( CHAPTER ELEVEN ! )

( SHARING A BED )

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The nightmares were different now.

At first, they were terrible but bearable. In fact, they were unsettling mostly because as an angel, he wasn't used to dreaming, good or bad.

After his dream with his dearest brother Lucy in it, they started to feel more intense than before. Some nights, it was like before, bad dreams with Dean or with Heaven. But some nights, he woke up drenched in cold sweat because his nightmares felt too real. He saw Lucifer and Michael and Gabriel and Rapheal but not as an old memory. He saw Rapheal screaming, he had talks with Michael and Lucifer that felt all too real, he watched as Gabriel died with an angel blade through his heart. It was all too much sometimes.

Also, not sleeping enough was driving him a little bit crazy at that point.

The fact that Dean had been too busy with trying to stop apocalypse from happening was not even that high up on his list of worries. (Okay, it was right after his sleeping problem on the list since it was the possibility of the literal end of the world.) Still, Nathan was not able to give his full attention. He felt helpless for days.

Even the fact that he nad Castiel had become like, actual friends, didn't help fully. It wasn't that often that he really felt like a brother to one of the angels but Castiel was climbing through the ranks. They happened to get along very well since they had stopped threatening each other and, Castiel had become a rebel as well. Nathan started to feel like they were in this together.

When Castiel came to deliver the knews, Nathan felt like he alreasy knew. Maybe he felt his once upon a time favorite brother, he wasn't sure. It wasn't a surprise to hear that Lucifer was walking free again.

In fact, hearing Castiel talk about how he should come clean to the Winchester was more concerning than getting the official news of Lucy's return.

The war was right there and he was worried about Dean. It was, quite upsetting that, he hadn't seen Dean face to face for weeks after all.

His priorities were all mixed up and Nathan was well aware.

He tried to make use of his spare time, researched day and night and only allowed himself to relax a little to watch sitcoms (he found out that romcoms lost their appeal very quickly). He had always been someone that valued proof and facts over instincts yet, the dream he had with Lucifer in it somehow made him already accept the fact that he would rise sooner or later. So he had been researching on putting him back him before hand.

Another problem was that, he was missing his grace.

He didn'texactly miss being an angel but, he had been feeling incomplete lately. Maybe being away from it was effecting him somehow or maybe spending this much time as purely human was finally catching up with him.

The list was long, the things he had to care about. To say that he was immensly relieved to get a text from Dean that he would come to his apartment would've been an understatement.

As an angel, he had never felt human emotions like humans did. He enjoyed a beautiful sunrise or he felt delighted to watch happy humans from afar. However, lately he felt those emotions to its full extent; instead of simple enjoyments, he had passions now. He wasn't just pleased that he would see Dean again, he was joyful.

He took a shower and changed his clothes and put on fresh ones (he had been taking care of himself lately). He even looked at self in the mirror and fixed his hair.

That's how excited he was because  looks was not a concept Nathan understood fully since as an angel, he saw the soul and the shell covering it didn't matter much. He just felt that it would be nice if Dean liked the way he looked. He frowned at the dark circles under his eyes and the sharpness of his cheekbones. He had to eat more, perhaps.

He had learned to crack an egg or cook a pasta during his life as an human. As he waited for Dean to come, he decided to try and cook tomato soup, something healthy and home like. He liked drinking it ever since Dean cooked it for him when he was sick.

He was about to finish his work (it wasn't much anyway) when the doorbell rang. Despite the fact that he had been waiting for it, he was still caugh of guard and the glass he was holding slipped through his finers, chattering into tiny little pieces on the ground.

He tried to pick it up, sometimes he forgot the limitations of his vessel's body, and cut through his palm and fingers. Quickly he reached for a towel and held on to it, wincing with pain he marched through the door.

"Hey," Nathan beamed, forgetting about the fact that he was bleeding. Well, it wasn't too bad.

Dean stared at him blankly for a moment, his eyes searching his face for something. Oh crap, I really must look horrible. Nathan tried not frown, and he observed Dean's tired eyes. He looked like he aged a couple years during the weeks they were apart.

Seeing the Devil's return might do that on a human, Nathan guessed.

"Are you-" Nathan started once the silence grew too unsettling for him to handle.

Dean's gaze lowered and he stared at Nathan's bleeding hand, absentmindedly reaching for it. He didn't touch though and snapped back into reality, blinking a few times. "You're bleeding," Dean stated.

Nathan took a step back to let Dean in, the man followed slowly. "What can I say, I'm clumsy. Giant arms and legs, it's a mystery how I don't hurt myself on the daily basis."

"What happened?" Dean asked methodically. He was acting like this was a case, which made Nathan chuckle.

"I dropped a glass and tried to pick it up carelessly," Nathan said, glancing down at his hands to see the wound. "I wasn't thinking. You distract me like that."

Dean stared at his face with a stoic expression but it wavered at those words and the man looked away. "Let me see."

The way Dean held his hand wasn't exactly gentle. He didn't hurt him but it just wasn't. The man just inspected the wound closely, and for some reason Nathan felt on edge. "There is a small piece inside," Dean said. "I gonna take it out."

Nathan nodded and sat down on the couch, Dean howering above him, still with his coat on. He was acting strange but Nathan tried to remind himself what this man had been going through. This must be normal. "This might hurt a little," Dean muttered. Without a warning he pulled the part out, making Nathan hiss in pain.

