( CHAPTER FIVE!)

( HAVING THEIR HAIR WASHED BY THE OTHER)

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Nathaniel knows its a dream when things start to become clear.

In dreams, you don't remember the beginning or the end. You just find yourself in a situation an adapt to it, even though most of the time it doesn't make sense considering your actual life once you wake up. Nathaniel had been jumping between consciousness and the deep slumber of sleep. Maybe because when he opened his eyes for a brief moment he saw Dean Winchester sitting next to him on the couch, drinking beer while watching TV, most of his dreams included the man. Some of them didn't make any sense because Nathaniel was just Nathan, with a normal family and with normal goals and Dean was just Dean. Not Dean Winchester, one of the most important men in the world. He was just Dean, a man that loved being cynical and sarcastic, a man that allowed himself to laugh.

Those images were dreams, loud and clear once he looked back at them but while being inside one of them it was hard to distinguish.

Nathaniel woke up in his dream the second something changed. The dreamlike confusion and the hazy state of mind his dreams put him in shifted once he became self-aware. He was no longer the dream Nathan, a simple man with no complex ulterior motives, just a complex human like any other. He was aware that he was Nathaniel, one of the first angels his father created after archangels. He was the angel who had a thing for fire and being in control and later; he was the angel who developed a Little Mermaid complex with the way he was fascinated with humanity and freedom.

With the thing he had seen over his lifetime, Nathaniel couldn't help but wish he was just Nathan, a regular human for real.

He looked at his own hands, his vessel's long and slender fingers tensed and flexed at his will. After the initial shock, he began to see things clearly. Despite the fact that it was a bit hard to shake the feelings from his previous dreams, he was growing anxious and tenser with each second passed by. One thing was sure, an angel was watching him, quite literally. It was hard to explain and maybe a human wouldn't be able to explain or comprehend it but in his dream where the reality works a bit different, he was sure of it.

He waited, patiently. At least he thought he was being patient but after a minute he realized he was tapping his foot or drumming his fingers on his knees- as nervous as a human can get. It was odd that he hadn't started showing human habits right away after extracting his grace, at least not this frequently, but living as one was a completely different story.

Thankfully, that day wasn't the day he could test his patience as someone stood next to him on the ground and Nathaniel stared down at his shoes and his old looking trench coat.

The angel didn't say anything, didn't even blink until Nathaniel started staring at his face even though he knew it wasn't possible to recognize the angel underneath that vessel when Nathaniel was just an ordinary human.

But the feeling... The aura of the angel sparked something in him, not too familiar like Gabriel but familiar enough. Strong, unyielding and compassionate to balance his sharpness.

"Hello, Castiel."

"I didn't think you would recognize me without your grace, brother," Castiel replied fast with a cold tone.

Nathaniel didn't understand why angels referred to each other as brothers and sisters because certainly, he didn't feel that close to most of them. Gabriel and Lucifer were his brothers. Michael was that one distant uncle at his best and he had a lot of angels that he could classify as some type of a distant relative, annoying cousins, perhaps. Only a handful of angels didn't annoy him when they called him brother. Up until that moment, Nathaniel wasn't sure were Castiel stood but the fact that he wasn't repulsed by that word told something.

"You are confused," Castiel continued with a matter of factly tone. "And you are nervous. Very... human of you."

"Please, spare me the chit-chat and cut to the chase," Nathaniel almost spat his words. Castiel was still standing tall while Nathaniel was sitting on the cold ground, that was getting on his nerves. Castiel finally looked down on him instead of watching the view, his blue eyes were fixated on Nathaniel and the tilt of his head told him that the angel was confused. "Why are you here Castiel? If you are here to drag me back to heaven just let's get this over with."

"I'm not here to force you back," Nathaniel almost sighed in relief. (He wasn't even aware that he was worried over that), "In fact, your absence wasn't unnoticed. We had guessed that you will try to take part in your own way. However, I did not recognize you right away, hiding in that vessel. You almost fooled me for a harmless human that Dean Winchester crossed paths with."

