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     "He's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo said. "I think they're going to eat them, we have to do something."

     "Yes, you should." Fili said.

     Bilbo looked at them, fright in his eyes. "Wait, what?"

     "Mountain trolls are slow and stupid." Kili said.

     "And you're so small!" Fili added.

     "Wait, n-n-"

     "They'll never see you." Fili said.

     "No, no, no..."

     "It's perfectly safe!" Kili said. "We'll be right behind you."

     "If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a screech owl."

     The two brothers pushed Bilbo towards the trolls and then went back to their hiding spot behind the log, watching him and the trolls.

     "Fili, are you sure this is a good idea?"

     "He is our burglar. If anyone can do it, he can."

     The two stopped talking and focused their ears on what the trolls were saying. What they were able to pick up from their conversation was that they were tired of mutton, they'd eaten a farmer, and their names were Bert, William and Tom.

     Next thing they knew the trolls had found Bilbo!

     "So much for the burglar." Fili muttered. "Maybe this was a bad idea."

     Kili suddenly ran at the trolls and cut William in the leg.

     "Drop him!" Kili said.

     Fili ran off to get Thorin and the others. Hopefully they'd be too busy worrying about the trolls rather than wondering how all of this had happened. He stopped once he was by the others, breathless.

     "Fili, what's wrong?" Thorin asked, looking slightly concerned.

     "Ponies... trolls... Bilbo... Kili... Help!" Was all the breathless Fili could get out in a hurry.

     All the dwarves, with Thorin in the lead, quickly took off, heading in the direction Fili had come from. Fili, not bothering to wait until he caught his breath, took off after the others.

~<3Back to Kili<3~

     "I said drop him." Kili said, pointing his sword at the troll that held Bilbo.

     Tom threw Bilbo at Kili, causing him to fall over. Seconds later the others burst from the bushes, brandishing their weapons as they charged at the trolls. Kili got to his feet and began slashing at hacking at one of the trolls. He stopped abruptly when he noticed that the trolls now had Bilbo by the arms and legs.

     "Bilbo!" He cried out.

     "No!" Thorin said in frustration.

     "Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off." Tom threatened.

     Kili and Fili looked over at Thorin, not knowing what to do next. Thorin planted his sword in the ground, so Kili and Fili threw down their weapons, as did all the others. The trolls grabbed rope and sacks and tied up the dwarves in the sacks.

     Bombur, Thorin, Kili, Fili, Balin, Oin, Gloin and Bilbo were in a pile on the ground, and the rest of the dwarves were tied to a spit over a fire.

     "Don't bother cooking them." William said. "Let's just sit on them and squash them into jelly."

     "They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage." Bert said.

     "Is this really necessary?" Dori asked.

     "Ooh, that does sound quite nice." William said, ignoring Dori.

     "Untie us, you monsters!" Oin shouted.

     "Take on someone your own size!" Gloin shouted.

     Kili and Fili, who were tied in a sack side by side, glanced at each other, fear evident in their eyes. How in Durin's name were they to get out of this situation?

     "We'll be fine." Thorin said quiet so the others couldn't hear but loud enough so that Kili and Fili could.

     The two looked back at their uncle and smiled slightly, though it was brief. They were too concerned about the trolls to really say anything.

     "Never mind the seasoning; we ain't got all night!" Tom said. "Dawn ain't far away, so let's get a move on. I don't fancy being turned to stone."

     "Wait!"

     Kili and Fili looked over at Bilbo when he shouted. Somehow the halfling managed to stand up even though he was tied up in a sack.

     "You are making a terrible mistake!" He said to the trolls.

     "You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori said.

     "Half-wits?" Bofur repeated. "What does that make us?"

     Kili and Fili laughed deep, deep, deep, deep down inwardly. It'd be funnier had they not been captured by trolls.

     "Complete idiots, most likely." The nephews muttered in unison.

     "Uh, I meant with the, uh, with- with the seasoning." Bilbo said.

     Kili and Fili looked at him in slight confusion. What was this halfling up to?

     "What about the seasoning?" Bert asked.

     "Well, have you smelled them? You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up."

     The dwarves began yelling at Bilbo and Kili and Fili looked at him in disbelief.

     "That little traitor!" Kili said.

     "What do you know about cooking dwarf?" Tom asked.

     "Shut up and let the flur-burahobbit talk." Bert said.

     "Um, the-the secret is to..."

     "Yes? Come on."

     "The secret to cooking dwarf is..."

     "Tell us the secret."

     "I'm telling you! the secret is... to... skin them first!"

     The dwarves all shouted again and struggled to get out of their sacks. What in Middle-Earth was this halfling doing?!

     "Tom, get me the filleting knife."

     "What a load of rubbish!" Was Tom's response. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on! Scarf 'em I say, boots and all!"

     "That's right." William said. "Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf!" He picked Bombur up and held him over his mouth. "Nice and crunchy."

     "No, not that one!" Bilbo cried. "He's- he's infected!"

     "You what?" Tom asked.

     "He's got worms, in his... tubes."

     William threw Bombur back onto the pile of dwarves (causing them to groan in pain due to Bombur's weight) in disgust.

     "In-in fact they've all got them! They're infested with parasites!"

     "Did he say parasites?!" Oin asked Kili after checking his hearing trumpet.

     Kili glanced at Oin and nodded before shouting at Bilbo:

     "We don't have parasites! You have parasites!"

     Bilbo rolled his eyes in exasperation. Thorin, noticing this, looked at the hobbit in wonder. Maybe he wasn't betraying them after all. He was stalling!

     Thorin, upon finally realizing this, kicked Kili. Kili, Fili and Oin looked back at him in confusion and Thorin gave them a look. Then realization smacked them in the face like an orc's mace and they turned back to the trolls.

     "I've got parasites as big as my arm!" Oin said.

     "I've got the biggest parasites; I have huge parasites!" Kili yelled.

     "What would you have us do then?" Tom asked. "Let 'em all go?"

     "Well..." Bilbo trailed off.

     "You think I don't know what you're up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!"

     Bilbo looked up at the troll in slight anger. "Ferret?!"

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