George isn't sure how long he's been staring down at his phone, but if he's going to make this call, it has to be now before it gets any later and Kyle heads to bed. This rush of courage won't last for long, and George is determined to take advantage of it before it fades away entirely.

But fuck - George is scared, and not of the end of his relationship, not anymore, but of confronting Kyle, because George isn't good at this, he never has been. Kyle always manages to distract him, to override him, to make him feel like shit even when he's done nothing wrong.

He can't let that happen this time though, he won't. He's going to stand firm in his decision, it's the right thing to do for everyone. He doesn't love Kyle anymore, hasn't for quite some time, so he has to tell him that instead of letting this farce go on for any longer.

And when George remembers how Matty's hand felt wrapped in his larger one, and how Matty had grinned up at him like he was the most important thing in the world before they said goodbye for the evening after returning to their block of flats, George finds the strength to press down on Kyle's name, his fingers only shaking slightly as he brings the device up to his ear slowly.

Kyle picks up during the third ring, which surprises George a bit, but he has been better about answering his phone lately. That's most likely only because of the fight they had before he left, he's usually kinder to George after one of their spats for a few weeks, but he always slips back into his old habits eventually.

"Hey love," Kyle answers, sounding slightly sleepy but also pleased, leaving George's stomach clenching nervously as he tries to decide how to start this unpleasant conversation that's been looming on the horizon for ages.

"Hi...um..." George stutters as he tugs at his hair, attempting to ground himself with the slight sting of pain that blossoms across his scalp, "are you busy right now, I mean - do you have time to talk?"

"Course, just got back to the hotel actually, I had dinner at this amazing restaurant tonight, I'm going to have to take you here one day, it was incredible," Kyle gushes, his sincere tone twisting itself into George's chest like a blunt knife, and he knows he has to speak now before he ends up recalling how good he and Kyle were together in the past, because they aren't now, no matter how complacent Kyle is acting at the moment.

"No," George snaps more harshly than he means to, a regretful sigh leaving his lips when Kyle grunts in an affronted manner, "sorry, I just...Kyle, this - us, I don't want to keep doing this, and I probably should have waited until you got home to tell you, but it's easier for me like this, and I just...I can't keep acting like I'm fine when I'm not," George stumbles over his words. He's aware that he's not making much sense, but it's a start at least.

"What the hell are you talking about George?" Kyle huffs, his kind nature from earlier evaporating as he realizes that something is amiss. "You're not drunk are you?"

"I'm not, I just have had a lot of time to think while you've been away," George mumbles slowly, doing his best to gather his wits and explain himself in a coherent manner, "and I don't miss you or anything, I'm almost happier when you're not here, and that's not right. I should want you with me all the time, but it's sort of the opposite actually, so I guess that I - I don't think I'm in love with you anymore."

George winces at his harsh words, but it's necessary when dealing with Kyle. He hasn't taken any of George's hints in the past, he's not attuned to subtleties, and it's probably better to rip this off like a plaster, to unload it all at once before Kyle takes the opportunity away from him.

"Fucking hell," Kyle curses hotly. George can hear him shifting around over the sound of his own ragged breathing, but he doesn't say anything else, getting that statement out was taxing enough. "I don't even know what to say to that, did John put you up to this? We were fine earlier, and I just don't understand where this is all coming from."

"Do you really think my best friend convinced me to break up with you on his wedding day?" George scoffs, drawing from the small tendrils of anger that are unfurling in his chest, using them to push back the side of him that has been trained to cower whenever Kyle gets upset. "This isn't a joke Kyle, I have been feeling this way for months, but you're not even around enough to notice that I've been miserably lately."

"I'm sorry," Kyle apologizes, his cadence taking on a sickly sweet edge that does nothing to mollify George's numerous wounds that have been festering inside of him for longer than he's even been aware of. "I know I've been a shit boyfriend, but after this trip, I swear I'll be home more, that we can go out like we used to, and it'll be just like old times."

"Sorry isn't going to fix this Kyle, and neither will empty promises," George groans heavily, his eyes stinging as he rubs the right one with his free hand, "they're just words, and unless you're going to try and mend what's broken here, it's not good enough. I've given you time, I've tried to be understanding, but things have gotten worse, not better, and just - I'm done okay, I don't want to be with you anymore."

