Long chapter.

5613 words.

Read whenever you guys are free.

But before that..

Thank you pradhanas for the beautiful covers.

I loved it so much but I thought I posted it but forgot to post.

Wanted to show you all...the covers are so beautiful.

Thank you so much sweetheart❤ pradhanas

Aaryan's POV

"I hope you get happy by seeing me hurt Rayna."I said and she looked at me.

She accepted our kids so easily but she looses her control whenever she imagines me with Payel.

I know that.

I have seen that before but what can I do?

I cannot go back and change my past.

I was getting ready as she video called my mom but Surya pick it up.

"Hello baby.How is my boy?"she asked him.

"I am fine mom.Today I got A+ in my english exam."he said as I looked at her.

Surya didnt tell me this when we talked.

"I am proud of you.Send me the picture."he said and I heard another voice.

"Hello mommy."I heard her cheerful voice which instantly bought a smile on my face.

"I miss you and daddy.When will you be back?"she asked.

"I miss yoo too baby.We will be back soon."she said as I went and sat beside her and greeted them.

"Hello daddy."they screamed in unison.

"How are you both?"mom came and asked us.

"I am fine mom."I said.

"I am also fine."she said.

"Are you guys okay?"she asked.

"Yes mom."we both said in unison.

"You dont seem like it.Did something happen?"mom asked.

"We are fine mom."she said.

"Mom we will talk with you later."I said as we bid them goodbye and she cut the call before mom asks further questions.

"Let's go."I said but she was still sitting on the bed.

"I dont want to hurt you."she said and started crying making me smile.

Rayna.

Rayna.

My sweet Rayna.

I went and sat beside her.

"You know Aaryan...I hated when you pushed me right after what happened between us."she said.

That.

That was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I never though she will go down on me but she did and made me the happiest man on the earth.

Her mouth around me,that tongue...

Focus Aaryan focus.

"My ex always used to say that he will never make love to a fat girl like me.He will fulfill his pleasure and leave the bed as he will be disgusted to lay down beside me."

Oh my god.

That was just an instant reaction.

I never thought that much.

What have I done?

I never thought it was so serious.

"When you pushed me,I remembered what he said."she told me.

"You made me feel what he said Aaryan.Why did you push me?"she shouted and started crying.

Sh!t !

Sh!t !

I dont know what to say.

What should I do?

What should I say?

I hurted her so much without even knowing.

I was angry and sad and didnt thought much.

"After that also I dont want to hurt you.I cannot hurt you."she said and was still crying.

I went and sat beside her and tried to held her hand but she jerked my hand away.

"Please dont touch me Aaryan."she said and started crying more.

"I am pretending to be okay but I am not.All the things he said are coming back."she said and was continuously crying.

Once again I tried to touch her but she pushed my hand away.

"Please dont touch me.I am not feeling okay.Please dont touch."she pleaded and was still crying.

I just want to hug her tightly but I cant even do that.

It is worst than being a stranger.Being an outsider.

"I pretended to be confident and get ready and said all that big dialogues and now look at me.You must be laughing at me,right ?..you must be thinking I can only talk but cant do anything."she said as she looked at me.

I moved towards her but she moved further away from me.

"You made me feel like sh!t and yet I cant hurt you."she said as she wiped her tears.

God !

"One day you will get angry and push me out of your life like you pushed me away from your arms and still I will not be able to do anything because I love you too much."she said.

No baby.

I will never push you out of my life.

My life doesnt know how to function without you.

I got up and went towards her and stood infront of her.

"Babe."I said and tried to touch her cheek.

"Can't you understand when I said dont touch me.Please."she begged and again tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Baby please dont do this.

This is hard.

Seeing you like this and not able to do anything.

Seeing you broken and not able to take you in my arms.

I was angry and pushed her away from me.

God !

I was so wrong.

She was voicing out her feelings openly and what I did.

"I know Aaryan,sometimes I nag about the same things again and again and you get irritated to hear same things but what can I do?Things dont go out of my head that easily."she said.

I am sorry baby.

"I am sorry baby."I told her.

"Pritam always used to say that after marriage I will be a random fùck when he will not find anyone and after that he will throw me aside like some piece of shít."she said and I clenched my fists.

