( CHAPTER NINE ! )

(  READING A BOOK TOGETHER )

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"Innocent blood had been split. What could atone for that? Ah! for that there was no atonement; but though forgiveness was impossible, forgetfulness was possible still, and he was determined to forget, to stamp the thing out, to crush it as one would crush the adder that had stung one."

Never in his wildest dreams, Nathan couldn't have thought of a reality where he read a book to Dean Winchester.

Okay, scratch that. It was his wildest dreams coming true from the moment Dean came to his door step with an open and bleeding heart. It was Nathaniel's wish to get this close to Dean, to become that persom he would turn up to. To become the person who would be powerful enough to destroy and use the Winchesterf he wanted to.

Yet, that intention was way behind him now and he only realized it to its full extent when he got Dean right at where wants him. Now, he was just delighted that the man was trusting him like this, in his own Dean way of course.

Nathan had been having trouble at sleeping, his dreams filled with horros from his past or just filled with arcangels and chaos and war. At first he was just feeling happy (he felt happy sometimes, now. Usually about small things for a fleeting moment but he did) that Dean was at his door step and he was going to have company for the night.

The realization that something was off with Dean dawned on him pretty fast. He wasn't sure what was the first clue but he was just feeling it in his heart, perhaps the way Dean hugged him a bit too tight and too long was his first hint.

Ever since Dean had came unannounced (it wasn't his usual style) Nathan was trying a way to just ask him.

Whats wrong?

A simple question that became too complex with them. With all the lies and the secrets, it was one of the hardest questions for them. And honestly Nathan was getting good at being a human, his years of observing were paying off with the added practice but comforting someone that was in distress was still diffucult. Nathan had observed before and later on movies and tv shows that humans found it difficult to console one and other.

Nathan got it now, it was nervewracking to watch the sadness on Dean's face but not being able to do anything about it. Giving him space was his first instinct as they ended up on the couch with beers at hand and Dean asked Nathan to just continue reading.

And Nathan did, because he wasn't sure what else to do. So he started reading where he had left of, without explaining things to Dean. He doubted Dean was actually paying attention but he tried to to read slowly and softly.

The Picture Of Dorian Gray, one of the first novels he had read without his grace. It was his third time reading it, the more he understood humans, the more he seemed to understand the book. Before, it had all felt meaningless, Nathaniel didn't know desire the way he did now. Now, understood, a little.

He kept on reading and didn't stop, until Dean wanted him to.

"My brother died," Dean said finally. Surely, he would've known if Sam Winchester was dead? He tried not to show his confusion. "My half brother. I didn't even know he existed and now he is dead."

Oh. This was news. Nathan gently put the book down and angled his body to face Dean better. Still, he hesitated to move or get closer so he just gave Dean his whole attention.

"I shouldn't be sad. I have so many other things to worry about and I didn't even know him, its not like Sammy-" Dean stopped midsentence, his face was still cold and distant but his voice was weaker then usual.

This time Nathan moved a little, enough that their knees were touching. "What was his name?"

"Adam."

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"I don't know what to say."

Nathan had never felt this way before. He felt like crying and it was not even about him. Emphaty. It was a strange concept. (Not that he hadn't felt something similar before but not like this, never like this.)

"You don't have to say anything," Nathan tried lamely. He wanted that expression gone from Dean's face but he didn't know how. "I wanted to give you something," he blurred out after a moment of heavy silence.

Dean raised his brows at his sudden change of topic and didn't comment until Nathan had returned from the bedroom with something at hand.

His fingers nervously tapped on the little box and he stood awkwardly by the couch, trying to hide how nervous he was. He was probably failing at hiding that since the grief and sadness on Dean's face was masked with some type of curiosity now.

"This is going to sound extrenly weird, please bear with me," Nathan said. Dean only nodded and kept on staring at his face with expectancy. "This is something very important for me. Its been mine, always, and awile ago I decided that I don't need it, not exactly. And I want you to have it-for awhile at least."

