October

Everything just stopped.  

Not a word from Kuroo in weeks and weeks. At first, I just assumed he was busy because exams were coming up and so were some serious games. However, after the third week of ignorance, it was pretty apparent he wasn't interested anymore. 

The worst part was, I couldn't tell anybody. The only person that knew I was on a date was Tobio, and it's not as if he wanted to spread that to anybody. I was planning on telling Hitoka and Kiyoko, but as the days went on, I felt like I wanted to keep it a secret.

I knew I shouldn't have put my faith in the one person because ultimately, I knew in the back of my brain that the only person I could rely on for my happiness was myself. That's the main lesson I learned from dating Oikawa. Even so, it didn't make me feel any less shit. 

The girls had kind of noticed that I was being off, but they just chalked it up to what I'd told them back at the training camp, about the people who would harass me online. That kind of came to a halt too, which I was grateful for. I didn't really feel like telling them the real reason, feeling like it was kind of pathetic to be so into somebody who clearly didn't feel the same way. I assumed he probably was a commitment-phobe and tried to disappear before anything serious happened. I went through a wave of emotions, feeling sad, lonely, to then feeling betrayed, angry, annoyed. 

The Inter-high tournament was approaching, as were some important exams. I executively decided that I didn't have time to worry about a boy who wasn't worrying about me and ultimately decided to keep the situation to myself.

---

"Hinata, you'll be fine. You guys are strong, you've got this," I said in a sweet voice, attempting to comfort Hinata who was about to blow chunks at any second. 

"I-I think I'll just go to the bathroom," he said and walked away with shaky legs.

"He's something else," Sugawara laughed, watching him walk away.

"You're not nervous, Suga?" I questioned, he seemed to be completely composed. 

"Of course I am, (Y/N), but I can't be. I won't allow myself to be scared, because this is make or break for us third years."

I nodded, giving him a smile but in the back of my mind, all I could think about was the fact that it was the same situation for Kuroo. I tried to get rid of my thoughts, heading to the water fountain to refill for the boys. 

"Games starting, let's go," Mr. Takeda said as we all went to witness the boys playing. Because Hitoka and I were only managers-in-training and there was only one manager allowed on the bench, we went to the stand with the Karasuno fans. 

I watched in awe at the boys playing, every movement mattered, every play was executed as well as they could. They looked so cool and I stared at them like I was only seeing them for the first time. They won their games and they were to face Aoba Joshai, once again. 

I shivered, watching the familiar boys enter the court across from boys who I'd grown so close with in a short time. The game was hectic from the start to finish, one game even going into the thirties. I tried my best to remove my mind from Oikawa but his plays were so other-worldly, he couldn't help but captivate my attention. It was really annoying.  

It really looked like they were going to win for a while, but alas, Karasuno became victorious, ready to go on and face Shiratoizawa Academy. All of us in the stands whooped for joy, screaming down at them telling them how good they were. They thanked us and made their way to the halls.

The seats started becoming empty, and I made idle conversation with all of the Karasuno supporters about the game, eventually meeting up with the boys. As soon as I saw them, I ran straight for Tobio, enveloping him in a death-gripping hug. 

"My brother is the best ever," I giggled, "Thanks for beating Oikawa."

He smiled and gave me a thumbs up, "What do you think I came here to do?"

---

The next day, the match against Shiratoizawa was afoot. It lasted five whole sets and by the end, the guys were in complete pain. They had worked so hard and it totally paid off, as they managed to qualify for the nationals.

They were so unbelievably happy, as were I and all the other supporters. To celebrate, the adults took us out to a meal. Everyone dug into their food and the buzz from earlier just hadn't worn off yet. I was feeling pretty light headed from all of the stress and excitement of the day, so I decided to take a walk outside the restaurant as the others sat and talked. 

It was getting dark outside, so I sat at a small bench across from the restaurant, soaking in the night air. I couldn't believe quite how happy I was, even if things were a bit shit in my personal life, theses boys made it all worth it. 

"(Y/N)?" My eyes shot up, only to be met with familiar brown ones.

I stared in shock.

Oikawa. 

"Did you lose the ability to speak? I'm quite sure I heard you in that restaurant."

"Did you follow me?"

He made a shocked face, "I'm not that weird! I just...saw the team in the window. I wanted to talk to you."

I stared up to his familiar brown eyes, hiding behind his large glasses. I wasn't sure if what happened was even real, "What for?"

"Don't be so cold, (Y/N)! We dated for nearly three years, don't you remember?"

I sighed, "Unfortunately, yes. All too well."

He came and sat beside me, "Can you walk with me?"

I looked at his face and in all honesty, he seemed sincere. Actually, he even seemed sad. What harm could a walk do? It's not like I was loyal to anybody anyway. 

"Fine."

We walked down the narrow streets, staying relatively close to where the restaurant was so I could go back quickly. 

"I miss you, you know," he said sadly. 

"D-Don't just say things like that, Oikawa," I replied, rubbing my arms as they were pretty cold. 

"Do you want my jacket?"

I glared at him, "No, wouldn't that be weird?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Doesn't have to be."