The pride he felt was intoxicating, the fact that he was able to fool heaven for this long was an amazing feeling. The second Dean's name was on the tablet though, he was growing nervous again." Why did you decide to look in deeper then? What changed? "

"Dean did, he is getting attached to you, " Castiel stated and tilted his head probably because of the way Nathaniel's Heart raced a little at that. "I looked into your mind after the first time you talked to Dean. The spells decieved me. However, after you kept coming back and Dean started to rely more on you, we decide that you are a distraction. I was here to erase both of your minds."

Fucking angels and their games and power plays.

Nathaniel got up from the ground with a swift motion and a fire sparked in his usually cold eyes. The fact that he was powerless was driving him mad so he just stared right into his so-called brother eyes with a challenge. "This changes everything," Castiel continued. "We want you to report back to us like you should've done in the first place. You know the role of Dean Winchester, you know how vital he is to our cause."

"Listen to me, brother, I don't work for you or any other angel. There is no we and we do not have the same cause."

"Be careful choosing your words for I'm to decide whether you can continue pretending to be a human or not." It was almost scary how dangerous Castiel looked, like the warrior he was, even the soft exterior of the vessel wasn't able to hide that. "You are playing a dangerous game and you are lucky that I'm the one to discover your play. Please, Nathaniel, you cannot risk this and some angels will not tolerate this..."

"Are you threatening me?"

The first emotions appeared on Castiel's face; defeat and a bit of sadness. Too fleeting for Nathaniel to be sure about it, though. At that moment he hadn't even internalized that, an angel showing emotion was a rare occurrence. "I wasn't but I can. Or else I will be forced to wipe The Sword's memory and drag you back to heaven." Nathaniel wanted to scream and yell and punch Castiel as any other angry person would do. The only thing keeping him from doing that was knowing it would be pointless.

"Its time to wake up, your vessel is getting sicker," Castiel stated once again and Nathaniel gritted his teeth. "I wished it wouldn't have to be this way, Nathaniel."

Nathaniel didn't have enough time to think over how geniune Castiel sounded. He woke up.

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It was... weird. In his dream, at least after Castiel, he was more awake and himself. But at that moment, it felt like he was watching everything behind a glass, even Dean's voice was distant despite feeling his strong grip on his arms.

He was feeling cold, too cold, and he was wrapped around two layers of thick blankets. It wasn't until Dean pulled them off of him rather harshly that Nathaniel came to his senses. "Give them back! 'S too cold," he muttered and raised his hand to reach Dean but feeling too tired to actually attempt at snatching them back.

"You've a fewer, genius." Dean droped the blankets on the floor and sat right next to him with a concentrated and worried look on his face. It was evident in the way his eyebrows were drawn closer or the way he was clenching his jaw or the way he had this tiny dimples next to his lips because he was slightly pursuing them with thoughts running inside his hand. Nathaniel wanted to touch those tiny dimples placed on the corner of the hunter's mouth and the next thing he knew, he was doing just that, poking with his finger.

"It's strange," he mumbled while Dean was too started to react instantly. "Very unique, your face is very... you."

His head was killing him, headache this intense was ten times worse than a stab, for sure, or torture. But Dean's face was nice and his freakishly green eyes and he was basically cupping the man's face with one hand, caressing slightly to feel his beard. Usually, he had a clean-shaven face but that day it had been probably a day or two, Nathaniel liked it for some reason-

"Ugh," Dean squirmed a little under his gaze and placed his own hand on Nathaniel's bigger and boney one. For a moment, their hands stayed on Dean's cheek but the man pulled himself together as he gently grabbed Nathaniel's hand and pulled it away. "You're delirious. And- and burning up."

Dean had a hand on his forehead now, it felt good but it was an odd sensation. He was feeling freezing a moment ago, it had left its place to feeling relieved with the coolness of Dean's hand. He was also holding Nathaniel's wrist in his other hand, moving his index finger rhythmically.

"Come on, you have to take a cold shower."

"What, no! I don't want to move."

"Don't be a whiny baby."

Nathaniel sighed and pouted like a child but he wasn't able to cool Dean. He was dedicated to his cause and he lost no time as he grabbed Nathaniel's wrist and pulled him up from the couch. It wasn't easy but after a glare and a groan Nathaniel was sitting up with his legs dangling from the couch. Dean was magically back with a glass of water and after drinking it, he felt a little bit better.