"Just like that - that's it?" Kyle sounds like the breath has been knocked out of him, and as much as he's hurt George, it pains him to hear the person he used to love in such distress. "What about my feelings? I still love you, do you want me to say it more or something? I get that I've been busy, but that's only temporary, you know that, and it doesn't mean I care for you any less."

"You've been saying that for ages and nothing ever changes, and you know what, I don't believe you really love me anymore either. I've heard this same spiel probably twenty times by now, and honestly, I'm getting sick of it," George presses on, his confidence growing with each minute that passes, even if it's getting harder for him to breathe as if the air in the room is congealing around him with ever-increasing density the longer this drags on.

But although he feels slightly awful, his insides are twisting in knots and he's trembling slightly, the burdens pressing on his chest are getting lighter as well. If he can make it through this, he won't have to continue on in this melancholy pattern that is his life with Kyle. He can find his own happiness, preferably with Matty, but even if they don't work out for some reason, at least he won't spend the rest of his life in love with a memory of what once was.

"What do you want me to say George?" Kyle asks tiredly. "I love you, I really do, and I can prove it, but I don't know how to fix this over the phone."

"I want to know if you've been cheating on me," George states firmly, the question bursting out of him before he can comprehend that he's said it, but once it's been uttered, George doesn't attempt to take it back.

That is what most of this comes down to after all, where George's original insecurities had sprouted from. Kyle had done it before, he had hurt George, he had brushed it off as if it was something small, and George knows it is happening again. Kyle is acting so similar to the way he had back then, and George is determined to not back down this time until Kyle admits it.

"Not this again George," Kyle tries to deflect, but George knows his tactics by now, he's lived with them for years, and although he usually allows his inquiries to be brushed to the side, he digs in his heels for once in his life.

"Kyle, if you ever loved me at all, you'll be honest with me, just this once."

"I -" Kyle pauses for so long that George isn't sure if he's going to answer at all before finally resuming his sentence, "I did, have been, but it's not what you think George, and I'm really sorry."

"Fuck," George chokes out, his emotions so overwhelming that he has no idea how to process them, but Kyle barrels on before George can gather his wits.

"It's just...well my boss fancies me, and shagging him has gotten me some cases that I'd never land on my own. It's wrong, I know, I'm awful, but I'm not going to leave you to shack up with him or anything, he's bloody married to a woman in fact, and I can stop, I will stop. I've got enough credence now to make it on my own, and all that -"

"I knew it," George exhales shakily, and as much as Kyle's confession hurts, it's also a relief to know that he hadn't imagined everything after all.

"Please give me another chance George, it wasn't even all that often, most of the time when I stayed out late, it was really because of work, and occasionally I'd go to a bar since I couldn't bring myself to face you. I don't want to lose you, and I know I've fucked up, but it was never about feelings, or me not loving you, it was just sex. I shouldn't have done it, but once we started, I didn't know how to stop without getting fired, and I - I didn't want to tell because I was hoping it would all be over with before you ever found out."

"Are you even listening to yourself right now?" George snaps, the last tether that's kept him connected to Kyle snapping painful, leaving behind a fresh wound, but also freeing George entirely. "You don't love me, fuck - you lied to me, you betrayed me, and no amount of reasoning is going to make that any better. I'm sorry your boss is a prick that used you for your body, and I'm sorry you were too stupid to realize that you're a good enough lawyer to make it on your own, but what I'm not sorry about is leaving you, which I am. I won't be here when you get back."

"George..." Kyle whispers so softly that George barely catches the sound. "I know I don't deserve you, I shouldn't have slept with him in the first place, and I can't take that back, but please...don't give up on us. We are good together, I love you."

"Well I don't," George states firmly, his voice wobbling a bit at the end, but Kyle doesn't comment on it. "I can't believe you keep doing this to me, and if you really loved me, you'd be able to keep it in your pants, or at least bloody tell me when I asked you the first time."

"I was scared George, and I know I fucked up, but we can move past this yeah?"

