It was strange that Lyra's Hogwarts days were basically over. She had just finished her last N.E.W.T.-exam (which was in Transfiguration, so she thought either her or James would best in it) and it was a pretty bitter feeling. 

Because Hogwarts being gone meant so many memories and chances and hopes that she had mostly given up on. She knew her choices had been made, but there was always some sort of hope within her that someone would change them for her. She knew that the moment she walked out of those doors for the last time, it wouldn't ever happen. 

Lucinda was just complaining about the exams. She was always living in the moment, never thinking about the future more than necessary. Lyra really admired and envied her for that, she wished she could stop overthinking. 

"Professor Sprout was such a hardass," the brunette said at dinner, glaring towards the professors' table. "I mean, just because I fainted doesn't mean I don't know Herbology. It's not my fault the earmuffs she gave me didn't protect me from the mandrakes! I'm glad I don't have Transfiguration anymore, though. McGonagall always gave me such horrible marks."

"Transfiguration isn't bad!" Lyra denied, raising her eyebrows at her. Though she knew her friend hadn't always been the best at it. Sometimes, Lyra would do Lucinda's Transfiguration homework if Lucinda did Lyra's Herbology. "I just had my N.E.W.T.-exam in it and I think it was fine."

Lucinda glared at her, though she knew she wasn't actually angry. She was just annoyed at the world because she could exactly go and yell at Professor Sprout. "You only feel like that because you're some sort of Transfiguration genius."

The blonde laughed slightly, but it didn't reach her eyes. Because she truthfully was a bit of a Transfiguration genius, and quite good at several other subjects. But she knew that all her talents and all her hard work would be wasted. 

She was going to be a housewife. Lucius had said it would be absolutely necessary if she wanted to stay out of the Dark Lord's sight. So none of it mattered. It never really had. She didn't have to graduate when she thought about. If she had gone home months ago, nothing in her life would change. 

Lucinda sighed and rested her forehead in her hands as she stuffed a piece of bread in her face. "I really hope I did alright though. If all goes well, then maybe I can actually become a healer like I've always dreamed of."

Lyra smiled softly at her, thinking about how sad it would be not to see her every day. It was also sad that Lucinda, the least ambitious Slytherin she knew, was going to have a brighter future than Lyra, who had been extremely ambitious for years. "I have the utmost faith in you. You're smarter than you think."

Lucinda smiled widely, obviously thankful for the words as she grabbed some meat to put on her plate, obviously hungry after a stressful day. As she turned her attention away, a piece of parchment flew towards the Slytherin table, right in front of Lyra's plate. She frowned, but read it.

Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at midnight. Come alone. It's important. - James

The blonde furrowed her brows in confusion. She looked up towards the Gryffindor table to find him looking at her, trying to act cool, like he didn't care about her. But even from far away, she could see the love in his eyes that he had been trying to hide. 

As he raised an eyebrow at her, she considered her options. If she went, she was scared that she couldn't stay away. It would be the first time they were alone together since the night they broke up. She didn't think she could control herself.

But he said it was important. Maybe he knew something that could help her in her future, or would tell her that something she was doing was more dangerous than she thought. And she did want to see him. Just him taking imitative like that was enough to make her weak in the knees. Merlin, she missed him.

She gave him a quick nod, telling him that she would be there. She had hoped for him to smile, or even seem happy in the slightest that she had agreed. Instead, he only looked away and wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder.

Lyra couldn't watch it anymore. She had already spent months watching them together, and it took all she had not to stare wistfully for hours on end. It was easier to look away. She knew she didn't have a right to be sad. She had made her bed, she had to lie in it. 

Lucinda hadn't noticed the interaction between the two exes, so only looked hesitantly at the blonde next to her. "So, Lyra... You haven't happened to have heard anything from Rabastan lately, have you?"

"No, I haven't. It's been almost a year now actually," Lyra realized, a bit surprised. It didn't feel like so long, he always seemed to be hanging over her in one way or another. Probably because she connected him with the Death Eaters, who had been on her mind a lot. 

Regulus finally walked into the dinner, though a bit late. He searched the table for either Lyra or Lucinda, since he knew those two always sat together. When he saw them, he grinned and walked towards them. "Lyra? How'd the exam go?"

"I aced it," she said smugly, though trying not to. 

Regulus grinned proudly at her, but also had another question to ask, one she'd rather he didn't. "Have you talked to Lucius yet about what you're going to be doing once school ends? Should probably start figuring it out."

Lyra knew pretty much what was going to happen. They had agreed on it, after all. She'd be living her life in silence, staying inside his cold, empty manor taking care of some future spoiled children. "I expect my parents are taking care of that."

"You should have have a bit of a say," frowned Regulus. It was strange, to see his usually ambitious and driven favorite cousin sit there and not take control of her future. That wasn't the Lyra he knew and loved. 