I should kill that man.

But before that I should kill myself.

"And with you,today I felt like that.He only said it but you made me feel it."she said as chuckled sadly wiping her tears.

"And yet I dont know why I am sitting here with you."she continued.

"I am so so sorry baby."I apologized again.

I cant even imagine how I made her feel.

She is not some random fùck or a piece of sh!t.

She is my Rayna.

My sweet Rayna.

My wife.

My queen.

I went and sat beside her but she moved away from me.

"I am not touching you Rayna.I am just sitting beside you."I told her and she looked at me and she took her mobile from the sideby table and called someone.

"Hello mom."she tried to speak normally.

"I am fine."she said after some time.

"Yes..yes...we are enjoying."she said as again tears rolled down her cheek.

I cant do anything.

Cant even touch her or hold her.

"Can I speak with Surya and Piya?"she asked as she was continuously crying but covered her mouth with her hands so that mom will not hear.

"Hello Surya."she greeted him.

"I am fine baby.I just want to come and hug you tightly.I miss you baby."she said and was crying.

"I am just missing you so I am crying."she said and then once again started crying.

This time she was crying loudly without muffling her voice and accidently she put the phone on speaker.

"Dont cry mommy.You will meet us soon."he said.

"I love you baby.I just want to hug you tightly."I said.

"Anyways is Piya there beside you?"she asked.

"Yes mommy.Mobile is on speaker."he said.

"Is grandma with you?"she asked.

"No mommy."piya said

"Mommy dont cry."Piya consoled her.

"I miss you guys."she said and started crying more.

"We also miss you mommy.Dont cry mommy."Piya once again said.

"We dont like seeing you sad."Surya said.

"I love both of you so much.I hope you will understand how much I love both of you."she said and wiped her tears.

"Okay..Thank you for making mommy understand.Now mommy is fine."she said.

"That's like our good mommy."Surya said making me smile.

I always say to them the same thing and now they are using it on Rayna.

"Okay..I will call tomorrow.Have dinner and dont bother grandma and grandpa much."she said.

"Okay mom.Bye..we love you."they said in unison and she cut the call.

"Rayna I am sorry.Please dont cry so much.I cant see you cry."I said as she cut the call.

Seeing you cry and not able to do anything.

Not able to comfort you.

Not able to hold you in my arms.

Not able to console you.

It's more worst than pretending as an 'outsider.'

"I am fine Aaryan."she said.

"You dont have to feel upset Aaryan.You won.You hurted me and still I am here.Look at me!Helplessly crying infront of you."she continued.

"Showing my demons to you even though me voicing my feelings freely made you push me away from you."she carried on.

No Rayna.

You are wrong.

I lost Rayna.

You are so close to me and still I cannot touch you that's where I lost.

I loved how you voice your opinion freely infront of me Rayna but still I got irritated and angry.

I should have understood you more but I didnt.

"I am laughing at myself.I said so big big things like I got ready in this."she said as she pointed at her clothes.

"And told you I will not waste my time and enjoy at club...Rayna you are such a show off."she said and laughed at herself.

I can't see her like this.

"We planned to drink together and enjoy and I could'nt break your heart by drinking alone.It was our plan."she said and I went towards her.

Enough is enough.

She is thinking so much.

I will go and hug her and take all her worries.

I went and sat away from her on the bed.

She chuckled after some time which made me look at her to see that tears were still rolling down her cheeks.

"You know when I got ready,for a second I thought I will go to punish you."she said and took a deep breathe.

"But when you said 'I hope you get happy by seeing me hurt Rayna' I realized I am not happy to see you hurt.I will never be happy if I hurt you."

"You won Aaryan.You hurted me and still I am standing infront of you."

She chuckled after some time which made me look at her to see that tears were still rolling down her cheeks.

Rayna please come back to me.

This is the worst thing.

Being so near to her yet feeling so far from her.

I lost Rayna.

I lost.

If only I had not pushed her.

Her ex would not have hurted her again.

Her demons would have never woken up.

"Anyways I will change into something comfortable.I am not going anywhere."she said and went towards her suitcase.

Rayna I lost.

I didnt won.

I am so sorry my baby.

