Chapter 34: From your darkness, I will make light

____

      Do you know how it feels when everything seems more than perfect, and wonder if you're dreaming or not? Those moments when you smile like crazy, just because you're damn happy? Yeah, well, Taehyung feels the same right now.

     With the most beautiful boy on his chest (both at the physical and at the soul), while snoring slowly and seeming to smile weakly, Taehyung really feels what it means to be damn lucky. Last night was the first time he made love, not sex. And he has to admit, it feels a thousand times better. He had countless girls and boys in his bed, but last night he had Jungkook. His Jungkook. And he already knows that he won't want anyone else for the rest of his life.

      "Cutie." the older one whispers, looking softly at his lover, while slowly stroking his rather long hair.

     Even now he doesn't seem to believe that this wonderful boy is his boyfriend. Jungkook, the boy with a little curly and long hair, who makes his face look even more adorable than it already is. That boy with eyes that hide galaxies, eyes so beautiful that they should be kept in a show case. That boy with such a sweet voice that it makes you forget all the problems right away. Which despite the extremely hot body, hides an angel's face and damn cute. But that's not all, this is just about Jungkook's appearance.

     He can't believe even more that such a strong boy is his boyfriend. A boy who has endured so much pain in his life, and yet, tries to mask everything with a fake smile. An angel who, in spite of his dark past, tries his best not to kick away a bright future. A boy whose parents don't want him, but he still loves them damn long. Whose brother died, and he took all the blame. This type of power, both spiritual and mental, is hard to come by.

       "Have you woke up already? " the honey voice of the younger boy distracts Taehyung from his own thoughts, then he smiles instantly when he meets his boyfriend's beautiful gaze.

       "Yes, I wanted to take advantage of the moment and watch how an angel rest on my chest. " Taehyung says and the other one just rolls his eyes, even if he tries not to blush again.

        "So cheesy. At least that's what you can do, after you practically destroyed my ass." Jungkook's sarcastic retort makes the older one to chuckle immediately, and when he tries to kiss him, Jungkook covers his mouth with his right hand.

       "What? I can not kiss you?" the bandanna-boy asks confused, as the younger one just smiles subtly, still with his hand, covering his mouth.

      "Mornin' breath." the younger one comments and now it's Taehyung's turn to roll his eyes.

       "You think I fucking care about that?"  the boy with the bandanna asks then gives away Jungkook's hand, kissing his lips softly. "How could I care about such a banality when I feel like I can't get enough of your lips? " he asks after breaking the kiss, and Jungkook just chuckles weakly.

         "You definitely like stealing remarks from series. " Jungkook mumbles, and the other one just strokes his hair again.

         "How are you feeling now? I'll bring you some painkilers and I'll go buy you some banana milk, just like last time. " Taehyung says in a thoughtful and affectionate tone, and the younger one just feels his heart smile wide.

      Yes, it may still hurt, considering Taehyung's size. But seeing him so attentive and caring, Jungkook feels nothing but happiness and fulfillment. He always said that the first time he would make love to the one he will care about. And even though he lost his virginity when he was drunk, he did it with Taehyung. With the one he loves. And last night was also one of the most wonderful nights for him. 

       "I don't care about the pain, I feel more than just amazing. " Jungkook's sincere answer makes the other one to smile in an instant. "I hope you enjoyed yesterday's gift." he says later and Taehyung's smile turns into a smirk.

       "Which one?" the older one asks, and the younger one just giggles. 

        "I was talking about the painting, you pervert. What we did last night was not a gift, but a wish we shared. " Jungkook explains and the bandanna-boy nods, as he leans closely, to kiss his boyfriend's forehead.

        "Honestly, I really couldn't believe for a moment that it wasn't a picture, but a painting. I knew you were talented, Kook, but what I saw last night made me realize that I didn't know how talented you were! " Taehyung says and the younger one smiles, a little embarrassed. "If I had been in your place, I would have gone to an art university, even if you're just as good at football. " he says later and Jungkook's smile disappears instantly, making the other one to wonder if he said something wrong again.

       "Yeah, well... My older brother really wanted to get here at this university. " the younger boy admits, and Taehyung remains silent for a few moments. 

      And yes, maybe he should wait, but he wants to try to see if he can find out his boyfriend's past, right from him. He already feels bad that he knows what has already happened, from another person. 

       "He... wanted? What happened then?" 

     He can feel Jungkook's heart pounding terribly, and his gaze moves to the ceiling. He thinks that his boyfriend is really trying to tell him about the accident, even if it is more than difficult.

      "He died." the damn deserted and lost voice of his boyfriend makes Taehyung close his eyes for a few moments. "And it was my fault. My... my brother died, because of me, Tae." he then says what has tormented him for years, while Taehyung tries his best to pretend he doesn't know what really happened.