For a brief moment, Dean's expression softened and Nathan smiled reassuringly. "Thanks. I'm alright."

Dean stared at the piece he had pulled out, moving it between his fingers. "Its glass."

"Yes, I told you that," Nathan said with a little bit of heat behind his voice. He sighed subsequently. "Why are you acting strange?"

Dean caugh his gaze and looked him in the eye, Nathan wanted to look away. For a brief moment, the tension grew between them and Nathan felt his breath hitch, this was all too overwhelming.

"You really are clumsy. Reckless with yourself, I mean. You had a fewer and this, its like as if I'm a babysitter."

Nathan relaxed after his words and Dean offered a polite smile. "You keep saving me. But I saved you first, I patched you up the first time we've met."

"I wonder what would happen if we hadn't met. It was a huge coincedence after all."

The guilt creeped up on Nathan quickly. The begining of their relationship was too planned out and fake on some levels. He felt ashamed.

He quickly changed the subject and the two ended up on the kitchen table eating what Nathan had cooked, he even saw Dean smile a little at the sight of the tomato soup.

It was different than their usual banter, Dean's mind seemed to be elsewhere. Nathan couldn't blame him and he didn't take it to the heart (he tried not to) but he had missed the man so much. He had missed the human interaction as well.

So, he couldn't help but touch at his arm and try to get close, as Nathan the human, he craved a little bit of intimacy. Something he wasn't used to need as an angel.

Dean seemed to realize that urge or maybe he was just worried about the way Nathan looked. "Whats going on with you? Why do you look so... drained?"

"I can't sleep since... since the last time I saw you. I have nightmares," Nathan admitted. "I know you've been going through a lot lately and I know you've been busy with work. But I'm glad you came. It might be selfish, I don't care, it will be nice to have a proper sleep with you here."

It was like he was giving a part of himself with the truth. This was as truthful as he could be under these circumstances. He wanted go tell everything to Dean, give him more than he already did and take Castiel up on his advice. He wanted to come clean. He just felt too tired for the day and too desperate to have Dean there (and too scared, because Dean might leave once he learns the truth).

Dean didn't answer his blant invite to stay over, which made Nathan nervous. "I mean, you're still sitting with your coat on and I practically offered my bed," Nathan said. "A platonic case of sleeping, of course," he added with a wink.

His lame attempt at getting Dean frustrated usually worked but that day Dean just continued looking at him, tearing him apart a little with his gaze.

After a hesitant pause, he sighed. "Okay."

Nathan was too happy that he could've fall asleep on the kitchen table.

After being done with the dinner the two got ready for bed since Dean had arrieved rather late, it was almost bed time anyway. He didn't barrow Nathan's clothes as usual and he didn't look like he was about to go to sleep anytime soon as they went to bed though. That was unusual.

Nathan wanted to sleep so badly but Dean was practically thinking too loud, so Nathan had to talk to shut his brain up. "I know this freaks you out. What we have. You must know, I don't care about labels nor I would try anything you don't want to. I don't want to make you-" he rambled on. Perhaps it was not the best day to bring up Dean's sexuality crisis or the nature of their purely platonic friendship (so far).

"Its not about that," Dean cut him of, his voice was soft and Nathan wasn't able to properly see him with so little light. "I mean, it is confusing. You are confusing. Right now I have too many thoughts in my head though, just go to sleep."

Nathan sighed.

"I mean it. I'm not freaking out about the fact that you're a man."

That made Nathan roll his eyes even though Dean wasn't able to see it in the dark.

They both lay on their backs, Dean lying almost towards the edge, and Nathan tried to relax. With an impulsive thought he reached for Dean, and grabbed his hand only to squeeze a little. "I'm glad you're here."

There was no reply, but Dean wasn't flinching or moving away so Nathan smiled to himself.

He was so tried that despite being aware of the fact that Dean was not as sleepy, he drifted off to sleep in no time, his body curling on to his left to face Dean without meaning to.

"What's inside the box you gave me?" Dean asked but there was no reply, he listened to Nathan's breathing and concluded that he was sleeping. He sighed.

Dean didn't know what the other man, angel, was planning. Even after having some of the facts, Nathan still was a mystery to him, he did get it, he didn't get what he was playing at. He was so confused and heartbroken that he wasn't able to think properly.

How pathetic Dean was that he was allowing himself just one more night, despite partly knowing the truth though? He stayed up for hours, wishing that tomorrow would never happen, that they can stay like this, that they can go back to a time where Dean was oblivious to Nathaniel's lies.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

its less angsty then i planned but i think nathan's naive thinking makes it worse. poor bby, he just missed dean and mistook dean's odd behaviour for lucifer's rise and freaking out over their relationship.

this is right at the begining of season 5! i follow the canonical order and try to give clues to that in the story (like adam's death etc suppose to give you an idea where we are through the seasons) i hope its not confusing!

is it obvious why dean didn't confront him right away? what made him stop?

and the next one will be the angstiest of it all, so buckle up. we have 3 more chapters and an epilogue, im so sad to let nathan go but it is what it is.

this note got long, so as always, make sure to vote and share your thoughts and i will try to see you soon <3