Not edited.

***

A few days later.

Anastasia's POV

I could feel thousands of freezing chills just running down my back. It was hard to believe my own ears. I was left speechless after what Kristin just told me.. And I didn't even know how we got to that discussion.

  I could feel my hands freezing cold, this weakness going through my legs, and my mind trying to process everything that I just heard. I leaned my hands on the table, and sat down.. Kristin on the other hand continued making our drinks in the kitchen, but still carefully glanced at me. "You alright?" Her voice in my head just echoed slightly..

  I frowned again.. Was I? "Uh,-" I cleared my throat slightly, running a hand through my hair. "I had no idea." Once again, I heard myself almost as if someone else was talking to me. I wasn't going through that much shock as much as it was a surprise.. I miss her all the time.. Ash's voice echoed in my head, and for the first time after these few days, it made sense more than anything else did.

  Kristin just told me the harshest part of Bonner's past.. Why he was in Mexico, and what happened to the girl he loved.. I had hard time processing everything I heard, but it just kept repeating in my head. Jane.. The girl he loved since high school.. She was then his fiancée till she left him a week before the wedding for someone else. And with leaving the house after their last fight, the same night they lost her in a car accident. On the same road that lead out of Richwood.

  I couldn't relate to the love he felt towards this girl, but I knew what it meant to lose someone. I've been through it. And it's funny how I first assumed it was just someone who left him.. But it's tragic either way to lose the one you care about the most. I suppose that's why he needed a break from life.. That's why he left Richwood for 2 years.. And if I managed to take his mind off those things.. I was glad.

    There are parts of our lives that we sometimes wish we could simply forget, not wanting to have a memory of rough times and painful scenes.. But they said no matter how hard you try, every memory stays hidden somewhere in your subconscious.. Funny thing is.. Sometimes when you wanna remember, it just doesn't seem to work like that..

  That morning, thank God it was only confusion that rushed through me because I wasn't sure if I could handle another night of blurred memories.. Ash didn't recall much, mostly because he drank more than I did. When I woke up, it took me a few seconds of those sudden rushed thoughts to gather up and come to some sense.. He on the other hand said he was alright but I knew the feeling of that amount of time where everything in your brain from the previous night is just disappeared..

  And I didn't know if he remembered our conversation in the kitchen.. But either way, I was glad I knew now. He knew my past, and it was fair for me to be able to take in his.. And I'm also glad that at least one of us remembered that night, because again, history repeated itself, and this time I got to be the one who could calm the situation.

  Basically, what happened that night was, we went upstairs for him to give me clothes, but Bonner being just Bonner, decided to be fricking stubborn, and on the other hand the alcohol was already doing kind of a good job already..

Then long story short, we had a fight, then ended up distracted by the new gift he received the other day, which was an expensive bottle of wine. And so with him being a bit lightheaded, and me being me, we got to try it.. Till there was a little left in the bottle.. And of course the alcohol effected me as well, but not as much. I just knew that after that, I laughed a lot, and ended up telling him to stay with me in his room because I was scared of the thunderstorm..

And now I got back from work, and unintentionally brought up a subject that resulted with me finding out so much about this mysterious, cold guy that by chance I called my boss.. And God I knew it seemed so inappropriate to have slept in the same bed as you boss, and done basically a lot of embarrassing things around him, but sometimes I was a mess too and we had to bare with each other.

  The world scared me sometimes.. There didn't seem to be fairness in life. And I knew how to handle that. I was over it.. I accepted it. But things that I heard.. Things that effected me in a way, I couldn't just let go.. I wanted to but when it was something that I had no clue about, it just made me go through all those moments in my head.. And I couldn't let go so easily. I couldn't accept everything so quickly. And it created a different picture in my head.

~

  Ash's POV

  It was becoming late again.. I knew I was supposed to be up at 6 in the morning, but waking up was no longer a problem. The nights were usually filled with dreams or sleepless, unless I passed out from alcohol. But I had things back on track since I got back in Richwood. And see, I thought that reconstructing a cabin in the woods would be a nice distraction.. I was wrong. Handling Anastasia was.. And it didn't seem hard accepting that wild attitude anymore, it was refreshing.