I hurted you so much.

I dont know what to do to make it better.

I heard a voice and looked at the washroom.

Fùck.

She was wearing that black nightgown which I wanted her to wear.

She is looking so hot in these.

For the first time I am seeing her in something like this.

"Aaryan dont think I wore it to tease you.Like wearing these and not letting you touch me...I wore it because these are the only nightgowns Piya packed."she explained.

I didn't think like that Rayna.

But I couldn't say anything.

Words were stuck in my mouth.

She looked better than I imagined.

She had washed her face but still looked tired.

"Uh...dinner?"I asked.

"I am not hungry."she said and went in the balcony.

I followed her and she suddenly moved away as I stood beside her.

As if I am a stranger.

As if I am an outsider.

She really made me feel like an outsider as she said.

It is hurting me so much.

How she is not letting me touch her?

As my touch is reminding her of that push.

I am sorry Rayna.

I am really sorry.

But dont break my heart into pieces by jerking away from my touch as if I am not your husband but a stranger.

An outsider.

I know you are hurt and doing it unintentionally but it is hurting right in the heart.

"I am not hungry doesnt mean you can't eat.Go out and eat or order something for you."she said.

"You know I can't eat when you are not eating."I said.

She knows I eat with her but still is asking me to eat as if she doesnt know.

"Now I am feeling guilty."she said.

"You should feel hungry,not guilty.Please let's eat something Rayna."I pleaded.

"Okay.Order pizza from zomato."she said making me happy.

Atleast she will not sleep with an empty stomach.

I took out my mobile and ordered medium size pizza.

"I am sorry."I apologized once again.

"I know.Just give me some more time to be normal."she said and I nodded in a yes.

"You look hot and sexy in this.Better than I imagined."I complimented her.

"Thank you."she said and again we both were silent and this silence was killing me.

I just want to take her in my arms but she is moving away even if I stand near her as if I am some stranger.

I was angry at myaelf.

So so angry.

I decided to freshen up and cool myself down and change into comfortable shirt and night pant.

I decided to take a bath in the hope that it will make me relax.

While I was taking bath the doorbell rang.

Sh!t.

Rayna has to go and take the pizza.

I dont want anyone to see her in that gown.

Why I decided to have a bath?

Today I am messing up everything.

Hurridely I finished my bath and wrapped a towel around my waist.

"I will go and open the door."I shouted as she was wrapping a stole around herself.

"Okay."she said with a shrug and kept the stole aside.

I took the pizza and locked the door and kept it on bed and wore a shirt and pant.

"Lets sit."I said as I sat comfortably beside her and she moved away.

Fùck !

I am hating these distance.

I divided the pizza and we have it silently.

No laughs.

No talk.

Nothing.

She finished having pizza washed her hand and went in the balcony.

Is she feeling so odd with me that she is standing there till I finish my pizza?

After finishing the pizza I threw the box , washed my hand and went in the balcony.

She was sitting there with headphones in her ear.

As if she doesnt want to come back to bed.

As if she doesnt want to come back to me.

I went in the room and decided to give her some space and called Maanav and asked him about the gym and how many customers were present today and everything.

After talking with him I decided to watch a web series which I saved long time ago but after every second I was looking at balcony hoping that she will come back.

Still I watched first two episodes to pass my time.

I looked at the time to see that it was 11.00 p.m.

Six hours of not touching her.

Hugging her , kissing her.

Oh god.

I put off the web series and went to balcony.

"Let's sleep."I said.

"You go and sleep."she said.

"I will not touch you."I said.

"I am scared today nighmares will not let me sleep."she said.

Sh!t !

She was becoming fine but again she is scared of nightmares.

This is all my fault.

"In your arms nightmares fade away.I am so dependent on you."she said.

"Who knows?Maybe today you will not have nightmares."I said.

"What if I have nightmares?"she asked.

"I am there beside you."I said.

"Go and sleep."she said , again.

"I will also not sleep."I said.

"I dont have anything against you Aaryan.I know you are sorry.I have forgiven you.Please go and sleep."she said softly.

"I dont think you have forgiven me Rayna.For the past six hours you are so scared of my touch.Maybe the reason is that you cannot let go of what happened in the afternoon,thats why you are scared and jerk away if I come near you."I said and she looked at me.

