I watch as the clock on the bedside table eventually shows it's time for Sophie to get up. I had been awake most of the night, intermittently sleeping. It was the same for over the weekend as well. I capitalised on the time, however, and searched for available jobs that I could start soon. I have a shortlist of about five, and will follow up on them this week when I get the chance. Other than not being able to sleep, I was working on keeping Sophie occupied. We went and found a park on Saturday, and yesterday we stayed in the hotel all day and found things to do here. I did notice when things lulled that she came and sought me out, wanting cuddles. I sit up in bed gently, rubbing my eyes. I don't know how I'm going to go through with today. I feel like I'm going to pass out at any minute. At least that way I don't have to face every vision that I get just as I am going to fall asleep. Am I going to be able to drive safely? Should I just blow off school today?

A strong dose of coffee and I'll hopefully feel more awake and able to go through with the day. I slip out of the bed and walk to where the fridge and refreshments are and the blessed coffee. I make myself a strong cup of coffee and gulp it down as soon as it's drinking temperature. I quickly throw some clothes on before I walk back to the bed, as I wait for the coffee to kick in, to wake Sophie up.

I stroke her hair, waking her gently. She mumbles slightly as she wakes.

"Good morning sweetie," I say smiling sleepily. She rubs her eyes, smiling back at me. As I let Sophie wake up more, I go to the suitcase and open it to get some clothes for her. As I'm bending to look in the suitcase, I stagger forward, feeling slightly dizzy. I blink a couple of times as I put a hand out to stop me from falling forward. I straighten up and shake it off, turning to Sophie to ask her what she wants to wear today.

I arrive at the school, surprised I was able to get here in one piece. I had Sophie to keep me awake before I dropped her off, but as soon as I did so I was fighting to keep my eyes open. It seems to be a common occurrence recently. I push the door to the car open and fall out of it. The tiredness seems to be making my body ignore my commands. I stumble towards the entrance to the school, and for the first time I ignore all the stares coming my way. I can understand them. I probably look like a real life zombie - it's what I feel like. I stumble and trip, falling to the floor. My hands burn from the impact and grazing them on the tarmac. I weakly push myself up, swearing quietly under my breath. A hand falls onto my arm, assisting me. Although their intentions are only to help I pull away from them, not liking the feeling I'm getting. I look up and see that Ashton is standing above me. I eventually get to my feet and look down at the damage on my hands. They're red, but have no cuts. I groan, as the stinging intensifies.

"You OK?" he asks. I avoid his concerned gaze and mumble an affirmative. I go to begin walking towards the school again, pressing my hands together to try and ease the sting, my reasoning being the sooner I'm in school the sooner the day ends, but Ashton stops me. He grabs me by the arm spinning me around. He ignores the flinch he undoubtedly sees as he examines my face.

"Are you sure? You look like you're going to collapse any minute." I want to tell him I feel like it, but it will mean I have to tell him I haven't been sleeping and why. He doesn't know about Tanner. I promised myself I wouldn't burden them again, and anyway, would he think I was weak for letting it affect me this much.

"Bambi," he says sharply trying to get my attention back on him. I didn't realise I had zoned out. He furrows his eyebrows. "When was the last time you slept properly?"

I want to laugh at him and say that I probably haven't slept properly for a week.

"Last night," I lie partially. I did sleep, but it was only when my body allowed me to sleep from exhaustion. It didn't last long. I soon woke from a nightmare.

"You slept through without waking last night?" I don't need his pity and concern.

"I'm fine Ashton," I say shortly before turning and continuing into the school. I hear him sigh and follow after me.

"Bambi, stop," he says pulling me to a halt. "Look, I'm only worried because over the past week it looks like you've been running yourself ragged. It's not healthy. You come to school and almost sleepwalk through the day, you flinch at any contact, and it only seems to be getting worse. I just want to help."

"I don't want your help," I mumble not convincing even myself.

"What's happened? This isn't only Terry..."

"It's nothing," I say, turning again, but Ashton holds both my arms forcing me to look at him.

"Why won't you talk to us?"

Because I'm worried that you'll get tired of saving me and my problems, and not want to be my friends any more. I've burdened you all enough already, and if I don't give you anything to solve or save me from then you'll get bored of me, and you and I won't get deeper feelings for each other. I've caused enough problems, and I won't give you another reason to fight over me. I can deal with these things by myself. Being friends is a lot easier. I want to tell him all of that, but I don't. I can't. Instead I go for the vague answer, encompassing everything that I feel.

"Have I not given you enough to worry about?" My answer obviously surprises him.