  I hadn't drank on a week night.. Ever. Until Anya.. Yes, I had my days in Mexico, and two years break was enough.. Getting back in Richwood meant accepting the past and getting over it, even though at times it didn't feel like it was working.. Every single street, corner, road, house in Richwood pushed me back to those times.. And it just made that stone in my chest heavier.

   So, I handled it by firstly starting the with rowing from one side of the lake to the other with a random music blasting from my headphones to keep my thoughts on pause at least.. Then, I would go behind the doors of my office the whole day, sometimes even doing a few days worth of work in a few hours, trying to focus as much as possible.. Staying over night was good, until it got to that point when I exhausted myself till falling asleep in my office. To avoid that, usually after work I continued at the cabin in the woods.. And physical kind of work seemed to be most effective with keeping my thoughts occupied. 

  Now it was the end of the week, and I supposedly had two days break, which I knew I would probably spent in my office again.. And by 10 pm I already didn't know what to do with myself.. So, I thought I would have a glass of bourbon, but after a sip, I realized I didn't want it.. I didn't need that kind of distraction because it didn't seem to work anymore.. There was something else my mind kept focusing on. Those exact same thoughts of that one girl just wandering around my head. Anya.. I could not let myself into that again.. But, it was hard to control your thoughts when she was the only thing I looked at during the day..

  I was losing my head over this girl.. She was that distraction that didn't let me focus on the desk covered with papers worth days of work. The windows that replaced the walls on both sides of my office door where exactly the problem. I would simply look up from my desk, and right on the other side of the window was her whole office, desk, computer.. And her.

  She was my main focus. And I couldn't seem to help it. But then again, it distracted me in a way of just seeing those images of her in my head.. Simply that wildness in her eyes would flash in front of me, from the night at the club, or the night on the road..  Or every other time I saw her. That picture of her on the bed beside me, then the picture of her laughing and simply making it seem so easy.. When life was everything but that.

  All the damn things I wanted to do to her in moments like that.. Just have her for myself for at least a night.. Longing for that forgetting she made me feel, yet fighting every atom in my body for some reason.. Every sense that went numb was what gave me that forgetting I wanted, and ever since that night at the club, when I touched her, kissed her, watched her strip down her clothes, losing myself from the pleading in her eyes.. Just that same mix of emotions.. The same wish to forget..

  I got lost. In her beauty, her voice, her scent.. She flooded my senses and I did not understand how just a pretty girl with a tough past could do that. But she did. She made me feel like I was losing every little piece of sanity I had left in my mind, and I let her. I fucking let her because I was desperate for what she caused inside me.

  "God, Anya, what are you doing to me?" And I was even starting to talk to myself.. I took another sip from the glass before putting it down on the table and leaning my elbows against my knees. I inhaled.. Exhaled.. Ran a hand through my hair, then down my face.. And a the doorbell rang echoing in my ears, seeming to make all those things in my head simply disappear.

  I stood up, walking towards the door and at first I thought it was Ethan because there was no one else that would visit me that late.. But Ethan woke up early, so it couldn't be him. He had a bedtime.. And secondly, I thought that it was the kids, even though there weren't kids around that late at night..

  And opening the door, I froze. "Anya," Her name tumbled out with some sort of a questionable tone, confused just by seeing her stand there. The irony is, the person I couldn't stop thinking about was the last one that came to my mind when the doorbell rang.

  "Hey," Her voice was not with the clear, loud tone as usual. It was quieter and slightly raspy. And by the way she looked at me, all kinds of things went through my head.

  There was this confusion in her eyes and they sparkled not in the way of crying, but it simply seemed like their color changed into this deeper green.. Her lashes fluttered and she looked down for a second. I think I instantly felt the blood just rush in my brain with all those questions and conclusions on what might have happened. And with some order coming to my mind, I glanced beside her.. The weather was awful the whole week, and she just stood there, waiting for the rain to pour over her.