"Honestly, I don't really care anymore," she said, not even attempting to sending him a reassuring smile, telling her she was alright. Because, honestly, she wasn't. His frowned deepened, but he let it go for now.

Lucinda squealed and gushed, not noticing the somber mood. "I still can't believe you're actually marrying Lucius Malfoy. He's one of the eligible bachelors that have graced the halls of Hogwarts in the last ten years. You're unbelievably lucky."

"Yeah, I know," Lyra finally faked a bit of a smile. But she still found herself glancing at James, who laughed loudly at something Lily was saying before kissing her sweetly. The same way he used to kiss her.

 It was almost like he knew she was watching, but she knew he didn't want to hurt her. That wasn't the kind of guy he was, even if sometimes it felt like it, only because she got hurt either way. But how could he know? As far as he knew, she had never loved him. She couldn't blame him for her pain. 

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Lyra had been scared to walk onto the Astronomy Tower, where she knew James was waiting. It was like that whenever they would meet when their relationship was a secret. He'd always show five minutes before so she wouldn't  have to wait. She adored that about him.

But she went anyway. Once she walked out into the warm night air, he had been leaning over the railing, watching the stars thoughtfully. When he heard her footprints, he turned around his face void of emotion.  "You came."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" she asked. It was strange to see him like that, like he didn't want her to see what was going on in his mind. It was like he was the man she loved and a stranger wrapped into one. 

He nodded slightly, surprising her. She had said she would come, and so she thought it was obvious she would stick to her word. But she supposed he didn't really trust her anymore. She didn't blame him. "A part of me hoped so."

She raised an eyebrow though, trying not to show her hurt. He was supposed to think that she didn't care what he said or thought, so she needed to act like it. "And the other part?"

"The other part wouldn't be able to handle it if you hadn't," he admitted quietly, looking into her eyes in the sincere way that he hadn't since right after Christmas, since right before she broke his heart.

She looked away awkwardly at this, his first admittance of still having feelings for her, at least a bit. She didn't really want to talk about that. "Why did you ask me to come here? What's so important?"

James looked away thoughtfully, mindlessly messing up his hair like he always did. "February 14th, 1977. I found you here alone, jealous out of your mind, and in the end you wound up kissing me."

Lyra was starting to regret coming. Because he looked so extremely handsome and sweet in the moonlight, reminding her greatly of that very night. "You can't have called me here to walk down memory lane."

"It feels like a long time ago," the bespectacled boy commented.

She allowed herself to look into his eyes again, though with a strange sadness. It was the first time he had gotten to see through her walls in ages. He felt it was a bit of a win. "It was a long time ago."

"Not long enough," he sighed, adjusting his crooked glasses. "Why can't I forget you? Why do I find myself glancing at you in class, hoping you'll look back? Why does my heart break a little bit more every time you don't?"

It broke her heart to know how much she had hurt him. Part of her wanted to grab him and pull him into her arms, to apologize and say she still loved him. But she knew she couldn't, for his own safety. "James, don't do this."

He smiled bitterly at her reaction. He had a feeling she wasn't going to be up for discussing this. They hadn't really talked in months, which was strange as they used to talk for hours on end every single day. "I know I shouldn't have asked you to come here tonight."

"And yet you did," Lyra stated coolly, trying to seem aloof. 

"I didn't have the strength not to anymore," James admitted, looking away into the distance. It almost looked a bit dramatic. "My life's about to change, you have no idea. Suddenly, the world is going to be much more dangerous for me."

She stiffened up, not wanting to hear anything about him being in danger. If he was going to put himself into danger, then everything she did would be for nothing. "What are you talking about? You're not doing anything stupid, are you?"

"You know me, love." Him calling her that made her long for him, and their simpler times together, even more. She hadn't known it was even possible. "When haven't I done something stupid?"

She shook her thoughts of the past away, thinking only of the future. She wasn't going to allow him to be hurt, not when she had worked so hard to make sure of it. "I'm begging you, James. Don't put yourself in unnecessary danger."

"Why do you care?" he asked curiously. He didn't really understand what had happened between them. Sometimes he thought she had been telling the truth, that she didn't love him. Sometimes he wondered if she was lying, like Sirius and Remus seemed to think. 

"I don't know," the blonde said lamely, anxiously running her hands through her hair and refusing to meet his gaze. She didn't want him to see the pure concern behind them. "Just, don't, please."

"You don't get to say what I can or can't do anymore," James reminded her, to which she winced slightly. It was true, she had been the one to break up with him. He had a new girlfriend now. She couldn't expect a thing from him.

She didn't really need the reminder, though. She had cried herself to sleep for months because she knew they were over and he had found someone else. "Then why am I here? You still haven't answered that."