Dean was good at taking care of him, almost too good for a young lonely man who had spent most of his life on the road. Nathaniel had a lot to thank Sam Winchester since Dean's attentiveness probably was thanks to his younger brother. At that moment Nathaniel was grateful to have the man next to him, helping him a little to reach the bathroom and he leaned close, closer than he should. The events that happened in his dream with Castiel was playing over and over again in his mind and it was overwhelming combined with the fewer.

How did humans wake up every day? Limited time and endless amount of duties with complex feeling and a complex biology.

"I'm sorry Dean," he let out without meaning to. It was so hard to be a human, let alone someone like Dean. Someone who had lost a lot just for the sake of others. How did he live with the consequences of his actions? Nathaniel was used to not caring, he was used to planning and commanding.

"It's okay. Cannot let you die on my watch," Dean chuckled as he opened the door to the bathroom, pulling Nathaniel in with a bit of force.

"No, you don't know," he mumbled and his grip on Dean's arm tightened, staring right into his eyes. Maybe it would all be easier if this wasn't a big plot anymore, a lot easier if Dean knew and he hated Nathaniel for his lies. For what he was. Instead, he was looking at Nathaniel with compassion as if he cared enough to be worried for his wellbeing. "You're really nice to me," he stated his observation.

He earned himself a low chuckle and a little bit of blush on Dean's cheeks.

"I won't be if you keep stalling. Come on Nate, let go of me and get into the shower."

"I'm too tired," he whined as he leaned into Dean again, his head falling on to the crook of Dean's neck. Since Nathaniel was fairly taller than Dean, the Hunter was carrying most of the weight because of the way Nathaniel was leaning against him.

"Okay..." Dean started and observed for a moment. "Strip then. You're going to have a seizure if we don't drop your fewer, like, right now," Dean wasn't smiling anymore as he touched his forehead with worry again. "There, hold your arms up a little."

"Woah, Winchester. I don't put up a show without a nice dinner and some romance."

"Dumbass. How can you be a flirty asshole even when you're burning?" He said as he helped Nathaniel out of his shirt.

"You think I flirt with you?" Nathaniel taunted and leaned against the door, his cheeks were red all the way down to his neck and chest because of the fewer (or it was Dean. Maybe both.) His head was spinning a little and it hurt to keep his eyes open but it was fun to see as Dean almost tripped on nothing, he was gripping tight on Nathaniel's shirt.

"I'm ugh- I don't," Dean stuttered a bit, making Nathaniel smile wide.

"You're cute when you're nervous."

It was a bit of banter, awkward staring on Dean's part and Nathaniel's over the top honest observations until he was undressed down to his boxers.

He got quite once he was in the tub, feeling exposed on a level that he hadn't been before. Not because he was almost naked, a vessel didn't mean much to Nathaniel. It was the fact that he was at Dean's mercy, his hands on his hair as the cold water ran down his body, his soothing words while Nathaniel complained and bickered about the coldness.

In the end, it was almost nice, to let go for a bit. Even angels and Castiel and the apocalypse didn't matter much in that state. Once his mind was clearer with the cold water, it became harder to smile because his mission and the future was dangling on his head like a sword. He pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, his head leaning against Dean that was standing right beside to him next to the tub.

His wet hair damped Dean's shirt but the man didn't complain, absentmindedly running his fingers through Nathaniel's hair after closing the shower.

Nathaniel wished to stay longer in that moment for he was afraid of the things that were yet to come. 

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( AUTHOR'S NOTE )

sorry for the wait, uni started! regardless, it was a fun chapter to write and this is the end of part one. (there'll be three parts, this was intendted to be a short story and it got out of hand but still, i don't want to drag it out)

also, i love season 4 cas agsfghkksj i mean i love my sweet bby angel but he was pretty different in s4, at least the vibe he gave off was different. 

(this. scene.)

anyways, please let me know what you think!!

a lil info, i mostly listen to cigarrettes after sex while writing this story. particully, affection and apocalypse for this chapter. long in short, i highly recommend them and im always open for some new music *wink wink