Chapter 16: Looking at the sunsets differently

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      "Jungkook, stop. You're going to faint if you keep going! " Taehyung screams, looking at his roommate, who runs around the football field.

      With a lot of sweat on his forehead, breathing hard and trying to keep his eyes as open as possible, Jungkook doesn't listens, but just keeps running as if it is not tomorrow. He does again what he is used to doing when everything is too much: he tries to run away, to forget, at least a few hours.

     Taehyung just exhales in frustration, then runs to Jungkook. He can't understand him even now. There are many times when he would like to punch him in the nose, but in vain. Jungkook will always be the withdrawn and lonely idiot.

     "Stop! I told you to stop, you idiot!" the older one raise his voice again, then he sits in front of the tattooed boy, blocking his path.

     Jungkook stops, puts his hands on his knees, and takes a deep breath. He wants ... he wants it all over. He wants this whole bad circus called "life" to end.

      "Wh- Why are you no- not sleeping? Why did you... come after me? " Jungkook asks after catching his breath a little, and the other just looks at him more than worried (lately that's the only way he looks at him).

      "Because it's past midnight and my stupid roommate wants to waste his sleeping hours again, running like a lunatic. " Taehyung says in a reproachful tone, and the other one sits on the ground, not caring that it is still wet because of the fact that it rained some time ago.

       "The gym is not open at this time, so yeah. I wanted to train more, especially since we have a match in more than three days. " Jungkook says as if to explain something, and the older one just chuckles not really amused, then sits next to him on the wet ground.

        "So you decided to run again while a normal person would dream at this hour? "

    The younger one just shrugs, then looks intently at the sky. The stars shine quite brightly, while the moon looks a little shy at the moment.

        "I don't like to sleep. I haven't had a dream in a while, and nightmares aren't as funny as they used to be. " Jungkook mumbles under his breath, still having his eyes at the sky. 

      Taehyung is silent for a few moments, feeling again his dumb heart, aching at those words. Lately, he has started to worry about his roommate more than he should. More than he worries about Jimin or even about himself. And it's damn weird. I repeat: damn weird. Because Kim Taehyung is not used to caring for those around him that much. And he doesn't understand why he seems to be more and more interested in Jungkook.

       "Even so, you should try to sleep, you're not a robot, Jeon. " the boy with the bandanna says, and the other one just chuckles, but in a strange way.

        "I wish I was a robot. That way I wouldn't have to ... feel so useless. " Jungkook whispers, and the other just swallows hard, not taking his eyes off him.

      About five days passed by, since that incident happened at the canteen, when Yoongi made fun of him in front of the university. And yes, Taehyung couldn't find out a detail about that incident. No matter how hard he tried, Jungkook simply avoided talking about it. So Taehyung gave up asking, but instead began to be more careful that Yoongi did not approach his roommate again. So he started to sit with Jungkook at the table in the canteen, although Jungkook wasn't very happy, and even though Jimin started to undress him, under his horny gaze. 

       As for the idiot Yoongi and his friends, they were punished until the next match (which is in two days) to clean the gym and canteen after class. At least the can get this, after they made fun of Jungkook. If it was after Taehyung, he would have made fun of all of them, but he didn't want to create another scene.

       "I swear Jeon, sometimes I don't understand why you give me the impression that you're the last depressed person on earth. " Taehyung tries to joke, but the younger one just keeps looking at the sky.

      Tonight the only thing that can destroy the beautiful weather is the light wind that blows slowly, but even so, it is strangely hot. And although Taehyung is already accustomed to being in his third dream at this time, he must admit that a night like this, has a special magic as well.

       "A depressed person is trying to commit suicide, right? Then yes, I think I'm depressed, or at least I was. "

       Do you know how it is said that there are moments when time simply stops, and the only thing that seemed ahead with meaning no longer makes sense? Moments when you simply feel like you're drowning, even though you're not underwater? Or like you feel like you're thousands of miles underground, buried alive?

       Yeah, well, Taehyung feels exactly the same. His heart is simply bent, and the words have no way out on his tongue. He doesn't realize if what Jungkook said is an extremely macabre and outlandish joke, or if he really ... if he really tried to commit suicide.

       "You... You tr- tried to do what?"

       No, there is no way this can be true. More than probably it is a stupid joke. Because Taehyung really can't figure out how someone he knows, someone he even started to care about, could have at least thought about something that... terrible.

       "What? Don't tell me I am the first person you've ever heard of wanting to get out of this damn place. " Jungkook responds in the same relaxed tone as before, as if talking about what he ate at dinner.

      Taehyung blinks. Again and again. When he realizes that he is not really dreaming and that Jungkook has actually said what he said, he quickly gets up from the ground, forcing the younger one to look up from the sky, and to looks into his eyes, even if is pretty dark at the moment.

