Warning: trigger scene!

Chapter 22: Drown me in pain, then burn my heart

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    "Aren't you going to check why he didn't come to training? " the blond-haired boy asks, looking at his best friend, as the other one drinks some water from his bottle. 

   After he finishes drinking a few mouthfuls of water, he leaves the bottle on the bench, then turns his attention to Jimin.

      "I don't know, Chim. After yesterday's quarrel, I have no idea what I should say to him when I see him. " Taehyung admits, a little embarrassed, that he can be so pathetic.

     Yes, he didn't go to his room today as well. And even if he wonders why Jungkook didn't show up for training today, it's as if something is holding him back and he can't go talk to him. Yes, he is worried, because the tattooed boy usually does not missing training. But he has no idea how he should start a conversation with him, given what they said yesterday. He realized how stupid he could be, just because he got angry.

" I start to hate that I felt in love with your smile, with your warm voice and your childish character, while you try to look cold. I'm starting to regret that I chose to see beyond all the high walls that you have been building, to see a small and vulnerable boy who wants nothing more than love. Because I realized how hard it is to love someone who is not able to love himself."

      Why did he say that? No, the truth is that he does not regret letting Jungkook steal the key from his heart. He does not regret how beautiful a day starts with his smile, or how good he feels when he hears the younger one's laughing.

        The fact that he managed to discover the real Jeon Jungkook, the one who behaves like a little child when he loses, the one who doesn't know yet how to ride a bike, the one who loves cotton candy, makes him more than just happy. And most of all, the fact that he managed to break through its walls makes him proud and feels somewhat special.

       So why? Hell, why did he say that ?! He doesn't regret starting to love him! He simply regrets that Jungkook does not give him the opportunity to do so.

 "I hate you because you chose to fall in love with an garbage like me, Kim! I hate that, a man as beautiful as you, looked at someone as dirty as me! Damn it, Tae! I'm nothing but someone who should have died a long time ago!"

      Those words, man, those words. He doesn't think he'll be able to forget them too soon. Because no matter how long it takes, they will be just as painful for him. I mean, how could he think in such a disgusting way about himself? How could he call himself "garbage"? Why doesn't Jungkook consider himself worthy of his love? But most of all, why does he keep repeating how much he wishes he had died some time ago?

     Words can kill a pure soul, don't forget that. They can be so deafening that they have the power to break all the peace in your heart. And this can be seen very easily in the case of Taehyung too.

  "You see, no one can choose who to fall in love with, Jeon. "

     Again. Again he let his anger cover his heart! How could he say that? He chose to fall in love with Jungkook! Even though he didn't realize it at first, he kept doing it more and more. He chose to look at Jungkook insistently a long time ago. He began to think about him at night, even though they were in the same room. He began to worry about him. Then how could he say that he did not choose to fall in love with the boy whose eyes have the power to make Taehyung forget his name?

"You should get that idea out of your mind, Kim. You should try to stop loving me, because this is nothing but pure madness. I no longer have the power to destroy another person's life, and if you continue to see me this way, that's what will happen for sure. "

       How could he destroy his life if he offers some love too? On the contrary, it would give him complete happiness! Why does he thinks like that?

"And I don't have the strength to fight for someone who doesn't want to fight. So I should probably try to stop from feeling what I feel for you. Because I can't find your sunset beautiful, Jungkook, no matter how much I look at it. Because what should feel like a blessing, it feels like a curse. I should be more than just happy because I felt for the first time what it's like to love, but it's just the opposite. And it feels like shit."

       If a prize were offered for the most idiotic man in the world, Taehyung would probably win without any problems. I mean, how the hell was he able to utter such words? How the hell was he able to tear apart Jungkook's already shattered heart? He shouldn't have said he's tired of fighting anymore! He should have said he wasn't going to give up, no matter how much he wanted to. But no, Taehyung is just another stupid man.

       "Yo! Earth to Tae!" Jimin's voice pulls the bandanna boy out of his thoughts, and when he looks at him, he notices that Jacskon is next to them. 

       "Sorry, I just... I was thinking of something. " Taehyung mumbles and Jimin seems to have something important to say, judging by his extremely panicked face.

       "You didn't heard what I told you, did you? " the blond-haired boy asks, and Taehyung raises his right eyebrow subtly, then nods.

        "No, sorry." 

       Jackson looks at Jimin strangely, and as soon as Taehyung hears what his best friend said earlier, he feels that things are getting worse than they already were:

       "Someone called Jackson and told him that yesterday ... Jungkook went to the hospital to visit Yoongi. "

       And the bandanna boy is not waiting for another invitation to get up from the bench and run to his and Jungkook's room.

***

      "Fuck, fuck!" Taehyung swears between his teeth, running towards the room.