"We care about you. All we do is want to help, and be there for, you, and the only way we can do that is if you tell us anything that is bothering you. Whatever it may be. It's OK to need help."I feel tears start to rise.

Why are they making it so hard for me? Why can't they just leave already? Why torture me by saying they care about me? No-one cares about me, and if they do they quickly change their minds. Sophie is the only one who has constantly cared about me and been there.

"But you've only known me for a couple of weeks."

"And? You've only known us for a couple of weeks, but already know more about us than anyone else. Doesn't it show that we're not going to leave you?" he points out, as if he could read my mind.

I allow the tears to fall, sobs emitting from my lips. I look around and see that we are alone in the car park, thankfully. The bell must have gone. Why do I always have to cry? I'm sick of having things to cry over. Can't I just be happy? Tiredness never helps. I'm always more emotional when I'm tired. Ashton pulls me closer to him, stroking my back. I bury my face into the crook of his neck.

"I'm so tired," I admit.

"I'm just going to text the guys to let them know that you're not going to be in," he says as he shifts to reach into his pocket for his phone.

"What?" I ask pulling back, with a hiccup.

"You need to sleep." I want to argue with him, but my body agrees with him.

"OK," I mumble.

"I'll take you back to the Hotel..."

"No!" I interrupt. I don't want to be at the hotel alone during the day. If Tanner thinks I'm in school he might try and enter the room again. What's to stop him from trying when I'm there? He's crazy enough.

"Wh-" he starts, but thinks better of it. "OK, well... hang on," he says as his phone starts to ring.

"Hey Trys," he greets. Isn't Trystan in class? Ashton is silent for a moment before he continues. "I don't know, I think she's not been sleeping... I was going to, but she doesn't want to go there... I don't know, I was going to take her back to mine, but my parents have friends over, and it won't be... oh, OK, are you sure? ... Thanks, when are your parents going to be out 'til? ... OK, great, we'll meet there after school? ... yeah, I'll let the others know when I get back to school... alright, see you later." He hangs up the phone, and I wipe the tears away from my eyes. "Ryder's and Trystan's parents have them out of school all day, and their condo is free so they say that you can sleep there."

"Their parents don't mind?" I ask.

"No, they're not going to be home until late anyway. They've got a meal, so Trystan and Ryder will be free all evening."

"OK." Too tired to do anything else, I dutifully follow Ashton to his car.

The next thing I am aware of is being put down on a soft surface. I blink a couple of times, surprised that I was asleep, and see Ashton above the bed.

"I'll be back with the guys after school, don't worry about Sophie, she'll be picked up from day care."

I nod and close my eyes again, but Terry's face assaults my thoughts. I cry. Why can't these thoughts just leave me alone? Ashton rushes back to my side.

"What's wrong?" he asks, kneeling beside the bed.

"Don't leave me," I mumble sleepily. There's a pause and then he answers.

"OK, I won't," he promises. I hold onto his arm as a sort of comfort blanket, and close my eyes again, this time with no visions of Terry.

I wake what only feels moments later, not from a nightmare thankfully, but from Ashton trying to pull his arm out of where I am still clutching it with mine. I must have made a noise because he comforts me.

"Bambi, it's ok, I'm not leaving... just trying to get into a more comfortable position."

"I'm sorry," I mutter.

"What for?"

"I should have been open with you about everything that has happened, and for keeping you from school."

"It's ok. There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he says. I feel, rather than see him shift so he's looking directly at me. He runs his fingers through my hair. "Go back to sleep."

I roll over, safe in the knowledge that Ashton is here with me, and will protect me from anything that may happen. I promptly fall back asleep.

When I wake up next, Ashton has been replaced by Colton. He's sat exactly where Ashton was, on the floor. His legs are bent and he's staring off at the wall opposite him. He looks tired and still not back to his full self. I sit up, causing Colton's head to snap to me.

"Morning," he jokes.

"What?! I slept through to Tuesday?" I ask, ready to spring out of bed and to action.

"Woah," Colton says, a grin transforming his face to something more similar to his normal one. He puts his hands out to stop me. I stop my journey out of the bed. "It's only 8pm." My shock lessens, but doesn't disappear. I can't believe that I slept nearly 12 hours and not once woke from a nightmare.

Still half asleep, confusion and worry takes over as I forget about Ashton saying that he would make sure Sophie was OK.

"Sophie..."

"Is downstairs and fine. Storm's mom went to pick her up and looked after her while school finished."