I looked at her eyes which made me realize what I said is true.

"Anyways,thank you for loving me the way you do Rayna.You love me so much.Nobody has ever loved me so much.You chose my happiness and decided to not leave.Thank you.I love you.Even though I mess up badly but I love you with everything I have."I said truthfully and was going in the room but stopped midway.

"By the way I didn't won Rayna.I also lost."I said and was leaving.

"What?"she asked and I turned around to look at her.

"I couldnt touch you, hug you , hold you, wipe your tears, take you in my arms while you were crying.I had to sit silently and watch you cry.Everytime your body suddenly jerked from my touch,you were scared of it , you were scared of the touch you love Rayna and that time I felt like a stranger,an outsider.I lost Rayna"I poured out my feelings.

"No.That was unintentional.I didn't thought much."she said.

"I was so engrossed in my sadness and pain that I didnt thought about your feelings."she continued.

"It is okay Rayna.I just wanted you to know the time I pushed you I was also so engrossed in my anger that I didn't thought about your feelings.I am sorry."I said and came back to room and sat on the bed.

After some seconds Rayna came and hugged me surprising me.

What?

I didnt thought much and hugged her and pulled her closely leaving no gap between us.

God.

I missed her so much.

I missed this so much.

"Dont leave me after making love to me Aaryan.Stay with me,hug me,caress me.. but dont leave me.Do anything but dont leave me."she said as if she was pleading.

She dont have to plead me for something I like.

I broke our hug and kissed her forehead.

"I promise baby.I am sorry."I said.

She was going away from my arms but I didnt let her.

I held her tightly and she looked at me with question in her eyes

"Stay im my arms,please."I begged and she relaxed in my arms.

"I am sorry.For things in my head you have to suffer everytime."she said.

"It is okay.I will try to understand you more but promise me you will not think about Payel.She was my past which couldnt be changed."I told her.

"My blood boils in anger imagining you with her."she said making me smile.

"I love how possessive you are of me baby but it is ruining our relation and good times just like so much time got wasted today."I explained.

"You only tell me can I go and change my past?"I asked and she nodded in a no.

"I dont remember the days or nights spend with her baby.Too many years has passed in between and I created many new memories and memories of me and Payel faded away.I get hard by remembering your soft touches,kisses and today when you got down on me baby...you made me so happy...god the most beautiful memory of my life.The way you pleasured me will be always one of my best memories."I said.

"Many more to come."she said and my eyes widened at her straighforwardness and I laughed loudly.

"I know that there's many more to come but today is the first time ,right?"I asked and was still laughing.

"I love this laugh on you."she said making me stop laughing as I looked at her.

"I thought I got over it but Pritam's word still effects me Aaryan and I came to know it today."she said.

"Because of me."I said sadly.

I caused it.

"It's better to be hurt by you than to be hurt by anyone else."she said.

Fućk.

"And its better to be hurt by you than to be loved by someone else."I quoted the truth.

The truth which I understood when we almost broke up.

That time made me realize I only want Rayna.

No one else.

I am ready to get hurt by her than to be loved by anyone else.

The reason is only one.

She is Rayna.

My Rayna.

"I love you."she said after hearing what I said.

"If you confess your love again and again I will get a heart attack.My heart is not used to this."I said and she punched me playfully.

"I am happy to see you smile."she said.

"Is it not wierd that suddenly I remembered Pritam's words?"she asked referring to that jerk.

"No Rayna.It is normal.It happens.Nothing is wierd in it."I explained truthfully.

She was just looking at me and suddenly gave a peck on my lips making me surprise.

"What was that?"I asked.

"Nothing."she acted as if she didnt do anything.

"Today I am on a very thin line Rayna.Dont tempt me."I warned as I looked at her.

God.

This black gown is killing me.

I just want to strip her naked and fùck her till her thoughts only know one name and that is Aaryan.

Only Aaryan.

I want to fùck all her nightmares away so that in her dreams also she sees only me.

Her Aaryan.

Her husband.

No one else.

"You have whole night to do that."she said and snuggled close to me and held me tightly.

What the fûck ?