  "Get inside." It was seconds since I opened the door, but I could feel my heart just thump a beat faster with what went through my head. I closed the door behind and looked back at her. "What's going on? Are you alright?" I seemed to scan her from head to toe and I wasn't even aware that the fact of her visiting my house in the middle of the night, which was far from first time, could worry me so much.

  Wide blueish green eyes looked back at mine, and I had no idea what to suspect first.. On what to focus on first. Her hair was just as always wavy long and reaching the middle of her back, seeming pitch black at night.. The denim shorts she was wearing seemed tighter around her hips, but fit her waist perfectly along a simple black tank top. She was fine, she didn't have scratches, dirt on her clothes, she wasn't wet because it hadn't started raining yet, but there was still something in her eyes that had me worried.

  She closed her eyes for a second, running a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry.. I don't know why I came here," She shook her head covering half her face with her hands for a second. It was hard to follow her when she had trouble following herself.. Simply exhaling sharply, she took a step to pass me, "I shouldn't have came. I'm sorry. I went out for some fresh air, and took a walk, and I just couldn't stop thinking, and I didn't know where else to go and,-"

  "Hey," I cut her off, taking a hold of her wrist to stop her. "Breathe, Anya. It's okay," She looked at me, wide eyed, and at moments like that, I couldn't figure her out. It was the same as the day she came at the cabin, talking about the book, trying to explain her actions, but that's not what I wanted from her. "I want you to stay," I told her slowly, trying to calm her down. She was upset about something, I could tell.. The girl didn't take a breath. "I'll make you some something to drink, okay?"

  She slowly pulled her hand away from mine, and I didn't even realize I was still holding her till then. With a simple nod, she released a slight breath and looked on the side. And with simple actions like that.. I knew that something inside me caused electricity, and I couldn't help it. I didn't fight it. I couldn't fight it anymore..

  Anastasia's POV

  I didn't know how I ended up at his door.. I walked and walked, trying to breathe in the 'fresh air', but with the conversation I had with Kristin, the conclusions seemed to choke me with each second that passed. It wasn't the fact that I found out some stuff about his past.. It was what it caused inside me. I didn't think he couldn't handle it.. No. I knew he was dealing with it himself. And I didn't think he needed sypathy.. It was something that happened two years ago. He already knew how to cope with his past..

  But did I know how to cope with mine? It just felt like at times, I came to realization that maybe, no, I wasn't over it. And maybe, no, I didn't accept it. Even though it had been years since I lost my mom, I panicked. I panicked with the thought of me simply inheriting the responsibility, and having to take care not for only myself, but for Jenny too. And she was at college, I knew that.. She was fine.. But how was she holding on? What did I do these years with her? How did I even do it? And the biggest question was, did I do it right?

  And those thoughts only lead to all the irresponsible times, at least those that I was aware of.. It's funny how it all lead back to Ash. I went out with the intention not to think of him. But still ended up with that night.. The night I met him. And again, I panicked.. I panicked because the idea of not knowing what exactly happened, what I did, what I could've done.. It terrified me. I was starting to breathe heavy, and I could feel my legs going weak. And they led me exactly here. In front of his door. Once again, desperate for answers.

  When he opened the door.. When I saw him.. There was nothing but worry in his eyes. Confusion and this slight dread, and I honestly didn't know how to explain why I was there.. Answers? Was that the reason? Could he give me that? Perhaps yes, but like someone just slapped me, I realized that it was actually, yes, late at night.. And that I was in front of his door disturbing him.. And he was awake? Why was he awake? He woke up at 5, I would be in a coma by then..

  But distractions on the side, after a few minutes I was sitting in the living room, watching him bring me a cup of coffee. He sat beside me, handing me the warm cup without a word, and simply observing me for a second.. He leaned his elbows on his knees, and clasped his hands together, just looking in front of him and somewhat waiting for me to get back to myself. I was getting used to him having a messy hair.. I liked it better than the perfectly slicked one.. It was soft and touchable this way, simply upwards on top of his head..