"Did you know I have met someone else too?" George laughs dryly, completely ignoring Kyle's pleas in favor of getting everything off his chest. "His name's Matty, I might have mentioned him once or twice, and honestly, I think I'm falling for him, but unlike you, I haven't slept with him, or even kissed him, because I respect you, and I tried so hard to pretend I wasn't, because you were my boyfriend, and I gave you so many chances to win me back, to make me want you again, but it's too late. I just want to be happy Kyle, and being with you is making me the opposite of that, so please - stop pretending. It's over yeah?"

"I...okay," Kyle mumbles in a defeated tone. "You're right, I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter now," George sighs as his eyes begin to water even though this is what he wanted all along. "It wasn't all bad, it's just not enough anymore, and that's okay, it happens. I don't hate you, but I don't love you either."

"I understand...and uh - fuck, I don't know what to say," Kyle sniffles, which has George battling back his tears as well. "If you ever need anything, you can call me, or like...if you change your mind. I do love you, that's the truth."

"I probably won't, but thank you," George answers coldly, his uncaring tone barely masking the sobs that are attempting to make their way out of his mouth.

"I come back tomorrow night, by the way, I mean - if you don't have a place to go, you can stay, I can make myself scarce or whatever -"

"I have to leave," George states stubbornly, sensing that this is Kyle's last attempt at keeping him trapped, no matter how well-meaning it seems, and honestly, he isn't ready to see Kyle face to face. He might not be surprised, but he's still upset over his deceit and infidelity, and he'd rather avoid him for the rest of his life if he can manage it. "Don't worry about me now, I'll be fine, and so will you."

"I hope so." Kyle sounds unsure, but George knows he's just thrown off. He will bounce back from this easily, he's the reason it's ending after all, and maybe eventually he'll find someone he loves enough to stay faithful to. "I should sleep now though, have to wrap up some stuff for the case early tomorrow."

"I need to go too, so...goodbye."

The utterance sounds so final when it hits the air, which is what George wants, but it's a dizzying sensation. He never thought this day would come, he couldn't imagine being able to properly leave Kyle until recently, and even now that it's happened, it seems like more of a dream than an event that he brought about.

"Goodbye George," Kyle replies in a tight voice.

George hangs up then, choking back the lump that's risen in his throat with a supreme amount of effort, his knuckles going white where they're clutching around his phone like it is the only thing keeping him grounded.

He feels dizzy and not himself anymore, but as scary as it is, George tries to embrace it. He knew this would be traumatic, breakups always are, but he'd hoped his lack of affection for Kyle would ease him through this, yet he still feels as lost and in pain as he did the first time he'd learned that Kyle had cheated on him.

It takes a few minutes, well - almost half an hour, but eventually, George does manage to pull himself together. He knows he still has a lot of processing to do, that's how his mind works, especially with traumatic things, but for now, he presses it down, busying himself with packing up some clothes and sending John a text asking if he can use his house to crash at while he is on his honeymoon, to which John instantly replies saying his door is always open to him, as well as asking why of course.

"Later," is all George can type back, because he's not ready to talk about this, to relive it, no matter how good it will be for him, because it still hurts.

George has lost a major part of his life, toxic or not, and it's going to take more than a few hours for him to acclimate himself to this, but he knows he did the right thing.

George debates messaging Matty as he gets ready for bed, deciding that he can leave for John's in the morning once he's calmed down a bit, but he discards that idea when his vision goes blurry a bit belatedly.

He isn't sure why he suddenly feels the urge to cry, but he lets himself anyway, and it's a good feeling besides his stinging eyes and his burning lungs.

When George finally runs out of tears, it's as if he's been cleansed of the poisons that Kyle had been filling his veins with. His heart still aches a bit, but he's okay, and he'll keep getting better, but for now, he needs sleep.

He will speak to Matty soon, once he has recovered. Matty had said he'd wait for him, and unlike most of the things Kyle would promise him, George believes Matty, and it's that thought that allows him to drift off.

George's cheeks are stained and still damp, but a soft smile tugs at his lips as his eyes flutter closed and he lets everything fade away until the morning.

Idk how I feel about this chapter honestly but it's done so that's good.

I have a headache and also no idea what to say right now.

Votes and comments are always wonderful to receive if you feel like leaving one.

I love you all xxx

- starr