She is getting so bold.

Nobody will ever know this side of her.

That is only reserved for me.

Only me.

"Aaryan our kids has grown so much.Today they made me understood.I was dying for something,someone,words of affection and my kids gave me that."she said.

"I heard what our kids said and I am glad we both together will see them growing up."I said with a smile on my face.

"Yes."she said as she rested her head on my chest and closed her eyes and it was a peaceful silent.

"Uh..."I tried to say something but dont know what to say.

"What?Why are you getting all shy now?I know what is on your mind.I will be back in few minutes."she said and went to washroom once again making me laugh.

I cleaned the bed once again and opened the drawer to see that I have no condoms.

Sh!t !

What will I do now ?

"What are you searching?"she asked as she came back from the washroom.

"I dont have condoms.We can't do it today."I told her.

"Dont worry.I am on pills."she said making me surprise.

"You didnt tell me."I said.

"You didnt ask."she said with a shrug.

"Before our marriage I went to gyno with Piya.I decided to take precaution from my side as I didnt know about you."she told me.

"And..."she continued but stopped midway.

"And?"I asked.

"I dont want you to deal with unplanned pregnancy again."she said making me smile.

That's why I love her so so much.

She thinks so much about me.

"Thank god.I dont have to use it anymore.Now I can be with you without any barrier."I said as I pulled her towards me and kissed her forehead.

Then I looked at her.

She was looking odd with no sindoor or mangalsutra.

God.

When did I became like this?

Few years ago , I didnt even care about all these things.

Now I am getting to know a new side of myself.

I love when she wears it.

From the day I saw her in it , I dont want to see her without it.

I didnt even know I like it , till I saw her the sindoor between the partings of her hair and mangalsutra around her neck.

But if I tell her this she will think I am owning her because as she previously said there is no compulsion that she has to wear it.

"What are you looking at?"she asked breaking me out of my trance.

"Uh...nothing."I said as I laid her on the bed and tried to kiss her but she stopped me by placing her hand on my lips.

"I can see it in your eyes.Something is going in your head."she said.

"Nothing."I lied.

"Tell me or go and sleep on the other side of the bed."she ordered.

Sleeping without her.

No.

"Okay...From the day we made love,I always saw you with mangalsutra and sindoor.Today it's just feels to see you without it."I told her.

"God...You are so...I dont know what to say."she said.

That's why I was not telling her.

"Anyways..what to say..I know I should not everything you wish for but then I remember small things you do like packing me tiffin , coming to pick me up , and all the other hundred things you do for me and I give up."she said as she asked me to move and got up and I went behind her and she asked me to forward both my hand and placed sindoor and mangalsutra in my hand.

I smiled and kept the mangalsutra aside as I opened the box and applied sindoor between the partings of her hair and then kept the box aside and tied the mangalsutra around her neck.

Perfect.

My wife.

My Rayna.

"Just one thing Aaryan , to keep this marriage work , remember to not take me for granted and I will also remember to not take you for granted."she said.

"I will remember Rayna."I said truthfully and carried her in my arms making her shreik in surprise and took her towards the bed and placed her on the bed and laid on top of her and she smiled as she caressed the side of my face with her ring finger.

God!

I dont know she does it unintentionally or purposely but I love it.

"Everytime I look at you I ask myself that how did I get so lucky."she said making me smile as I held her fingers , looked at her ring and bit her finger softly and removed the strand of hair from her face and kissed her.

I bit her lower lip and entered my tongue in her as I explored her mouth with my tongue.

Kissing her always made me happy as she never fought for dominance.

She tried to be always in sync with me,she tried to match my kisses but never used to dominate my kisses.

That's among one of the many things I loved about her.

She knows when to let me take over her and when to be in clntrol.

The thought of what she did this afternoon aroused me more but I controlled myself because I wanted to make her happy like she made me happy.

"Look at me Rayna."I said breaking our kiss and she opened her eyes.

Looking at her felt that I bought her out from the daze of pleasure my mouth was giving her.

It made me happy.

I went downward and snuggled in her neck inhaling her scent and I looked at the red marks on her neck given by me and a grin appeared on my face.

How I wish to cover every part of her body with my mark.

