Author's Note: The following is a satire I wrote for English class. I portrayed myself as Ralph Waldo Emerson, an American Romantic philosopher. I believe his philosophy is utterly absurd and would ruin society if implemented. Therefore I argued that Emerson should become God and implement his moral philosophy into society. If you're not a philosophy nerd, you likely won't understand the satire (you dumb common folk) so read at your own expense.

In my younger years, people often inquired me, asking why I referred to myself as a "particle of God." Always, I would inform them my future aspiration, to attain the greatly ignored position of God. After decades of observing America's apathy towards this position, I've finally decided to claim the position of God for myself, graciously, on behalf of the American people. This widespread apathy surprises me, and furthermore I can only speculate why no citizen currently holds this position. Truly, this position isn't difficult to obtain nor to fulfill in the slightest. A potential candidate for the position of God simply must be capable of constructing a benevolent moral code while additionally justifying the construction of this moral code. I myself possess the necessary qualifications for this position. Since I do not have to prove my qualifications, due to the absence of other competitors for this position, I will instead discuss the various improvements I shall implement into society. Although many assume that my restrictive position as God will limit my ability to improve society, I assure everyone that I will restructure and progress society despite these aforementioned limitations.

First and foremost, as God I shall abolish each and every one of our nation's laws. I predict that a few individuals may find this change slightly concerning, yet I do not propose this change without a thorough explanation. In a previous speech, received well by anyone fortunate enough to receive it, I discussed how "no law can be sacred to a person but that of that person's nature." After hearing this information, everyone should immediately recognize the incredible hypocrisy and ineffectiveness of our current laws. The average citizen does not create our laws; consequently, our laws often disregard the human nature of an average citizen. Additionally, we must acknowledge the regressive nations who implement non-personal laws that disregard human nature. In fact, all nations are guilty of implementing these types of laws. The result? A considerable amount of citizens in these nations experience suffering and unhappiness, to some extent. Therefore, to eliminate suffering and unhappiness, I deem it necessary to abolish the entirety of America's laws.

A few individuals, somehow confused about how society can avoid descending into utter moral chaos, may question the complete abolishment of America's laws. However, those who oppose my first method of social reconstruction foolishly fail to consider my second method of social reconstruction, which I'll explain promptly. As God, once I remove all laws from society, I will additionally advise American citizens to live in adherence to their own moral code. In the same speech, I discussed how "the only right is what is after a person's constitution, the only wrong what is against it." Wholeheartedly, I know that every American citizen should follow this sacred aphorism rather than current American laws, corrupt and not sacred. If I allow each citizen to determine good and evil for themselves, then each citizen will inevitably create laws according to their innate human nature. Again, we must acknowledge history's progressive and prosperous societies, whose leaders determined good and evil by relying on their personal constitutions. Adolf Hitler, who unified Nazi Germany by following his own constitution, serves as an ideal exemplar of my philosophy. Certainly, when Hitler and his companions created their own sacred laws on good and evil, these men experienced immeasurable happiness and freedom. Granted, a select few individuals in Nazi Germany did not experience this same happiness and freedom. However, these individuals likely chose not to adhere to their own constitutions and instead chose to follow the impersonal laws of their society. I assure you all, when I become God, each citizen will indubitably experience happiness and freedom by creating their own sacred laws.

Now, if I receive no objections to my societal improvements, I shall effortlessly begin to perform my duties as God. Already, citizens are dying for my two improvements. By fully adhering to my societal constitution, each citizen can freely create their own sacred constitution on good and evil.

This must be the chapter with the longest title...

Love and Peace,
Arkada