Chapter 38: Sing me our love song, without ruining its charm

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     "Do you remember what I promised you when we were younger? " the boy with the wide smile on his face asks, while the other one just looks at him intently, with tears in his eyes.

     "You promised me that whatever would happen, you would not leave me. You promised me that no matter how much I will feel that this world want me to disappear, you would never allow that to happen. " Jungkook responds and takes a few more steps forward to get closer to the older boy. "But you lied, Hobi. You... you left me, alone, in this scary place." he says after in a more broken voice, as his brother just takes a few steps closer at his turn. 

     Yes, for Jungkook this world has begun to really be a place of horror, a place where you are not allowed to dream, or try to spread your wings. But he understands why. Because in turn, he cut off his brother's wings. That's why he can't really complains, even though it's damn hard to wake up every morning, feeling like you're living in an endless nightmare.

     "I told you before, Kook. Even if I'm not always near you, physically, I'm always near your heart and soul. " Hoseok says and then warmly touches Jungkook's right cheek, wiping away his tears. "When you feel the wind blowing, those are my whispers. When you feel the warmth of the sun, that is my smile. When you feel the rain falling from the clouds, those are my tears." he continues after, and the younger one tries to smile, but fails. 

     "But it's not the same, Hoseok. Nothing is the same. You ... you died, and it's my fault. And you were one of the only people who really loved me. " the younger boy comments in a shaky voice, as the older one looks at him in a sad gaze.

     "You haven't gotten over it yet, have you, Kook? You still don't understand that you didn't actually kill me, but that bastard with the car, right? " Hoseok says and the other immediately looks upset.

     "You came there because of me. You died trying to save me. Because of my stupid addiction, because of my stupid entourage, because of the fact that I didn't listen to you when you told me not to go." Jungkook talks then takes a deep breath. "It doesn't matter how much I try to hide this, Hobi. I killed you, I killed my own brother." 

     At this point, the older one doesn't really know what else to say, he just takes his younger brother in his arms, while Jungkook starts to cry even louder. In the past, Hoseok's hug was the warmest in the world, now it is that of a dead man, full of coolness and sadness.

      "Kook, stop living in that night. It's over a long time ago. Now try to see those in front of you, those who love you, because I know that there are people who would do anything for you. " Hoseok whispers in his embrace, and the other one just sighs heavily. "Don't blame yourself every day for that accident, because you have no idea what plans the Most High had with me anyway. Be happy that you are alive, Jungkook. " he says later, and in an instant he disappears.

     And the younger boy is left to look around again and again, but to no avail. His brother has disappeared again. 

      "But I can not. I can not be happy that I am still alive."

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     The ringing of the phone forces the tattooed boy to open his eyes heavily, then realizes that he is in his brother's old room. He sneaked in last night so as not to be seen by his parents, and so as not to create another scandal. The fact that he fell asleep on the dusty floor and hugging an old T-shirt of his brother's made him realize how much he misses him. It's not like he doesn't already know this, but being in his room made the younger one to feel even worse as the guilt began to bring him down again and again.

     With tears on his dry cheeks, Jungkook picks up his phone on the right side of the floor next to him, without looking at who called, and presses the green box, answering.

     "Yes?" the hoarse and weak voice of the tattooed boy seems to make the caller remain speechless for a few seconds, but as soon as the younger one realizes who called, he becomes immediately more awake.

      "Love?"

     The same thick voice full of care and concern. The same voice that Jungkook tried to ignore these days, but which missed it like crazy. The same voice he argued with before he came here, about five days ago. 

      "T- Tae?" Jungkook asks, though he knows all too well that he is, as he gets up from the floor, feeling a little dizzy as a result of his speed.

      "Jungkook, I missed you so fucking much! What happened, baby? You don't seems well at all. Did your parents told you anything? I promise I'll get the first train ticket and come pick you up at my house, if that's the case. "

      The younger boy takes a deep breath, trying not to sound as vulnerable as he actually is. He misses his boyfriend a lot, and he needs him very much right now. But it's not about the fact that Taehyung hidden from him that he already knew what happened to Jungkook's past, it's about what he talked about two days ago with Yoongi. He realized that even though it was damn painful and harsh, Yoongi was telling the truth. 

      He can't stay next to Taehyung anymore, because more than likely, he will end up destroying him too. He knows he's going to break his wings as well, even if it's the last thing he wants to do. And he knows that the only thing he can do to protect him, is exactly what Yoongi said.But before he can get there, he must at least make Taehyung suffer as little as possible. So before he really leaves from here, he needs to to leave Taehyung first. It doesn't matter how painful it would be for both of them.