  He had that serious expression, and I didn't blame him. Frowned.. But it seemed like I wasn't the reason why he was so focused on his thoughts. When he looked back at me I didn't bother trying to hide that I had observed him.. I felt terrible for getting there, but I almost had a panic attack, and I just gathered enough breath and strength, so I could explain myself, apologize and leave.

  We seemed to stare at each other for a few seconds, almost like I was attempting to read him, but he was already perfectly succeeding with reading me.. All until I looked away, trying to gather the rest of my mixed thoughts. "What's going on with you, Anya?"

  His words seemed to take me by surprise for a second, but I just glanced at him once again then looked back at my cup, and tried finding the words I had to answer. "I never planned on coming here, I'm sorry,"

  "Don't be." His voice almost interrupted me, making me look at him. This time, he was the one to look away. "And that's not what I'm asking.." He seemed to go through some things in his head before he glanced back at me. "Are you okay?"

  I realized that my bottom lip was between my teeth, and I was just trying to decide between, "Yea," But instead of nodding my head to make it seem more convincing, I closed my eyes and I shook my head slightly, looking away. "No.. I don't know." I put the cup on the table, sitting somewhat the same way he was. "You asked me how I was handling things once.."

  I could feel him observing me, and I felt like even if the slightest look in my eyes was a lie, this man would know.. And I don't know how he could read me, but he always did a pretty good job at it. "And you said you only trusted yourself." His voice took my attention, but I refused to look at him because I knew he was simply a distraction in all ways possible. Correct though.. That's what I said.

  I gulped slightly and focused on the cup in front of me. "I've been doing things by myself for a long time, Ash.. The way I  knew how to do them, and handle them,-" I frowned at myself slightly, trying to go through everything I processed about half an hour ago while walking the streets like a lunatic. "I didn't even think if my way was the right way.." And for the first time in so long I was actually telling someone what I had on my mind.. The actual truth. "And I've failed a lot of life tests, I know that.. But just the simple thought of that irresponsible night," I glanced at him, and my lips parted for a second before I found words.. "I can't remember, and I asked you the other day, but you didn't tell me, and- God,-"

  I found myself looking away and pressing my hands against my forehead for a second, almost as if I was trying to make myself focus.. But that was it.. I didn't remember. And like I said, it was the most irresponsible thing I've ever did. But I was losing my breath talking, and I had to stop myself. "The blanks in your memory terrify you." He seemed to finish up for me, and I simply nodded my head very slightly.. Exactly. And my pathetic excuse was, I need a break. Thank goodness Jenny stayed home with one of my friends..

  I heard him take in a slight breath.. He scanned me for another few seconds, and when I looked at him, those gray eyes simply pushed me off track. I couldn't tell what was going through his head.. I just knew he took in my features, before looking away and starting his story.

  "Well you were with me part of the night. The guy that wouldn't take no for an answer got the point when you made me fake dance with you." I knew I did a lot of things I wouldn't usually do while I was drunk, but that did sound like something that even a sober me would do. "Then you asked me to take you somewhere quiet, and I did.. And like I said, nothing happened. You fell asleep and I,-" I listened carefully, but he just cut him self off in that moment and looked down at his hands. A few seconds passed, and he seemed to take in a few breaths as attempts to continue, until he finally did.

  "I almost lost my mind thinking what it was about you that wouldn't let me erase you from my head." He looked at me, giving me that opportunity to focus on his symmetrical sharp features, his deep voice with that slight rasp to it, and those eyes that searched mine, making me feel completely raw and honest without me even letting it. He made it seem easy to read me, and I loved and hated it at the same damn time. "And God knows I've tried, Anya, but,-" He looked away, releasing a sharp breath while he ran a hand through his hair and leaned back on the couch. "You've turned everything upside down and I can't help but fucking love it."