He handed the box to Dean, almost dropping the box on his lap before he could change his mind. "Ugh, why-"

"Its will mean a lot to me, if you can hold on to it for awhile. I have the key with me all the time," Nathan showed the small key that was on his neck at the end of a thin chain, he usually had it under his shirt. "I've been having the roughest period of my life and you have been in the centre of it. I wanted to give you something meaningful, from me."

A part of me, a part of me that makes me who I am but with you, I am more than that, more than an angel, more than my grace, more than Nathaniel.

"I don't know what to say," Dean said. He was holding the small wooden box with tenderness and he seemed startled a little. It wasn't usual for Dean to be this openly shaken, Nathan didn't know what to do with that either.

"Then don't say anything," Nathan said. He sat down next to Dean once more. "Will you keep it?"

"Yes." Nathan sighed with relief, he wasn't even aware that he was nervous about that. "Yeah, of course. I am slightly confused but still."

"The mystery is the part of it," Nathan said with a wink. For the first time of that day, the tension broke a little where Dean rolled his eyes but simultaniously smiled at Nathan's antics.

"You are so..."

"What? Weird, an alien? You keep flattering me, Dean."

"Sweet. And weird, you're right on that one."

Sweet, huh. All his existance he had never thought that someone would call him sweet, an endaring way to call someone, such a basic and intimate adjective for anybody. He was cunning, manipulative, impulsive and irrational (atleast he used to be all that); and maybe he was naive, and soft on his father's finest creation and curious. But not sweet.

Maybe first time ever in their relationship, Nathan didn't make a joke or a witty commet about Dean's choice of words. He was rather speechless in a nice way and saying anything would be wrong. The moment was nice on its own and Nathan only smiled gently as he could.

"I'm actually glad you showed up. I've been having trouble sleeping and its nice to have company. And, I am glad that you- you came to me after, you know."

"Is this an invitation for a sleepover?"

"I guess it is," Nathan said with a smirk appearing on his face.

Dean sighed and leaned back into the couch, he was still thoughtful but morr at ease. "What are we, teenagers? Its all your fault because usually I'm-"

"Super mature, masculine and responsible and serious and boring without me. I know."

There was some banter after that, a couple of beers and a burger take out. And Nathan found out that being there for someone was an efficient way to comfort them. Still, it felt like running on thin ice and he refrained from pushing Dean into talking but after awhile it came naturally to him.

And Dean spoke.

And Nathan listened.

Dean spoke about his father and his childhood, about all the things he wished he could've had with John Winchester and how angry he was at himself for being jealous of a brother he never even knew.

"The worst part is, I should be angry at my dad. But I'm not, I just... miss him."

Nathan was angry at the man he didn't even know. (All the angel snoopingdid not mean he actually knew the guy). He hated him, perhaps, because on top of everything he took from Dean, John Winchester also loved him in his own way and took away Dean's right to be furious at him with everything. Dean was so loyal that he blamed himself for being frustrated and angry.

That day, Nathan had never felt this close to him before, not like this. He had given Dean a part of him after all, part of his being. How long could he go without his grace, without a part of himself? He didn't know.

Didn't want to find out either.

For that day, they kept on speaking about nothing and everything and Nathan spoke about Dorian Gray and desires and Dean listened. He always listened closely, even when Nathan was just reading some of his favorite parts from the book.

'"What does it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose'-how does the quotation run?-'his own soul'?"

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

nathan gave dean his grace. he is putting too much trust in him, we'll see how it plays out ;)

let me know what you think! we are nearing the end. like, i planned 5 more chapters, the ending and the next 2 chapters are planned but there might be minor things that i might add.

if you have any suggestions, things you want to see, tell me. i really don't want to let nathan go, i love him so much, maybe there will be a few more chapters in between <3

take care, and remember that your feedback is important for me xx