There was a strange sort of confidence given to Lyra over the past few weeks. Ever since that one patrol after Easter break, there had been a shift in tone. She had seemed so dull, so disheartened when she had come back to school. But one night with Remus had changed it all. 

Of course, she still had her doubts. It was hard not to. While she now felt more confident in her choices, in her ability to be who she wanted no matter what she had done, it didn't mean she hadn't done anything wrong. 

But seeing that Hippogriff flying through the air in a cloud of white, reminding her of the light that could shine through all of the darkness, told her all she needed to know. Having contributed to darkness doesn't mean one can't be good. 

All Lyra had wanted was to be good. Of course, the definition of good had changed throughout her life. The once so-obvious truth of muggles, muggleborns and half-breeds being the filth of the earth that would hurt them all if given the chance was no longer her reality. 

Her reality was that a so-called half-breed was now her best friend, the only person in the world she had talked to about her deepest doubts. Well, she hadn't given much detail, but they had been mentioned. 

And those who were blood traitors were supposed to be her greatest enemies, those who had betrayed them. But now her cousin, one of her favorite people in the world, was considered one of the greatest blood traitors of their time. And yet she loved Sirius Black with every fiber of her being and couldn't imagine a world where she didn't.

Even Peter Pettigrew, a half-blood, had wiggled his way into being a part of her life. She wasn't as close to him as she was with his closest friends, but he was a sweet boy. Once he had gotten over both his fear of and crush on her, he had become more comfortable around her. And she around him, even though he did grow up closer to the muggle world than she did. 

Those three had all become her friends (although Sirius had always been a friend, as well as family), even if they were each a different type of person that she had been raised to loathe. Lyra thought that if she managed to put all her doubts to side for them, there had to be hope for her. They seemed to all have hope for her. 

But there was one person who was a little different. Another so-called blood-traitor, a Gryffindor, an arrogant twat most of the time as well. Someone she should want to stay as far away from as possible. 

But there was something about James Potter that had drawn her in. At first she had believed that the only reason she found herself thinking about him when she shouldn't was because he had shown her attention. Lyra wasn't deprived of attention, but it was a new kind, from a new kind of person. She couldn't help but enjoy it. 

He was so genuinely good, as well. He hadn't always acted like it, but she had seen him grown into it. One would have thought that being around someone who had such light within him would make her feel darker. But that wasn't the case. 

James had the ability to make you feel like a better person just by being in his presence. Because if he saw something in Lyra that was worth fancying, then she would have to look within her and see that at least a small part of her was worth it. He made her want to believe in herself, and that inspired her greatly. 

Because he didn't spend his days thinking about Death Eaters, the Dark Lord and all the horrors of the war in the outside world. He might have, but he didn't show it. He knew people around him were all scared, and he didn't want to add to that. 

So he joked and he laughed and brought happiness to those around him. And Merlin knew that Lyra needed some happiness. She was a bit of a worrier, and she had had too much to worry about in these past few years. 

Even the simple things about him made her happy. The way his glasses were always crooked, the way he messed up his hair at least once every ten minutes, the lopsided troublemaker grin always on his face. But especially, the look in his eyes when he gazed upon her. That was one of her favorites. 

Lyra was never happier or more at peace than when she felt relaxed and safe, which happened to be the exact feelings James brought to her. He didn't even try, it was just his natural vibe striking again. 

That's why it felt good to do some normal, quiet things. Such as lying in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory, cramped together in James's bed as they prepared for a simple, lazy Saturday in bed together. 

Neither of them had gotten much sleep the last night, and neither did the other boys. All of them sat up all night, listening to James ramble on about Quidditch strategies, as it was his job as team captain. 

Usually, Lyra couldn't have cared less about how Ravenclaw had beat Hufflepuff in the last match, or that Gryffindor had to beat Ravenclaw by at least 200 points to win the Quidditch Cup. But as the other boys groaned in annoyance, she watched in interest. She didn't listen, but she watched. There was something so attractive about his passion about the sport, even if the sport was so dumb. 

So when Sirius, Remus and Peter all decided to go to breakfast, Lyra and James saw a prime opportunity to get some alone time that wasn't in a broom closet or in an empty classroom. It was way more comfortable to snog in a bed, even if it wasn't meant for two people. She was thankful she was small. 

But as much as the pair liked to snog, they were also big fans of talking about things. They enjoyed each other's company so much, and they wouldn't have started fancying each other if they didn't enjoy talking. Even if the snogging wasn't bad, either. 

"So, Sirius got the brilliant idea of trying to use magic to speeden the process along," James continued one of his stories as she listened in interest. "But, of course, he's a bit of an idiot so things didn't work out as planned."