       "It's none of your business, Kim. And if I wasn't clear enough, the last time we talked, the two of us are not together anymore. You should go on with your life as if you didn't know me. It would be best for both of us. "

      And Jungkook doesn't wait for Taehyung to say anything, because he hangs up the call, then hangs up his phone too, so he doesn't have to block his (ex) boyfriend's number. And this time, he doesn't cry as usual. He just smiles weakly, accepting how unbearable life can be.

***

      What is love?

      Love is a feeling that does make life more beautiful, more interesting, practically does make us forget about everything that happens around us and does make us pay attention to one thing, the loved one. To love is the law of life, it is one of the most sublime actions that a human being can accomplish.

      Is like a wave, it makes you no longer master on yourself, you are no longer you. Love has limited strength, it draws its powers from life, from generosity, and people give hard. It is the connection between two similar souls, it is holy voice, the eyes of the other set in motion certain strings in the heart, which vibrate only under the power of memories, which it enlivens.

    This beautiful phase, presupposes a reciprocity of feelings, a certainty of pleasures that no one and nothing can affect. It lives only as long as she thinks she is eternal, and those who are truly in love believe that their love is alive beyond the grave. It has no scientific research but that which is eternally beautiful and true. It is a temple of all, a place that awaits a steam of desire, it is a paved road to eternity or that involves compromises that sometimes exceed the power of understanding. But a single lie destroys that unbridled trust, which for some souls is the very foundation of love.

      And yes, love can be a blessing, but at the same time, a curse. Until it makes you happy, love hurts you many times. And every time it seems to hurt even worse. Sometimes you cry on the shoulder of a good friend who understands and encourages you, other times you wet your pillow every night, alone, crying for pity until you fall asleep. You will cry a lot when love hurts you. You will be ugly and mischievous and you will rarely smile. Sadness will overwhelm you so much that you can no longer bear the presence of happy and optimistic people. To you, everything looks like a black hole that pulls you deep into it. And many times you will be lost for a while in the abyss of your own wounded soul, without believing, without hope, and without feeling disappointment.

      Love has no magic recipe. It just happens. And then it doesn't happen again. We love, then we no longer love, we are loved, then we become "nobody" for those who care for you who once loved us. And I don't want to hear things like, "Who truly loves never ceases to love." Nonsense. These are texts. Love can be extinguished for no reason, which I am not going to list now. It goes out and that's it. 

      But in the case of Taehyung, this is not necessarily true. He felt how beautiful it was to have such a wonderful man by his side, that he should be protected from all the troubles of life. He felt how much love can elevate him, how high he can bring him, how happy it can make him. And that's only with Jungkook's help.

      That boy who from the first minutes they met, left him speechless, giving him a fistful of all beauty. That boy who then appeared to him more and more often in front of him, becoming his roommate. That damn beautiful boy who looked like ice, but who was just trying to hide how small and vulnerable he felt inside. Jungkook, the angel who thought he was nothing more than a demon, that boy ... that boy brought Taehyung's eternity to him in just a few months. He made him live in those weeks, as long as he did not live in his twenties.

     And now... Now it made him realize that love is like a coin. He has two faces. And it can be just as wonderful as it is painful.

      "He... he broke up with me. " the bandanna boy whispers as he looks at the phone, still not realizing what just happened. "He ... he pushed me aside again when he needed help, but this time, much further. " he says later and swallows in sec.

      He felt that. He felt how devastated Jungkook was, just hearing his voice on the phone. He felt how much pain he had hidden in his soul, how much help he needed now. But ... but Jungkook broke up with him before Taehyung could try to speak. And that makes the older boy to wonder even more. He's damn hurt, he's drowning in pain. But more than the pain, another black feeling lurks in his soul: worry.

      Why? Because beyond the cold, plate voice with which Jungkook had become accustomed to pretending, Taehyung realized that the younger boy had something in his mind, something that didn't seem right. And he doesn't think Jungkook broke up with him, just because he knew beforehand about his past. He feels (he knows!) that there is something much more. 

     He has no idea if his parents told him anything, if they did anything to him, or if returning home to him made Jungkook make such a gesture. But one thing is certain: the younger one has not very good thoughts. And Taehyung must put aside his own wounded heart, and take care of Jungkook's heart first.

      So without taking into account what they just talked, without shedding other tears, he stands up from the bed, saying:

      "I have to go to him. "

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O yeahhhh, early updateeee

Ok, so I want to double-update today, because this book is really close to the endinggggg

I hope u liked it even a little bit, and see ya soonnnn

Important: for this chapter I was inspired in advance, so some ideas are simply adapted by me, but not fully thought out!

Also, I want to do a Q and A, so if you have any questions you want to ask me, I'm waiting for you on my message board hehe

Love u allll