      "I'm sure this is not correct, Kook. You can't hurt anyone. "

      "And still, because of me, my brother died." Jungkook replies in the same cold, flat voice, then sighs, hugging Taehyung weakly. "It was night, I was invited to a party by a friend. One of the guys who first gave me drugs. " he starts, and Taehyung listens carefully, still caressing his hair. "Hoseok, my brother, warned me not to go, but I did not listen. I left even though I didn't have to, despite what he and Yoongi told me. " 

      "Yoongi?" Taehyung pretends to not know again, as the younger one nods instantly. 

       "Yoongi was my brother's boyfriend. That's why he hates me, because he thinks, like everyone else, that I'm the one who killed Hobi. " Jungkook explains, as Taehyung's heart becomes more and more fragile. "But I understand him. I have the same opinion. If I hadn't gone there, if I had listened to him ... he wouldn't have died. "

       "Kook, you can not know for sure." the older one intervenes, and Junkook just smiles bitterly. 

       "I know very well, Tae. Believe me, it was my fault. And I can not say otherwise, even if I want to." the younger one comments, as the takes a deep breath. "Isack, that was the name of the boy who invited me, told me he found some drugs that have more power, but I did not realized it was about the fact that they could kill you. So I agreed to take them, while Hobi and Yoongi found the place where the party was held. " Jungkook says after, and his boyfriend just controls himself. 

     "And what happened after that? " Taehyung insists, knowing that this story should be told in its entirety.

      "Hobi entered the house where the party was, then took me out from there. I didn't know exactly what was going on, because the effects of the drugs were already in my veins. And yet ... I started arguing with him, yelling at him, and after I went out and started running, he came after me and-

       "Kook, easy, love. Try to breath more." the older one intervenes, and the other one nods weakly.

       "After he and Yoongi started running after me, a ... a car passed by and I didn't see it. The car was about to step on me, but my brother saved me, but with a high price." Jungkook says later, as tears trickle down his cheeks. "Tae, the last thing he said to me was 'Don't get lost,' and then he died on the spot. I... I was the one to blame, and I will always be. But do you know what the worst thing is? " he asks after that, as the older one just listens to him sadly. 

       "What, love?"

        "Because of his last words, I didn't have the courage to commit suicide again. I couldn't allow myself to ... get lost. At least that's what I tried, until a few weeks ago, when the blame, it became much too oppressive. " the younger one comments, as his soul screams in pain. "He saw the sky too quickly, Tae. I killed my own brother because of my addiction. And the most annoying thing is that some people feel sorry for me, even though I should have been dead now, but not him. " he continues, and when the older one forces him to look at him, and lifts his chin with his fingers, he remains silent.

       "Love, I can't imagine how much pain you've been hiding in you all this time. And I know you won't believe it if I tell you it wasn't your fault, even though that's the truth. But by no means should you think that you should have died instead back then. Maybe it's sad, but if you do this, you simply show that Hoseok's sacrifice was in vain. Do you know the only way you can thank him for giving his life for you, and how you can make him smile from up there in heaven? "

     Jungkook just looks at him while other tears slowly fall down his cheeks, trying to listen to him. He thought that when the time will come to talk about this, it would be much harder. But he probably didn't know that he would end up loving his roommate so much. Maybe that's why he doesn't seem at all bothered to talk about what happened in his past, even though it's as painful as he thought it would be before.

       "N-no... what way?" the younger one manages to asks, and the bandanna-boy just smiles soflty.

        "The only way to make him happy from where he is now ,is to love yourself, to give up all the dark thoughts that keep trying to reach you, to allow yourself to dream." the bandanna-boy begins, without breaking the eyes contact. "You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened in the past, you have to let yourself to feel, to touch a better reality." he continues, and the younger one just sighs, then wipes away some tears.

       "But it's hard, Tae. It's hard to do that, as long as he's ... he's not around me anymore. It's hard to do that, when the only thought that comes to mind is that I killed him." Jungkook says , and when Taehyung kisses him on both cheeks briefly, he feels his heart lighten a little. 

       "I know, bun. But I am here, and I will help you to find yourself again. I will help you find the beauty of living again. When you will fell, I'll always be there to pick you up. I will be the shoulder to cry on when you feel that everything is too much. And do you know something? "

      "What?" Jungkook asks at his turn, and the older one just looks at him directly into his eyes. 

       "I'll make sure you create a bright future with me on your right. "

     ______

Yeah, a new chapterrrr/ without nothing really unexpected, but pretty important for the plot

I wanted to double-update today, but I was kinda lazy, sorryyy

I hope u liked even a little bit, and see ya soonnn

Also, u can wait for some angsty shit for the next chapters hehe

Question: What is the first word that comes to your mind, when u think about my writing style ?