What would have Sophie thought when Storm's mum went to pick her up, instead of me? Would she have been comfortable? I know that she has said that she wanted to see her again, instead of my own mum, but what did she tell her about where I was?

"You feeling better? Ashton said that you fell asleep as soon as you got into the car..."

"I'm fine." I mumble. "How are you? Are you feeling better?" I ask, pushing the covers off me.

"Bambi..." he starts. He pauses as if calculating how best to put something before continuing. "Are you really?"

I pause. I hadn't really thought about the answer, it was more like a default response whenever someone asked me how I was. I learnt to hide what I really felt and push it down. I guess someone hadn't cared enough in the past to see that I wasn't and challenge it, so I never said anything other than "I'm fine" to them. No one ever seemed like they wanted to help.

"I will be..."

"That's not the same. How are you right now?"

I pick at the covers on the bed, lifting the material, focusing on that rather than Colton.

"Worried about you..." I say, going with the less complicated thing first. Colton chuckles, and shakes his head.

"I'm OK. It was only a 24 hour thing like suspected."

"You look tired..." He stares at me, his mouth open as if in disbelief and awe.

"You're putting everyone else before you, even after you're practically collapsing with exhaustion?" he says, the awe reflecting in his tone.

I don't know how to respond to his statement (or was it a question?), so I decide to change the subject.

"Are all the others here?"

He shakes his previous thoughts off, and clears his throat.

"Uh yeah. They've been worried about you." I go to tell him I'm fine, and they needn't worry, however I catch myself.

"Can you give me a minute? I'll be down in a moment."

"Yeah, sure," he says with a smile. I watch as he leaves, before falling back onto the bed, my hands going up to cover my eyes. Why are they so thoughtful? It's making my job so much harder. How can I distance myself from them if I don't want to? I snort in laughter at the thought. I sit up and get out of the bed, turning back to the covers to make the bed. It's the least I can do. As I pull the covers up the bed, I see my phone lying on the bed. It must have fallen out while I was asleep. I pick it up, checking the screen to see whether I was contacted while I was out.

The only thing I see is a message from a number I don't recognise. The preview of the message has my blood running cold. I quickly open it to read the full message:

"Tanner won't get anywhere near you, we promise. Jesse is trying to turn the cameras off, so you won't have to worry about that." Aw how sweet, they think they'll be able to keep me away. "Please don't hesitate to come to us if you need anything. We will not take it as you asking to be friends again. I, and all of us, would do anything for you." Are we having trouble in paradise? I bet they say that to all of the girls.

I let the phone fall from my fingers, watching as it bounces on the bed and hits the floor with a loud clatter. I bend to pick it up, not wanting to have broken it. The guys spent money on this for me, and if I break it not only will I feel bad for wasting their money, I won't be able to afford another. Luckily, the screen is still intact and the phone works. I hover over the delete button, however I decide against it.

It just proves my worst nightmares are true – Tanner has the letter the boys gave me, including the drawing from Brody. All the feelings I felt when I found it missing come rushing back, but I don't allow any tears to escape. I've cried too many times.

I take a couple of deep breaths. There's a knock on the door, before it starts to slowly open.

"Is it OK to come in?" Colton asks. I lock the phone quickly, and shove it into my pocket.

"Yeah," I call, my voice catching in my throat. I cough, trying to get rid of the lump, not wanting to tell Cotlon and the others that I lost their letter. I already feel bad about it; I don't want them to be upset about it too, it will make it even worse for me. Saying it aloud, as well, makes it all the more real.

"You alright?" he asks as he comes in. "We heard something fall."

"My phone fell off the bed as I was making it," I respond, ignoring his question about me, I would only reply with an "I'm fine" and he would see through that.

"OK," he says. I finish making the bed, and then walk towards the door and him with a smile. I have to strain slightly to keep it there, as I'm nervous at what's going to happen next. They're going to ask why I haven't been sleeping. What/how much am I going to tell them?

Here you go guys! I am so sorry that it has been such a long time. I have been feeling a bit uninspired recently. It means that I haven't been writing as much, however it doesn't mean that I haven't been doing anything, if anything I've been doing more important stuff (like admin - getting ideas onto paper (or screen in my case) and planning ahead in the story). I have also been writing when I get a short spurt of inspiration, so this part has been in the works for a while. I am not going to promise that parts are going to be more regular now, just in case things happen which means they can't be, however now I am feeling a lot more inspired, the hope is that I will have a more regular schedule of updates. I have really missed uploading and writing (even though I didn't have the inspiration to do so), so I'm glad that I am now able to do so.

I hope you liked it!

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