worry. the main emotion going through luke's mind right now; he didn't know whether or not to keep texting his boyfriend or just leave him be and hope for the best. calum and michael had told him to "figure it out yourself", but he didn't want to have to figure it out. all he wanted was happiness and a perfect relationship. but that usually doesn't happen in any relationship. luke was just lucky to be happy and be in a long distance relationship without anything happening.

well, until now.

now was probably the lowest point in their relationship. if luke was being honest, he'd say that ashton was overreacting. that they should just make up and move on, he was just jokingly flirting. obviously it wasn't a good move on ashton's behalf.

luke was pacing his room, wondering whether to try and facetime call ashton, or just leave it be. he tugged at his hair, tears welling up in his eyes once again.

"why does it have to be the fucking distance?" luke whispered to himself, looking to the ceiling. he decided 'fuck it' and to just try and call ashton.

he chose the contact name and prayed to anything and everything that ashton would answer.

he didn't.

luke tried calling over and over, again and again. but no response.

it was probably the 15th time he called and he was getting his hopes up for this one.

"c'mon, c'mon, c'mon... please..." he begged with tears running down his cheeks.

"hello?" his voice was raspy and he sounded tired. luke let out a loud sob. he wasn't sure if it was a happy or worried one, probably both.

"luke, what's wrong?" ashton asked in confusion.

"y-you wouldn't—and i-i was so worried about you ash, you wouldn't answer." luke cried through the phone.

"luke..." ashton whispered. he didn't want to tell luke what had happened after he stopped replying - he didn't think he'd even be able to tell luke (or anyone). whether it was he didn't work up the courage or he just didn't want to or... other reasons.

"it's... it's okay, luke. i'm... here."

-

+ luke has added ashton to the chat

michael: ash

michael: you're back

ashton: yeah

calum: are you and luke okay..?

ashton: yeah

calum: okay

calum: good

michael: but ashton r u okay?

ashton: why wouldnt i be??

michael: pm me

ashton: okay....

michael and ashton private message

michael: please tell me you didnt do what i think you did

ashton: i'm sorry ok

ashton: i was just really upset ok

michael: ashton i swear

-

"you look sad, talk to me." luke said into the camera, suddenly concerned.

ashton sighed, tears suddenly welling in his eyes at the thought of luke hating him for telling him this. "i can't tell you."

luke gave the boy on the other side of the screen a puzzled look, "what do you mean? you can tell me anything and everything, ash. i trust you, you trust me; that's how it works, right?"

"yeah," ashton nodded. "but..."

"but what?"

"you're gonna hate me, luke." ashton said, biting his nails — a habit he had when nervous. he shook his head, "i can't. i can't tell you because i can't bear the thought of losing you."

"ashton. c'mon, love. you can tell me anything." luke said softly, scared if he spoke any louder it would ruin the the moment.

ashton sighed, "i... i used to.. uh.. self harm..." he whispered.

"ash...."

ashton cried, "it's okay if you hate me, luke."

"i could never hate you, hun. i love you so much and i'm always gonna be there for you. please remember that."

-

[a/n: dialogue is #lit. also go check out my friend, -wxndrless , her story called Don't you dare forget the sun if u wanna!!!

thank you 4 reading and ily]