"Aaryan."she moaned loudly as I slided the strap of her gown and bit her neck.

Her moans were like a music to my ears.

So loud and raw.

I hated when she hid her moans on our first night and from that day she never hid her moans from me.

I rested my body on both of my hands and  looked at her laying down in the black gown but still she was looking like an angel.

My angel who came in my life and changed everything.

Today she suffered so much because of me and still she thought about my happiness.

I went forward and slided down other strap of her gown and realized that she was not wearing a bra.

Fùck.

I looked at her breasts and then at her.

"Now there is no barrier between your fingers and my back."she said making me laugh loudly.

God.

I love her so much.

I never knew how much I needed her until I met her.

Everytime she is naked infront of me I feel a sense of possessiveness.

That she is like this only infront of me.

I know I should control myself but some things can't be controlled.

I sucked her nìpple making her moan my name loudly and I pinched her other n!pple.

"Aah."she shouted loudly as I softly bit her n!pple making me look at her.

Her eyes closed,as she moaned due to the pleasure I was giving her.

I can trade anything for this sight.

After I knew that she has been totally pleasured I slided her gown and went downward kissing her stomach.

"Aaryan."she moaned as she was writhering under me as I was kissing her skin and going downward.

I slided her gown more only to notice that she was not wearing anything underneath.

"Baby."I called and she looked at me as I totally slided her gown and threw it somewhere.

"Only for you."she said.

"Can I be a little fast today baby? I Mean it's hard to control myself."

God only knows for how long I was controlling myself.

"Atleast remove your clothes.It feels odd that I am the only one without clothes on."she said making me chuckle and I got up and removed everything and laid on top of her and as soon as I was on top of her she wrapped her arms around my back.

I realized in this few days that during our intimacy she likes to touch me.

I adjusted myself against her.

"Are you ready baby?"I asked and as soon as she said yes , without even waiting a second I entered inside her.

"Sh!t."she shouted as she arched her back.

God.

It feels so warm.to be inside her without anything between us.

I felt her clenching around me as I didnt pull myself out for few seconds.

I pulled myself out and once again thrusted inside her and she held me more tightly.

By the time we were finished she was a moaning mess.

After we both came I didnt pull myself out from her and relaxed myself between her breasts.

God.

This feels so good.

"Baby are you ready for me once again?"I asked as I came out of her and her eyes widened.

"Yes."she said and her voice sounded so worn out and once again I adjusted myself against her.

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I woke up and wrapped my hands around her stomach.

"Ugh...let me sleep."she said.

"I am not doing anything baby."I said as I slided my hands down towards her core.

"Aaryan I will kill you if your hands go there.You didnt even let me sleep."she said as she snuggled in the pillow.

Damn that pillow.

She should snuggle to me.

"Baby turn around and snuggle me."I said.

"No.You will again do all that naughty things."she said making me laugh.

Naughty things?

"Naughty things?"I asked.

"Yes...shoo..go away..now let me sleep."she said making me chuckle.

"First turn around and snuggle me,then I will let you sleep peacefully in my arms."I said and she snuggled and I held her tightly.

"Acha..listen did you get any nightmares?"I asked.

"You mean morningmares."she said making me laugh.

"You didnt even let me sleep till 5 a.m.How will I get any mares?"she said and once again slept in my arms.

Now that was my plan.

I am glad my plan succeeded to fùck away all her nightmares till she knows my name only.

Only Aaryan.

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I hope you liked the chapter.

I felt so emotional while writing this chapter.

The trauma of a messed up Rayna.

She couldnt make him sad😞😞

Do you think she really made him feel like a A STRANGER..AN OUTSIDER for few hours?

Do you think Aaryan deserved more or was it enough ?

Did you like when she finally came and hugged him ?

And do you like they way he made her understood about Payel and the way she peaded to not leave her afterwards ?

Did you like how she broke down and went to kids ?

Did you realize the cause was her past ? I think only Sasanka54 commented about it in the last chapter.

I hope you get an insight of what goes in Aaryan's head.

I hope you liked the last part🙈🙈Only Aaryan🙈🙈

Please COMMENT and VOTE if you like it.

Random question :-From which state or country are my readers from ?

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