      "You are crazy, Jungkook? How ... How the hell can you even think of that? How the hell ... how the hell can you talk about such a thing, so easily? "

     Yes, he found out already that Jungkook used to cut himself. But he assumed he had never tried to do more. But this?! Trying to commit suicide? And most importantly, to talk about it as if it's not serious at all?

     He needs help. As a specialized help, but not only of some words coming from people who are not of therapeutic profession. But Taehyung knows he would suggest a psychologist in vain.

     Jungkook doesn't seem very bothered, he may regret a little that he told him something else that he should have kept in the shadows. But he simply felt the need to say it. They just happened to be talking about something so serious, because of a joke.

      "Calm down, Kim. It's not like I succeeded in the moments I tried to do it. " Jungkook says, and the older one looks at him even more terrified than before.

       "The... the moments? Are you saying that there were several attempts, not just one?" 

      At this question, the younger boy gets up from the ground at his turn, looking at the one in front of you with a subtle smirk. 

        "Oh my, if I didn't know you, I'd say you're glad I didn't succeed. "

       That should probably be another joke, but Taehyung is simply wondering why he says such things again. Can't he really figure out when someone really cares about him? Is it really that hard to believe that Taehyung really started to care about him?

        "You fucking stupid idiot and moron!" the older one swears without any filter, and the younger one doesn't know if he should be offended or laugh. "Do you really take this matter as a joke? Jungkook, you tried to take your own life and not just once! You ... do you see this as a joke? "

        Jungkook just takes a deep breath, regretting more than anything else than he told to Taehyung another secret of his. Now he will not get rid of the stupid rebuke of the bandanna boy too soon.

        "I've told you before and not just once, Kim. I'm not what I seem, I'm toxic. I kept telling you to stay away and- "

        "And I'm already done with all that crap. It's more than just old." Taehyung interrupts him nervously, feeling like he doesn't have much until he slaps the one in front of him. "Why? I want to know what reason someone might have for which ... suicide would seem like the only solution. "

       The slight change in Jungkook's face does not go unnoticed by Taehyung. He can easily see that what he asked, bothered him more than it should. After all, doesn't it bother him to say that he tried to end his life (and not just once) but does it bother him that he asks him why?

       "You have no right to know the reason. " Jungkook prefers to adopt a cold and distant tone again. "You just have to understand that some people don't wait for the sunrise with a smile on their face. Some of them are simply waiting for the sunset, wondering if their end can be so calm and pleasant as well." he comments after, and the older one just looks at him intently, feeling his chest heavy. 

     He doesn't know what's bothering him the most at the moment: the fact that Jungkook pointed out to them again how far apart they are, or the rest of his harsh words. However, he decides to leaves this at the moment, and to ask him in another way:

      "Then why did you want the sunset, Jungkook?" Taehyung's thick voice is full of regret and pain, and the younger one seems to feel it, and tries not to smile at this type of situation.
   
     The fact that Taehyung seems so scared at the mere thought that Jungkook really tried to commit suicide makes the younger boy feel somehow ... warm into his soul. Strange and weird, isn't it? Probably. But Jungkook did not meet many people who cared about him.

     So back at the actual question...

     Why did he always prefer the sunset over the sunrise? Maybe because the end looks nicer than the beginning. Maybe because the death seems more enjoyable than life. At least for him. And maybe there are other people who feel the same way.

       "Because sunrise is overrated. Because the sunset can be just as beautiful, even though it's darker. " the younger one feels the need to ease his heart, even if he knows is a mistake. "I wanted to die, Tae. Not just once. And it's not hard for me to recognize, because in those moments, death seemed to me the easiest way to live. "

       Okay, this shit hits different. Certainly at another fucking level. Taehyung has never seen life from this perspective.  It's pretty weird how some words can make you feel your soul frozen and your heart bent.

       "How can you say that when there are so many people who care about you? Have you ever wondered how much pain you will leave those people? " the older one asks again, and Jungkook seems speechless a few moments.

       He is silent for a few moments, while the moon becomes even stronger, and now she is shaping the face of the tattooed boy more strongly. And when Taehyung notices his teary eyes, he feels how another knife pierce his heart painfully.

       "The only person who really cared about me decided to see the sunset before me. "

      And that's the last thing he says before he goes away, and leaves Taehyung behind, with dozens of other questions, and a heavy, sore heart.

     And one thing is for sure: he won't see the sunsets the same way from now on.

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I hope it's a little sad, like yeah?:))

Pretty boring, but don't blame meee, blame my blank inspiration

I wait for your opinions and see ya at the next oneeee