Lyra winced as she got an image of a possible scenario for the end of this story. The only who could really make sense. "Please tell me he didn't explode the kitchen."

James leaned his head back further on his pillow, his eyes shining as he looked at her. He didn't think she had ever been more beautiful than when she was lying in his bed wearing his t-shirt. "Oh yes, he did."

The blonde girl giggled. She couldn't believe that James's parents thought it was a good idea to leave those two alone in their house, forcing them to make their own dinner. "Wait, when did this happen, exactly?"

"Easter break," he answered hesitantly, knowing it would be even more embarrassing. They were seventeen, they were supposed to be better at magic then making their kitchen explode to finish a pot roast.

This just made her laugh even more, even closing her eyes because she couldn't keep her snorts contained. James smiled at this, thinking her laugh was the prettiest one he had ever heard. He couldn't stop looking at her, thinking she should never stop smiling.  

After a few seconds, her laughs had finally become small giggles, which were much easier to contain. As she noticed his staring (which was a bit adorable), she smiled softly and stared right back. 

Lyra hadn't noticed how pretty his eyes were. It had something to do with the sun shining through the window, hitting those hazel eyes so beautifully, making them look like pure gold. Which was ironic, as she considered him as good as gold. 

Now that they had finally gone silent, Lyra thought that it could finally be time to bring up something she had been itching to say. She had been waiting for this day for quite a while. "You know... it's May 14th today."

He knew exactly where she was going with this, so he allowed a small smirk to cross his face. "I know."

"So, do you know what that means?" Lyra asked coyly. If the look on his face told her anything, it meant that he must have thought about this day the same way she did, and it was a bit of an important day in their not-really relationship. 

James hummed for a moment, pretending that he was trying to remember, but she slapped his chest to make him talk. "That it's been exactly three months since you gave into your hormonal urges and finally kissed me?"

 The Slytherin blushed bright red, matching the covers on his bed. It wasn't the way she had thought about it, especially not with the words hormonal urges involved. "Well, I wasn't going to say it like that." 

"But it's the truth, isn't it?" he teased, enjoying the way he could still make her blush immensely. 

"Shut up!" Lyra wasn't actually angry or annoyed by his teasing, which she only found to be a bit of fun. That didn't stop her from reaching out and pushing at his chest, which lead to him falling off the bed. She had forgotten how small the bed was for a moment. 

Her eyes widened as she realized what she had done, reaching up to cover her mouth to cover up her giggles in case he got mad. She should have known that wasn't James's style as he burst into a fit of laughter, which made her feel like she didn't have to stop herself from joining in. 

James pulled himself up into a sitting position, though still on the floor. Lyra leaned over to lay on her stomach, so she took up the whole bed to get closer to him. "Godric, I didn't mean to do that. Sorry!"

"Oh, that just won't do, love," James shook his head, pretending to be disappointed in her. That same old troublemaker smile gave him away, though. "I'm going to need a much better apology than that."

"Oh, then you'll get one." She was thankful that she had moved closer to him, because he only needed to lean towards her a little bit for her to easily be able to put her hand on his cheek and kiss him sweetly. 

Once the kiss had ended, he smiled like an idiot. But as much as he liked kissing her while on the floor, his bed was more comfortable, so he lifted her to move her to a position where he could lay down next to her again, making her giggle. "I like when you laugh. I feel like you don't do it enough."

It didn't matter that it had been three months since she realized she had feelings for him. He still never failed to make her blush with his compliments. "Well, I have to laugh whenever I'm with you because you're always so stupid."

James gasped, pretending to be offended by her playful insult. He couldn't deny he could be a bit stupid, but at least he had fun while doing it. "Watch it or I'll push you off the bed, too. I just won't pretend it was an accident."

Lyra pursed her lips, looking at him doubtfully. "You're not going to do that."

"How do you know?" he asked. In challenge, he raised his eyebrows. 

"Because I do this." While he way he looked at her and talked to her always brought her to her knees, she had a few tricks up her sleeve, as well. Therefore, she once again put her hand on his cheek and reached out to kiss him softly, and then she knew she had proved her point.

When she pulled away from him, he looked at her differently. It was as though this particular kiss and all the circumstances surrounding it had put him in a trance, hypnotizing him so he couldn't look away. 

Lyra frowned a bit in confusion, wondering why he was acting so differently. She sat up, leaning against the bed post, but he kept his gaze on her. And he looked at her like every girl spent their childhoods dreaming of being looked at. Lyra was no exception.  

And then he said it. "I love you."

She froze as the words left his lip, as though without any difficulty. She hadn't ever heard somebody say they loved her in such a natural way. Nevertheless, she hadn't expected for him to say those words.