      Why did the Jungkook idiot have to visit that bastard at the hospital? Can't he really learn his lesson? Can't really figure out how dangerous the silver-head can be? If ... if that idiot did something to him and that's why he didn't come to training today?

      Taehyung really has a bad feeling, and that's not good at all.

      "Jungkook!" the bandanna-boy screams as soon as he enters in the room, without wondering why it was already open. "Jungkook, you are here?" he asks after in a high yet deep voice, looking around for the tattooed boy. 

      And when he notices all the things thrown on the floor, many broken bottles, he realizes that what happened is not just about their quarrel. He doesn't understand why he's starting to tremble slowly, just thinking about what his roommate might have done.

       "Wha- what happened?" 

      When he hears an extremely familiar voice, he immediately turns his gaze in that direction, and immediately notices Jungkook coming out of the bathroom with a blanket thrown over him, while he seems to be really shaking. Taehyung forgets his words when he sees the younger one's eyes more than just bloody red, his lips almost blue, and his skin white as a ghost.

       "Jun... Jungkook, why are you... What the hell did you do? " the older boy manages to ask, as he slowly approaches the other one.

     The younger boy seems to be trying to smirk, but fails because the next second he starts coughing loudly, scaring the older one even harder. He stops in a few moments, only to gather the blanket around him better, while he feels his legs about to give up.

        "I... I was to visit Yoongi." his voice seems dry and lost, and Taehyung feels the need to cry seeing him in this state. "He... he made me realize what a monster I am. He made me realize that ... the only way others can live is through my death. "

      The older boy has no idea what worries him the most at the moment: the way Jungkook seems to tremble and close his eyes constantly, or the words he says. But one thing is certain: he is to blame for what is happening now. If he hadn't left after the quarrel, if he hadn't told him those things! Damn it!

       "Kook, stop this. Stop talking like that, please. " Taehyung says and Jungkook manages to chuckles bitterly this time, while the bandanna-boy looks at him extremely worried.

         "You ... you don't really know me, Kim. You know who am I?" Jungkook asks, and as soon as he throws the blanket from his body on the floor, he lets Taehyung see the truth. "This is me, a drug addict, who ... wants nothing more than to get rid of all this damn guilt! " he then raises his voice and becomes a little unbalanced, but manages to catch on to the wall in time.

      And Taehyung remains a stone sheepfold in the worst possible way. What he sees makes him feel like he doesn't have much time until he faints. What Jungkook did to his own person makes the older boy feel more than disgusted with his own person. Why? Because if he hadn't started yelling at him a few hours ago, it could have been done differently.

        "Jun- Jungkook, this is-"

        "Who I am." Jungkook's extremely low whisper interrupts the other, while the younger boy struggles to stay awake, while the other one struggles to figure out if what he sees is real, or a damn black nightmare.

       Points. Dozens of large and extremely red, swollen points. On the thighs, on the stomach, on the wrists. Points as if large needles had been used, while the only thing Jungkook is wearing is a pair of shorts. In many places the blood has already flowed much longer than normal, and in other places it seems to be getting infected.

       Jungkook... did he really do that? Did he really drugged himself? Is that why he was trying to avoid all sorts of needles so far? N-no, Taehyung refuse to believe that. His Jungkook can not do this, he is much stronger than this! He got over it! The Yoongi idiot said quite clearly that it was in the past, now he is good!

       "Tell me is a joke. Tell me this is not true." the bandanna-boy comments in a broken tone, afraid of the answer.

       But the younger boy no longer has the strength to respond, because the effect of the injections has become stronger than his own person. So all he can do is fall right in front of Taehyung as he begins to have seizures.

       "Jungkook!" Taehyung immediately screams and kneels beside him, starting to cry on his own, not knowing what the hell to do.

        He tries to move his shoulders, but to no avail, as the convulsions seem to become more and more severe and Jungkook's eyes remain open but fixed on the ceiling. And if Taehyung didn't know before when he was the most scared in his life, now he knows.

      "Ko- Kook, stop, please!" Taehyung starts talking without nonsense, trying to get his phone out of his pocket, his hands shaking extremely hard and making the action more difficult. 

       Looking at the boy he loves, but with his whole mind in thousands of parts, he calls the emergency number, while tears begin to fall on the floor, next to the boy's body with convulsions.

      And when the emergency services respond, Taehyung sincerely hopes it's not too late:

     "I... I need an ambulance! Right now!"

     Oh god, don't do that to him. Jungkook must be fine! He ... he must be fine!

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Yeah, so this chapter is kinda boring, but I was really busy with my homework's so yeah

I hope u liked even a little bit and see ya at the next chapterrrr

Question: what is your favorite book from my account? (Idk if I asked this already lol)

Also, I posted a new English book on my other account, and your support will be wonderful!!