty after all. He didn't have to be ashamed of labeling a man with an adjective like beautiful.

"Are you okay?" The man asked, his voice didn't sound concerned. He was observing without batting an eye, head slightly tilted to the left. The way the man moved, slowly, confidence mixed with a little bit of arrogance, he resembled a cat in Dean's mind.

"Who are you?" Dean asked, but he was actually asking himself. He had read somewhere that (or was it Sammy that had read it to him? He liked sharing pretentious information after all. ) every face you see in dreams is conjured from your memory. Even if its a stranger you had seen once on the street, you had to have seen them before. Dean would swear that he had never seen this man before because he was damn sure that he would remember a man like this even after his time down there. "For some reason, I get to dream in hell and I see a handsome stranger in a forest. I'd say I'm dead again to become this lucky but how would that work?"

The guy was still holding him. It was not off-putting or alarming but rather nice to have an anchor while he was standing near a cliff. (He had missed a touch that was tender. He had missed being held and not being in charge all the time. He didn't even let people hold him and care for him before hell. He should've.),

He observed that the guy had an odd little smile that didn't show teeth. He looked like he was in on a secret that Dean was unaware of. "I am flattered to hear that you think you'd see me if you happened to reach heaven," the way he spoke so sure of himself was interesting. Any other day Dean would be annoyed to stand near a know it all, he had Sammy already. At that moment, he just couldn't resist the pull he was feeling from the other man. "I'm Nathaniel."

The second the man let go of his arm, Dean's legs turned into mush and he almost trembled with terror. "Don't let me go, oh my god!" He almost shouted as he latched on to the guy. Even in a dream, knowing that he could fall down terrified him. Even in a dream, showing weakness like this troubled him, left him with a sickening feeling inside his stomach.

"As you wish. You will hold my hand then?"

Well, well. The man his brain had conjured had turned out to be a cheeky bastard. Dean knew from the little quirk of his lips that he was enjoying it. "Yeah, fuck it. It's my dream," Dean muttered through clenched teeth and held Nathan's hand, their fingers fit nicely.

"Look at the scenery Dean. Its okay, I won't let you fall."

Dean didn't want to. Every bone in his body screamed at him not to but if it was this blessing of a day outside of hell, he wanted to enjoy it. He had been scared for too long anyway. He turned around on his heels without letting Nathan's hand go, instead he tightened his grip to point it must've been painful to the other man.

It was a beautiful day with the only handful of white clouds wandering around, the sun didn't burn but offered warmth and all he could see was an endless forest ahead, and in between, there was the cliff. The distinct sound of water rushing came to Dean's ears, probably a river was way down below but they were way up high that he didn't see the bottom of it.

"You suffered enough Dean. You do deserve better things," Nathan spoke with that soft but firm tone of his. He was distant and cold but he tried not to show that his guard was up, Dean could tell. "You are a very observant man, I didn't expect any less. As we speak, your body is being put back together and soon you will walk the earth again, see your brother. However, your mission just starts now. Unfortunately, the worse is yet to come."

"That's comforting. I always knew I had a fucked up imagination but this is a whole new level of weirdness."

Nathan smiled, this time it wasn't just a smirk but the smile looked somewhat genuine. His eyes were glued to Dean's and he wasn't even trying to be discreet about it. "Yes this is a dream but Dean, I can assure you that I'm real. Deep down, you know it too," now he was squeezing back a little, his hands were warm. "A war is right around the corner and soon, you will force to pick a side. And I will not bow down to anyone. Do you know what happens to the people who keep their silence in times of wars?"

Dean understood where he was going with this. He let out a bitter chuckle and when he was talking, he was almost mocking. "If you don't stand up for others, one day they'll come for you and all. I get it. But there is another option, always the other option."

"And what is that Dean Winchester?"

He was challenging him. His own imagination was making fun of him. But Dean couldn't imagine someone like Nathaniel, right? "You stop the war from ever beginning, its simple. Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight and never would back down from it but you cannot convince me that I need take part in a war to stand up for the things I believe in. "

It was silent for a moment. Or maybe they stood there on the edge of the cliff while holding each other's hands for hours, Dean couldn't tell, the concept of time was so relative in his dreams.

"I'm sorry Dean. Your faith had been decided before you were born. I watched you grow into this man, we all did. Unlike the other's I don't see you as a toy. I want you on my side. The other's said that your will didn't matter. They are going to try to intimidate you and trick you with their power plays. But I know that those won't scare you off, right? All I need is to gain your trust and when the time comes you'll do the right thing."

Dean had a ton of questions regarding this. His brows furrowed and he was filled with the urge to let go of this lethal man's hand but he couldn't. A part of him didn't want to. "Who are you?"

"You'll find out sooner than you think. Tell me something else first. Would you jump with me?"

"Why would I do that? This is my dream!"

Nathaniel smirked, his shoulder almost bumping into Dean, he was standing close. "No reason. Just wanna know if you have the guts."

"I've been to hell. Or maybe I'm still here and this is one of their mind games but I won't let the mysterious dude in my dream intimidate me. "

"Let's jump then." Oh, this guy was good. With a quirk of his eyebrow and with the curl of his lips, Nathan looked as pure as a child and at the same time, as sinister as the devil. "We'll jump and you'll wake up to your new life and a new mission and I'll be waiting to meet you."

"I'm not gonna remember any of this? Whats the point of all this then? A bit pretentious if you ask me. The cliff and all."

They were still standing close to each other, even closer than before. Nathaniel was leaning in, looking down on him those eyes that didn't give away much. Maybe amusement a little, alongside with curiosity.  Standing that close, the urge to crass the other man's skin was strong. Because down here, people were not people anymore and the warmth of another human being was something he had missed. Holding hands was greater then he remembered and to be honest, it had been years since he held someone's hand for this long. It was the comfort of his own dream that let him do whatever he desired without feeling ashamed. (But he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve good things, pretty forests, and pretty clouds, a beautiful man and a beautiful day. He didn't deserve it. But in a dream, he could have it, just for a while.)

"The point is," Nathaniel started and now he was facing ahead, his eyes wandering over the scenery in front of them. Dean kept on staring at him though. " The next time you see me, you'll feel like know me and I hope that you'll be drawn to me. Also, I got to hold Dean Winchester's hand, didn't I? That's a win."

His freckled cheeks hadn't been the shade of pink roses in a while. The dream state of his mind was to blame. "I'll jump. 'Cause I don't believe that the worse is yet to come. I've seen too much already."

"Will you hold my hand when you wake up too, boy?"

He was smiling, it made him forget about all of his questions and doubts, instead, he just felt like an ordinary man; flustered in the presence of a beautiful man. A cheeky smile appeared on Dean's face as well. He didn't have anything lose, what would happen if he just played along for once?

"We'll have to wait and see."

•
•
•

( AUTHOR'S NOTE ! )

season 4 is about to start! but this book won't go over the episodes and nathan won't follow the winchesters around. its more about dean and nathan, and dean coming back to nathan because after his time in hell he just needs a get away. you'll see.

please let me know what you think, this book is very important to me and i just want to hear your thoughts!