James couldn't help but be deflated as she didn't respond, only staring at him strangely. It was almost as if he had told her he was moving to the moon to start raising wolf cubs instead of telling her he loved her. "Lyra, did you hear me?"

"I heard you," she answered shortly. She raised her hand to her forehead, trying to steady her breathing as she tried to make sense of the situation. "But I don't understand why you would say something like that. Please stop."

Jame  s was even more confused at this point, wondering why she was hissing at him just for saying some simple words, the kind of words all girls hoped to hear from the boys they fancied. "Why? Why are you so angry?"

Lyra watched as he sat up as well, so he was now at eye-level with her, making the whole thing seem more confrontational as she answered him. "Because you can't say these types of things to people when you're not together!"

"You pretty much called today our three month anniversary. Just five minutes ago!" he scoffed, disbelievingly. "Why can't you just admit that you want to be with me? It's been three bloody months!"

The Slytherin prefect didn't want to answer this, she wanted to forget that this conversation had ever happened so they could go back to how things were. "Why do you care so much? It shouldn't even matter."

"I just told you," he sighed, wondering why she had to be so difficult. He thought he had made it pretty obvious why he'd want to be her boyfriend, to be in an actual relationship. "Because I love you!" 

She refused to meet his eye, shuffling as far away from him as she could on their small bed. The whole situation was just making her uncomfortable, making things too serious too fast for her taste. "No, you don't! Stop saying that." 

"No. I love you, I love you, I love you!" James repeated, watching as her glare became more heated ever time he said those three words. He refused to give up, making it more obvious that he truly meant what he was saying. 

"Shut up!" Lyra yelled, although it sounded more like she was pleading than she was angry.  "You haven't cared for the last three months about what we call ourselves, you haven't loved me then." 

"Of course I loved you then," he said, wondering how she could be so ignorant not to notice. Everyone had notcied. "But I'm sick of this. It's like I'm yours but you're not mine. I have to share you with Lestrange and-" 

The blonde scoffed, rolling her eyes as she cut him off in the middle of his sentence. The last thing she wanted to discuss was Rabastan after everything that had happened in that friendship. "Is this about Rabastan? Because there really is nothing there!" 

The Gryffindor shook his head, thinking back to all those moments that had made him feel insecure about her. "It's not just about that git. You won't open up to me! You'll talk to Remus, and say you love him. But not me. It's like I'm the least important person in your life." 

Lyra hadn't ever noticed his jealousy before. But when she thought back on it, there were signs, all the time. But she didn't want him to feel this way, because she knew how much she cared about him, even if he didn't. "You know that's not true." 

"That's the problem, I don't know that. Lyra, I'm in love with you," he said honestly, as if he was in pain. "But I can't sit passively and pretend that I don't anymore. I want to be with you, I want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to say you love me back!" 

"I can't!" she exclaimed, pushing her feet off the bed so she was now sitting only on the edge of the bed. She was no longer facing him, afraid to see his reaction. She truly didn't want to hurt him, but she just couldn't say it. 

But she could hear the cold tone in his voice. It was one she hadn't heard since the days she wasn't talking to Remus, and before that, the days he claimed to have hated her. "Well, then I can't either."

Lyra sniffled, closing her eyes as she felt like crying. She knew exactly what this sounded like. As if it was some kind of break up, only that they weren't together. And she knew it was her fault for not being able to say it, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. 

"Please, James," she pleaded, turning to look at him, finding him stone-faced. "Just take all these things back and we can go back to how things were five minutes. We can pretend like nothing happened."

He couldn't agree. If there was one thing he had no promised himself, it was that he wouldn't ignore how he felt about her, and he didn't want to keep it from her. "I won't lie and say I'm not in love with you."

That's when she realized there was no argument left. And she couldn't force herself to tell him that she loved him, even if she could try. She opened her mouth, wanting the words to come, but all that came out was: "Fine." 

Lyra hurried up from the bed, grabbing her dress that was thrown casually over a lounge chair. She pulled off his t-shirt from her body and instead put her own clothes on, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as she did so. 

James didn't say anything as he watched her walk out of the dorms, and away from his life. Part of him just wanted to go back to pretending, because he did truly want her. Three months ago he would take whatever he could get. But now he had gotten a taste and he wanted more, and he wouldn't settle for less. 

Because James Potter loved Lyra Black, even if she couldn't love him back. 

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A/N: I know some of you may be hating Lyra right now, with the whole Easter situation and now everything that happened here. But I just hope you guys aren't too angry because my baby's really trying, but she's really worried about what would happen to both herself and James if they were in a proper relationship that people would disapprove of, especially when the people around her can be so incredibly judgy and violent with their judgement.