She didn't really understand why, but he grinned. That stupid, crooked troublemaker grin she had fallen so deeply in love with as he allowed himself to look at her with that shine in his eyes without even trying to hide it. "Because it's not over."

"Yes, it is," she spoke softly.

"Not yet," he disagreed. "We're leaving Hogwarts for the last time in a few short weeks, and this place is all I have left of you. And even though you weirdly claim to never have loved me, I have always loved you. And I know that the moment we leave the Hogwarts Express, you're lost to me forever."

He walked closer, and Lyra could feel his breath on her face. She looked up at him, trying desperately not to cry. She wanted nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him again as all that time trying to force him out of her mind disappeared. Yet, she still said: "I'm already gone, James."

"Yet you're right here." He looked down at her smiling bitterly. In that moment, he didn't see the girl who had broken his heart into a million little pieces anymore. He saw the girl had fallen for at fifteen, who he had refused to give up on and for good reason. It had been worth it, for a while at least. 

And once he no longer saw the heartbreaker she had become, all the pain she had caused him disappeared. He could only drink in the feeling of the intoxication his love for Lyra Black had given him. 

James knew he shouldn't have done it. He had a girlfriend after all, and Lyra was engaged for Merlin's sake. Of all the people in the world, they were the last ones who should be so close. But they loved each other. Nothing could stop that. 

It came so naturally, the way it had once did. He leaned down and she found herself raising herself on her tip-toes subconsciously. Then their lips met, exploding into a million fireworks as their hearts beat so quickly they felt they were going to fall out of their chests. 

His hand moved to her waist, because it was just how they had always done it. It was almost terrifying how quickly they had fallen into old habits, their kisses feeling exactly like they had before they ended things. 

Then she pulled away, breathing heavily with wide eyes. She looked like she had just made the mistake of her life, which is sort of what it felt like. She had loved the kiss, of course. She had missed his touch so much that it almost hurt to feel it again. 

She grabbed the hand that was put on her waist and threw it off, though she quickly missed the feeling of it. She had to force herself to seem angry so she wouldn't show her sadness. "No, no, I can't do this. I can't be with you like that. And don't you dare call me selfish for this, because you have no idea what I'm going through."

"I'm not- what's-?" James spluttered, confused as to what was happening. He hadn't planned to kiss her, but it just happened and she had kissed back but now she seemed ready to hex him for it. 

"You're not going to do this to me again, make me feel like this." Her breathing was only getting heavier, like it was getting harder to gain control of her emotions. It was, to be fair. She knew exactly what she was feeling, but she knew she couldn't let him know that. 

James narrowed his eyes, seeming to have caught her in her lie for a moment, something he had been hoping he could do that night, to get some sort of closure. "I thought you didn't feel anything."

This only made her act angrier, because he couldn't know. She turned around and faced him, pointing her finger at him. "Don't twist my words like that, don't you dare! You have Evans and I have Lucius."

"You're not going to marry him," he said.

"Yes, I am!"

"You may claim that I don't, but I know you, love," he stated. "You don't want this, so I don't understand that why you're doing it. You know that he could never love you like I did. Like I do. Why do you do this to yourself and to me when we both are clearly in love with each other? You know I love you more than he does. I always will."

"You don't have to understand," Lyra exclaimed, raising her chin to seem proud and haughty.  "I don't need you to understand, I need you to leave me be. I need to marry Lucius and I need you to keep out of trouble."

"That's the thing that doesn't make sense," James smiled sarcastically, tapping his head a few times to signalize how he simply didn't understand her and what she meant. "Why do you care if you don't love me?"

She didn't really know how to answer that. Because for her it was obvious that she did everything she did because she loved him. He couldn't know that. "Because no matter how I feel about you, you deserve better than to be just another casualty of war."

His face fell slightly, looking sad that she had come up with a new explanation. She always seemed able to come up with something out of the blue and ruin every argument he had. He supposed it was a Slytherin thing. "And so do you."

"I know. That's why I'm taking precautions, and so should you." It was so hard to say the next words, but forced them out. "You need to keep Evans safe, she's muggleborn and you're all she has to protect her in this world. Don't throw that away for me."

James wanted to. He so desperately wanted to throw everything away for her. But he was tired, and he couldn't fight anymore. He had been fighting for so long and he couldn't do it anymore when she wouldn't fight back. "Then I won't."

It was official for her then, too. It was like those simple words were him saying that he was going to give up on her for good, because that's what he thought she wanted. It was so far from it, but she needed it desperately.  

"Good," she said quietly, though her voice broke against her will. It was then he noticed that tears were shining through her eyes, begging to fall. He opened his mouth to speak, to ask what was going on. But she didn't give him a chance as she rushed away from James standing in the Astronomy Tower for the last time. 

And suddenly, they were strangers once again.

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A/N: Three updates in one day? I'm on fire, y'all.