  And there were those words again.. Giving me pressure and tingles in my chest at the same darn time.. He wasn't drunk now. And I had trouble finding a way how to except them, because I never had to do that before. I was used to hearing that I rather changed things to bad than good. Perhaps it was my attitude sometimes.. But only Ash handled it and made me even control it.

  I leaned back on the couch, right beside him. "Well, don't get used to it." I said it through a chuckle because I swear I was losing it.

  "Why?"

  "Because I will probably do something to make you regret it." I lazily glanced at him, still leaning on the head of the couch, and he did the same, just with a lot more serious face. His eyes scanned mine, and mine were drawn with the intensity of the gray in his.. Then he focused on my lips, but I still followed every look he sent. And then with just the smallest shift, he kissed me. And I gave in effortlessly.

  Our lips didn't connect in a slow way, but it was still an innocent kiss at first.. Just that butterfly kiss that gave tingles, but at the same time made my skin burn harsher and harsher, and when he pulled away, I was confused with that thought of.. Why? Why did I burn with that desire for more?

  I looked at him, frowning with confusion, not of what just happened, but of what it woke inside me. It seemed like there was this sudden wondering that came with it, just stuck in my chest, and it was almost as if I had trouble breathing in properly.. Not until I got that answer. My heart skipped a quick beat as I slightly straightened up. And just like I was desperate for that answer, to simply press my lips against his again and figure out whatever was going through me, I did exactly that.

  Furrowing my brows in that wonder of what it was, I kissed him, but the second I did, there was that feeling again.. Like I was just still figuring out what it was, but at the same time I knew exactly what was going through my chest. And I listened to my plain instincts. I kissed him. 

  And he didn't hesitate like me.. I just felt his hand lightly against my waist as I moved towards him, his fingers wrapping around the material of my shirt and his lips pressing harder against mine.. Faster than the first one.. Deeper.. Hungrier.. My God. It was that relief. Like I felt oxygen after days of feeling nothing but a stone in my chest.. Ever since the night on the road. And now, my mind seemed to just go blank.

  The way he pulled on my shirt, he seemed desperate to close the little space that was left between the two of us, but my mind didn't seem to function at that point. Just my actions based on nothing but instincts, nothing but that desperate need to take more of his lips, to feel more of that blankness..

  My heart preformed one harsh thump against my chest, and I didn't even realize that my hands had pressed against his chest, upwards and behind his neck until he pulled me closer and closer, and with just that one lifting of my leg, I straddled him, without him letting me break the kiss. It was that kind of quick, unfinished, desperate moving of our lips, cuts between each separate kiss filled with a sharp breath or two, just enough to continue.

  It was that relief we both found in each other, and we were desperate to take it all. I was desperate to forget for at least a second, and even though there were barely any emotions other than understanding for each other, there was rawness in that lust, that shaking need to lose ourselves.. My mind screamed to stop, but I ignored it and followed his actions, simply refusing to open my eyes and face that dark reality. I wanted salvation to my thoughts, and even though this only blurred them, I was craving a release for a moment.

  I broke the kiss, almost ready to hesitate on what I was doing, taking in the air, but when I had his arms around my waist holding me in place, his hands everywhere, simply causing tingles underneath my skin for more of his touch, and then his lips simply continuing over my bottom lip, my jaw, my neck.. My brain didn't function. My senses screamed for more of his touch, more of his lips, because it's what gave me a relief in a moment of a heavy breakdown.

  My eyes closed, my lips parted, my skin burning.. And every atom of my body screaming for more. I could not gather my thoughts because there weren't any left. It was madness what his lips did against mine, then against my jaw, neck.. I was losing my sane self, and I was giving into every little tremor underneath my skin.. Every little chill his lips caused to run down my back. And I couldn't help but fucking love every single second of it.. Every single part of it..

***

  So, who's up for more? Hahah but guys seriously, I ship these two! Tell me what you guys think, and what you expect to happen? Leave a Comment & a Vote :)

    See ya soon legends :* Kisses,