I didn't really have a choice in the matter, as he took off his jacket and threw it over my shoulders, taking my hands in his, "I'm sorry for what happened."

Tears threated to come out of my eyes, "Y-You're sorry? For what?"

He looked like he was going to cry too, "For letting those people get to you. I didn't think they would get so out of hand. When that post with Iwa in it happened, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I should have never let you leave." he blurted out, wrapping me in his arms desperately. 

I stood as still as a tree, not even sure what to do. It was bizarre how the hug felt so familiar, yet so foreign. "Oikawa, it's fine. I'm over it now," I sighed. In all honesty, I knew the mental repercussions of the whole escapade would probably last a life time but for the most part, I was over it. 

"That doesn't matter. Your father was right, I couldn't protect you," a small tear fell down his cheek and my body reacted by mirroring it. He stared deep down into my soul and put his finger under my chin, "I'm sorry I ever let you go."

I stared into his dreamy brown eyes, forgetting for a second why I didn't want to be in the situation, "Like I said, I'm fine now. You've got plenty of girls at your arsenal to support you. Why are you crying to me?"

He chuckled, wiping his tear away, "They aren't you, (Y/N). They never were. Why'd you think I dated you for so long?"

My breath hitched in my throat and I blushed. But I tried so hard to remember why I wasn't with him anymore, "I can't give you the same level of attention the one hundred other girls in your fan club can. I can't fill you with pride and boost your ego to the max. All I did for you was be there for you and that wasn't enough for you."

He looked down to the pavement, his eyes wavering, "You gave me more. I just didn't appreciate it well enough."

I scoffed, "You're just telling me things I want to hear."

He seemed angry at my comment, "No, I'm not! I'm still hung up on you after all these months, doesn't that show my sincerity?! You know everything about me and you know that I'd never beg or plead, so why would I act like this if I didn't really mean it!"

I could see it in his eyes that he still cared. A lot. 

"You let them idolize you, you know that, right? You let them do all these things. The things they did to me, to you. To your best friend. Your own ego benefited so much from the instant gratification and confessions and obsessions that you were willing to hurt anybody for it. It's not as if us being together would change that."

"I would change anything. Anything at all! I don't even care about any of those girls. You know that."

"You care about what they give you, Oikawa, and I can't give you that."

He grumbled angrily, probably annoyed that he had to be the submissive one in a situation like this. "All I've ever wanted was to be happy with you. I know I fucked it up. Even if you don't feel the same, I don't care. I still love you, (Y/N)."

"D-Don't say things like that so casually."

He smiled, holding my face in his hands, "I always mean what I say. I love you and I miss you. That's why I came here. That's why I scared all those girls off. That's why hearing about you with that guy broke my heart."

I was confused as to what he was referring to, "What?"

"Iwa told me about that game at the end of summer. Is he your boyfriend?"

Now it was my turn to get upset, "No. He isn't."

He let out a sigh of relief, "I'm glad to hear that, that means I can do this."

His hands that were on my face pulled me towards him. What my body did next was completely out of my control, we enveloped in a kiss that felt like nostalgia. His jacket fell of my shoulders to the ground, his hands gripping tightly onto my waist. It didn't matter that I still liked Kuroo and didn't like Oikawa. They both hurt me and in the end, I knew this kiss would hurt them both back. 

"(Y-Y/N)?" 

I quickly detached from the kiss, picking up Oikawa's jacket and handing it back to him. 

"They asked me to look for you, you were gone for ages," Hinata said, blushing profusely. 

"O-Okay! I'm coming," I went to turn away, but Oikawa's hand grabbed my arm. 

"You're going to leave me after that?"

I looked to the ground, tears falling like rain on the cement, "Yes. Goodbye, Toru."

My feet pounded to try and catch up with Hinata who was already a leg away. When I caught up with him, I yanked him back by his collar. 

"What did you hear and what did you see?" I asked menacingly.

He lifted his hands above his head in defence, "Nothing! I swear, nothing!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"W-Well, maybe...quite a bit. I don't want to say!"

I sighed, reluctantly letting go of his collar, "Just...don't say anything to anyone, please?"

He gulped and nodded, turning around to enter the restaurant again then quickly turning back, "Actually, I have something for you."

He fished a crumpled up piece of paper out of his gym shorts pocket.

"What's this?" I asked, eyeing the scribbly handwriting.

"It's Kuroo's email," my eyes widened at the name, "He asked Kenma to ask me to give it to you a while ago, I just completely forgot with all the games and stuff going on."

I felt that sinking feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster, minus the adrenaline. The guilt washed over me like waves. As much as my instincts told me to slap Hinata and call him a forgetful idiot, I stopped myself because I knew it wasn't his fault. 

"Oh, thank you," I muttered, watching him attempt to enter the restaurant again. However, I pulled on his jumper, "Just so you know, I'm not in love with Oikawa."

He blushed, "I-I know! I know you like Kuroo, (Y/N). Everyone does! Kenma even said he talks about you a lot."

It was my turn for my face to go red, "He said that?"

"Yeah," he said, recalling, "He said that whenever Kuroo comes to his when he's playing video-games, he always says he misses you."

Oh the guilt I feel.